I've put this up in the forums, but I wanted to share it with all of you that never leave the front page :)

Here are the major events that made up my evening:

Just another lame-ass day...



Until...



OMG! FORUMZ IZ BACK! CEEEEEELABRATE GOOD TIMES, C’MON! :D









But something is missing. This isn’t a proper celebration yet. Oh no, now it’s...



So I put on my backpack and headphones and went to the liquor store of course!





After a few drinks I wanted to spin a beautiful woman around while we both laughed long into the night in shared joy. But I’ve only been in Australia a short while and have yet to convince any beautiful women that
I’m dateable, so I made due.













Hurray!

P.S. FooLiz’s boyfriend showed me that beer that I bought. It’s James Squire and it’s the fucking TITS.

P.P.S. If you're an Australian and have yet to sign up for the Dtoid Australia Google group. DO IT NOW! :D

G’DAY MATE. PUT ANOTHER SHRIMP ON THE BARBIE EDITION

Not much to say intro-wise other than I’m slowly working on blogs in between moving to Australia, getting everything set-up for school and getting a place to stay, so things are moving sloooooowwwllly. If all goes well I’ll have a bunch of free time next week just before classes start, in which case I’ll be able to finish this little project.

Also, I miss my forums :(

Booster 14: Rape Closet



Eternalplayer2345 card notes: Now I don’t now this guy all that well, but I think it’s safe to say that he’s a Retrofan GO! :) For any curious parties, the portrait is Detective Conan, which coincidentally is also his avatar of choice. Eternalplayer is also a brave soul, and he proved it by jumping in front of the angry masses to defend the notion that there is hope yet for Nintendo. His weakness was especially easy to come up with because it’s the same as mine: Earthbound and Mother 3. Interestingly enough he’s also a fan of Anticipation and since he seems to have similar taste in games to myself I think I may have to check it out (the box art alone pretty much sold me, just look how much FUN they’re having! :D). Not content to just sit around and read the site, Eternalplayer has also hugged Jim Sterling in an inappropriate (or appropriate depending on who you ask) location during the great hug-off of ’09.

Also, boo homophobes!



Mikey card notes: Okay, so he may not have the most clever screen name, but one look at his art and all is forgiven. Not since Ceark and his awesomeness has there been an artist in the community that has taken on a big Dtoid project like this amazing comic. Not only is he rocking the aforementioned comic, but Mikey has also been taking requests on what to draw from the community. If you haven’t stopped by his blog yet, you’re missing out on one of the best things happening in the community right now. I’m not fucking kidding, this guy rules. Something that his art may have overshadowed is his dedication to high quality costumes, which has been chronicled in Mikey’s first blog. Keep up the great work Mikey!



Counting Conflict card notes: If you don’t know, then I’m here to tell you: Counting Conflict is a drunk, heavily bearded, crazy-ass, cool-ass motherfucker. He is also the mastermind behind the drunken IRC based community awards. Unfortunately he has also experienced several traumatic losses, specifically he’s gone through five XBoxs’, hence the red ring ability icons. Did I mention that he and Yojimbo have something of a beard rivalry? Well here are some pics of Yojimbo for reference. If you ever want to feel the awesome of Mr. Conflict, just hop on IRC and get your pants down, he’ll probably be there to give you a nice warm greeting.
FYI: In IRC, rape is the customary greeting.



Tactix card notes: I actually had too many things to put on one card here, so I’ll put the big one that I missed up first. Tactix started a little something called Dtoid Community Discusses, which is a great little idea that parallels the semi-regular Dtoid Discusses front page posts. Check it out and let Tactix know if you’re interested in participating!

OK, I’m done with the boring stuff. Let’s get to the rape closet :)

I had the immense pleasure of spending quite a bit of time with Tactix both when I was in LA, where we both stayed with Aerox, and in San Francisco, where I stayed in his apartment one night. Now you all need to understand something. I love Tectix, he’s an amazing guy, no doubt about it. But I did get a bit weirded out when I saw his rape closet. It’s in his bathroom, and it’s a trap door about head level that opens into a room with a bed. I cannot stress how strange this room is or what horrors go on in there. Unfortunately I don’t have pictures, but trust me. It’s strange. Let’s abruptly change subjects shall we? Methinks a whole new paragraph is in order!

That’s better. Now as everyone in IRC knows, Tactix is the source of all things science. Just head into the channel and yell SCIENCE! And Tactix will be there in a flash to answer your no doubt ridiculous question. On top of that you can always count on Tactix to drop the high-class fashion bomb. Wherever he goes he sets the scene with his trademark fedora, which has spawned a series of imitators, but we all know who started it. Something else you should know is that when Tactix gets drunk, he gets gay. It’s crazy to watch, but believe you me: it happens. He’s also a big Chad Concelmo fan and has a thing for Squirtle. Something that he advertises via his Rio made Squirtle hat. I could go on for several more paragraphs, but I don’t want to gush too much. All you need to know is that Tactix is a bad-ass motherfucker and he WILL rape you in Street Fighter II (using a pink T. Hawk), Marvel Vs. Capcom II and his rape closet.



