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About
Just an opinionated fan of rpg's and gaming in general who likes to rant about first world gamer problems because there are so many.

My blogs mostly consist of reviews/rants of games of all generations, particularly rpg's. I try to blend my reviews with both facts and opinion so that people can see from my own experiences and decide for themselves. i will also tend to review older titles because i still believe that there are few people out there who haven't played these awesome titles and deserve to give them a chance.

Oh and as for some negative's you might point out, i sometimes don't put images in my reviews/rants because images are a pain in the neck to obtain and they never seem to work properly. Plus i can't spell for my life and my grammar is terrible.

Heres my review rating system:

Masterpiece (Same as masterful but for overall score, will be based on opinion), of course it won't be perfect in every way but it will be close to perfect, no game is perfect.

Masterful - Perfect in every way (Formerly 9.5+) (definitely pick up the game if you are a fan of the genre)

Exceptional - Goes way beyond expectations (Formerly between 9.1 and 9.4) (definitely pick up the game if you are a fan of the genre)

Excellent - Does what it needs to and provides a first class experience (9.0) (definitely pick up the game if you are a fan of the genre)

Great - Does what it needs to, provides a high class experience (8.5-8.9) (recommended to all fans of the genre)

Good - Does what it needs to and provides a very enjoyable experience (was 8.0 - 8.5) (recommended to all fans of the genre)

Satisfactory - Does what it needs to, provides an experience which is just enough to satisfy the player (Formerly between 7.5 - 7.9) (Reccommended to read the review if unsure)

Decent - Does what it needs to, experience can very depending on the players tastes (Formerly 7.0-7.4) (Recommended to read the review if you plan on picking up the game to see if it's for you)

So-So - Not for everyone, has some issues, may be worth a try if patient enough to cope with it's flaws (Formerly 6.5 - 6.9) (Reccommened to read the review if you're interested in the title)

Flawed - Alot of flaws, difficult to recommend, some may be able to pass them by but will require a lot of patience (Formerly 5.0 - 6.4) (Reccommened to read the review if you're interested in the title)

Awful - (Formerly 4.9 and below) (If you see this, don't pick the game up for this catagory)

Kill It With Fire - (Same as Awful but for overall score, based on opinion which in this case is usually right if you see the game, you know what to do, don't buy this and if you do, get some gasoline and a match)

Lifespan:

Too Long (Legend Of Dragoon lol)

Very Long (Formerly 9.5 - 9.9)

Long (Formerly 9.0 - 9.4)

Quite Long (Formerly 8.0 - 8.9)

Decent Length (Formerly 7.5 - 7.9)

Quite Short (Formerly 6.5 - 7.4)

Very Short (Formerly 6.0 - 6.4)

Too short (Formerly 5.9 or below)

Worth Replaying?

Yes

Maybe

No
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Terry 309
16 hours ago - 10:33 AM on 08.29.2014

Very short blog, just something i want to get off my chest

First I'll give my definition. To me, Adventure games should be open world games with plenty of freedom, when i think of an "Adventure" game, i think of games such as Skyrim, Gothic etc. But wait a minute... those are RPG's, not adventure games! Oh really? Yes really. Adventure games are actually linear puzzle games with minor action segments.

Come on people, lets face it. The adventure genre is just stupid. How is Zelda an adventure game when you're on a linear path throughout the entire game with tonnes of puzzles? Please try to tell me one Zelda game that isn't linear and don't mention Hyrule field or anything like that, just because it's a huge open plain doesn't mean that the game itself is open-ended. You still have to visit the temples in a linear order.

Plus... nothing but puzzles... and this was the best level too.

Then there's those point and click games on steam, sorry but how are they adventure games? All you're doing is playing "where's waldo" but with miscellaneous items scattered around a static screen. How the hell is that an adventure? It's a puzzle game, A PUZZLE GAME!!! Just because a game isn't a Tetris clone doesn't mean it's not a puzzle game, look at Portal for example, Portal is basically Zelda minus all the action elements. Metroid Prime is another one, minimal combat sequences, lots of puzzles and bosses are puzzles in disguise for the most part.

Why do we keep calling these games "Adventure games"? Can't we just look at them logically and say that they are action puzzlers? I'm sick of being misled by this horrible genre. Sorry for the short ass blog but i believe I've said all i need to say without repeating myself, I'd like to hear all your thoughts on this as it's something which had been bugging me for a while now.

Oh and if anyone knows an adventure game with 0 puzzles, feel free to inform me of it (I know about The Walking Dead).
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Whenever i hear the word retrospective i think of a really in depth structured explanation of the evolution of a series with loads of informative writing, that's not what you're going to read here. Think of it as a rambling about the series, most people here on Dtoid seem to like to hear people talk about random crap and since i cannot really make a good review of the original F-zero due to the fact that it pioneered the genre, i thought i'd state my thought of it here.

Now i'm 20, probably one of the younger people in this community who never grew up in the SNES era so it's pretty awkward to write about a game which was released before i existed but like any SNES game i play i appreciate it for what it is. In any case i'm going to start by saying that like many people, i didn't know of the existence of F-zero until i played Super Smash bros Melee, back then, i was your typical mainstream gamer as people may know, i only played games that were popular at the time, pert of me regrets being narrow minded back then but i was just a dumb kid.

It wasn't till nowadays where i managed to find some of my favorite games and to do so, i had to travel back in time to find forgotten titles that i never knew existed or played. F-zero is one of many of these games.

So which game did i start with? Considering i was never fortunate enough to own a N64 as a kid, i never got to play it originally but with the power of the Wii's Virtual Console, i played F-zero X. At first i was stunned by the badass heavy metal that played in the intro, i knew this was going to be an awesome game and it was... but there were some major flaws.

