FUCK ME, IT'S THE BIGGEST ONE YET EDITION

This pack has 8 cards in it, and there's a good reason for that. With all of the cards in this pack I'll have officially posted cards for 50 people! It may or may not be a halfway point, but damn, that's quite a few cards.

C'MAHN BABY, DADDY NEEDS A NEW PAIR OF SPATS!

Secret booster pack 3: No particular theme other than AWESOME.



-D- card notes: According to his banner -D- is a pirate/adventurer, which immediately tells you that he is a flip-flopper and is thus probably totally unreliable. I bring this up because I don't want -D-'s bride(husband?) to be shocked when -D- goes and fools around on him with Christian Bale. A sad story indeed...

-D- is also another member of the c-blog mafia (CBM), has been hit on by Butmac and shared with us the story of the "Mur-gasm".

Not content to just read blogs, -D- has also conducted some interviews, including some with Tazar, and Butmac (pre-Butmac hitting on him) that will rock you to the very core of your beliefs. Think that you know which way is up? What it means to exist in the current socio-political climate while adhering to the social norms that may or may not make us human? These interviews will fundamentally change you in ways you never imagined, or your money back!



Snaileb card notes: The founder of FNF (as I understand it, correct me if I'm wrong) and one of the top 3 Dtoiders in terms of comments on the c-blogs and front page, Snaileb is one of those ubiquitous personalities that you'll hear referred to around the site on a semi-regular basis. I could go ahead and start listing his massive catalog of cool and or important blogs, but you won't read them. So I'm just going to put this one out there for you all to take in.

Enjoy!

(Portrait art done by:Hoygeit, ability icons by:Itemforty)



Rio card notes: Another one of the fine young women on Destructoid, Rio is widely renowned for both her hat and craft making prowess (I bought and reviewed one of her hats) and position as an associate editor over a Tomopop.

Along with those contributions to Destructoid, Rio also has her own personal site: Rio's Renditions. Where she has some artwork and photos posted, photos that learned me something new! It would appear that Rio is a bit of a wrestling fan.

See kids? You learn something new everyday.

By e-stalking people.

Awkward...

If you're looking to buy one of Rio's hats, check out her Etsy store. Now that's what I call a smooth transition!

I couldn't possibly end this set of notes without mentioning Rio's future: she and Chad are getting married, probably at PAX. I hereby submit the moment that I knew that their bond was eternal.

ETERNAL



Mxyzptlk card notes: Like Snaileb, another Dtoid legend. I'm pretty sure that this man was the first to break 9000 comments, now there's some dedication for ya!

Mxy is a pretty nice guy, so nice in fact that he's been trying (along with others) to help some of those newbies that get lured here by contests. It just makes your cockles warm don't it? :D

Really, I'm not sure what else to tell you about Mxy, his comments are pretty much always constructive, he actively combats the "Dtoiders are jerks" attitude that some others seem to like to propogate, he writes good blog entries and he has one of, if not THE, longest friends list on Destructoid. If you don't know this guy already, then either this is the first blog you've read on the site or you've never read the comments before.

A couple of the references on Mxy's card come from his namesake, a DC comics character. If you don't understand those references, then you've failed yourself as a nerd and you should run on over to wikipedia.

I'm not going to link it, you won't learn anything like that :)

P.S. I almost forgot: Mxy put out a great blog series about licensed games that don't suck that you should probably go read. Or don't, whatever. Jerk.



King3vbo card notes: If you look at the top 3 commentors on Destructoid you'll see the somewhat serious (for Destructoid anyway) and evenhanded Snaileb, the wise father figure that is Mxy and the drunken uncle figure that is King3vbo.

King both edits and helps to host Destructoids unofficial community podcast: The Failcast, wherein wacky hi-jinks are too tame and thus the cast resorts to shocking depravity, thereby very accurately representing the Destructoid community :D

The weakness on Kings card comes from a series of blogs a little while back, wherein King did some Babelfish translations that are worth a quick laugh or two.

But no more than two. Thems the rules kids.

The "King Of Sneak" ability is based on a terrifying game that Burger King put out.

