Or for the lazy, here's all you really need to know about me summed up in one picture:
Now that that's done with, let's move onto the blog itself. This blog isn't going to contain any news. Like EVER. Like NEVER EVER FOREVER NEVER. I have no intention of doing anything other than posting original content (mostly just pictures that I make with my extremely limited photoshop skills along with original stories and whatnot). The bottom line is that I think that there are plenty of people doing editorial/reviewer style content already, and so instead of adding to the glut, I'll just stick to what I know:
Dicking around :D
Now enjoy... or DON'T!
My one year anniversary: I did a bunch of traveling and met a bunch of Dtoiders whilst doing so. Here's my one year anniversary/travel summary audio c-blog.
Other work: I also write for a site called Negative Gamer which was started by Wardrox. It's super cool and full of dinosaurs. RAWR!
I've made many a card for many a Dtoider after getting the idea from a forum thread in which Atheistium posted a template and a challenge. Currently I'm a little too busy with school/work/fighting enemies of truth and justice to make more, but I'll get another batch out eventually. Here are links to all my Dtoid card posts!
Since I've been busier lately, and my card making progress has been slowed significantly, I've made a decision about which cards I'm going to do before I take off on June 12th. To see what I'm talking about, hit the afterthoughts.
Booster pack 9: In which a number of Dtoiders get cards
Aborto The Fetus card notes: Another one of the more, shall we say "colorful" members of Destructoid, Aborto helps to keep us all learning by sharing ten things he's learned every week. See? Destructoid isn't a waste of time. It's educational!
Abortos weakness and second ability comes from this blog entry and a quote from Knives that Aborto features in his sidebar. A quote which must have torn the man down to the inner core of his being, forcing him to realize the harsh truths of the world around him.
Or something like that.
Big Popa Gamer card notes: If you are a man (and that's very likely to be the case) you should know something: your penis loves Big Popa Gamer. It's true, he's the premier purveyor of wet t-shirt, bikini and sideboob pictures on Destructoid, instantly cementing him as an important and influential force to be reckoned with.
BPG is also known for a semi-regular feature called Casting Call where he envisions which real world actors and actresses could potentially act in a dream game to film adaptation. Definitely go back and check some of those out as some of the casts that he chooses are scarily accurate, and will make you pine for the day that he becomes a powerful casting director in Hollywood.
Just remember: if you're ever feeling like the human race isn't worth saving, or that there's just no reason to go on anymore; check out BPG's sidebar, and your faith in humanity will be restored.
Oh, and guys? Regarding that portrait: I know what you're all doing right now...
Butmac card notes: Every once in a while a film of such shattering beauty and unbelievable power comes along and challenges us not only as individuals, but as human beings.
For serious though: if you haven't seen Butmac's videos, you need to rectify that mistake ASAP and click the above link RIGHT THE FUCK NOW. Even if you've seen them before, you should watch the Destructoid birthday video again because it's fucking awesome.
This card also marks the first time I made a card with my drinking game rules in mind. As of this writing, the Butmac cards is the single most dangerous card to have in your possession. If you pull it and lose, you take 7 drinks (the number of shots taken for Niero on his birthday), which is the most of any card yet. The card also has pretty low health, so your chances of winning are extremely slim.
DVDdesign card notes: One of the stranger names on Destructoid belongs to this man: DVDdesign. A man with the sheer GALL to send everyone out on a crazy "scavenger hunt" every month, no doubt laughing maniacally at his ability to order the community at large around like so many puppets.
This is one of those times where I'm not sure that it's possible to make a smooth transition, but here's a part of a series of reports on Japan by Mr. Design, this one focusing on a "unique" festival.
The "Fuck You DVDdesign!" ability comes from a cruel, cruel task that he set out for those entering his insane contest: the entrants must purchase, but not play, GTA IV.
DVD is also very much anti fanboy, which pisses me off because Chad Warden isn't a fanboy, he just thinks that the Pee Ess Triple is SLICK *makes swooshy/swishy noises while pretending to stroke a PS3 like a total douche*
Last, but certainly not least, you should check out this interview that DVD did with someone you might know pretty well: your mom.
Vexed Alex card notes: Rounding out pack 9 is our beloved Halo 3 FNF host, whom has finally gotten his 360 back after being away for some time. Hooray!
However, not all is well in Vexed Alex land. In fact, if you look closely at his sidebar you can piece together clues that he isn't Mexican (as so many would tell you), but is in fact FROM CALIFORNIA!
Most of the references on Alex's card come from Halo 3 shenanigans, such as the ridiculous bickering/make out sessions of Distrato (Heretic on Dtoid) and Salman (007 on Dtoid) whom have the most dysfunctional relationship I think I've ever seen. Before we go on, I would like to put out this warning: if you are playing Halo 3, do no let anyone, especially Pizzaface, change the map to "Fundry".
FUNDRY IS NOT FUN.
AT ALL. :(((((((((((((((((
Finally we have the baby peen reference. A little while back Alex posted some pictures of himself as a child (see his portrait) and originally there was one of him in his birthday suit, which has (mercifully) been removed.
Long story short: I'm going to focus on doing the people on the leaderboard, specifically concentrating on editors for a while.
It's pretty simple: I don't have much time left and I'm not making cards as fast as I thought I would, so something has to give. Basically I want to make sure that I get the staff/editors done, because it just wouldn't be a real Destructoid card set without them, and while the leaderboard is far from perfect, it's the easiest way for me to see who's been the most active. I'll still let my personal judgment come into my choices, but just a heads up: my selection will be a bit more focused. Eventually I'll go back to doing pretty much everyone, but that likely won't happen until September.
Booster pack 10 featuring...
Random quote... EXECUTE!
“I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list.”