First of all the good parts. The music was simply put badass... you're raging on the track at 1000 km/h to some awesome metal tracks, what more could one want? Though i've never been interested in a particular music culture, i'd probably say that metal is the best genre if i had to pick one and F-zero X made that clear to me. Theres a saying... "everything is better with metal" i made that saying and where did i come up with that saying? Playing F-zero mother fucking x.

The energy/boost management was also quite enjoyable, the F-zero series always had a strong sense of tension, this added to it by giving you the option to risk your machines durability for more speed. Risk reward is the core element of F-zero from this point and this game pioneered it making F-zero X a refreshing entry into the racing game genre, even though many call it futuristic racing but who am i kidding? F-zero has no genre, it's just F-zero. You can't compare F-zero to Wipeout, Extreme g's, Ballistics or any other futuristic racer out there because they're differrent, very differrent.

The fact that every move you make could result in death was intensifying, it wasn't just a race, it was a battle...it's not a matter of winning or losing, it's a matter of life and death and that's what made F-zero X all the more intense.

Now to the bad. The presentation was kind of lacking, though the track layout's themselves were very good and memorable, the environments were pretty meh, in fact i'd actually go so far as to say that the original F-zero on the SNES look better than F-zero x in which the backgrounds were sometimes nothing more than cloudy colours, some tracks had city blocks on them and rocks and stuff but for the most part the art design was pretty drab and lacked detail. Of course the tracks made up for this though.

The worst part had to be the rubber band Ai, something which was fixed in it's successor F-Zero GX. Most races were like 1 on 1 duels with the guy who constantly came in 1st or 2nd, they would be your rival. Now this is where killing came in. If you were close to your rival you could ram him/her and blow them up. Trouble is, that's pretty hard to do when they're all the way in 1st place taunting you from in front, not only that but you have the course hazards and all the other racers to plow through making it pretty frustrating at times and you wanted to unlock the next set of cars by winning the GP in 1st but by god was it rigged.

F-zero X was just plain unfair to the point that i gave up after finishing the game on standard.


Now for F-zero, the original. I'm not sure which order i played them all in, i think the original F-zero was my last one. My copy of F-zero was a steal, 6.00 for a fully boxed game in mint condition complete with manual, something you don't see every day, i had to buy it. F-zero was very different from it's future entries and despite the fact that it pioneered the genre of Futuristic racing, it was different from other futuristic racers also. Having 30 racers on the track would have been impossible at that time though F-zero was an illusionary masterpiece, it kept you on your toes whilst the developers mocked you for believing that 30 racers were gonna pass you all at once... well of course not, the framerate would come to a crawl.


Beginner is for pussies... oh wait that's me shi-!

F-zero was a fun racer and considering the fact that it was actually one of the earlier games to comeout on the SNES it looked amazing. You could see the sim city esque cities below the track which was huge in comparison, if you fell off, you'd probably blow up a building or something. Mute city was a metropolis on an epic scale and so was port town. Silence looked quite weird but it was a nice enough aesthetic it kinda looked like the bio plant level in Hyperzone... though some of you probably haven't played that game. Some tracks had exclusive course hazards, Big Blue had slippery surfaces which is presumably water, White Land had snow which slowed you down (no ice thank god) and red canyon had... i don't know what they were but they were flashing terrain that damaged you when you moved over it.

The music was yet another SNES masterpiece, it's very difficult to compare it to other SNES soundtracks because for the most part they're all good. Still there's nothing quite like the original Mute City theme, personally my favorites had to be White Land and Fire Field, i swear they sounded like RPG battle themes, Fire Field more of a boss theme to me.

Overall whilst i couldn't truly experience F-zero in it's time, coming to it at an older age. I still managed to enjoy it quite a bit, even though i was terrible at it and i could appreciate it's peerless concept for it's time. Just thinking to myself that back then there wasn't such a thing as a futuristic racer, let alone the concept, i believed that F-zero was probably mind blowing for it's time though it's dated mechanics did decrease it's age a little, it is definitely a classic which will always be remembered as a revolutionary racing game that few ever followed.

And now for the most extreme game ever...


That's right, F-ZERO GX! I always spell it out in all caps because it's just way too damn awesome to do otherwise. F-ZERO GX is the best racing game i've ever played... period. To describe F-ZERO GX... no i cannot describe it in words, there is only one way to explain F-ZERO GX, let me bring in one of the professionals:


School'd motherfuckers!

Put simply, F-ZERO GX is only as good as you are, of course not all of us can be as amazing as CrazyGameNerd but even still, this game will offer a challenge which anybody will be satisfied after beating. Now i'm not the best at this game and never will be but i can easily say that i enjoyed the challenge of beating master, story mode was frustrating as hell but it was one hell of a feat believe me. If anything keeps you comming mack for more ass kicking it's F-ZERO GX and it's not their ass getting kicked it's yours. F-ZERO GX is an ass kicking machine which can only be tamed by some of the most extreme players like the one above.


Now why is F-ZERO GX the best racing game and the second best game i ever played only trumped by Valkyrie Profile 2? Why do i need to answer that question!? Just watch the motherfucking video above!!!

Ok seriously, you want my reason? go read my review of it: F-ZERO GX review

F-ZERO GX is without a doubt the most steroid driven game on the market, it's pretty much a requirement to inject yourself with steroids before signing up for the F-zero grand pric (with a few excpetions). You pick a very muscular racer which may lead you to believe you are playing an erotic gay porn simulator (it really is that steroid driven) and off you go to take first or murder everyone on the track and take a Sunday morning drive through the track. Most opt for the racing rather than the killing though due to the fact that killing is difficult, not that it's impossible...



