im stephen! hi How are you? Im doing fine. Im a senior in high school and i plan to go to unf with a major in art.(im shit at it though) while taking the preresiquite undergrad med school clases. I hope you like me as much as i like you.(its a lot trust me)
The beloved Jim Sterling recently released a new episode of his wonderful Jimqusition in which he spoke of fake nerd girls. Ordinarily i watch Jimqesition agree with what Jim says and leave it at that but this recent episode has warranted enough emotional feeling for me to get off my lazy ass and object to Jim's views. So here we go i guess.......
"Why can't you just ignore them?"
Jim often times ask's why cant we just ignore these "Fake Nerd Girls." Why can't we simply let them be the attention seeking..things...they are and go on with our lives? Well for me the answer is pretty simple Jim, I'm far from the most social person, in-fact i dread meeting new people. I have a sadly soul crushing fear of messing up in front of these people i don't know and rightly shouldn't give a shit about...but i do. However one of my saving graces when meeting new people is activities. Hobbies, pastimes, games, books, movies. These things ease a deep seated and irrational fear-one a admittedly feel ashamed about.
I use those things to speak people, and those very Nerdy things i take an interest in, the things that allow me to get the confidence to speak-because one i get over the mountain of fear its all a smooth ride from there- are a herculean strength I've not only fallen back to on numerous occasions but have allowed me to make friends. To meet people who see me as me and not that socially awkward giant standing in the back of the room.
So when i meet someone-female or game- who seem to share my interest, who i feel i'd be able to talk to because were similar at least in some way i feel a silent joy. I feel as if the entire world isn't out to crush my and my social awkwardness.
Why i hate(dislike) them....
Now you might ask what this has to do with why i have a deep seeded dislike for these "fake nerd girls." Well I'm gonna be upfront because they make me feel stupid. I use my interest to gather my courage, to feel as if I'm not some socially awkward introvert who cant properly speak to people face to face. So when I've rounded up my courage, used my secret strength, and spoken to someone who i believe to like the same things i like only to find out they only have the most shallow understanding of what I'm speaking off...well i feel angry.
As irrational as it is i feel anger,true deep seated rage, at both them for "lying" to me about who they were and myself for needing such a stupid crutch to speak with a person like normal. To find out someone i had to push myself to work up the courage to speak too only has a shallow knowledge of what they drew me in with, and that i had to work up so much courage just to speak to someone makes me angry. It drives home my shame at myself, my own ineptitude, and highlights them as well....evil i guess. I'm not good with words. But i hope this at least conveyed some of what i wanted to tell you guys. Hopefully my writing will get better.