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7:09 PM on 12.20.2008

(NVGR) Destructoid Cards: They're Baaaaaaaaack


So as some of you may remember, a long long time ago in a galaxy far, far away I saw this wonderful little thread and decided to contribute a few cards. An exercise that culminated in this epic rap-up post, which you can feel free to check out, if you're still confused, to get some more background information. Anyways I left the country and went to a place where internets are few and far between, but now I'm back and I'm feeling like it's time to finish this thing.

Originally I was going to do 100 cards and I ended up falling short of that goal with only 86 completed before I left. So for the next little while I'll be whiling away some of my free time making cards for various Dtoiders that I'll be picking for various reasons. Alright then, time to get down to business and make some good old fashioned Dtoid cards!

*cracks open ye olde photoshoop and a traditional coal powered internet browser*

Mini Booster pack 13: Nobody Asked For This And I'm A Slacker

Dan Gale card notes: Before I met him this guy was one of my favorite Dtoiders, mostly because of his great comments and his love of Retroforce GO!, but that didn't prepare me for the amazingness that is DAHN GAH-LAY LIVE! For reals, this guy is almost too cool for school, and school is pretty damn cool. Don't believe me? Just read this amazing c-blog detailing which songs he would like to see in Guitar Hero: World Tour. You Can't Hurry Love? The Touch? Hold The Line? You're The Best Around? It may very well be the greatest track list of all time.

As if that wasn't enough to trip your awesome alarm, he also came to Wardrox's defense just when Wardrox needed it the most. He's like a modern day Robin Hood, except for dudes that record European podcasts.

I should also point out that I stole this super emo picture of Dan from Facebook, which I've used to show you what he would look like without his Hannah Montanna fix. Frightening, I know! When he gets his Miley Cyrus on, he's about as upbeat as 1/2 a Chad Concelmo, which is to say that only 4 puppies are following him at all times instead of 8 and he only causes a single rainbow to break through the dreary London skyline rather than a double rainbow through the dreary LA skyline.

As I mentioned before: Dan also enjoys Retroforce GO! as much as I do, which is a lot (hence the classic Retroforce cube ability icons), and a while back Dyson (the then host of the show for any of you n00bs) made a joke about how he kept mispronouncing names, and that he would mispronounce a name as simple as Dan Gale as DAHN GAH-LAY! Thus a legend was born and Dan Gales name was officially changed for the better :)

The last reference comes from Mr. Gales attempt to stay on top of the European virtual console and post up reviews each week to help his fellow Eurogamers spend both their time and money wisely. Unfortunately, and perhaps inevitably, it was both Mr. Gales money and time that started running a bit short, and so the project was abandoned, but he still has an impressive back catalog of concise, informative reviews up for anyone that needs a good virtual console recommendation.

P.S. He also hates 8 year old girls, which is a position I fully support after reading that c-blog :)

Stella Wong card notes: For those not in the know, Stella goes by the name Aiya on Destructoid, so next time you see her in the comments you'll know that it's time to shore up some RESPECT. Stella came in to become the newest member of the most wonderfullest amazingest retroest podcast that there is: Podtoid!

No, wait. I mean...

Retroforce GO!

Pictured in the card along with Stella are her fellow podcasters Chad Concelmo and Collette Bennet. Now I'm pretty sure that that's Niero in the back with the helmet, but lets just pretend that it's Topher; that way my choice of picture makes more sense. So now it's Topher under that helmet OK? SO SAYETH ME!

Speaking of Topher, I'm pretty sure that it's appropriate to assume that Stella is weak to all Topher based attacks :)

For the ability icons I went with something featuring Rick "Pimp Supreme" The Hamster, partially because Stella really likes him and partially because I really like him. The card color scheme is a "Kirby pink" in a poor attempt to keep things consistent.

If you listen to Retroforce GO! at all then you know that one of the things that Stella hates are some of the terrible North American localizations of wacky Japanese games. Whether it's replacing the music with top 40 pablum, or removing content entirely, those ham fisted localizations have got to go. On a similar topic, Stella has a stellar (cwutididthur?) knowledge of obscure games of all kinds and nary a week goes by where I don't hear of some new and wonderful game that I missed, which is great even if I'll never have the means to play many of them.

Finally, Stella is notorious for her uber cute openers on Retroforce. Whether it's singing a couple of lines from a song or just saying "hi" Stella brings the cute, and the funk, every week.


Some people might be wondering why there's only 2 cards in this post (I used to put up 5 in each booster back in the day). Well all I can say is that I'm pretty busy right now getting the next stages of my life and career set up (I'm moving to Australia in January for the next 5 years) so I'm writing and shooping various things (not just cards) and posting them on a "yeah this looks more-or-less done" basis.

Just to get this out of the way: no I'm not taking requests and yes, I am going to stop at 100. I've got to cut it off somewhere :P

As always: there's nothing special about what I do with these cards. It's just a template that I shamelessly stole and tweaked ever so slightly. So if you got a hankering to make a card for yourself or someone else, by all means go for it. I just make these because I enjoy it and people seem to like them.

I know that I've said this before already, but it's good to be back :)

Random quote... EXECUTE!


2:07 PM on 12.10.2008

(NVGR) Retroschool GO! Or: What Dyson Has ACTUALLY Been Doing

A while ago Dyson left Retroforce GO! without warning, and since then he has only been heard from intermittently. Soon after his departure there were hints dropped about his travels, but eventually the trail went cold. Recently there has been a flimsy attempt to convince the community that he has been busy at "work", a ruse that included a completely pre-recorded appearance on Retroforce GO!. That's right, Dyson's part on the recent RFGO! was recorded months before he seemingly fell off the face of the earth, and it has been carefully withheld in order to string us all along. No one has publicly revealed where Dyson actually is, or what he's been doing all of these months...

Until now.

You see I happened to find out what Dyson was really up to while I was traveling. Im not sure that he would want me making this public, because he avoided telling anyone out of modesty, but fuck it. In the noble tradition of JOURNALISM and TRUTH; I must expose this farce.