No one was harmed in the making of this video... except 29 unfortunate racers who fell down an outer space elevator

Trying to record F-zero is a nightmare... the framerate is just ugh... terrible but i did it anyways, i recorded me playing through all the cups because why the fuck not?




Hey what's wrong with a little shameless plugging? I want to share my experiences with people and this is one of the best ways to do it.

Of course i'm pretty shit but playing this game makes me feel awesome... it's a special feeling which no other game manages to give me which gives this game more replay value than anything. The point is, no matter how terrible you are at a game, F-ZERO GX will make you look awesome... but within limits of course, if you want to try story mode, you better hope you destroyed master class because story mode is torture... bloody torture... worst thing is that my favourite vehacle which just happends to be the Rainbow Phoenix was the last machine i ever unlocked, why? Because chapter 1 on Very Hard is almost impossible at least i could snake my way through chapter 7 and... admittidly 9 a little.

Oh by the way what is snaking you ask? Snaking allows anybody to be a badass with very little effort... ok the controls do take a bit of getting sued to but with the speed of snaking, who cares if you crash into walls a lot if you're overlapping other racers? Allow me to show you another one of my video's where i show off snaking... badly



Ok enough of these stupid plugs

So what else is there besides extreme action? Well you get to create your own machine as i have shown in my shitty video's which is always fun, it also pioneered the emblem editor in Mario Kart which allowed players to add custom decals to their machines. Vehicle customization is probably one of the most important aspects of a racing game for me, the ability to create a machine with identity is awesome, each part gives the machine certain stats too so you actually have to think before you build.

Also the music is simply perfect. Sure it's not heavy metal but it fits the games style very well, it's easy to be entranced by the soundtrack of F-ZERO GX and personally i find it better than F-Zero X's soundtrack, not that many would agree with me but i just thought that the heavy techno soundtrack fit the game better than metal but looking back, every game's soundtrack has adapted to it's respective game's style, whereas F-ZERO GX is colourful, dynamic, vibrant and extreme, F-Zero X is hardcore! If that makes any sense. Still i consider GX to be the strongest in the series by far, the game play feels amazing, seriously if the F-zero became a real life sport it would be the best thing ever... not that i would partake in it, wouldn't want to lose my limbs in an explosion. It would be far better than watching football or watching a bunch of MLG players playing Halo, heck watching F-zero veterans play is the only watchable competitive sport out there imo.

Oh and the ending music... seriously once you beat the tormenting story mode, your reward is a nectar of badassaery... if you haven't finished story mode, you might not want to spoil yourself this amazing prize but if you have, join me and listen, revel in your victory over one of the hardest racing games of all time, if not THE hardest.



Cheesy... but that's what we love about it!

What more can be said about this amazing masterpiece? Just play it for yourself and find out. Seriously i've said it before and i'll say it again if you've never played F-ZERO GX, you owe it to yourself to do so, don't worry if you're crappy at racing games, there is a novice difficulty. If anything, F-ZERO GX will make you better at racing games.

Why did i write all this? Because i wanted to make a compilation of one of the most badass game series ever with some of my personal moments as well as show you some of the greatest F-ZERO GX players alive... sure it wasn't much of a retrospective from a logical standpoint but who the hell cares? I want a reason to talk about F-ZERO so i will talk about F-zero!!! My god my consistency with the caps is terrible.

Sorry for writing all this, i just took a nostalgia crap. Make F-ZERO for the Wii U Nintendo!!!
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That's right, Warcraft lore is finished, of course this is 100% my opinion, not fact but everything from this point onwards is not factual and is from my perspective of the lore.
So where did WOW make the biggest screw up? I mean there were screw ups everywhere. World Of Warcraft's storyline felt like a crappy Star Wars prequel and that is an understatement. Now i'm not too sure what happened Post "war of the plaguelands" lore as WOW's plot structure is quite confusing being an MMO and all but put simply, the last chronological event in the lore from what i can remember was the death of Thomas Thomson though i may be wrong since there is a lot of lore to cover between this huge transition. In any case, from this point onwards is where things started going wrong. Almost immediately, the Night Elves lose their identity as a race.

In Warcraft 3, they were pretty much sectioned off from the other races and acted as the guardians of the world (as if there weren't already enough in Azeroth after all of Knaak's lore). They were a completely neutral society bent on upholding the laws of nature and refusing to accept the other races due to their own cynical upbringings. If anything, the Tauren would have been the perfect allies for the Night Elves, both shared similar views and found themselves responsible for protecting nature, though they both followed separate beliefs and lived in a much different society from one another. Of course the Tauren joined up with the horde in the end due to believing that the horde's actions would better their people's prosperity and Thrall was also a shaman which helped a lot too.

I could possibly see the Night elves joining the horde to some extent, they'd possibly not get along with the trolls though so i'll exclude that point. In any case it turns out that the Night elves willingly join forces with the humans... bullshit. Seriously, humans have mages... warlocks even (according to WOW lore). Why would they join up with the alliance!? It makes no sense, they are a completely neutral race but of course it's not the worst of it... it gets worse believe me.

The kicker that it turns out the Forsaken somehow managed to find themselves a place in the horde... bullshit! Unless there was some sort of secret fling going on between Thrall and Sylvanas which i'm led to believe is true should we acknowledge WOW lore. This is what leads to quite possibly the worst storytelling i've ever heard in a videogame. The Battle For Undercity event in WOW... boy oh boy is this some fuck up shit right here. So leaving off from the last event that happends in the war of the plaguelands, Balnazzar and Varimathras are having a conversation about spreading some kind of plague across Azeroth. If you have read the Ashbringer comic, you can probably empathize here. The Dreadlords plan was perfect, yet quite complex but we're talking about the Dreadlords here, the masterminds of the legion, this was just childs play.

