Alrighty, for those of you just joining us here's what's going on:
I'm making cards.
A lot of cards.
I never expected the kind of response that I got yesterday after deciding to open up shop for requests, but the community has spoken, and it is HUNGRY; Hungry for personalized cards!
Now just because there are approximately 10000 of these things to get through doesn't mean I won't work on it, in fact because there seems to be so much demand I'm feeling that much more motivated! Now because I'm obviously not going to spend 8 hours a day working on these things, I'm going to do them in groups of 5 (a card takes me anywhere from between 15-20 minutes depending on a few things), mostly in chronological order of request from my original c-blog post.
Mostly? What does that mean? (I love rhetorical questions)
While I'm not going to only make cards for people that I know or who are super popular on the site etc. I will be letting my personal bias influence my decision on which cards to make when. So Sharpless, Evil Chad, Naia, Surf, Mr. Gamgee, Neonie, DJ Duffy, and several others: you will probably get your cards "bumped-up" the to-do list.
Think that's unfair? Well it's my party and I can cry if I want to.
Well that's enough talk! Let's get on with the first GHost-made booster pack:
Mix-card notes: Not only does he also visit the forums, but the dude lives in my hometown. Represent Canada yo! Take a look at his PC case pics in his c-blog, shit looks DANGEROUS :D
Psycho Soldier-card notes: Another fellow forumite. Although it's pretty much impossible to tell, the ability symbols are Tales of Symphonia discs. Character is Athena from the King Of Fighters series.
Gemsi card notes: A member of the IRCartel, a group I don't really know all that well, so I had to make an (poorly) educated guess as to what an ability would be :D. Gemsi also regularly posts all the new EU game releases.
Petie Pal card notes: This one was a little tough at first since I don't really know anything about the guy and he doesn't really have a "hi, this is who I am" post, but once I read his c-blog sidebar, I knew what I had to do :D Ability icons are plates of spaghetti (natch!)
Aerox card notes: Practically shooped itself. As a TF2 regular, Aerox gets to share in the joy of hearing Kors sexy voice on a regular basis. The character Aerox uses as an avatar is called a Nu, which appears in Chrono Trigger in several different places, making he/she/it the obvious choice for the ability icons and portrait. Aerox also happens to have done a great series of point/counterpoint blogs in conjuncture with Caffeine Powered, I would highly recommend going back and reading them.
Well, that's all for now kids, I'll probably have another 5 up tomorrow and another 5 done for Saturday, after which I'll probably do 5 every second day or so until I either run out of requests or decide that I'm not going to do any more.
P.S. I'm not going to PM each individual anymore, goddamn flood control makes it take forever. You'll just have to check the forum thread or my c-blog to see if I've done yours.
Random quote... EXECUTE!
“Each player must accept the cards life deals him or her: but once they are in hand, he or she alone must decide how to play the cards in order to win the game.”
~Voltaire
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Horrifying.
Malicious.
Vile.
An accurate representation of the real world.
TERRORIST TRAINING TOOL.
These are just a few of the words that come to mind when thinking of the worlds most dangerous murder simulators, a series of "games" that were clearly not so much made by a developer as they were crafted by the combination of madness and pure hatred of a greater daemon from the darkest, most evil reaches of space and time.
Don't let the colorful exterior fool you into thinking that these "games" are anything but the most devious torture simulations and terrorist training tools ever devised by anyone who has ever devised anything. These "games" start innocently enough; just pick up things like tacks and erasers to create a larger "Katamari" (a word that I'm sure actually means "Ancient Evil Engine Of Doom"), and you might even be tricked into thinking that these "games" merely simulate the wholesome act of cleaning ones domain, but soon enough things take a turn for the EVILER.
Once the murder simulator has effectively trained you to use your "Katamari" to selfishly horde small inanimate objects, you begin to pick up small animals; animals that have done nothing to you and wish only to exist in peace. However, once you have begun to walk the path of darkness there is little you can do but to lose yourself in the madness and hate for all living things that these murder simulators exude at every turn.
Once you've been trained to ignore the screams of small animals as you "roll them up" (a thinly veiled drug and beastiality reference) the murder simulator becomes even more murdering and simulatory by allowing you to finally feed the ancient evil Gods that you no doubt will be worshiping at this point, by giving you a "Katamari" large enough to pick up HUMAN BEINGS.