Ben Perlee card notes: Another awesome guy that I got to hang out with in San Francisco. You may also see Ben moonlighting as TopgearGorilla (his old account) or just Topgear (in IRC). Don’t be scared, he only bites if you ask him to.

Ben also seems to have two fetishes: chickens (cocks) and aviators. The aviators I can understand, but you got me as to why cocks. Well that’s actually not true, I think we ALL know why cocks :) Anyways, he and Tactix both attend the same school, so I’d bet dollars to donuts that he holds the record for seeing the inside of the legendary rape closet.

Ben is also a fanboy for gaming industry people, something that springs from his great love of not just games, but the people that make them and write about them. He’s also trying to break into the industry so wish him luck! He’s a great guy and I hope that he makes it :)

Afterthoughts

Stop. Don’t do it. Don’t ask me for a card, please. I’m still getting requests (and re-requests) from people almost daily and there’s no way that I can make it through all of them. Asking me for a card won’t get you moved up the list.

That’s all I have to say about that. So, uh, stay in school kids!

Random quote... EXECUTE!

"I am Grimm Shado," said Grimm Shado, his triple wand claws extending. "And I am here to take it to the limit."
-The Song of the Sorcelator, page 179 (Penny Arcade)

I was going to include all of this stuff in my upcoming first birthday/Destructoid world tour (wherein the world consists of the UK, Canada, the US and Australia) wrap-up post, but once I had finished writing that thing it was 8 pages and that was without any pictures. Seriously, Hideo Kojima is more concise than I am. Anyways, while I’m busy cutting that thing down into something more manageable I figured that I’d put up a post featuring some of the cool swag that I was sent in the last while. Hope you all enjoy coveting my stuff! :D

First I wanted to put up a new picture of my laptop, which I’ve been getting Dtoiders to sign since PAX. Unfortunately some signatures have worn off, but shortly after PAX I was able to get a hold of a clear adhesive sheet, so even though some of those signatures faded a bit before I got it on the rest are now totally safe. I’m trying to find another sheet to protect the other signatures. But haven’t found anything quite yet. Hang in there little black felt marks!

(click the image for a larger version)



The next picture is me and some of my swag that has been arranged all pretty like.



Included in the swag are Detry’s Dtoid secret Santa presents that he sent me (Ninja Gaiden II and Legend of Zelda), which are both fucking awesome games that I didn’t already own. Thanks Detry! The Boo-Mario and copy of Dynamite Headdy I picked up while looking through some import/used game stores in LA with Naia and Zero Atma. The Super Metroid cart was generously donated to me by Dyson when I stayed at his place and we almost managed to beat it in one sitting with Topgear (Ben Perlee) looking on in amazement (fuck you Ridley!). The rest of the stuff I received from Colette and Niero just as I was heading to Australia. I’m not sure what else to say other than THANK YOU!!!!! :DDDDD Included in the package was a game gear, a copy of Legend of Illusion Featuring Mickey Mouse, a new Dtoid shirt (which replaces the one that I lost while I was in Africa), a Ninjatown sticker (which I think I’ll be putting on my backpack), and best of all: a Dtoid condom! Now that I’ve taken a picture of it I can go get laid. I’ll be right back...



I just want to once again thank you all for being fucking rockstars, especially the random swag bag from Colette and Niero; that was like Christmas all over again, but sexier and with more robots. While I’m at it I’d like to publicly thank Aerox , Dyson, Naia and Zero Atma for giving me places to stay while I was in LA and SF. You guys made that amazingly awesome trip possible for me. I’d also like to thank a number of other stupendous people for a number of other incredible things, but I’ll save that for my 1 year post where I’ll do a run-down of all the Dtoid related traveling that I’ve been doing lately.

Also, apparently...



I love you too Dtoid. I love you too :D

P.S. <3

P.P.S. Relevant image: what Aerox does for fun.



P.P.P.S. Another relevant image: Gutless Wonder drops his pants at Dysons place. Look how happy CTZ is!



WE NOW RETURN YOU TO THEM VIDJA GAEMS THAT ALL THEM CHILLUNS BE PLAYIN THESE DAYS. OH LAWD!

Tyra will be the first female president. She already has our childrens educations in mind.



When she takes over your internets THERE WILL BE NO ESCAPE.



She cups the balls and sucks like a hoover.



She gives people free cars.



She is a goddamn DOCTOR.



She writes under the pen name "Chad Concelmo" here at Destructoid.



She was on The Man Show
.