It turns out the original plan was to acquire a naive figurehead who would be used to keep the Dreadlords identities incognito. It turns out that they had the perfect pawn. Sylvanas' hatred for Arthas made her an easy target for manipulation, better yet, they could kill two birds with one stone. Use Sylvanas to drive away Arthas then have her rule over Lordaeron for them whilst they plan their attack on azeroth from there, nobody would know and Sylvanas isn't completely innocent herself but if anything were to go wrong, she would take the blame and the Dreadlords could retreat and start again. It's pretty obvious that the Dreadlords were only using her. Heck Balnazzar openly said he didn't trust her and Detheroc's quote "let the festivities commence" suggested that their plan was deeper than any of us thought. I mean the Dreadlords have always been cautious though they tried everything. Every route led to victory, Sylvanas didn't really have many allies and the Dreadlords had a lot of gates open as a result. Varimathras' army was small for a reason, he was supposed to fail to join her side, knowing that she was naive enough to trust a Dreadlord, it's obvious from that point on he had a trick up his sleeve and even his brothers didn't get the memo.

Using all of his brothers strategies, Varimathras prepared for the betrayal, his brothers armies were far greater than his... obviously and it would have been impossible for Sylvanas herself to assault it but as Varimathras knew all his brothers plans, he could make his way in easily. Balnazzar's base was so big, they even needed to ask the humans for help, of course they killed them off later. It turns out that Balnazzar's death was faked, at least according to the Ashbringer and Balnazzar seemed to be ok with the whole thing... as if it was all part of the plan. A lot of people would consider Ashbringer lore to be retcon but considering the nature of the Dreadlords and how epic it is, i don't. Balnazzar managed to possess one of the nights of the silver hand, Saidan Dathrohan and as a result, he started his own order of corrupt paladins, as an added bonus, he also brought back Thomas Thomson back from the dead as the Headless Horseman. As for Varimathras, he was acting undercover in the undercity, knowing that eventually they would be at war with the Lich King, the Dreadlords greatest nemesis in which he could unleash a terrible plague which didn't end up killing the Lich king, but it badly wounded him. In any case, the plague managed to annihilate countless people so the plan was a success because as we all know, the ultimate goal of the Dreadlords is to cause as much mayhem and slaughter as possible and it di... well should have. Considering the fact that Varimathras basically framed the Forsaken by having them bomb the entire battlefield at the wrathgate with plague bombs, there should have been a huge conflict with the forsaken and the horde... and the alliance for that matter... until the inevitable end of Azeroth would come, Sargeras himself and blow it up.

However, according to Chris Metzen's legendary storytelling, Sylvanas fled her lands and left all her people to die... great leader. In addition, she goes up to thrall and begs him to help her reclaim her city... despite being held responsible for countless deaths at the forsakens hands, killing many of the hordes warriors. Thrall's responce was completely illogical "sure, we can help you reclaim lordaeron for the undead... even though they are a descecration to nature and are sorta responcible for killing half of my men and have done absolutely fuck all in service for the horde, we shall help you, men prepare transport for Saurfang, he'll cleave those traitors to bits. Turns out Saurfang just sat there and watched as hundreds of orcs came, killing demons 3/4 times the size of them within minutes... no seconds, Thrall goes in with his hammer has starts basing away at these powerful demons when he could barely scratch Mannoroth before, he seems to easily be able to dispatch the countless Pit Lords that spawn from the portals within seconds.

Eventually all the portals magically dissappear and Varimathras, knowing he has failed does the last thing a Dreadlord would ever do and that is... charge into battle. Still despite the fact that he is 5 times the size of Thrall, he is killed within minutes, Sylvanas was there too but it seems she was incapable of fighting by herself hance the reason she brought Thrall along even though she managed to defeat him years ago in Warcraft 3, though to be fair they never engaged in direct combat and the only time a demon did engage in direct combat, he was killed by Grom Hellscream who also managed to kill a demi god minutes earlier with very little effort, of course he one shotted Mannoroth, Thrall couldn't touch him. The same can't be said for Varimathras though, sure Dreadlords aren't known for charging straight into battle but they could easily hold their own against mere mortals. Obviously not it seems. Varimathras' plans were faltered because Metzen decided to make the Forsaken allied with the horde, his perfect plan wich should have ended with Azeroths destruction faltered due to bad and illogical storytelling.

This was complete and utter bullshit. The Dreadlords may have been villains but they were probably some of the most interesting ones and deserved more time in the spotlight. They influenced so much in the plaguelands that they simply couldn't be defeated this anti dramatically. They should have really wreaked havoc on Azeroth and at least taken Undercity back where the brothers return to cause more mischief. It was a waste, even if you don't count the askbringer lore and that Detheroc and Balnazzar were gone. At least there was still Varimathras and he could have done so much more... but everything was a complete and utter failure and Balnazzar is basically screwed too since with Varimathras down, he is forced to make a last stand by killing all of his paladins raising them up as the dead. We all know it doesn't end well for him, in fact his army is so small due to the Lich King's interruption that he is only a 5 man boss... he deserved to be a raid boss at the very least.

In any case, even though i don't play WOW anymore, it would be nice if the Dreadlords returned so that they can be fleshed out more. I doubt they would do much more with the Warcraft series though, it kinda ended after 3 and though there were a few books in retcon that were good which covered the events chronologically before WOW which doesn't hint at any Forsaken/horde co-operation which i accepted, the lore, to me at least ended at World Of Warcraft. I believe others have their moments where WOW killed the series for them and if you do, feel free to share them. There's Arthas' death, Illidan's Death, Kael'thas going crazy and joining the legion for god knows what reason only to die. So many deaths... all of them due to 25 gearwhores. How sad...

