Cover your eyes children because this is not going to be pretty. I'm recapping things that have pissed me off for the last few weeks and boy, there is a lot.

Lets first take a look at this week's preorder chart for North America.

1 God of War III PS3 1 486,992
2 Pokémon Heart Gold / Soul Silver Version DS 455,297
3 Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell: Conviction X360 180,688
4 Madden NFL 11 PS3 N/A 63,429
5 Super Mario Galaxy 2 Wii 59,250
6 Gran Turismo 5 PS3 N/A 58,167
7 Zhu Zhu Pets DS 2 55,481
8 Red Dead Redemption X360 46,937
9 Halo: Reach X360 46,818
10 Madden NFL 11 X360 45,276

Seriously, WHAT THE FUCK IS POKEMON DOING ON #2? What's even more fucking embarrassing is the fact that Pokemon was the #1 for the last few weeks before GoW3 bumped it down. Do you people have no fucking shame? Is there no honor in the adult gaming community? Is there no pride? And don't fucking tell me that all those preorders are from whiny little 12 year olds and their ignorant soccer moms. I know there has to be several little shits over 18 who preordered this brainless franchise. Believe me folks, I've consumed this mental toxin called pokemon and it blows. Yeah I watched Disney movies when I was a teen while my classmates got drunk and fucked. But you know what? I had to grow up, so grow up and cancel your preorders! You're not 12 anymore.

Lets also discuss GoW3. I understand this is a mature title which is fairly popular but why treat it as a holy visitation? It's a game with no engrossing story, no emotional complexity, no statement of art, nothing. Are you people that shallow? Alan Wake, a game with clear defined statement of art, should sell double than GoW3 in a just world. Shame the gaming community is full of little spitfuck brats.

Also, Bethesda's new game Hunted is a fucking sellout, surprise surprise because it's going to feature co-op which is just euphemism for the M-word; Multiplayer. What the fuck is wrong with you people? Why can't you go out with your friends in real life like god damn normal human beings. Go fishing, hell go watch a wrestling game. Just get the fuck out of my domain. Games have always been about solitary confinement in virtual world. It's a personal retreat, not a god damn daycare. Go loiter at the movie theater or go skate outside some office complex like honorary citizens. Stop putting pressure on the corporate suits in the publishing edifice. You're ruining this industry with your whiny demands. What do you think happens when the market becomes saturated with multiplayer-forced games? It collapses eventually because there aren't enough people to sufficiently populate every server out there. What does that mean? It means these games will eventually become unplayable because the servers will be forced to shut down. Are you happy?

Also, WHY THE FUCK IS MADDEN IN TOP TEN? In fact, why does Madden exist at all. It's the same shit same year with boxed with a new cover and the same "fuck-you" price tag of $60. Fuck your god damn sports.

I swear, Xbox and PS3 ownership should require licensure with interviews and application requirements.

In fact, I should be the only one to own a console because that would be a beautiful fucking world of gaming with no sports or FPS games. If there is an FPS, it's an FPS/Hybrid WITH NO FUCKING MULTIPLAYER.

Here is what my pre-order chart would look like

1. Alan Wake
2. Mass Effect 3
3. Mass Effect 4
4. Just Cause 2
5. Dues Ex 3
6. Mass Effect 5
7. Alpha Protocol
8. Baldur's Gate 3
9. The NeverHood 2 (or a remake)
10. Planescape Torment 2