Not content to just pick up humans, the first target of your rampage are mere CHILDREN, simply because they are the least resistant to your rolling ball of death and destruction, their screams echoing out across the landscape as one by one you harvest their bodies to further fuel your vile campaign of murder.
Eventually your "Katamari" grows to such a size that you begin to roll up entire buildings, the screaming occupants of which are left to tumble around endlessly, no doubt receiving wounds the likes of which make them envy those that are already dead. Not content to stop there the murder (or should I say apocalypse?) simulator then has you consume entire landmasses and continents, leaving nothing but a terrible and final silence in your wake.
And what fate befalls those that survive being rolled up? Their reward is to be ejected into space like so much human detritus, becoming another celestial body made of pain and suffering, that will no doubt house an ancient God that will erect a kingdom of blood and bone, fueled by malice and terror.
Who would demand such mindless chaos and destruction?
YOUR FATHER.
That's right, the one that sends you on your terrible quest is none other than your father, possibly Satan himself poorly disguised as a human, claiming to be "The King Of All Cosmos".
What does this make you? Your father is Satan, and you are constantly referred to as the "prince". This means that you must be...
THE ANTICHRIST.
I rest my case with a simple plea:
BAN THIS SICK FILTH BEFORE OUR CHILDREN TRAIN TO KILL US ALL
Now if you'll excuse me I have to go draw some conclusions from Viva Pinata regarding its use as a tool for spreading communist propaganda.
Random quote... EXECUTE!
"The typical mass murderer is extraordinarily ordinary."
~James Alan Fox
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DIS-MOTHERFUCKING-CLAIMER: This is meant as a purely satirical piece, I'm not out to offend anyone (less than three Christiangamer ;) ).
As gamers it is our duty to ask ourselves: WWJD?
Specifically, what would he/she/it do to the videogame world upon his/her/its resurrection?
Trash the Live marketplace, PSN and Virtual Console
Much like how he/she/it pretty much bitch slapped anyone that was selling things on the temple steps, I imagine that Jesus would find the sale of genuinely bad games and useless junk on the three major online services to be a deplorable affront to the holy act of gaming and would tear through them with a reckless zeal that only a holy son of the Lord could muster.
*dramatic pre-enactment*
"China Warrior!? BEGONE FROM THIS HOLY PLACE! TRICK NOT MY CHILDREN WITH YOUR HEATHEN WARES!"
/kick
Be the worst teammate you could possibly have
Seriously, three days to respawn?
Rid the planet of the RROD
I gotta imagine that along with Leprosy, cancer, AIDS, Parkinsons and a myriad of other diseases, Jesus would spend a lot of time healing those afflicted with the plague of the red rings, thereby allowing his blessed children to function once again.
Make fanboyism a mortal sin
Nothing like the ol' fire and brimstone to make idiots that think that the Wii is only for kids, that the 360 is an underpowered piece of junk or that the PS3 doesn't have any good games to pull their heads out of their asses and STFUAJPG.
New commandment: Thou shalt not be a dick
Sure the commandments are from the old testament, but don't think for a second that Jesus won't append to that shit. First and foremost he/she/it would add an extra commandment that behooves all gamers, regardless of age, race or gender, to stop being fucking retarded online, be it by team killing, mic spamming or otherwise.
Appoint patron saint of gaming
I'm really hoping for this one as I could really use someone specific to pray to before I start each round of Ikaruga. I could even get a little figure made to put on top of my console to keep it holy.
Choosing someone would no doubt be a challenge as it would have to be a person who loves all games equally, be they great or small, indie or mainstream, strategic or mindless, 3D or 2D etc.
Dissolve the imaginary "casual/hardcore" gamer "barrier"
Yeah that's a lot of quotes up there, but I would think that Jesus would feel the same way. Who among us can say that we could never enjoy a "casual" game? At what point does a "casual" game become "hardcore"? The holy one would no doubt bring all gamers together under the banner of love and understanding, leading to a golden age of videogames the likes of which we've never seen.