You're probably wondering, why am i taking the villains side? Because Warcraft was never about "sides", it was never a good guys will always win game, it was war, hence the name "Warcraft" and it was all about 5 major races warring amongst one another, two being the top of the heirachy which ended up turning against one another, the others being the mortals who are all split up but occasionally have to band together to save the world despite their hatreds and cynicism for one another. WOW on the other hand felt like your typical fantasy fan fic based on Warcraft lore.

Oh and one more rant... why the bloody fuck was there no option to play as the burning legion in Warcraft 3!? They were part of the war too, though they played little direct part in it, they were a major threat to the world and the main focus of Warcraft 3: Reign Of Chaos, sure they were less influential in Frozen Throne but they were still there. The undead were the closest thing to it as it let you play as Dreadlords i suppose.

Just something i want to get out of the way, i hate What Warcraft has become because of WOW... and DOTA. Plus it seems to have attracted one of the most toxic communities ever. This is just one of the many reasons why.








Ever had that feeling where you don't feel like going into that long ass RPG? Where your brain doesn't function well enough for a deep, story driven game filled with dialogue. Do you lack the patience for adventure games where you have to solve puzzles to proceed, yet you enjoy finding hidden secrets? Do you just want to jump into a game and shoot something... but don't want to have to deal with flamboyant storytelling, keycards and stuff? Perhaps you need to take a few Painkillers to bring yourself back up to shape... or perhaps just one. Painkiller is simply put a no nonsense FPS with attitude that does what every other FPS seems to fail to do, keep things simple and just shoot everything. As a result, Painkiller is a very accessible game for everyone, so long as you don't mind a bit of gore. It's one of those games which you pick up and play when you're burnt out of playing certain games, particularly rpg's. Painkiller was a breath of fresh air, something every gamer needs every now and again.

Now i know what you're thinking, yet another Painkiller review, yet another so-so. Actually, no, sure the other two games i reviewed had their issues, but they were still great games. The original Painkiller on the other hand is fine. The reason being that the two other games i reviewed previously were by completely different developers and whilst Overdose was a fun and enjoyable game, it did have it's issues which held it back. The first Painkiller on the other hand is quite possibly one of the best FPS out there imo, now a lot of people are probably looking at me baffled right now considering the fact that games such as Half Life and such exist but Painkiller is a completely differrent breed of FPS, it's not COD, it's not Half Life, heck it ain't even Doom... and that's the closest i can come to.

Painkiller is essentially Devil May Cry if it was a first person shooter in the sense that when you walk into a room, the doors seal behind you and baddies flood the room ready to be slaughtered. Though to be honest, it felt more like Chaos Legion due to the scale of things. That is basically the game in a nutshell and that is all it needs to be. There is no other FPS that can equal painkiller in it's execution, Painkiller's sense of style places it above all other FPS imo.

So the gameplay is plain simple shoot everything, move on to the next area, shoot everything again, rinse and repeat. There are several weapons obtainable in Painkiller what can help dispatch many of the foes you'll find throughout the game, now being the first game in the series, there aren't as many weapons as the other games reviewed but if you read them, you know what to expect. The Painkiller itself is basically link's clawshot but with a laser connecting it to the launcher. It's a melee weapon and a ranged weapon with no ammo requirement which is a deadly weapon in itself in the right hands. The ranged shot itself can basically 1 shot most enemies and you'll either find yourself loving it or hating it. The Painkiller requires skill to master as it can be slow to use but the laser can be devastating when used at the right time. It has so many functions for a starter weapon i can't even begin to describe it. Eventually you'll find yourself with what seems to be a conventional shotgun but it also comes with a freezer which slows down enemies and allows you to shatter them with 1 hit, who's laughing now?

The weapons definitely give you the edge against your enemies but they aren't your only tool. You also have Tarot cards, or in other words your trump card. Gold cards can be activated at any point (so long as you aren't in demon morph which i'll get to later) however they can only be used once until you finish the level. Silver card effects are constant and can assist you with little things such as extra health. This adds a little management to the game which i enjoyed considering the fact that i enjoy rpg's a lot.

On lower difficulties, enemies drop souls upon death, you can collect these souls to increase your life by 1 each time, this encourages players to move around rather than just camping with a shotgun, you will often have to bunnyhop and weave your way through enemies to get the souls then continue the fight keeping the combat more varied. On Trauma though, souls are absent and require a different approach. Collecting 66 souls allows you to morph into a demon (if this ain't Devil May Cry, i don't know what is) which makes you invincible and you can 1 shot everything except bosses.

I must feast on souls!

As well as just shooting baddies, there are secrets to find which can reward you with holy artifacts, armor or a health boost ti give you the edge in future battles, this gives the game something else rather than just shooting and allows you to pace the game to your own liking should you wish to explore the levels in search for these secrets.

Really the question is, does this all sound appealing to you? I cannot really rate the game play as such as it is what it is and it does it's job well enough. Thing is though, Painkiller is not for everyone, some may get bored of the repetition throughout the game, others will never tire of it. All of the weapons are satisfying to use, the ai could use a little work but they still prove to be quite challenging at times, aside from that, the game play is fine but i couldn't give it a perfect rating, to some it will be near flawless, to others it will be majorly flawed. It all depends on what you are looking for in an FPS. If you're looking for Half Life, you wont find it here but if you just want to shoot some bad guys, you might enjoy this game a lot. Painkiller is a very down to earth game making this review kinda pointless in a way but it does what it says on the box and you'll know whether or not it's for you the instant you see it, you can probably watch some game play video's to get a good idea of whether or not you'll enjoy it (sadly i can't capture video's on my pc so i can't make one).