Never forget the true reason for Tyra Tuesday: Raptor Jesus, whom went extinct for our sins.

DESTRUCTOID CARDS: JOLLY SNOWFLAKE DAY EDITION

If you don't know what Snowflake day is, please educate yourself.

Anyways, I hope that everyone is enjoying the holidays as this will probably be the final holiday season before the complete and total collapse of the world economy sends us spinning into the dark abyss of anarchy and destruction. Considering that, what kind of pre-apocalyptic holiday would this be without some more Destructoid cards? A depressing one, that's what.

Enjoy!

Booster Pack 14: The One Where Banj and Serp Corrupt Everyone That Comes Into Contact With Them



Banj card notes: This was a tough one because it's like trying to make a card for a force of nature; a force of nature that makes some of the best sexual innuendo you've never heard. Seriously: he takes it to places previously explored only in the most sensual and elaborate poetry. If you've never heard of this guy, then you've never been in the forums, in which case you've been missing out on another awesome facet of the greater Destructoid community. Case in point: if Destructoid was a city then a must see attraction would be the interplay between Banj and Serpentish. Just be careful that you don't get caught in the middle, unless of course that's what you want.

Unfortunately Banj has recently been reamed out by the man for the holiday season. At least it led to an awesomely derailed thread!

Sometimes Banj and or Serp will toss out an awesome quiz that will no doubt make you its bitch. Don't be afraid; just let it happen.

I know he rubs some people the wrong way, but I love this guy :)

Oh yeah, here's a related picture...





Serpentish card notes: Speaking of related; Serp and Banj are the second cards that I've ever added some sort of interaction between (the first being Atheistium and Pheonix Blood), which just makes a lot of sense. As I mentioned in Banj's card writeup, these two guys make the forums a much more interesting place to hang out, and by interesting I mean erotic. Both Banj and Serp were supposed to show up for PAX '08, but Banj decided to piss in an alley. Do you believe the story? WE REPORT: YOU DECIDE. (I've been away for a while, does FOX still use that slogan?)

The time warp thing is a reference to both the phenomenon of some forum posts appearing above previous posts (you reply to someone before they put their post up) and Serps ability to go back in time and bang your mom.

Who's your daddy?

Portrait picture was provided by Detry/Aerox, and is fucking AWESOME, and the ability icons are the ubiquitous foxes that Serp uses as his avatar. Did I mention that I love this guy too?



Anus McPhanus card notes: There seems to be a running theme here. You see, I also love this guy. You see, when I went to the UK, McPhanus was basically a case study in how to be an awesome person. He was very accomodating, allowing myself and Justice to stay at his place when the tubes were shut down for the night, he was a lot of fun to hang out with and talk to, and I beat him in some wacky Japanese arcade game using only one hand. PERFECT! :)

Not only is McPhanus awesome in the real world, but he's pretty great with them innernets that the kids seem to like. For example: take a look at his deconstruction of Rev Ants deconstruction, or his feel the hatred article, which might look at reviews a little differently than you might be used to. Really all you need to see though is his MvC drinking gam to realize that this little AZN packs plenty of win with him.

Now many people qualify for the "Best Of Both Worlds" ability, but I figured it's as apt in this case as it is in many others, so why not use it here? We also talked a bit about that whole subject in person when I was in the UK, so that also makes me associate the idea with him a bit more than others. Regardless, as the ability (and really most of the rest of this booster) suggests: the forums are a fine place to hang out too :)

P.S. For your protection I've removed my ugly mug from the picture :)



Nintendoll card notes: One of the coolest ladies of both Destructoid and Negative Gamer, something I can personally attest to after having met her at the amazingness that you're all sick of hearing about: PAX '08. On the interwebs Nintendoll holds it down by posting front page worthy memories of Harvest Moon 64 and giving us powerful insights into the workings of her sometimes booze addled brain.

Nintendoll is also a founding member of what I'm going to call the Black Yoshi Brigade. It's a coalition of coolness made up of Nintendoll, Suff0cat, Wardrox, and ScottyG, all of whom bought matching Black Yoshis at PAX.



Black Yoshi also has his own blog!

Now, on her c-blog sidebar Nintendoll says that she hates the Atlantic Ocean. I can only guess as to why that is :)

Afterthoughts

I had some stuff that I was going to write here, but it's Christmas eve and I'm going to go get drunk now instead and post this on Christmas day*

*Or the day after, whatever.

Random quote... EXECUTE!

"MERRY CHRISTMAS!"

-Me

DESTRUCTOID CARDS: DEAR GOD, DO WE REALLY NEED MORE OF THESE? EDITION

So as some of you may remember, a long long time ago in a galaxy far, far away I saw this wonderful little thread and decided to contribute a few cards. An exercise that culminated in this epic rap-up post, which you can feel free to check out, if you're still confused, to get some more background information. Anyways I left the country and went to a place where internets are few and far between, but now I'm back and I'm feeling like it's time to finish this thing.