Get the following games made/released right the fuck now without compromising on quality
- Half-Life 2: episode 3
- HD update of Radiant Silvergun
- A HD-2D Chrono Trigger sequel done by the original team with a HD-2D update of the original included with it
- New Bonk game
- The new Earthworm Jim
- A new proper Phantasy Star RPG (none of this MMO stuff)
- The Destructoid game: Mr. Destructoid's Grand Adventure (name is subject to change, specifically to something better)
- Insert your dream game here
Again, this is all just speculation, but having grown up with a Catholic education I feel that I have gleaned enough knowledge to say what Jesus would do if he/she/it was alive today, ready to save us from our (videogame related) sins.
Random quote... EXECUTE!
"A friendly study of the world's religions is a sacred duty."
~Mahatma Gandhi
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It may be popular, but is there any genre more maligned for it's lack of innovation by "hardcore" gamers today than the venerable first person shooter?
Well maybe the sports genre... (sorry Samit :( )
Still, at some point, you have probably heard someone say that they hate FPS's, and when you hear someone critiquing the genre several comments generally come up:
Brainless.
Derivative.
Repetitive.
While those exact words aren't always used, the basic sentiment is that the FPS genre is overcrowded, the online community is filled with assholes, and the games themselves generally require you to run through linear corridors mindlessly blasting away at enemies charging you headlong. However, the most damning problem with the genre that many people cite is the "sameness" of the games. By most accounts it looks like the "FPS formula" is pretty much set in stone.
Here's the thing: while many people fault the FPS games for the things mentioned above, I really don't think that the genre is stagnating. FPS games are popular, and as such will have many mediocre to bad games flooding the genre, ultimately making the games seem "samey" and unoriginal. In fact, I would go so far as to say that any genre that becomes as popular as the FPS genre is today will get overrun by crap games that essentially "whitewash" it.
Anyone remember when platformers and shooters were all the rage?
Looking back today we can say "oh man, things were so much better back then." but were they? Since we were so much younger we probably didn't notice as many of the flaws in our now beloved "classic" genres, but think back about how many garbage games were made for the SNES and Genesis to capitalize on the success of games like Mario and Final Fight and it seems pretty clear to me that nothing has really changed. Every once in a while we get great FPS games that expand the genre like Portal or Bioshock, but 90% of the time we get games that either "refine" the genre or simply tread metaphorical water. Same thing was going on back in the day; you have innovative games, good but unoriginal games and bland copycat games. It only seems like the genre isn't going anywhere because of the sheer number of titles, but make no mistake: this is a genre that is extremely old (at least on the timescale of videogames), and we are still seeing innovation, partially due to the crazy overcrowded market.
Even if there were a lot of copycats in the good old days, was the ratio of innovation to unoriginal better back in the day?
Can't really say, but regardless of which genres innovated more or faster, I don't think that it's fair to label the FPS genre as "stagnant" or "unchanging".
Believe you me, I'm as critical of the FPS genre as the next retro gamer, but I feel the need to just shout out into the dark abyss of the c-blogs...
FPS games aren't stagnating, they're just popular.
Random quote... EXECUTE!
“I used to make original snowmen, but it was time consuming, hard work. So I said, heck, this is crazy! Now I crank out crude imitations of what's already popular! It takes no time or thought, and most people don't care about the difference, anyway! And what good is originality if you can't crank it out?”
~Bill Watterson via Calvin
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Note: This isn't directed at anyone who commented on Toph's review. The comments were more or less dick-head free :D
Tophers brand spankin' new review of Ikaruga got me thinking about the always hot button topic of game reviews, and more specifically, game review scores. Plenty of theories about how games should be reviewed "properly" are floating around out there, but at the end of the day, like it or not, the industry has pretty much decided to use the age old ten point scale, but is that really such a good idea?
Sure. Why not? (Pro-tip: Rhetorical questions are the best for setting yourself up)
Obviously an old argument has to do with using the "whole system" rather than the 6-9-point-something scale that we tend to see in most review sites and magazines. Now I don't presume to know what the majority of gamers think, but I'm under the impression that most of us are in favor of using the whole system; I mean what's the point of having those other numbers when they almost never get used?