Painkiller is one of the many games that surprised me, i don't think any FPS has attached me as much as Painkiller. All the levels are iconic and well designed. The art style is very unique and brings the game to life, it really makes good use of the Quake engine and is probably the best looking game developed on that engine period. You get your classic gothic levels at the start, following up with some more urban settings and the latter half of the game gets even more bizzare, particularly the final level, that is simply put a work of art. In case you haven't already got the gist, Painkiller is a game which involves killing demons, making your way to the bowels of hell to kill Lucifer himself. If you like this sort of horror/fps style, you will probably love this game. One level in particular is pretty damn creepy and the lighting really adds to the immersion. Lighting is a huge strong point in this game.

I get cranky when i haven't been fed...

Story wise, don't expect much, there are cut scenes after every chapter boss, which there are 5 of them in total. The game can feel a little disorientating at times, especially when you go from a creepy madhouse to an alpine bridge. That aside, every chapter seems to have it's theme, though chapter 2 felt a bit more varied. At least Overdose used the time travel excuse though sometimes i don't even think the story really mattered, heck i strongly believe the story was written after the game and whilst it was nice to see a few cutscenes along the way, it doesn't really amount to much else. There is a secret ending though if you beat Trauma.

The soundtrack really sets itself apart from other fps. Painkiller is the F-Zero X of shooters. The music generally consists of metal and whilst Hell and Damnation's soundtrack felt uninspired, i actually really enjoyed the soundtrack of the original's a lot and there are a lot of really memorable songs. It really adds to the style of the game and makes you feel awesome as you blow up enemies heads. If Painkiller has taught me anything it's that more games need metal in them, particularly shooters.

Overall, Painkiller has shown me that shooters have lost their way in the current generation and it's nice to see that they're trying to bring it back, hopefully for the better. There is nothing quite like Painkiller, it's art design and music are quite memorable and the game play enjoyable but it's not everybody's cup of tea. Painkiller won't offer you a deep, engrossing game but it will provide you with a few hours of non stop action. If you like metal and dark horror themes, why haven't you played this yet!? It even puts Brutal Legend to shame.

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Presentation: Great
Gameplay: Good
Music: Great
Lifespan: Quite Short
Worth Replaying? Hell yes
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Overall: Satisfactory

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Pretty lazy review but i felt like i've written it like 3 times already. Pretty much every Painkiller game is the same, the original being the best overall.
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*Spoilers for Valkyrie Profile 2, don't read this if you haven't played the game and go pick it up now, along with the original on psp*

Now if you read my review of Valkyrie Profile 2 you'll know that it's my favorite RPG of all time and for good reason. Now i'm not someone who would usually expect a sequal for a game I enjoyed, i'm past that really. Sure as a kid i always anticipated sequals, particularly Pokemon (kinda the opposite now though, except maybe for Genius Sonority titles) but i believe that the Valkyrie Profile series still has room for 1 more game to conclude the series, sure the second game had a pretty solid conclusion, if a bit abrupt and bittersweet but yet there are still so many plot holes in the game that remain unexplained, you could consider this a major flaw if you're picky but i'm not, i was very satisfied with the ending i got and the conclusion, though bittersweet, did make a lot of sense. I mean if you add up all of the plot holes together and make them relevant (Lezard wreaking havoc and destruction on the world), what more could they have done with the ending? I asked myself this question and honestly couldn't find an answer, pretty much everybody was dead, an imposter or they died. It's pretty funny really and a little sad at the same time but that's what Valkyrie Profile is all about, it's not supposed to be a happy ending.

With this pointy stick i shall now conquer the world!!!

Now you ask me, if this is the case, why do we need a sequel? That's simple, plot holes! There are some gaps to fill and only a 3rd game can do that, now before you all start to think i'm crazy, just hear me out for a second, it would need time travel... don't freak out just yet. Time travel would not be the main focus of the game, in fact it would be relevant. Hrist is the Valkyrie representing the future of course which would make for some interesting premonitions, perhaps we could see a premonition of Lezard destroying Midgard in Valkyrie Profile 2 (which is silly since you can just leave and return to the world to go to the seraphic gate and backtrack) perhaps there could be a premonition of ragnarok? This is why i believe Hrist to be so loyal to Odin due to the fact that she sees everything as a means to an end and as such has acquired a logical viewpoint on the world. Considering this, it wouldn't be surprising that Hrist is the way she is and how she develops slowly compared to the other sisters but this is all speculation. I believe that Hrist would have some kind of premonition as her unique power. I also believe this is the reason why she forces living people to become einherjar at will by killing them (due to not having a power which interacts with peoples souls as she cannot reach into the future). This has probably made her less empathic than her sisters as she hasn't learned of the troubles nor has she experienced the emotional torment of the mortals which is why she is probably the most loyal Valkyrie to Odin, her character makes sense on every level and is definitely one of the best female protagonists in gaming for that reason imo.

Hrist's face when Valkyrie Profile 3 is released

So ideally i would like to have a game (with Hrist as the lead of course considering the other sisters got their parts... as lame as Silmeria was in her game) where we fill out the plot holes, learn some backstory for Hrist, maybe some new characters who follow Hrist, hey it could be like...

Lets face it, they're both voiced by Tara Platt, they both wield lances, they both revel in the slaughter of their foes and they both have little empathy for others. The only differrence? Hrist is the better character. Honestly i found Zero to be a weak copy of Hrist in almost every way, it's as if they made a fan fic of Valkyrie Profile 3, removing all of it's substance and replacing it with a corny erotic novel, to be honest i felt quite ashamed i burned so much money on it hahaha *sigh*. In any case i brought it up because the director, Shiba was involved in the first Valkyrie Profile and i thought it would be relevant.