You see Dyson has actually been setting up retro gaming schools for children in Africa. Awesome, I know. And even better yet: I took some pictures of his school in Zambia and scanned a copy of one of his flyers describing the schools curriculum. Check em out.

There you have it: undeniable proof, which was collected using both JOURNALISM and SCIENCE with a heaping helping of TRUTH, that Dyson Grigsby has been trekking the globe, trying to keep the Retro alive by making sure that the next generation of children appreciate the last generation of videogames.

Godspeed Mr. Grigsby. Godspeed.

Random quote... EXECUTE!

Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.

- Will Durant   read

11:51 AM on 11.28.2008

UK Meetup(s)

Heyo, I'll keep this short and to the point:

- I'm now officially in London!

- I'd like to meet some of you!

- There's a forum thread for getting things together!

- Tomorrow (Saturday) and the next day (Sunday) I'll be available for socializing/merrymaking at your pub/house/brothel of choice!

- So far nobody has suggested a place to meet, so if I don't get anything from anyone tomorrow when I check the intertubes, then I'm going to go find a place that's fairly central, announce it on the forum thread, go there, and whomever shows up, shows up, and if it's just me, then I'll just drown my sorrows in a bottle of gin!

- I'll be around until Dec 13th and if anyone is interested in arranging a relatively large gathering before then, then by all means let eveyone know where you are and when you're free on the forum thread!

-Exclamation point!

- I'll also be traveling to other places in the UK, which places partially depends on if anyone wants to meet up with me. So if you can't make it to London, but still want to meet me or arrange a gathering elsewhere, then by all means let everyone know!

I think that pretty much covers it. Just remember: I'm open to anything.

Anything   read

2:52 AM on 11.09.2008

Attention UK Dtoiders: Let's Go Get Drunk

First of all: Hi to all of the Dtoiders that know who the hell I am. It's nice to be back on Destructoid again!

Second of all: Hi to all of the Dtoiders who don't know who the hell I am. I'm sure that you're all just full of awesome after the initial "Oh God it hurts so good" rape period that occurred after your introduction.

Third: I've already posted this on the forum, and I realize that I'm all selfish and whatnot, but I want to make sure that I get a hold of as many Dtoiders as possible for this.


1. I'm coming to the UK (London specifically) on Nov 27th and I'll be traveling around until Dec 12th.
2. I have no plans whatsoever during that time. I'm just going to make it up as I go.
3. I'm totally willing to travel to meet up/hang out with any UK Dtoiders that are interested.
4 n00blets. Hi, my name is Cameron, I'm 22 years old and I've been away from Dtoid for a while.

I think that's pretty much all that needs saying. If anybody wants to get together with me while I'm in the UK, or if someone wants to get a NARP together (which would be BAD-ASS), by all means, e-mail me at...

the___ghost aht hotmail dawt calm (that's a triple underscore)

I'll check my mail whenever I can, but it's going to be a bit sketch as I'm traveling to and around Madagascar for the next two weeks. So if I don't respond to any questions etc. right away, just know that it's because I hate you/can't get internet access.

One of the two anyways. :)   read

7:32 AM on 09.03.2008

PAX: Bonus Pictures Edition (Literacy Not Required)

With my last desperate grasp for internets, I secured myself a connection at Heathrow airport while waiting for my flight. What this means is that I can finally upload some photos (couldn't do so from my hotel).


This is one of my favorite photos, it was taken the first day I got to Seattle after I ran into Wardrox, Tazar and Pheonix Blood completely by accident. The camera is propped up on a bunch of bags. From left to right: FooLiz, Riser Glen, SuffoCat, In the back is Tazarthayoot, Droobies is in front of Tazar, Droobies girl is in front of Droobies, Myself, Pheonix Blood, Wardrox, Nintendoll and Asian Joe AKA The Incredible Edible Egg.

I got a bunch of people to sign my laptop. It all started with Niero and snowballed from there. The one signature in particular that is sorely missing is Mr. Chad "Dolphin King" Concelmo's :( I'm also looking for a way to keep the signatures from getting wiped off, right now I'm just being extra careful when handling my laptop.

Really don't think that I've gotta explain this one. That's Macca on the left there being awesome sauce all over the place.

Tazar is BAAAAAALLIN! That's that Cri-STAHL right there.

The first night I met Dyson, we were both at this bar getting wasted, and I wanted to get him to sign something, but the only thing I had were some off-sale beers that we were totally not drinking in the bar because that's totally not allowed...

Anyways, I got him to sign my beer, and here it is in all of its glory!

Droobies is just a cooler person than you are, and this picture proves it.

The man train that formed the first night that the entire group met up.

Ceark picking up SuffoCat so that he can take him back to his hotel room and sexually ravage him. Note the massive amount of swag that SuffoCat managed to grab.

Nick, Niero and CTZ. The all star lineup stops by and says hi to all the drunk Dtoiders below.

DJ Duffy, Necros, FooLiz and Kryptinite serve up a quintuple order of hawtness.

Dear editors,

Front page this image right now.

That is all :)

I could use a picture of this scene that's technically "better", but in this one you can see the tears starting to well up in Niero and Rio's eyes. This was taken on the last night of PAX just before things were starting to wind down.

I just fucking love this picture. Tazar (right) and DVDesign (left) move in while Pheonix is distracted...

Probably the best picture of Dyson that I've seen so far.

These are pictures taken of "the survivors" that left Tuesday night. The brave men (Asian Joe, whom is not pictured, ScottyG, Tazar and myself) and women (Wardrox and Pheonix) that made it through PAX and decided that they weren't done yet. These were taken at the hotel just before our bus came to pick us up.

Well that pretty much does it for me. Some of these are my pictures and some of them are FooLiz's, hopefully I didn't step on her toes by posting some.

Forgive me Liz? :)

For a recap of some of my thoughts on some of the community members, check my last blog. Who knows? Maybe I mention YOU! Maybe it's something scathing! Maybe I shooped a picture of me peeing on your grandmothers grave or something! Maybe I did pee on your grandmothers grave! You won't know unless you read it.

As always, thanks for reading my ramblings, and I'll be back on Destructoid in a few short months.

Random quote... EXECUTE!