Originally I was going to do 100 cards and I ended up falling short of that goal with only 86 completed before I left. So for the next little while I'll be whiling away some of my free time making cards for various Dtoiders that I'll be picking for various reasons. Alright then, time to get down to business and make some good old fashioned Dtoid cards!

*cracks open ye olde photoshoop and a traditional coal powered internet browser*

Mini Booster pack 13: Nobody Asked For This And I'm A Slacker



Dan Gale card notes: Before I met him this guy was one of my favorite Dtoiders, mostly because of his great comments and his love of Retroforce GO!, but that didn't prepare me for the amazingness that is DAHN GAH-LAY LIVE! For reals, this guy is almost too cool for school, and school is pretty damn cool. Don't believe me? Just read this amazing c-blog detailing which songs he would like to see in Guitar Hero: World Tour. You Can't Hurry Love? The Touch? Hold The Line? You're The Best Around? It may very well be the greatest track list of all time.

As if that wasn't enough to trip your awesome alarm, he also came to Wardrox's defense just when Wardrox needed it the most. He's like a modern day Robin Hood, except for dudes that record European podcasts.

I should also point out that I stole this super emo picture of Dan from Facebook, which I've used to show you what he would look like without his Hannah Montanna fix. Frightening, I know! When he gets his Miley Cyrus on, he's about as upbeat as 1/2 a Chad Concelmo, which is to say that only 4 puppies are following him at all times instead of 8 and he only causes a single rainbow to break through the dreary London skyline rather than a double rainbow through the dreary LA skyline.

As I mentioned before: Dan also enjoys Retroforce GO! as much as I do, which is a lot (hence the classic Retroforce cube ability icons), and a while back Dyson (the then host of the show for any of you n00bs) made a joke about how he kept mispronouncing names, and that he would mispronounce a name as simple as Dan Gale as DAHN GAH-LAY! Thus a legend was born and Dan Gales name was officially changed for the better :)

The last reference comes from Mr. Gales attempt to stay on top of the European virtual console and post up reviews each week to help his fellow Eurogamers spend both their time and money wisely. Unfortunately, and perhaps inevitably, it was both Mr. Gales money and time that started running a bit short, and so the project was abandoned, but he still has an impressive back catalog of concise, informative reviews up for anyone that needs a good virtual console recommendation.

P.S. He also hates 8 year old girls, which is a position I fully support after reading that c-blog :)



Stella Wong card notes: For those not in the know, Stella goes by the name Aiya on Destructoid, so next time you see her in the comments you'll know that it's time to shore up some RESPECT. Stella came in to become the newest member of the most wonderfullest amazingest retroest podcast that there is: Podtoid!

No, wait. I mean...

Retroforce GO!

Pictured in the card along with Stella are her fellow podcasters Chad Concelmo and Collette Bennet. Now I'm pretty sure that that's Niero in the back with the helmet, but lets just pretend that it's Topher; that way my choice of picture makes more sense. So now it's Topher under that helmet OK? SO SAYETH ME!

Speaking of Topher, I'm pretty sure that it's appropriate to assume that Stella is weak to all Topher based attacks :)

For the ability icons I went with something featuring Rick "Pimp Supreme" The Hamster, partially because Stella really likes him and partially because I really like him. The card color scheme is a "Kirby pink" in a poor attempt to keep things consistent.

If you listen to Retroforce GO! at all then you know that one of the things that Stella hates are some of the terrible North American localizations of wacky Japanese games. Whether it's replacing the music with top 40 pablum, or removing content entirely, those ham fisted localizations have got to go. On a similar topic, Stella has a stellar (cwutididthur?) knowledge of obscure games of all kinds and nary a week goes by where I don't hear of some new and wonderful game that I missed, which is great even if I'll never have the means to play many of them.

Finally, Stella is notorious for her uber cute openers on Retroforce. Whether it's singing a couple of lines from a song or just saying "hi" Stella brings the cute, and the funk, every week.

Afterthoughts

Some people might be wondering why there's only 2 cards in this post (I used to put up 5 in each booster back in the day). Well all I can say is that I'm pretty busy right now getting the next stages of my life and career set up (I'm moving to Australia in January for the next 5 years) so I'm writing and shooping various things (not just cards) and posting them on a "yeah this looks more-or-less done" basis.

Just to get this out of the way: no I'm not taking requests and yes, I am going to stop at 100. I've got to cut it off somewhere :P

As always: there's nothing special about what I do with these cards. It's just a template that I shamelessly stole and tweaked ever so slightly. So if you got a hankering to make a card for yourself or someone else, by all means go for it. I just make these because I enjoy it and people seem to like them.

I know that I've said this before already, but it's good to be back :)

Random quote... EXECUTE!