Moving on, i'd like to see Hrist's einherjar to be scornful and resentful, perhaps unlike the first game where they are at the worst point in their lives, they could be at the best part of their lives or at an important time in their lives only to have it crushed by Hrist, they could have been an idealist, looking to change the world, seemingly making an effort only to get involved in some war, as a result, this comes to Hrists attention seeing this war as an opportunity to collect more souls. Then the rebel leader could be slain by Hrist and all of his subordinates slaughtered by the evil they were trying to stop. Valkyrie Porfile Covenant Of The Plume had a lot of this and had you trying to pick a side.


I think the way the endings should work should be based on the einherjar you recruit, not on silly things like seal value or whatever the hell it was you had to do in the first game. Perhaps by killing einherjar who are evil... but powerful such as Gandar would help you get the good ending and keeping all immoral killing to a minimal, though you would occasionally have to do so to keep odin happy because as we all know, Odin is the pimp of Valkyrie Profile, i often like to call him the CEO of Activision because all he does is sit on his ass and delegate as he watches prosperity come his way, grinning all the while... and you don't fuck with Odin... unless you're a certain crazy alchemist with an obsession for silver haired girls at the age of 10 (Lets face it the series wouldn't be the same without Lezard... though Covenant of the plume didn't have him and that game was good so...).


Lezard should have been one of the disciples in Drakengard 3, just him and Dedecus... thats all it really needs, he fills in for the rest of them. Albedo on crack would be the best way to describe him.

As for the endings themselves, i want all of them to be equally as good like in Covenant Of The Plume, none of that B ending bullshit from the first game, i want two really strong endings, one bad, one... less bad. As always, Valkyrie Profile is not known for being a lighthearted series, in fact it's very much the opposite, like Drakengard (and if any of you Drakengard fans haven't played or heard of this series, you're missing out) the series tends to focus on dark topics that are rarely brought up much in JRPG's such as death (even though it's mentioned a lot in JRPG's it's still not as empathized), slavery, poverty, war and pedophiles... ok theres only one pedophile in Valkyrie Profile and the game isn't afraid to joke about it despite being a seriously immoral topic, Valkyrie Profile is a fleshed out Drakengard style rpg at it's core... though the second game is the lighter of the two.

Anyways enough rambling, lets talk about the other stuff. First of all the game play could use a few touches, perhaps make it a bit more accessible and easier to grasp for new players (even though i never had a problem) that's not to say that the game should be dumbed down but that it should explain it's features more such as combining runes to make skills and breaking off enemy parts. Thing is, this information was all there in game, it was just misplaced. People shouldn't have to go to town to read a book on how to play... though to be honest that's what the game instruction manuals are for but whatever. I think the problem was that it was hard to find the rune combinations for skills, even i had to look up a guide to find them all and didn't even use half of them. I think it would be best if the skill runes were just shown to you at the beginning rather than progressively because it didn't seem to work to me, i think that should be the first fix.

Second they should add an easy difficulty for players who don't want a challenging experience so they can enjoy the story and of course a new game + but this time allowing people to carry over equipment like in Covenant Of The Plume because Valkyrie Profile 2 was a nightmare on higher difficulties due to the amount of grinding you had to do. I also believe that they should incorporate some features from Covenant Of The Plume, particularly formations, it would add more to the strategy of moving your characters into position. They would have to change it slightly so you don't just gang up on enemies with Grand cross or something, perhaps have a way where characters all move individually instead of in teams, perhaps deactivate the formation buffs when you're all in a team or at least nerf them, maybe giving your group more defense in a group and more offense solo, kinda like The Last Remnant. Perhaps add skills which benefit you either in groups or solo which could give players multiple playstyles to experiment with. Seal stones could help with this... if there are seal stones that is. As for solo characters, they would be able to get into formations by moving into ceratin areas... however the enemy can do so to you too, so it would be cool to see enemies ganging up on you with buffed statistics because you positioned your character poorly, perhaps you could see enemies in groups.

The combat would still have the face buttons and when characters are close enough, they will be able to join in with the attack of your currently selected character like in Valkyrie Profile 2 and i don't think it needs to change much because it was perfect, i would however like to be able to change my attacks via the battle menu to change things up a little rather than being stuck with a particular move for the rest of the battle so thats something to look at. Also i would like to see Einherjar have more than 1 soul crush available for each class, kinda like what the mages had in Valkyrie Profile 2, they could do what they did with the first game but that would be a lot of work and... well i had another idea.

Possibly my biggest wish for Valkyrie Profile 3 would be to have the ability to create a character, like in Fire Emblem Awakening and White Knight Chronicles, seriously, more JRPG's need this and i think Valkyrie Profile could do it well. You basically create a character who acts as you and you are a wondering soul who appears in front of the Valkyrie and you become her einherjar, like the rest. As we all know, since the second game, einherjar haven't been a major part of the plot and this is why i think this would be a cool idea, as a silent protagonist, you can interact with the einherjar, perhaps make coices, ask them questions about their past, yada yada yada so that you can hear some of their backstory in a better way than just having a bunch of text, in fact i think it would be better than in the first game because it would be a lot clearer. Perhaos some of your choices could piss them off and they would perform worse in battle with you or perhaps you become friends with them which bolsters your morale and gives you a buff in formations when you're attacking with that character.

Who the fuck remembered this guy? Nope me neither...