"None of these blogs have captured what PAX actually FELT like or meant. Only Chads really came anywhere close."

-Pheonix Blood   read

11:09 AM on 09.02.2008

PAX: The 4am Wrap Up


Since there will inevitably be like 1000 PAX related c-blogs coming soon to a Destructoid near you, I’ll try to keep this short (I will also likely fail). PAX was an amazing experience and I would highly recommend that anyone who is interested in both having fun and meeting awesome people start saving money for next year. You could not ask for a better way to spend your shekels (that’s for you Tazar) than by coming down to hang out with all of the amazing community members and Dtoid staff. Personally I had never joined any kind of online community before early this year, not even a forum, and I wasn’t really sure what it was going to be like actually meeting all of these essentially random people from the internet. As it turns out, pretty much everyone is absolutely amazing, and you’ll probably hear many different people saying the same thing in the PAX c-blog flood.

It was essentially like a weekend long group hug, only with more liquor.

The last night of PAX was actually a tearful goodbye, with both Niero and Rio getting a little misty eyed after we got kicked out of the bar and many people started taking off. It was totally insane to me that a bunch of random people that met over a gaming website could develop connections like that, but it also felt totally natural somehow.
I’m heading to Zambia to teach at a nursing college (among other things) until December 13th, and I never thought that I would be this depressed that I would be in a place without internet for a few months, but I gotta do what I gotta do.

YET MOAR WARNING: The next part of this post is going to be personal thoughts about some of the Dtoiders that I met and some of the things that happened to me at PAX, so if that sounds boring, then you should probably leave now...
This will get pretty long if I don’t mention someone please don’t take it personally. I just can’t mention everyone that I met because there were just too damn many. I’m also typing this up at 4 in the morning because I can’t sleep with CTZ snoring, and I’m still somewhat buzzed from PAX, so my writing and memory might not be so great. Now on with the show!

- When I met Samit Sarkar for the first time we just sat down and talked for quite some time. Here’s the thing though: Dtoid and videogames almost never entered into the conversation. We just kind of got into discussions very naturally, and I thought to myself: wow, why can’t I meet people like this where I live?

- Chad “Souplantation Superfan” Concelmo was AMAZING. Seriously, I can’t even believe how nice that guy is and it depresses me to no end that he left before I was able to get his signature on my laptop. I guess I’ll just have to show up to the Dtoid anniversary or something ;)

- Blehman blew me away. Not only is the dude just as witty and awesome in person as he is on the site, but he’s super easy going and doesn’t afraid of anything. We went to see Frontalot together, and I just wish that he had been able to stay for longer (Chad too!) so that I could put several more babies in him.

- Lovely lovely Pheonix Blood was one of the first people I met from the Dtoid community because I just so happened to be walking through a mall where she, Wardrox, Tazar and a few other people were grabbing lunch. I couldn’t have asked for a better group of people to have run into. A few minutes after I had met them I was waiting in line for food and Tazar slapped my ass HARD followed by Holly getting right up in my face, staring me down, and then giving me a peck on the lips. It took me about 3 hours to process what the hell had just happened.

- Unlike Tazar and Holly, Wardrox skipped the foreplay and went straight for the gay sex, which I pretty much figured was coming, but what I didn’t know was that he was also going to turn out to be a Wii fanboy. THAT’S RIGHT, YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST: WARDROX IS A WII FANBOY! In all seriousness though, Wardrox was an intellectually stimulating guy to talk to, and it was a lot of fun just shooting the shit with him.

- Dyson was a goddamn train wreck of awesome, and was a blast to hang out with. He also signed a beer for me that I will never ever drink. EVER. I’m still finding it kind of surreal that he also started my favourite podcast of all time. All awesome all the time indeed.

- Topher and Stella I didn’t see much of, but I did want to say this: they were both super cool people, and I wish that I had been able to chat with both of them a bit more. Oh, and If Topher is reading this: I was not disappointed in the least man; you got me loving shmups.

- McSnow was a thoroughbred bad-ass extraordinaire and we ended up spending quite a bit of time together over the weekend. He was always a relaxed and engaging guy, and it was great just hanging out with him during the whole event.

- Necros got lit on fire (if the video isn’t up yet, it will be soon), put on joker makeup and basically just made me laugh a lot. Now the question I have to ask myself is this: is he a cool guy, or the coolest guy?

- Tazar deserves another mention for being the king of innuendo and the single entendre. Just throwing that out there.

- Holly also gets another mention for telling me that I sometimes do stuff that’s sexy, but then again I also do some stuff that’s pretty gay. I think that I’m just going to mentally block out that second part ;)

And before anyone asks: no I’m not gay. Smartasses.

- FooLiz, McSnow and I formed the commonwealth comrades (name pending final FooLiz approval for being too communist sounding) and mediating the Australia/UK conflict has become one of my favourite PAX memories. Here’s hoping I get into Med School in Australia!

- As it turns out, Ceark and I are no match for Rio when it comes to Mario Kart DS. She beat the hell out of us like red headed stepchildren even after we decided to team up against her, leaving us hollow shells of the men that we once were. SuffoCat tells me that he can beat her, but I don’t believe him ;)

P.S. Rio has the coolest mom on the planet

- DJ Duffy and her girlfriend Liz along with Scotty G and myself made up the Canadian contingent at PAX, and I was extremely happy to have met all of them as sometimes it feels like I’m the only Canadian on Dtoid. Hopefully Mix can make it next time too :)

The above list is me just trying to get a few (certainly not all) of those specific memories out onto a blog before I start to forget things, and is by no means a list of all the people that I met that were supreme examples of the way people should be. What was great about PAX for me was that most of the conversations I had and things that I did didn’t have to do with videogames. For me the games were a peripheral thing, and the main thrust was basically just hanging out with everyone and talking about whatever came to mind. I never felt awkward or at a loss for words when I was hanging out with everyone and great conversations just seemed to flow constantly one into another.

Over the next while people will no doubt get sick and tired of hearing variations on the phrase “it was great, everyone was awesome” over and over again, but it’s going to get used so often because it’s true. Here’s a short, and incomplete, list of people that knocked my socks off that I have yet to mention.

