Note: iOS 9 + Facebook users w/ trouble scrolling: #super sorry# we hope to fix it asap. In the meantime Chrome Mobile is a reach around
hot  /  reviews  /  videos  /  cblogs  /  qposts


The Silent Protagonist blog header photo

The Silent Protagonist's blog

  Make changes   Set it live in the post manager. Need help? There are FAQs at the bottom of the editor.
The Silent Protagonist avatar 11:07 PM on 02.25.2012  (server time)
I want to be able to control movies and skip the story bits

I want movies to be more like video games. i want to be able to control the actors, participate in violent combat and skip over the parts of the story I don't like. This would reduce the Star Wars prequel trilogy to a bunch of light saber battles and an occasional duck-and-cover shooter because there's nothing of merit for me to be sitting and watching unless I'm really into midichlorians and knowing Darth Vader was such an emotional wimp. By having it playable, at least my time and money is not wasted.

From here on out, I demand that each actor in mainstream and independent film have a chip implanted in their heads so i can use a gamepad to control them, make them pick up weapons or maybe just have Angelina Jolie and Megan Fox enter a branching dialog in which the result is them making out.

We can do this, just look the movie Clue - it has multiple endings so its an open-ended film - we just need to expand on that idea and add in the ability to control humans so we can participate in violent acts that movies already glamorize. It can be done.

And so what if putting chips in the skulls of celebrities is unethical? So is the movie Gamer and I don't see anyone complaining about that. Nor do people complain about the plastic surgery or other augmentations actors get to make themselves more attractive and, thus, more famous. Many of them are already controlled by fame, I'm just asking for that fame to arrive at a logical conclusion for me - a controller in my hands.

Iím not saying you have to enjoy movies differently than you currently do, Iím just asking for this as an option. I want a place at the table of this "movie" thing and I want to have both controllers as I make Angelina and Megan go at it.

And I'm tired of books and their words. I don't have the time and can't be bothered to read anymore. I have a life, a job to pretend I enjoy while looking for other jobs and that's got enough reading and writing as it is. Either every book should come with a Cliff Note's version - this applies to both Lord of the Rings and the Bible - or I should get movie versions packed-in.

I just don't like reading and if we can fix that, then I'll be very happy. It even strains my little head just writing this out as it is because no one has invented a way for me to beam my thoughts onto the computer or have it covert into proper spelling and grammar by itself, the lazy bastards.

Publishers and movie studios should be fully capable of bowing to my demands, so I'm here to ask them to change and conform to my needs. I enjoy associating with their mediums, even if I don't like that they expect me to consume them in a specific way. I want to control movies and watch books.


Well, youíre just a small-minded elitist puritan. You donít want people like me joining in your little movie and book clubs. Well, Iím not leaving until I get what I want, no matter how unreasonable you think my wants are.

Donít tell me I should just play video games instead of expecting movies to change. Donít you dare shove logic in my face because I am not having logic today. And donít tell me I should just read a book instead of expecting a movie to be packed-in. I know how I want this and you canít tell me my opinions are not valid. We can make these vastly different mediums into whatever I want. I will not be limited tot he idea that movies and books have to be their own things.

Can't you tell I don't value uniqueness? I want a chip in Angelina Jolie's head so she will finally leave Brad Pitt and come to me. I don't care that she's adopted children and has all these responsibilities, I want her wearing a slave crown. I've adored the idea of that since Kefka put one on Terra.

And if someone could find a way for me to be able to eat music that would also be great. I get so tired of just listening or dancing to it - and dancing is indeed tiring. I'm sure music can be converted into food somehow if musicians genuinely tried. I bet jazz would have been so much better if John Coltrane made it taste like a warm fudge brownie with vanilla ice cream on top. Why has jazz not achieved this?

Control movies.
Watch books.
Eat music.

That's the world I want to live in. Make it happen.

   Reply via cblogs

Get comment replies by email.     settings

Unsavory comments? Please report harassment, spam, and hate speech to our comment moderators

Can't see comments? Anti-virus apps like Avast or some browser extensions can cause this. Easy fix: Add   [*]   to your security software's whitelist.

Back to Top

We follow moms on   Facebook  and   Twitter
  Light Theme      Dark Theme
Pssst. Konami Code + Enter!
You may remix stuff our site under creative commons w/@
- Destructoid means family. Living the dream, since 2006 -