Dear God in heaven maybe.

I just finished playing Atomic Runner (and doing a bunch of useless crap on the internet), or Chelnov for everyone else in the world. I somehow get the feeling that I should've played this when I was younger, but of course I always miss out on the awesomely obscure games.

I don't care what any of you say, for its age it was awesome. Tito Jackson awesome. Allow me to break this down nicely: Data East makes the best mediocre games. And for being terrible controls, it plays so much better than, oh I don't know THE DRIVING PARTS ON ALONE IN THE DARK.

Let's look at it like this. Atomic Runner kinda counts as a scrolling shooter, aka the same genre like R-Type, the Micheal Jackson of shooters. Its like, you know its going to come out with Thriller, and there's no way Thriller can go wrong. Atomic Runner (Chelnov from here on out, because I'm tired of type two words for one game) is going to do... well nothing. But its in the same family of shoot 'em ups, you know? So, it can totally ride on the coattails of R-Type.

And it did. For me at least. I tried Chelnov because my girlfriend saw me playing R-Type Leo, and somehow was reminded of her dad playing Chelnov. So, I hunted (downloaded) the game. I didn't get the chance to play it until a few minutes ago. And it was worth it.

R-Type? Like I said, Thriller. It was awesome, fast-paced, addicting, everything a shump needed to be. Chelnov? Um... I can jump! I couldn't do that with R-Type. Not that it helps any, but still pretty cool.

Okay but seriously this guy can't run back. For being a runner with atomic... atomic-ness, its kinda pitiful he can't take a few steps back. But I'm not here to bash the game, no no no. I honestly recommend it.

Its one of those games that's so bad that its oddness makes it wonderful. The story (at least on Genesis) is so ridiculously terrible it makes the game ten times more entertaining. I don't want to ruin it, but it involves people getting their shit rocked while the hero is out jogging late one night. And now he's pissed, and out to STRIKE BACK. If only I was that cool. Damn.

Gameplay-wise, Chelnov reminds me of Mega Man: for being so "powerful," its kinda stupid that he can't accomplish simple tasks. Mega can't shoot up, Chelnov can't backtrack. Sure, he can moonwalk/walk backwards, but for some reason he's always got to move forward. And the shooting mechanic, well... it involves shooting sometimes. Killing anything behind you sucks, since you have to press TURN AROUND and then start blasting away. Jumping makes him somersault and then suddenly LASER BEAMS COME SHOOTING OUT OF EVERYWHERE. Only then though, otherwise they're coming out of his arm.

If you're used to smooth gameplay, Chelnov is going to take some adjusting. But I recommend taking the time to waste some of your life seeing this game. And if you have, feel free to call me stupid for being wildly entertained by this game. Or for even taking the time to type a whole bunch of letters about it and calling it Tito Jackson. Bonus points if you take the time to point out the fact that 80% of this post made no sense.