Hi there,
If you are a new member of Destructoid you've surely followed the latest controversy regarding the official review of Assassin's Creed 2. Lost and confused about Destructoid's whimsical review system, and in particular, the scolding repartee of Jim Sterling? Don't be! I have compiled a more user-friendly navigational system for interpreting the complex mathematical calculus of reviewing games on this site.
Let's begin with a simple formula:
1. If a game has a metacritic of +90 =
- a. Destructoid score of 90+ if it is a Sony exclusive.
- b. 6.5-7.5 if it a Bioware masterpiece.
- c. 3.5-4.5 if Jim Sterling did not personally enjoy the game.
- d. 9.5-10 automatically assigned to Call of Duty titles. No questions asked.
Now it gets a little more complicated with multiple bimodal conditionals and quantum probabilities:
2. If a game has a metacritic of 80-89 =
-a. If it is a unique, artistic title by a guy who defied a lawsuit from the biggest asshole in the universe: assign a score of 6.0
-b. Probability of Destructoid's review ending up as an outlier in the low end on Metacritic.com: 70 %
-c. If the game developer was recently shut down, assign a pity score of 8.5 even if the game is not a finished or polished product.
Now hold on a second here. We've learned so far in the guide that Destructoid tends to be pretty harsh on games unless they meet a certain criteria. You may now be tempted to create your own blog ranting and raving why your game didn't get the review it deserved. But stop and pause right here.
You now need to know what actual review scores mean on this site. Traditionally, a 6.0 is viewed as a pretty mediocre and possibly even a "bad" game in the common tongue. At Destructoid. anything above a 4.0 is a great game. Do you get it now? AC2 is actually a really good game. It's not in the godlike tier of 9.0 and above but it's a damn fine game. Anything below 4.0 is passable and you really shouldn't be worried unless your game received a score of 1 and below.
Caution: disagreeing with review staff on Destructoid, no matter how rational the approach, is considered trolling. Moving on then,
3. If a game is an anticipated yet controversial sequel =
-a You're a fucking idiot
Still confused?
The RPGist's blog
Follow
RSS
Contact
We gave World at War like a 6.
- a. Destructoid score of 90+ if it is a Sony exclusive.
I'm pretty sure inFamous got lower than a 90.
SNAP
RPGist: Turns out Sony has the best exclusives in the industry, so amazingly they get high scores. Imagine that, right?
Speaking of reviews, this review guide: 5/11
-a. You are a troll.
-b. You're bored.
-c. You like to laugh at shit.
-d. Your name is The RPGist.
I an hyperboled just last week at the dinner table.
a) go to Metacritic and search a game you're interested in.
b) click on the site that gave the game the score you think Dtoid SHOULD have given it.
c) go troll that site instead, fuckwad.
I just don't get how Podtoid shits on MW2's story so much while they gave it a 9.5
:/
We'll never live in a perfect world will we.
Seriously, acting like the inFAMOUS review was anything less than an abomination is just silly. Anthony's review was pretty good, but the other two were just retarded.
Much more informative.
OH THE IRONINGS.
Look, I think jim sterling can be a bit of a wanker sometimes and is way too hard on some games. And I think this comes from a perpetual inability of the review crew to simply have fun with something for the sake of having fun. They also tend to focus too greatly on little minor details over glaring ones. But that's just a problem I have with their reviews and for that reason I choose not to consider them valid opinions when I consider buying a game. I don't hate them for it though and just see it as a different viewpoint I fail to consider valid.
But you, RPGist, are worse than them. Sure Destructoid often loses the objective of seeing a game as a whole form of entertainment, but to get angry at them? Do you have no other activity or social interaction beyond destructoid and likeminded gamesites that such a difference of opinion you consider a personal slight and offense against you? Like it's perfectly reasonable to disagree with someone and give a counter point (or in this case a counter review) to voice your own opinion. But to become enraged by someone's childish behaviour and different opinion when this its a virtually nonexistant space/social gathering location is just insane!
Seriously. It's just some tosser's opinion on a disconnected internet social network. This should have no impact on you, personally.
If you've ever read any of the more "credible" sites and magazines, you pick up pretty quickly that they just give whatever score they think their readers want to hear. Destructoid has more of a community than a readership, so the reviewers tend to have more respect than to just say whatever the fanboys want to hear.