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Terry 309 avatar 7:33 AM on 01.21.2014
Rant: MOBA's

(Warning, bad language imminent)

There is a point in everybody's life when you start to lose faith in humanity, for me, that point was when i first played DOTA on Warcraft 3. What is DOTA you ask? Garbage!

Now Warcraft 3 has a great campaign, one of my favorite story lines in a game to date (until they ruined it in World Of Warcraft Cataclysm), heck the Warcraft series itself has a great lore/background to it but Warcraft 3 was the first in the series to add cinematics and iconic character's (unless you count Warcraft 2 Beyond The Dark Portal) but the game was ruined by it's horrible, I mean terrible community who do nothing but throw constant verbal abuse at each other at every opportunity. Sure, not everyone is bad, but it's very rare to find someone who isn't a completely elitist trash talking prick, sorry but this is a rant that I've been saving for a very long time and i have to put emphasis as to how bad it is.

Now to be fair, most blizzard games have terrible communities and Warcraft 3 is no exception however, Warcraft 3's terrible community was founded by the spawn of hell itself, Defense Of The Ancients or as i like to call, Cussing Simulator. As DOTA was really the first major mod for Warcraft 3, it became popular very quickly, heck it became more popular than Warcraft 3's ladder and all the other custom games combined. People even still play it today, even with it's infamous sequel which i like to call Cussing Simulator 2: Foreign Edition (now you can hear people swear in German or Russian), people still play the original DOTA for god knows what reason, it's just so boring. Oh wait, people play MOBA's to increase their eepeens and trash talk, forgot about that.

All MOBA's are essentially the same but with slightly different mechanics and art styles. Take your pick, there's League Of Losers, Zeroes Of Neworth and of course Defense Of The Ancients (and many more). The game flow is exactly the same in all 3 games, the only difference is the game mechanics which are slightly different but more or less the same, it's like having 3 different brands of beans, they're all the same, aside from some minor differences.

So what is a MOBA? aside from being the worst genre to come out of someone's ass since.... i don't know (Facebook games perhaps?), they are essentially an RTS minus the  strategy where you pick one of 3 lanes and defend/destroy towers from enemy heroes in order to get to their base and destroy their stronghold using only a single hero (the units are managed automatically by the computer). If this sounds fun to you, you probably enjoy trainspotting, in any case, in the end, this all boils down to a mindless death match between 2 teams as almost everyone picks a carry hero because they're the best hero to get kills.

The main point is to talk about how bad MOBA's are and since they lack any sort of substance, it's hard to give it any credit, i mean what good points can i give? it's a game where you pick one of 3 paths and play hit and run between towers. It is essentially a battle of teamwork, not skill. If you have a bad team, you automatically lose, if you have a good team, you automatically win, simple as that, comparing it to another competitive team game is like comparing a tuna mayo sandwich to bread and butter, MOBA's are just bread and butter competitive team games with no interesting concepts/game play mechanics. They're bland, boring, have no substance or variety (besides the many heroes on offer), they are just garbage, if you want a FTP competitive team game, go play Team Fortress 2 because at least it has some substance.

So how bad is the community of a MOBA? If i was to rank it from 1 to 10 i would give it -10. MOBA communities vary but they are mostly the same, some are worse than others. DOTA is by far the least inviting and the most elitist, if you have never played before, you are automatically banned from the game as it is an exclusive club for ass hats. Unfortunately, i somehow managed to find my way in out of curiosity, worst mistake i ever made, not knowing what to do i was kicked immediately because my performance was not up to their standards. You see, the thing is that most MOBA players will make the same excuse over and over again to defend their precious game "You don't like it because your bad lolololol", well then smart ass, tell me how i can possibly get better at the game if i'm not even allowed to play it? How can i get better at a game where players are too elitist to try and help you get better? How can i get better by playing solo against the AI? These questions will never be answered, and if they are, it is nothing but lies.

Now a lot people told me that MOBA's are better to play with friends, whilst i can see their point, that doesn't stop it from being a bland and boring game with zero substance and zero fun. The fun is getting together with friends and playing a shitty game and we've all done that before. I could think of plenty of other games to spend my time on than to waste my time playing a MOBA. MOBA players must either get really bored or have zero taste in videogames, either that or they suck at all other genre's and want to become pro at something because MOBA's are the easiest competitive game's to get into if you want to play serious since it is so dumbed down that anyone can play it once they read up and memorize the mechanics/definitive builds.

As far as i'm concerned, MOBA's will always be terrible and i will never come close to playing them, even if i'm paid to do so. I expect lots of flame responses but i'm hoping otherwise.

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