- Aerox
- Colette (I still can’t believe that you said that you had already recognized me when I introduced myself)
- .Tiff (you’ll be missed!)
- Riser Glen (turns out he’s actually a pretty cool guy, go figure ;)
- Butmac/-D- (they’re like the same person)
- Keener
- Nintendoll
- The Incredible Edible Egg
- Phist
- Dale North
- Itemforty
- Naia and Zero Atma
- Husky Hog and the mystery of the disappearing hat
- Powerglove
- Kryptonite
- Qais
- Dexter345
- Conrad Zimmerman
- Fuck it, just go look at the list of PAX attendees. There isn’t a name on there that I met that doesn’t deserve to be mentioned.
- Even better yet, take a look at one of the group shots that was taken after the Dtoid panel. Yes, we are actually having as much fun as it looks.
- Hell, I’d say that we’re having MORE fun than it looks
- Also note that Chad is floating a couple of feet above everyone. He was standing on a rainbow that magically formed underneath his feet from positivity spill-over.

Finally I just want to mention Niero. I could talk about how he got the bill for like 50 people (maybe more?) that one night, or his awesome speech at the Dtoid panel (including answering my incredibly poorly phrased question by getting at what I was really trying to ask), but all I’m going to say is this: Niero is the kind of guy that you want to see succeed. He was humble and the epitome of graciousness, despite having to balance the craziness of PAX with actual work. Thank you Mr. Robot in chief, thank you for making a place where a community like this one can form and someone like me that doesn’t really know any other gamers can find some sanctuary, and even meet up with other like-minded people.

Well, the sun’s coming up and it sounds like Dyson, CTZ, Wardrox and The Incredible Edible Egg are starting to wake up. Looks like it’s time for me to go get in some more good times before I take off this evening for Zambia. See you in December Destructoid!   read

6:33 PM on 08.16.2008

Gaming In Zambia (Also: Hi Destructoid, I Missed You)

Dear Destructoid,

Baby I know it’s been a while, but I was hoping we could pick up where we left off. You see Destructoid, I tried to call, I really did, but I’ve been in a rural area in Zambia for the last couple of months teaching nursing and the internet that was available was so slow that it cost me almost $10 Canadian (which looks like its at about parity with the American dollar these days) to send a single e-mail at the local internet cafe, and trying to browse you pretty much caused the computer to turn into a smoking piece of slag. What I’m really trying to say here is that although you’ve got a bunch of new editors (super huge grats to all of you) and new faces in the community, I was hoping that we could get along like old times.

Who loves ya baby?

So yeah, I’m back and my plans have changed a bit. Right now I’m in London, but I’m only here for less than 24 hours (originally it was going to be a week) because I had to change my plans to accommodate a med school interview back in Canada (for the University of Sydney no less. Strange no?), so unfortunately I won’t be able to meet with any UK Dtoiders before I take off. On the plus side, I’m still coming to PAX, just need to work out exactly when I'll be getting into Seattle. Might be earlier than I originally planned...

‘Kay, enough with the “I’m back, pay attention to me” stuff, let’s rock the Zambian gaming scene!

To sum it up: there isn’t one, so you can take off your “wow that’s awfully surprising, I never would have thought that a third world country wouldn’t have a massive personal entertainment industry” face now. Oh sure, the two modern shopping centres in the capital have a few Wiis, 360s, PS2s (no PS3s that I saw, although there were some PS3 games around) and even a few PSPs for sale, but I didn’t see a single DS, and the only DS titles I could find were the following...

1. Nintendogs
2. Brain Training

So like I alluded to earlier: it’s not like you would ever expect to see much in the way of gaming in Zambia, but I’m just trying to give a bit of a feel for what availability is like. Basically the only place that you’ll find stuff is in the capital, and even then, you have to go to one of the very nice, clean, modern shopping centres, which look custom built for tourists.

I spent very little time in such places, but I did see a few things that were gaming related. One of these “things” was that the most popular barbershop in the area that I was living just so happened to have a PS2 hooked up for anyone to play while waiting, and apparently it’s a bit of a local hangout for some of the neighbourhood kids (I live pretty far from the place and I’ve never gone in, only passed by a few times, but I know some locals that told me what they knew). Now clearly the magical power of videogames is working, even in an extremely poor, rural place in a third world country where the power goes out every night between 6 and 9pm, as well as randomly throughout the day. Now that’s what I call hardcore fucking gaming.

During my time in Mongu (the town that I worked in) the only gaming stuff I saw for sale was this: THE MOHAWK GAME STATION! NOW ONLY K197 400!!

For those interested in the conversion, it’s about 3000 kwacha (Zambia’s national currency) to the dollar, meaning that the Mohawk costs around 65 dollars. There’s absolutely NO information on the box. That picture that you see is everything that I know about that thing.
In other news: the reason that much of Zambia’s infrastructure and economy is in shambles? Almost all government spending has been put towards making METAL GEARS!

Crazy, I know. The Japanese are going to be shitting their pants when they find out that they aren’t the only country with giant nuclear equipped walking battle tanks (and yes, I realize that the Metal Gear series isn’t set in Japan, quit breaking my balls).
Suffice it to say, there really isn’t much gaming related stuff to talk about during my time in Zambia, other than tedious personal anecdotes, so I’ll finish this little entry up here by leaving you with proof that I be representin’ the ‘toid wherever I go.

I also taught my nursing students while wearing that shirt.

See baby? I was thinking about you even if I couldn’t call.

Random quote... EXECUTE!

“Oh for fucks sake...”

- Me upon seeing the number of articles, news and games that I need to catch up on   read

11:39 AM on 06.08.2008

Destructoid Cards: Booster Pack 12 (Last One!)


Well it's been fun kids, but as of today I'm done making Destructoid cards. Unfortunately, I don't have much time, so the notes for these cards aren't going to be my usual extended commentary, rather they'll be extremely short but (hopefully) still informative, and should be enough to understand the various abilities. Sorry guys :(

At least this pack has 10 right? :D

Note: this pack was the first one made with some outside input. Thanks to everyone that was in Stickam the other night (the night of the insane nazi admin), you made my life easier :D

Before I leave the country I'll be putting up a big wrap-up post containing links to .rar files containing all the jpegs and Photoshop files that I've made/worked with, so stay tuned for that coming in the next day or two. Now enough with the babbling...