As a custom character, you could become any class, change your appearance to a certain extent and pick one of 2 unique soul crushes that the other einherjar don't have, just to give your character some individuality from the rest. You would also develop your skills and attacks based on your choice when talking to other einherjar, for example if you talk to a mage and become friendly with them, they might teach you a new spell, then again if you are mean to a heavy warrior, they may challenge you to a battle where you can mimic some of their own attacks after you kick their ass. I think this would be a really good idea and more JRPG's need to do this, it would also make the einherjar more... useful rather than just being random dudes who battle for you.

As for the rest... well you could remove the trapped chests for starters, fuck them. If you do that, the game will be perfect. Just saying.

In any case, let me hear your thoughts, if you've played the games that is which i'm sure at least some of you have. I know I'm not the only one who is dying for a Valkyrie Profile 3. I just hope it happens that's all really.

Here's Arngrim, he's waiting for Valkyrie Profile 3 to be released and he's growing tired of it.
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Ok so if you read my Valkyrie Profile 2 review you'll probably remember me slating off Odin Sphere. Now don't get me wrong, i don't exactly hate this game, in fact it's the opposite, the game hates me, the player. Personally i believe Odin Sphere took a lot of what Valkyrie Profile 2 did and made it worse, sure they are two completely different games in terms of game play but that is the main problem.

The storyline of Odin Sphere is interesting to say the least as it's split up into five scenario's, each with a different character. This kinda reminded me of Warcraft 3 and why i felt it was so great, more games need to do this as it makes the world feel more alive as you get to experience the story from both sides rather than just one. If anything irritates me it's that most games and gamers only tend to talk about the good guys and not the bad guys because we play them, sure a lot of people talk about Sephiroth and Vaas but in most games, villains don;t get much attention because they aren't playable. Who knows? Perhaps they have a reason for doing what they do or perhaps they're crazier than you imagined. That is why a story told in multiple perspectives is enticing to me. I'm aware games such as Fire Emblem do this as well but that game is a far worse offender than Odin Sphere when it comes to the issue at hand.

So far i only made it part way through the second chapter after crawling my way through shit. Seriously this game is ridiculously fucking difficult, i honestly don't know how anyone managed to get through normal difficulty without a sweat. The game introduces you to a small story scenario, the best part of the game really (well i wouldn't really know if that was good really tbh because i haven't seen enough to judge), then it thrusts you into a battle where you're fighting against a bunch of enemies in what appears to be Golden Axe mixed with a bit of Atelier where you hack n slash enemies in a side scrolling beat em up style of game. The problem is, the combat lacks variety (you just mash square) and it is bogged down by frustrating mechanics such as the POW meter which dazes you if you attack too much. Why is this even necessary? It just adds more frustration to the game, add to that with the fact that every level has 2-4 boss fights and my god are the bosses frustrating as hell.

Every level basically goes like this:
monster battle
boss
monster battle
boss
monster battle
shop
boss
final boss

and my god does it get repetitive. The knowledge alone that beating one boss just sends you straight to another is bad enough but the fact that the bosses can 1 shot you, can call in reinforcements and sometimes even heal up when you're out of sight is ridiculous, add to that, every boss has a ridiculously large health gauge, i mean sure i could understand if they had only a third of their actual health bar but come on, boss battles take forever and they're like only 1 area out of... i don't know. So even if you manage to beat a boss, another one could be lurking round the corner and get ready for another hour of frustration. To top it all off, the level bosses are even worse as they have even more health and even deadlier attacks. Honestly i give up with this game.

I have more to say about this... believe me. Like i said, the game is a mix of Golden Axe and Atelier, as such there is an alchemy system which is a vital component of the game. You will have to pick up every item you can find and get as many level bonuses as possible to get ingredients just to survive the tough boss battles ahead and keep well stocked for each one. Alchemy works like this. After every battle, you have to spend 10 minutes or so growing plants... i'm not joking, you simply cannot move to the next area without doing alchemy. Anyways once the plant has grown, you get an ingredient/food which can be consumed for either health or brewed into a potion, to brew a potion, you need an empty bottle and you need to combine the two items into that bottle to create a potion which you save for later, this means gathering running vegetables, planting seeds etc and they have to be done after every single battle... EVERY SINGLE FUCKING BATTLE.

So please allow me to update the level structure
Monster battle
Catch running vegetables
Grow plant
Make Potions
Boss
Catch running vegetables
Grow plant
Make potions
Monster battle
Grow Plant
Catch running Vegetables
Grow plant
Make Potions
Boss
Catch running vegetables
Grow plant
Make potions
Monster battle
Catch running vegetables
Grow Plant
Make potions
Shop
Boss
Catch running Vegetables
Grow Plant
Make potions
Final boss

and that is just the structure of a single level of the game....seriously it can take hours to finish a single level and that's not including the hours of frustration you'll have fighting the bosses. I think i've made my point clear. Odin Sphere is a game i want to like but the gameplay is just so horribly frustrating that i just can't continue playing it, it's seriously a nightmare. Maybe if i switch to easy difficulty it will be better but currently it is just awful to play.

I mean the soundtrack is great and all, Hitoshi Sakimoto is a great composer and has made some great... yet repetitive music for this game, the voice acting is good for the most part (except for Mercades, hate her voice) and the art design, though not as great as Valkyrie Profile 2, a game it seems to try way too hard to follow, is still great in it's own way... yet a bit repetitive also. Repetitive is but one word to describe this game... but i can cope with that. What i can't cope with is frustration, so i ask you, shall i give it another go? Or will it forever remain in the darkest recesses of my shelf forever? Leave your responses guys.

Sorry if you were expecting images, it's kinda late and would take too long to get them up. Pretty shitty blog really :/.