Seriously, it's fucking terrifying

Now imagine what you just saw in that video, but put King3vbo in the place of the BK king, replace all the people that he sneaks up on with young boys, and replace the act of giving them food with King whispering "hey, whatcha doing there little man?" into the kids ears. That's his second ability. (Sorry King ;) )

God I feel dirty...

Ability icons are from this blog right here, and the portrait was done by Lark Ohiya.




Hamza card notes: I don't know why this guy has an epic star, I'm pretty sure nobody knows who he is. I mean, he's probably barely even connected with Destructoid.

Wait, who are we talking about again?

IT'S FUCKING HAMZA 'I'M A MOTHERFUCKING SHARK, SUCK MY DICK" CTZ AZIZ! Do I really need to say more about our beloved (by the majority of us) community manager?

He lets us know when a birthday is afoot, eats those that would disregard the rules of the c-blogs, puts up the weekly Destructainment and YTMND Thursday posts (with help from the community in finding all the goodness within) along with various news tidbits and has the monstrous task of keeping the community from self destructing.

Goddamn.

CTZ is also known for being an irrepressible womanizer and a nerdcore aficionado. The man loves the ladies, and isn't afraid to let them know it, hence the second ability, which is designed to get you to mimic a few moments in CTZ's shoes ;)

Some other stuff you should know is that the ability icons are done by Itemforty and are based on the Tako king, whom is a creation of one of CTZ's great loves: the unbelievable Paul Robertson. The bad-ass portrait was done by Hoygeit.



Blindside Dork card notes: Existing in the background of Destructoid, giving news tips and recording podcasts, Mr. Dork contributes quite a bit of that juicy, juicy content that we all love so much. In case you can't tell from this description, Mr. Dork is one of the more productive Dtoiders out there, and if you want to see some of his work, look no further than his massive c-blog, which is filled to bursting with epic recaps, breaking news stories and in depth analysis on why the PS3 is emo.

So next time you're enjoying some of that scrumptious content, check out who's behind it, and you may very well see the Dork.



Ceark card notes: If you haven't seen this guys art, then you're doing yourself a grave disservice. Go to his sidebar or his personal page now to educate yourself.

Now that you've seen some of his gorgeous work you should know that, according to his blog, he's colorblind.

Holy shit!

As you've seen, Ceark makes some gorgeous stuff, and is responsible for an absolutely stunning short comic about the birth of Destructoid (located in the comics section of his personal page).

Aside from the amazing art, which he has made for several community members including fellow secret booster pack inductees Rio and CTZ (not to imply that my cards are even able to co-exist in the same plane of coolness as Cearks work), Ceark also started what is possibly my most beloved regular feature: the c-blog recaps. A really valuable, yet thankless, task that is a huge asset to people like me that don't have the time to sift through all the blogs from days when I was away, or even days where I get online late. Recently he's gotten some help, but the man used to do the recap by himself for quite some time(!), pouring a ton of effort into them no doubt.

The retreat cost on Cearks card comes from the flood of blog entries that come along with the various contests held on the 'toid that make his life a living hell for a day or two of recapping.

Afterthoughts

50 cards down baby! For anyone wondering where theirs is: don't worry; many more are on the way. The list is slowly getting shorter...

And just because I can; here's the list of the 50 people that I've "done" so far.

Aaron Linde
Aerox
Atheistium
Blehman
BlindsideDork
Bloodylip
Ceark
Chad Concelmo
Colette Benett
Conrad Zimmerman
-D-
DJ Duffy
Dyson Grigsby
Elitechief
FooLiz
Gemsi
Guitar Atomik
Hamza
Harassment Panda
Jim Sterling
King3vbo
Knives
Kyle Gamgee
Matthew Blake
Maxvest
MechaMonkey
Mix
Mxy
Naia
Neonie
Nihon
Orcist
Petie Pal
Pheonix Blood
Prof. Pew
Psycho Soldier
Reverend Anthony Burch
Rio
SantanaClaus89
Scary Womanizing Pig Mask
Sharpless
Silverback
Snaileb
Surf
Takeshi
Tazarthayoot
Tiff
Topher Cantler
Wardrox
Yojimbo


Random quote... EXECUTE!

“Men are like a deck of cards. You'll find the occasional king, but most are jacks.”

~Laura Swenson