Booster Pack 12: Where's My Card Goddamnit! How Could You Not Make Me One?!

Cheeburga card notes:

- The Bedazzler (Thanks Rorsach!)
- Serious Dickbutt
- Emaul?: Think emo-maul.

Charlie Suh card notes:

- Charlie is Azn, thus Azn jokes are hilarious/original.
- When you get the Charlie card you MUST make up/yell out the longest most ridiculous attack name you can think of regardless of the game you are or aren't playing.
- Pillow fort: see his sidebar
- Ability icons: Yotsuba
- Official Dtoid photographer
- Tomopop contributer
- Asian RAGE!

Buck F1tches card notes:

- Fucking loves geese apparently (see portrait. Thanks Rio!)
- Big bad tipster for Dtoid. Respect yo.
- Master Rick Roller
- Master throat singer
- Master Tazar/Ron lover
- Fox blood?: A play on his blog banner. Not my best work, I know :(

Cowzilla card notes:

- Technically Cowzilla3
- Actual film critic
- Old school Dtoider
-Brave/crazy enough to show us his Wii Fit progress.
- Miseducation?
- Cowzillatoid and the first c-blog recapper

Dick McVengeance card notes:

- Editor!
- Until recently, was living in Japan
- Features editor, Nick Chesters secret wife (his sidebar)
- Second ability is referring to Nicks wife, not DMV's >< (I might not be able to get to a computer with Photoshop to fix the wording before I go)
- Gay for Bridget (Thanks someone in stickam! I think it was either Charlie or Rorsach, but I could be wrong)
-Fucking around on the c-blogs (I have no idea what happened. I just thought it was a weird/funny c-blog. Not a great reference, I know)

Gameboi card notes:

- Editor!
- Pretty much every reference is from his sidebar
- Likes pro wrestling skits
- Standup comic by DC is just a dumb play on words, it's about as bad as the Luke Skywalker/Jack Thompson joke.
- At least the Darth Gamer ability is alright, right? :D

Husky Hog card notes:

- Editor!
- New penus
- Hates Fatal1ty
- Yeah, the bottom ability icons are doing it.

Johnathan Holmes card notes:

- Editor!
- Rocketed to fame via appearing on Road Rules
- Hair is huuuuuuge in full portrait pic. Just look up the full one on IMDB
- RE:3 guide?: Read his sidebar.
- Loves Scud. God bless him.
- Hates the "hardcore gamer" moniker (did I use that right? :D)

Qais Fulton card notes:

- Editor triple threat!
- Tomopop features editor
- Destructoid editor
- Ectoplasmosis editor
- Q-less future?: Read the sidebar.

Last one coming up! *Drumroll*

Unstoppable Juggernaut card notes:

- Tomopop editor
- Dunno if he likes Queen or not, it's just the first thing that came into my head.
- Makes custom figures.
- Deadpool is fucking awesome. Amen.
- Helmet removal: You need more comic knowledge ;)


I'll keep this short as much of what I have to say will be in the big wrap-up post coming soon.

Total number of cards: 85

Goal: 100


Close but not quite. Rest assured that there are many people that I would still like to make cards for, but I simply don't have the time. I also would like to apologize for some of the slap dash writing and whatnot in this booster, unfortunately I was sort of rushing to get these out.

Watch for that wrap-up post kids!

Random quote... EXECUTE!

“The final mystery is oneself.”

~Oscar Wilde   read

2:18 PM on 06.04.2008

Destructoid Cards: Booster Pack 11

<p>DESTRUCTOID CARDS: CARD HARDER WITH A VENGEANCE HD REMIX ALPHA EDITION The end is nigh! The afterthoughts at the bottom will explain precisely what that means. HEAVEN OR HELL! Booster Pack 11: The Workmeng Cometh Kryptinite card notes: Sure he spells Kryptonite incorrectly, but who cares? He's one of Destructoids resident, shall we say achievement aficionados that took us for one helluva video game store/nostalgia trip, critiqued survival horror gamers and gave us another well written perspective on the "racism" controversy surrounding Resident Evil 5. I figure that should be enough to let him spell his name however the hell he wants :) Did I mention that he learned some very important things about being a bad-ass from the Star Wars series? Ron Workman card notes: The ying to Nieros yang (or is it the other way around?), Ron is a man of many names: NSFWorkman, Ronaldo Workmeng, Greybush etc. Regardless of what name you know him by, Ron is like the official drunk uncle (that touches you inappropriately) of Destructoid. He leaves naught but chicks making out( scroll to the bottom), crazy birthday videos, threats of being fucked by Margerie and an intense hatred of both Nameless Ted and Paris Hilton in his wake. Also lots and lots of empty liquor bottles. Ron also has a softer side though, one that he only shows via poetic letters to Olivia Munn in his c-blog. No, I'm not going to mention the whole Yaris 4 coming to the 360 thing. That would be beating a dead horse and would prove that I don't actually know the guy and am thus probably leaving out all sorts of great references and whatnot that a better Dtoider would know... Sorry; I blacked out there for a second. I've thrown out about a million (re: 4) links that you'll never click on, and since Ron has such a, uh, rich history I could go on forever, so I'll wrap this one up. Note that this is the single best, or worst (depending on whether you want to win or just get really trashed), card you can pull when playing the drinking game. Much like how the Niero card is an automatic win, the Ron card is an automatic lose, and whoever pulls it will be taking 10 drinks, thereby ensuring that whomever gets the card will get good and drunk good and fast. Booya! Pro-tip: for an extra fun game, make an all Workmeng deck; you'll have such a good time that you'll throw up all over each other and pass out naked in a public place. Fronz card notes: This was a bit of a tough one since Fronz doesn't have any c-blog posts and I wasn't able to find any pictures of him on the forum, so his card is based around the two regular features that he does every week: Game Debate to the Death and Monday Mind Teasers. This is one of those times that my newbishness becomes apparent as I really don't know much about Fronz. Hopefully this one turned out reasonably well anyways.  Dale North card notes: (The following is paraphrased from Dales sidebar) Editor extraordinaire at Tomopop and Destructoid, editor-in-chief at Japanator, freelance writer, musician, member of The OneUps (who appear to be playing at PAX this year :D) and Videogame music remixer. Dale North is clearly a pretty talented guy, but one wonders why he always seems to be flipping the camera off in every picture that he's in. In delving into this mystery I discovered some shocking things that I described in the second ability on Dales card. Mr. North is also a fan of Welsch Corgis (hence the Ein, of Cowboy Bebop fame, ability icons) and an un-fan of Mac & Cheese People. Mr. Sadistic card notes: The ever-present Mr. Sadistic has a bit of a thing for the newbies. You can be sure that Mr. Sadistic will be there to welcome the new kids with open arms and a tender "I love you", thereby helping to ease their entry into the world of Destructoid. Either that or it creeps them out and scares them off ;) When Sadistic isn't letting newbies know that they're welcome at Destructoid, he's busy writing somewhat homosexual love notes to Destructoid (see the last picture) or facepalming at Clinton Vs. Obama: SMACKDOWN! videos. Oh and Mr. Sadistic? I love you :) Afterthoughts Well I've got some bad news: it looks like I won't have as much time as I thought to work on the cards before I leave, so there'll probably only be one more booster pack, and I'm also not sure if I'll be able to tune up the older cards like I was planning. I feel kind of bad because there were so many people that requested cards as well as many people that I personally wanted to do that I'm just not going to be able to get to. Mayhaps I'll start doing these again once I get back home, but that won't be until September. If all goes well, the final card count for this summer will end up being 85, which, if my Fourier transform and orthogonal polynomial calculations are correct, is about 85% of what I was planning on doing, so that ain't too bad. As to who will be in the last pack; I think that I'll keep that a secret (partly because I haven't really decided and partly because I don't know how many of them I'll be able to do). Last thing: before I leave for the rest of the summer I'll be making a wrap up post with links to .rar files containing all of the photoshop files and jpegs that I've made/worked with. Random quote... EXECUTE! “I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.†~W.C. Fields</p>   read

