Did you ever wonder what your particular choice of console said about you? Of course you did. Well, wonder no more as MSN's lifestyle channel is here with their unique brand of enforced self-evaluation. You thought you bought that PS3 because you wanted God of War 3? Think again, subconsciously you envy black men, assuming they all have massive johnsons and this is your form of over-compensation. Thought you bought that 360 because of Live and Left 4 Dead? Apparently not, you latent white supremacist, you. Don't even get me started on DS owners. Kiddie fiddlers.

But seriously.

MSN Dating claims that their guide to 'Boys and their toys' is an invaluable tool for the postmodern woman on the prowl. Why bother discovering your potential partner's personality for yourself, when the Internets is so kind to provide a simple guide to defining men through their purchases.

Ladies; want a loyal, early-adopter with a big bank balance, who demands nothing but the best from his technology, just as he does with his women? Then the PS3 owner is for you! He won't let you fuck around with his Littlebigplanet account though, because collaboration and creativity is for fags. He bought the biggest, blackest machine to serve as a metaphor for his personality, and his cock. He will fuck you roughly, and won't even ask before he puts it in your arse. You will enjoy this.

Ladies; want a fun, upbeat individual who likes it cheap and cheerful? Then the Wii owner is for you! The less he spends on his own hobbies means the more you can milk him for to fuel your own lust for commerce, right? Perhaps, or maybe he's just broke. You'd better get used to the sights and smells of Burger King. But that's OK, because he'll sweat all the filth out of his body by getting up off the sofa to play his waggle box!

Ladies; want a passionate, dedicated and socially active man? Then the XBOX360 owner is for you! His fascination with ultra-violent shooters and penchant for screaming threats of arse rape to his enemies are merely manifestations of his overwhelming passion. Let's not forget that such a passion will inevitably transfer to the bedroom! He enjoys the social aspect of gaming offered by XBOX Live. He just loves to be with friends, and in no way uses the service as a security blanket to curb his fear of genuine social interaction, or to escape from the fact that he thinks the rest of society comprises of around 90% filth and skunk pussy.



Read the real thing here, it's your funeral:
http://dating.engb.msn.com/matchscene/article.aspx?articleid=9891&TrackingID=523976&BannerID=568008

I'm sure some of this may have nee said before, by others greater than I, but I tried to write something about a new Portal game and it turned into this. god only knows....

Ah E3, the show that last year gave us Viva Pinata: Party Animals, more empty promises about Home and I'm sure Nintendo were probably shit as well. Although it's been dwindling in credibilty for some time now, I feel particularly bitter about last year's show. I followed it closely and got squat. Jack shit. I wish I could predict what this year was going to be like, but I am merely a mortal and my skills with the force are not what they once were.
The one thing that is for sure is that this year will most definetly be the year of the copycat.

Sony copies Microsoft, Microsoft copies Nintendo. Sony puts 'Home' logos on game boxes (just like Xbox's Live logos) and Microsoft will probably announce some fuck awful motion controller to tie in with the new Banjo Kazooie game. This whole situation amuses me and frustrates me in equal measure. Xbox seem intent on trying to snatch away the fictional 'casual gamer' market, a market that by definition is never likely to buy many games. They are casual because they buy a Wii and play Wii Sports when then family is around or the house has been cleaned from top to bottom and the roast is in the oven. These people will not be buying 360's, no matter how many family friendly features the 'soft ram into it. They want a Wii, they want that brand. They aren't shopping around for consoles that sport motion sensitivity.

Whilst Microsoft are off chasing Nintendo's shadow, all Sony have to do is hoover up the crumbs of the used and heartbroken hardcore. The gamers that made the 360 what is will no doubt be massively turned off, Sony wades in with it's Live-meets-Second Life, otherwise known as 'Home', tell them that the extra £100 they have to spend on the console gives them free online gaming and Blu-Ray, and the hardcore has a new place to dwell. I've often criticized Sony for simply copying the 360. Alot of my frustration with the PS3 lies in the fact that in terms of quality software and value for money, it pales in comparisson to the 360. The PS3 has shown a distinct lack of originality and continually carries with it Sony's characteristic arrogance. Sony's focus is primarily on hardware and their goal with the PS3 seems to be pleasing T3 readers, rather than GamesTM readers. I fall into the latter camp, but I have to give them credit where it's due. There's going to be a hole in the market and they have the biggest, blackest and shiniest cock, and it's firm and ready to plug it.



