Note: iOS 9 + Facebook users w/ trouble scrolling: #super sorry# we hope to fix it asap. In the meantime Chrome Mobile is a reach around
hot  /  reviews  /  videos  /  cblogs  /  qposts


The Silent Protagonist blog header photo

The Silent Protagonist's blog

  Make changes   Set it live in the post manager. Need help? There are FAQs at the bottom of the editor.
The Silent Protagonist avatar 9:27 PM on 10.23.2012  (server time)
Surviving the zombie apocalypse.

I don't really see why people get excited about zombie games. I see zombies every day and while they don't shuffle, moan or chew their own lips off they are still zombies. I've had enough of zombies, I don't really need them to be the centerpiece of the games I play. When I see the zombies in real life, I witness them veer off course while walking in the mall or clogging up passageways. Outside they walk straight out in front of moving cars and when driving they steer cars with their kneecaps. Using hands and keeping your eyes on the road is apparently overrated.

There was no T-virus outbreak but this is a zombie apocalypse all the same. The zombies are not extras in a new movie, either. Sadly, aside from a new law here and there, very little has been done to quarantine and eradicate the zombies. It has to be done on a zombie-by-zombie basis and by way of local, social confrontation.

I was once accused of being a zombie. My parents said that's what I was. I thought I was just really good at playing Tetris and walking at the same time - while chewing bubble gum, at that. I was able to multitask and avoid human debris quite easily. I even did this while reading books, whether it be a Garfield collection or a Star Trek novel. Oddly, the books were never taken away as punishment for not listening to my parents - just the Game Boy because video games apparently create zombies.

My parents really just took it away so they could play Tetris later, as evidenced by the revised top score list I would see when my Game Boy was returned to me.

Maybe they were just conditioning me for the world to come because they were zombie hunters of a sort, Now as I walk around with my 3DS and iPhone in my pocket I see the zombies everywhere. They crave not brains or flesh. A singular need to feed on the living is not what motivates them. No, if they come after you for anything it will be your bandwidth so they can make yet more inane tweets and post more cats or motivational pictures on Facebook.

They even seem intent on telling me who to vote for a lot as well, even though the choice is between the shiniest of two pieces of poo.

While the F2P market struggles and Zynga quietly lays people off, the undead drool, squee and moan over the iPad Mini announcement. The walkers insist that smartphone, tablets and social gaming are the wave of the future rather than accept them as the probable fads they are before technology leaps forward again. Much like the motion controls that drew them in before, they're starting to lose interest in their smartphone games - not even able to keep playing the latest F2P smartphone game for more than a few minutes before trying the next one.

But its really the insatiable desire to socialize and connect that causes zombification in the first place, not games themselves. In fact, it was never games that did this. No one plays games and walks at the same time, aside from twelve year-olds. Its socializing without restraint that has become a problem. This need to be in contact with the other zombies at all times is what really drives the zombie, not social contact with a human that's actually there before them.

The only way to solve this is to both move beyond the smartphone and by having zombie interventions and rehabilitation. Zombies need to be reintegrated into society by socializing with living, breathing humans in their proximity. We may have to also turn off WiFi connections and shield certain areas from 3G and 4G signals so the zombie has nowhere to run.

I am not a zombie because the training was so simple - just put the gadgets away as you attend to walking and driving in public places. I look others in the eye and smile or nod to greet them as I go about the world. I look both ways before I cross the street and if I use my iPhone for anything while driving, its to plug it in to my car stereo and enjoy some video game music as i drive - which I do with my hands, not my knees.

You, too, can rejoin the living!

   Reply via cblogs

Get comment replies by email.     settings

Unsavory comments? Please report harassment, spam, and hate speech to our comment moderators

Can't see comments? Anti-virus apps like Avast or some browser extensions can cause this. Easy fix: Add   [*]   to your security software's whitelist.

Back to Top

We follow moms on   Facebook  and   Twitter
  Light Theme      Dark Theme
Pssst. Konami Code + Enter!
You may remix stuff our site under creative commons w/@
- Destructoid means family. Living the dream, since 2006 -