1:19 PM on 06.02.2008

Destructoid Cards: Booster Pack 10


This is not the intro you are looking for...

Booster pack 10: One Card To Rule Them All

Nick Chester card notes: Nick is one of those guys. You know the kind I'm talking about. The kind of guy that just has to let you know when he gets sent free Stranglehold Berettas or high roller schwag just because he's "the editor-in-chief" at

Seriously: pschaw (pronounced pish-awe).

Regardless of how many awesome pieces of swag that Nick dangles in front of us (while no doubt chuckling at our lack of schwag) you've got to give it up for one of the lynch-pins that helps hold Destructoid together. Speaking of Lynch, it seems that Nick agrees with David Lynch about how viable watching a movie on a phone actually is.

All I have to say is A-fucking-men brother.

Now you might be wondering what the hell the portrait and ability icons are all about, and if you would settle down I would tell you.

You settled yet? Good.

The portrait is not Nick at all actually. It's his kid dressed up as Mr. Destructoid for halloween! Best costume EVAR. 11/10 (

For real though: that's awesome.

The ability icons are actually a logo that Topher Cantler himself designed for Nick's Rock Band band Unicorn Death Foetus.

I'll bet they play a mean Boston cover :D

Grim card notes: Probably best known for his weekly FNF post, Grim is another one of our beloved Destructoid editors, and a resident gore junkie apparently.

The weakness and retreat cost are both inspired by Grim's avatar: the chainsaw dude from Resident Evil 4 (if you're still confused about the bell, think about how that first major encounter in the village ends, and if you haven't played the game go do so... NOW!). The resistance is from a short story about being shafted that Grim posted a while back. The second ability is also a reference to an Electric Six song. I don't know if Grim likes 'em, hates 'em or doesn't care about 'em, but I couldn't resist putting that reference in :)

Hopefully the color scheme and blending type don't obscure the text too much. I was trying to get this one to look a little "grittier" what with the blood red and brown colors.

Dexter345 card notes: Scholar, gentleman, poet laureate, box of crayons. Only two of those words describe Dexter, can you guess which?

I'll wait...

Dexter immediately gets cool guy points from me for being a chemist (which is where his retreat cost comes from, and if he knows that formula off by heart then we should all be very scared) because as a biochemist I can say something like: hey man, why don't you go explain why the transitional elements have such strange oxidation numbers while I go and party in the glamorous worlds of plasmid construction and proteomics?


Dex also hates Mega Man, started the unfortunately named "ThurDSays", baked an awesome Dtoid cake and seems to be perpetually partying with other Dtoiders. For reals, if you look at his c-blog there's recaps of all these epic events all over the place.

That lucky sonuvabitch.

When choosing Dex's portrait I had quite a bit of selection, and I'm happy with the one that I went with, but I must point out two others that I ALMOST used, but didn't because I don't hate you all.



Justice card notes: He searches for those Dtoiders that fell by the wayside, he investigates video game music samples, he's Ron Workmans hero and he's a fan of Super Princess Peach.


Any questions?

P.S. That portrait is what happens when I do these late at night ;)

Niero card notes: This guy is kind of obscure, but he DOES work for the site in some minor capacity. The thing is, I've got a bit of a problem with him. He seems like a good enough guy and all, but he's always pimping his site. He's all "Destructoid is getting this new feature" or "Destructoid is having this contest" and "Destructoid is a fucking amazing website with an unbelievable community". I'm so fucking sick of it. Seriously, go advertise somewhere else man.

Now that I have that out of my system... How could you possibly NOT know who this guy is? The founder of the website that you're browsing right now and noted screamin' bean lover, Niero is the one person that you can thank for EVERYTHING that we have here at the 'toid, which last time I checked is the largest independent gaming blog on the planet.


