Haven't really written anything in a while, either here, or on my thesis. And actually generally speaking, I haven't done too much productive in the last little while either. I think this may turn into a rant. Here's me promising no edits.
Every time I sit down to write an article for Destructoid, I find myself getting really annoyed at all of the shit that I read daily on the front page articles. Don't get me wrong, there is nothing I love more than reading the C-Blogs and their thoughtful comments, but when they cross over with those who only lurk the Front Page? Holy Hannah Montana...it's almost terrifying. Why do people say these things to other human beings?
On that note, as a small segway because this is talking about nothing in particular, I wanted to take a minute to thank all of you that commented on my I Love Pre-ordering Games
blog. Without those initial thoughtful comments, I think that blog getting promoted would have been the end of my short-lived experience on here. I know some of you may be thinking "just deal with the asshats", which I can definitely do, but I need some sort of balance. Something that shows me that through everything, there are good and thoughtful people out there; and that balance is all of you. So thanks, even to those who vehemently disagreed with me. You did it in such a way that made me appreciate your views in a new light, instead of just insulting my personal views.
I've always had an issue with dealing with people who just seem to attack first, because personally I just can't comprehend it. I want what's best for everyone, in pretty much every aspect of life. I'm no hippie, but I'm also wholly non-confrontational usually. If you've seen my response comments, you'll know that I prefer to engage even trolls in a civil manner, to flush out what their actual issues are. "You're the worst," or "I hate you" are not productive, but beneath those, there often lies an actual reason for the ill-worded sentiments.
So again, thanks. I've been going through some issues I can't quite figure out lately, and that blog got promoted at the wrong time. It just made me feel horrible about myself, and had me questioning the things that I had grown to love. If it hadn't been for all of you, I may have left shortly after that.
Love, Love, Love! (Has anyone noticed my affectionate images are always ME?)
Back to my supposed slump; the same thing keeps happening with me for my research, and for learning Russian. I'll sit down to start on something, and then within 5-10 minutes I find myself back to browsing articles, watching TV, or doing something equally monotonous that involves absolutely zero amount of thinking or engagement.
You know though, as someone who is fairly OCD and anxious, and gets distracted by things, I'm used to at least some small degree of this. Recently though, it's felt like it has encompassed many aspects of my life. It's one thing if I'm getting heavily sidetracked from research or work, but it's started happening with gaming.
Lately, I've been sitting down at the end of my 8 hour cubicle work day, and staring at a screen. Then, I'll toss in Titanfall as a placeholder and play a few rounds, but then that drags on me. Alright then, I'll hop over to Persona 3 FES or Metal Gear 4 on the PS3, but then I find myself getting annoyed there too. Maybe annoyed isn't the right word. I find that my enthusiasm just isn't there.
Fine, hope back onto the Xbox One, try some Thief? Some Sniper Elite? What about Mario Kart 8 on the Wii? Even when in doubt, throwing on a huge RPG like Skyrim or the Witcher 2, which are my usual go-tos for these moods, and still nothing.
I don't know. I know I haven't lost my passion for gaming, because I'm still geeking out over every new announcement. I've hit the refresh button on the Canada Post Tracking page twice a minute since getting to work today, because I can't wait to get the Ultimate Evil Edition of D3 for my XBone. When I actually get home to it though, will my excitement maintain itself? Who knows. (*Hits refresh button again* How long can you be out for delivery for?!?!)
Asshats got my AC:Brotherhood CE stolen. Last chance honkeys...
Anyways, I think I'm about done here. Sorry if this seemed like a bit of a drag, but I don't really have any other outlet for these kind of things, and it's been weighing on me lately. I wish I could figure out what's causing this slump. Maybe I have too much on the go, and I'm having trouble focusing on something, because my mind is whirling through the bajillion things that actually NEED to get done in my life.
New terrifying job starting in two weeks; thesis is due soon
; have to learn Russian before I can submit the thesis so that I can pass the translation exam; my wedding is coming up shortly
; my company Gamework in on some sort of hiatus while everyone sorts their crap out (which has allowed other game-tourney companies to swoop in with the momentum we started); even after all these things are done and my Masters is finished I still will have no job prospects
; have several weddings that I have to DJ soon, which are a load of stress; and on top of it all, I just found out I have to meet with a neurosurgeon
shortly because I have a cist in my spinal cord and my brain is putting excess pressure on itself and my spine.
Holy shit...after writing that all out, I'm actually wondering if I maybe need to take a week...or two off from life. Thanks for listening everyone, I think even writing all that out as an exercise was beneficial for me.
You know I love you all,