Now what happens when a reviewer honestly tries to use the whole scale? Oftentimes it's pure chaos. People riot in the streets, overturning cars and burning orphanages in a horrific show of support for a game they often have yet to play. As far as I can tell, part of the reason this violent reaction occurs is because of the way that the majority of gaming outlets have acclimatized us as to what a "nine" game is and what a "seven" game is, and when someone breaks from these pre-conceived notions, the aforementioned atom-bomb like reactions happen. Accusations of personal bias and ulterior motives start to fly, people start to question whether the right reviewer was chosen and naturally the reviewer him/herself can come under fire for "not playing the game properly" or any number of other imagined offenses.
Arbitrary number is arbitrary.
Is the review score not a subjective personal number? Is a man not entitled to the sweat of his brow? Is it really so hard to believe that someone might not like a game that you like? Do you really need validation of your purchases, of your tastes, via some number that someone slapped on them?
Of course the whole point of a review is to give you enough information to go on when deciding whether or not a game is worth your time right? Well wouldn't the actual REVIEW be a better way to make your decision? There have been plenty of games that I've seen get less than favorable reviews that I've thoroughly enjoyed, and the reason that I bought some of those games are because of said reviews. When reading a well written review you should be able to get a good feel for what the reviewer liked and didn't like and decide as to whether or not those things matter to you or not. Maybe the reviewer docked some marks because the game is another Gears of War clone, maybe you're just salivating for a GoW clone at that time, but the score isn't going to tell you shit.
Numberless system?
Nah.
Numbers make it easier to sort through the complete garbage and the cream of the crop. Granted, if you go in with the 7-10 scale mentality, and you're reading a site or magazine that is trying to use the whole scale, you might skip some good games that got lower scores, but if you keep your mind open and take a minute to actually read the reviews then you'll be able to find some hidden gems just fine. Unfortunately, as long as there are numbers reviewers will agonize over how to sum up their experience of a game and express it with a digit or two, while simultaneously thinking "OK, now how will I have to defend this stupid goddamn number?"
Ultimately all you can ask of a reviewer is their honest opinion. Anything less makes a mockery of the whole point of a review. Always remember to take the context of a review into account and ask yourself:
What actually went into that number?
Or we could avoid all these problems and just rate shit with firetrucks.
P.S. Unrelated note: Swearing off Dtoid for the next two weeks until exams are done. If you see me
commenting or logged onto the forum, flame me until I leave. Thanks :)
P.P.S. AFTER this blog of course... smart-asses ;)
Random quote... EXECUTE!
"Hype is the awkward and desperate attempt to convince journalists that what you've made is worth the misery of having to review it."
~Federico Fellini
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I'm pretty much walking out the door, but I wanted to post this today; so bear with me.
Things to know:
- This is an audio-blog because it's way quicker than trying to type everything, and time is a factor for me right now.
- It's in em-pee-three format.
- I mention 13thDragon and Banj, but this isn't directly addressed to them. It's to anyone who is wondering why people like Ikaruga, or even games like it.
- I have no idea how to do an outro.
- I pretty much just sat down and winged this. There's extremely little editing done on it too, so it's a little rough.
- It's 5 minutes long, but you can browse the intertubes while listening. How convenient!
- I'm not trying to take pot-shots at people who don't like the game. Diff'rent strokes.
- I just saw EDS's c-blog about Ikaruga. He touches on some of the same points that I do. Sorry, if I had seen it first I would have added more, but I don't have time to re-record.
Download my blog HERE.
Random quote... EXECUTE!
“Being a famous print journalist is like being the best-dressed woman on radio.”
~Robin Williams (Who may or may not be my father)
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I volunteer with a group called Students For Literacy, and what we do is tutor kids from kindergarten to high school that are struggling to keep up with the rest of their class when it comes to reading. The kid that I've been tutoring is like 5 years old, and normally he gets a little fidgety, but today he was bouncing off the goddamn walls. I Just couldn't get him to calm down. Then I got an idea.
Normally I read with him in this little pirate ship that they have at the library and today the big problem was that he kept jumping out of it and running around it. So after he jumped out for like the 90th time, I asked him a question:
"Have you ever heard of CTZ the shark?"
"No"
"Well he eats trolls you see. Do you know what a troll is?"
"Uhhhhhhh?" *confused look*
"It's anyone that steps off of the boat. CTZ likes to keep the waters clear of trolls so he patrols looking for them, and once he finds one, it's all over."