As for the card: the lower ability icon and portrait are some stellar pieces of art from the out of this world Ceark, the upper ability icons are official Dtoid art and the weakness comes from this tomfoolery. Also note the crown on the name and the special "uber card" symbol next to the HP, which still isn't as high as it should be. I tried to get a Dtoid-ish color scheme going on, with a green outside and a red "eye" in the middle.

I could blather on, but there really isn't any point. Just love the robot-in-chief and make him proud by helping to keep Destructoid awesome.

Personal note: Thanks for everything Niero! LESS THAN THREE :D


After looking at how much time I've got left etc. I'm going to aim to have 100 cards done before I take off, but it'll be a fight to the finish. Right now I'm at 71, so I've got a little less than 1/3 left to go! I'd also like to thank everyone for all the awesome comments and everything as I've been doing these. I'm glad to see that so many of you seem to be enjoying the cards :D

Oh, one other thing: I'm probably going to go back and touch up some of the older cards to "bring them up to code" as it were. It's just that whenever I scroll past them I think to myself: "damn, I could so easily make those look better".

So I think I will, I just don't know when.

Coming Soon

Booster pack 11 featuring...

Mr. Sadistic
Dale North
Ron Workmeng

Random quote... EXECUTE!




~Zack de la Rocha (Rage Against The Machine - Guerilla Radio)   read

4:20 PM on 06.01.2008

Destructoid Cards: Booster Pack 9


Since I've been busier lately, and my card making progress has been slowed significantly, I've made a decision about which cards I'm going to do before I take off on June 12th. To see what I'm talking about, hit the afterthoughts.

*Transitional phrase*

Booster pack 9: In which a number of Dtoiders get cards

Aborto The Fetus card notes: Another one of the more, shall we say "colorful" members of Destructoid, Aborto helps to keep us all learning by sharing ten things he's learned every week. See? Destructoid isn't a waste of time. It's educational!

Abortos weakness and second ability comes from this blog entry and a quote from Knives that Aborto features in his sidebar. A quote which must have torn the man down to the inner core of his being, forcing him to realize the harsh truths of the world around him.

Or something like that.

Big Popa Gamer card notes: If you are a man (and that's very likely to be the case) you should know something: your penis loves Big Popa Gamer. It's true, he's the premier purveyor of wet t-shirt, bikini and sideboob pictures on Destructoid, instantly cementing him as an important and influential force to be reckoned with.

BPG is also known for a semi-regular feature called Casting Call where he envisions which real world actors and actresses could potentially act in a dream game to film adaptation. Definitely go back and check some of those out as some of the casts that he chooses are scarily accurate, and will make you pine for the day that he becomes a powerful casting director in Hollywood.

Just remember: if you're ever feeling like the human race isn't worth saving, or that there's just no reason to go on anymore; check out BPG's sidebar, and your faith in humanity will be restored.

Oh, and guys? Regarding that portrait: I know what you're all doing right now...

Butmac card notes: Every once in a while a film of such shattering beauty and unbelievable power comes along and challenges us not only as individuals, but as human beings.

This is one such piece.

For serious though: if you haven't seen Butmac's videos, you need to rectify that mistake ASAP and click the above link RIGHT THE FUCK NOW. Even if you've seen them before, you should watch the Destructoid birthday video again because it's fucking awesome.

Camtub is also a fan of Flight Of The Conchords, rating Rock Band DLC and most importantly: Mango Sentinels (they're so Pringles).

This card also marks the first time I made a card with my drinking game rules in mind. As of this writing, the Butmac cards is the single most dangerous card to have in your possession. If you pull it and lose, you take 7 drinks (the number of shots taken for Niero on his birthday), which is the most of any card yet. The card also has pretty low health, so your chances of winning are extremely slim.

DVDdesign card notes: One of the stranger names on Destructoid belongs to this man: DVDdesign. A man with the sheer GALL to send everyone out on a crazy "scavenger hunt" every month, no doubt laughing maniacally at his ability to order the community at large around like so many puppets.

This is one of those times where I'm not sure that it's possible to make a smooth transition, but here's a part of a series of reports on Japan by Mr. Design, this one focusing on a "unique" festival.

The "Fuck You DVDdesign!" ability comes from a cruel, cruel task that he set out for those entering his insane contest: the entrants must purchase, but not play, GTA IV.


DVD is also very much anti fanboy, which pisses me off because Chad Warden isn't a fanboy, he just thinks that the Pee Ess Triple is SLICK *makes swooshy/swishy noises while pretending to stroke a PS3 like a total douche*


Last, but certainly not least, you should check out this interview that DVD did with someone you might know pretty well: your mom.

Vexed Alex card notes: Rounding out pack 9 is our beloved Halo 3 FNF host, whom has finally gotten his 360 back after being away for some time. Hooray!

However, not all is well in Vexed Alex land. In fact, if you look closely at his sidebar you can piece together clues that he isn't Mexican (as so many would tell you), but is in fact FROM CALIFORNIA!


Most of the references on Alex's card come from Halo 3 shenanigans, such as the ridiculous bickering/make out sessions of Distrato (Heretic on Dtoid) and Salman (007 on Dtoid) whom have the most dysfunctional relationship I think I've ever seen. Before we go on, I would like to put out this warning: if you are playing Halo 3, do no let anyone, especially Pizzaface, change the map to "Fundry".


AT ALL. :(((((((((((((((((

Finally we have the baby peen reference. A little while back Alex posted some pictures of himself as a child (see his portrait) and originally there was one of him in his birthday suit, which has (mercifully) been removed.

Hoo boy.


Long story short: I'm going to focus on doing the people on the leaderboard, specifically concentrating on editors for a while.


It's pretty simple: I don't have much time left and I'm not making cards as fast as I thought I would, so something has to give. Basically I want to make sure that I get the staff/editors done, because it just wouldn't be a real Destructoid card set without them, and while the leaderboard is far from perfect, it's the easiest way for me to see who's been the most active. I'll still let my personal judgment come into my choices, but just a heads up: my selection will be a bit more focused. Eventually I'll go back to doing pretty much everyone, but that likely won't happen until September.

Coming Soon

Booster pack 10 featuring...