Microsoft will inevitably lose out by copying Nintendo, whilst Sony will eventually profit from apeing their closest rival. It's a sad tale really. Microsoft saw a house paved with gold, but it turns out that somebody gave them the wrong directions. Sony moves in and claims squatter's rights while they're out and Nintendo sit atop their lofty castle built from the bullion that they forged themselves and lined with the finest hookers that their self-printed money could buy. Nintendo laughs like Brian Blessed in Blackadder, whilst eating a fucking huge turkey leg.

Just one per lifetime is enough I think.

Can I get an amen?

Wake up cunts. Or every game you play will have EA on it. You won;t have a choice if the games are shit, because they'll have their finger in EVERY SINGLE PIE!


Right, look, I'm sorry.

A) For calling you all cunts
and
B)To all those who were kind enough to respond to this post first time around

I'll try again:


Ok, please don't lynch me or anything. I'm all fired up on coffee and I'm just about to leave for work, when I get what I think may be a good idea.

This whole business with EA aggressively buying out Take Two scares the shit out of me. I know it's been said many times before, but to me, this is the most obvious display that they are just total, blood-hungry, evil, evil cunts.

RANDOM FAN SERVICE INTERJECTION:
FOR THE DUDES:

look how hot Monica Bellucci is!

I don't really know anything about the stock market, or shares, but I was wondering whether or not it would be effective at all for fans to start buying shares.

First and foremost, I love GTA and I just don't want to see EA get their hands on it. If anyone has any input to maybe calm me down, or guide me, I'd really appreciate it.

In a nutshell, I want to halt EA as much as possible, and show my support. It's not like I think Take Two is some sort of idealistic, almost holy company, but they're not a patch on EA. I'd like to believe that in this day, there are still some people who don;t have a price.

RANDOM FAN SERVICE INTERJECTION:
FOR THE LADIES:

Hot bod guy. It's either the one from Maroon 5, or Lost.

If I can, I'm going to buy some shares, maybe only one, just to show my support. At least if we were vocal about it, it might piss EA off a little.

Brothers and sisters! Rise up!

I totally understand if it's a dumb idea, but if you think it is, please give a more effective direction for my enthusiasm.

C'mon, I've given you hot bods and a good cause! Let's go buy some shares! Yes?

Ok, please don't lynch me or anything. I'm all fired up on coffee and I'm just about to leave for work, when I get what I think may be a good idea.

This whole business with EA aggressively buying out Take Two scares the shit out of me. I know it's been said many times before, but to me, this is the most obvious display that they are just total, blood-hungry, evil, evil cunts.

I don't really know anything about the stock market, or shares, but I was wondering whether or not it would be effective at all for fans to start buying shares.

First and foremost, I love GTA and I just don't want to see EA get their hands on it. If anyone has any input to maybe calm me down, or guide me, I'd really appreciate it.

In a nutshell, I want to halt EA as much as possible, and show my support. It's not like I think Take Two is some sort of idealistic, almost holy company, but they're not a patch on EA. I'd like to believe that in this day, there are still some people who don;t have a price.

If I can, I'm going to buy some shares, maybe only one, just to show my support. At least if we were vocal about it, it might piss EA off a little.

Brothers and sisters! Rise up!

Is it just me, or is Sonic in every game that comes out now? In a 3-week period, he's managed to get his whorey old arse into the same amount of games: Smash Bros, Sega Superstars Tennis and Sonic Riders Zero Gravity. I think I speak for all gamers born before 1990 when I say "what the fuck?"

Is this what one of gaming's most enduring icons has now been reduced to? Nothing more than a shape and a name that can be whored out to the highest bidder. Sonic's metaphorical lady-tunnel has been used and abused, and nobody bothered to clean up their mess afterwards. He is nothing more than a disheveled wind sock, covered in the filthy paw prints and poison semen of lazy, greedy little games producers.

Sonic the Hedgehog on the 360 was insulting enough, but Sega's most recent behaviour is tant-amount to having Jesus guest star in an episode of MTV's Newlyweds; you know, the one where the two dangerous retards are allowed to get married and their helpers get them to try living together as some sort of cruel social experiment.

When you think about it, getting crucified was the best thing that could have happened to Jesus. He got to make his big comeback, which I gather would have been quite a shock, and he managed to avoid any Nick & Jessica related TV debacles. Sure, people do some terrible things in his name, but nobody ever shoehorned him into an abysmal, ill-conceived hover-board racer, did they?

I'm sure that having Sonic in Smash Bros. is great, and that Superstars Tennis is nowhere near as shameless as it seems. It does have Beat in it after all. Regardless though, I can't help wishing that they'd just leave him alone. He should take a leaf out of Jesus' book, and I don't mean the bible.



http://split-screen.blogspot.com/