"Oh!" *Jumps back into the boat*
He didn't leave the boat the rest of the time I spent reading with him, and when I went to step out at the end he yelled...
"NOOOOO! See tee zee is gunna eat chuuuuuuu!"
And for the record, I did not traumatize the kid. He totally knew it was a game and even told me he was going to draw a picture of CTZ the shark when he got home. If I get my hands on it, I'll post it up here :D
Random quote... EXECUTE!
"Contrary to what most people say, the most dangerous animal in the world is not the lion or the tiger or even the elephant. It's a shark riding on an elephant's back, just trampling and eating everything they see."
~Jack Handy
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It hit me at around 3pm today: an idea for a Destructoid song. I don't know why, the opening lyrics along with the song just came to me, totally unbidden, and I took it as a sign. So here we are. I had to learn the song, come up with lyrics and practice all day to get this recording. It isn't perfect by any means, and if I had time I would re-record, but unfortunately I've got some stuff to take care of tonight. So happy birthday Niero, and happy birthday Destructoid! I haven't been here long, but I feel right at home.
DeBestoid.mp3
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So I figured that since this competition is pretty much taking over the c-blogs, and all of the cool kids are posting their gaming set ups, I might as well get in on the action. So without further ado, here's a heavily modified version of a forum post that I did a while back.
WARNING: This post includes my entire set up. If that sounds like a waste of your time then please feel free to take off.
Not my Turning Point gaming rig.
The Computer Area
As you can see, I've got my 360 hooked up to my PC for super duper ease of swapping between the two. I could be playing Company of Heroes one second and then BAM! I'm playing DMC4. Helps keep my life unpredictable... AND DANGERESQUE!
Quick close up of the front of my bad-ass machine. Built it myself last summer for around $1000 total.
Specs:
M2N-MX mobo
AMD 64 X2 5000+
2Gb Kingston RAM
NVIDIA GeForce 8600 GTS OC
SB Audigy LS
200Gb SATA 7200rpm Western HDD
Antec Sonata III case
More important than the 360 are Norman the doorman (penguin) and Sir Miles Barksworth (I'll let you figure that one out). I stole Norman from an Earl's restaurant years ago and Sir Barksworth was a present given to me by a friend. Bit of a story behind him actually.
My 360 games, a handful of computer games and a couple of my XBox games. Miles usually sits on top.
I've got quite a few more computer games, but most are in storage right now.
When it isn't keeping my head warm, my slime hat chills on top of Norm. (My slime hat review can be found here)
Most geeks have gaming/anime/comic posters. I have Miles Davis and the most common pathways that are mutated in human cancer.
Oncology is fun.
When it's time to get serious I don't hold back. The arcade stick there is a 100% home made job except for the buttons and the electronics. Wrote a c-blog about it here.
The Living Room
What's there: the PS2.
MIA: The Wii (roommate took it for the weekend), my NES, XBox, Gamecube, N64, Playstation and a whole bunch of games. Everything but the Wii is at my vacation home. And by vacation home I actually mean parents place. Long story behind why.
Note: That's one of TWO mini fridges :D. My room mate and I have also agreed that the area above the TV must have no less than 26 ounces of hard liquor stocked at any given time.
Shot of behind the couch. On the left is a painting I did real quickly one evening while my roommate and I were playing through both the Megaman Anniversary and X collections (we didn't make it past X4, got too drunk/tired). Banged it out between lives while we were playing through X. Yes I know that it isn't written properly etc. I wasn't too worried about that at the time ;)
NVGR! Just a shot of my instruments, minus my acoustic guitar. Pink bubblegum flavored reeds FTMFW.
Montage of random shots I took while doing this. Picture includes: my desktop wallpaper, my other guitar, Chad/Rio's wedding ring, my game/movie collection (LOTS of games missing), our stack of guitar hero controllers (minus the GH3 Les Paul and my Rock Band stuff), the arcade stick taking on Bub and Bob, a close up of my shoddy painting and a show of approval for Lunar.
Another long post. But at least there were pictures right?
Random quote... EXECUTE!
"Modern technology
Owes ecology
An apology."
~Alan M. Eddison
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