Nick Chester

Random quote... EXECUTE!

“I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list.”

~Stephen Wright   read

12:32 PM on 05.30.2008

Destructoid Cards: Drinking Game Rules And Booster Pack 8


If you're looking for the following:

- Information on how to play a drinking game with totally unmodified versions of the cards that I've put out.

-.rar files including the .psd and .jpeg versions of every card I've done thus far.

then head to the afterthoughts at the end of this blog entry.

Now on with the show!

Booster Pack 8: Are We There Yet?

Power Glove card notes: I have a confession to make: I hate doing research for particularly productive Dtoiders, there's always so goddamn much stuff to look through, it just makes my life that much more difficult ;) Speaking of which...

Power Glove is your one stop shop for all things Rock Band. For reals, the guy owns EVERY piece of Rock Band DLC, and is pretty much always the first one to post up anything related to music games like Guitar Hero and Rock Band. If you have any doubts about the mans unwavering dedication, just check out his Rock Band EU Survival guide.

Mr. Glove also drops some seriously epic credit blog entries, such as this one that he created for the community on his birthday. Thanks PG! :D

Other services that PG provide are hosting FNF and helping to co-ordinate the New York NARP group.

And if you're wondering what the Glove man thinks of the community, look no further.

Necros card notes: Another Dtoider that has so much shit going on that doing this writeup might end up being more work than the card. Boooooo!

Anywhichways, Necros is another cast member on the good ship Failcast and is famous on Destructoid for his, uh, "alternative" views on race relations. To be honest I'm not sure what to think. On one hand, you've got the word of people like Ron Workman and a dislike of British Mario, and on the other hand you've got the campaign the restore Bob Muirs good name...

Probably the single hardest part about doing this card was trying to decide which picture of Necros to use as his portrait. For reals; look here for an example of the kind of selection I had. There are MULTIPLE blog entries like that one and it made my life a living hell once I stopped giggling like a school girl.

Not that there's anything wrong with giggling like a school girl because I got laid right after, which makes me a man.


In addition to everything above, Necros also keeps track of the games that everyone has completed and compiles a massive list every month on his c-blog from information gleaned from the forum. Lastly, you should probably know about the Sunday release of Necros's (Necros'? Necros?) blog series Rantoid, which is where the Yaris reference comes from (if you ever wanted an in-depth look at Yaris and how it nearly killed a man, definitely check out that link.)

God fucking damnit, I'm like halfway through. Look, just go to blog de la Necros when you're bored and browse; you'll probably find something you like.

Oh yeah, one more thing: IRC FAP FICTION!

Samit Sarkar card notes: Once just another mild mannered Dtoider known as Br0nXb0mBr21, this young chemical engineer in training apparently impressed the robot overlord with his love of sports, love of videogames and edumacated writing style such that he was made into an editor. Specifically, Samit takes care of the sports news, which, on a site like this, is probably right up there with walking around Harlem wearing a white sheet over your head in terms of audience appreciation, but the man does it anyways. What a trooper.

Samit is also fighting what is quite possibly the most one sided battle of all time: the battle to get people to use proper grammar and spelling on the internet. Every once in a while he'll post a well intentioned comment guiding an offender towards the way of the coherent written thought, an uphill battle to be sure, but one that Mr. Sarkar participates in day in, day out.

Bahamut Zero card notes: There are those that would post what are essentially shenanigans, and then there's Bahamut Zero. If you ever feel the need to read what happens when you drink and blog, you could certainly do worse than swinging by Bahippie Zeros c-blog. He can also provide you with internet service providings, confessions about how a point break sequel makes his life complete and can regale you with his harrowing tale about Xbox Live customer service.

If you haven't read anything of Bahamut Zero's yet then you're missing out on one of the stranger Dtoiders out there. His c-blog is filled to the brim with bizarre pictures and sometimes lucid ramblings about pretty much anything you can think of, and a couple of things that you can't.

If I was making a guide book to Dtoid, I would definitely recommend stopping by BZ's c-blog, because even if you don't dig his style you won't see anything else like it on Destructoid.

Galagabug card notes: I admit it, Galagabugs homemade arcade stick totally kicks my homemade arcade sticks ASS. When he's not totally showing me up, Galagabug is flipping the bird to capital letters. I seriously couldn't find a single one in any of his blog entries. It's both bizarre and slightly unnerving, kind of like those children of the corn...

Galagabug also drops some forgotten classics on us from time to time to make sure that we aren't slacking off on our gaming duties.

And yes, not playing a particular game is good enough reason to get you objectively labeled as a terrible person; just like Mussolini and Charles Manson. They didn't play Kaboom! either...


First things first: drinking game rules for 2-1000 players.

1) Get some cards printed, pretty much any number will do.

2) Shuffle into a single pile.

3) Everyone draws a card.

4) The person that draws the card with the lowest HP has to take the number of drinks indicated by the ability with the most ability icons.

For example:

Player 1 pulls McSnow

Player 2 pulls Passionate Styos

Because McSnow has more HP than Styos, Player 2 has to take 3 drinks. He takes 3 because the ability with the greatest number of icons next to it is his "Musical Attack" ability and it has 3 icons next to it. All cards have an ability with at least 2 icons on it, so you'll never take a measly one drink, it'll be at least two and can be as many as 6 if you draw the Sterling card and lose (Sterling can only lose to Topher as of this writing).

5) In the event of a tie (2, 3, 4 way etc. doesn't matter) all tied players drink the same as they would if they had lost.

6) If you want to have a "winnable" game to add some excitement, make up disqualification rules. Whoever goes to the bathroom first loses, whoever pukes first loses, anyone that touches their face with their hands loses. Be creative!

That's it! Simple. If you can think of other rules etc. just throw them out on this forum thread, or in the comments. Go nuts.

Now for the files:


Have fun with those :)

Coming Soon

Booster pack 9 featuring...

Big Popa Gamer
Vexed Alex

Secret booster pack 4 featuring...


Random quote... EXECUTE!

“Tobacco and alcohol, delicious fathers of abiding friendships and fertile reveries.”

~Luis Bunuel   read

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