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About
Just an opinionated fan of rpg's and gaming in general who likes to rant about first world gamer problems because there are so many.

My blogs mostly consist of reviews/rants of games of all generations, particularly rpg's. I try to blend my reviews with both facts and opinion so that people can see from my own experiences and decide for themselves. i will also tend to review older titles because i still believe that there are few people out there who haven't played these awesome titles and deserve to give them a chance.

Oh and as for some negative's you might point out, i sometimes don't put images in my reviews/rants because images are a pain in the neck to obtain and they never seem to work properly. Plus i can't spell for my life and my grammar is terrible.

Heres my review rating system:

Masterpiece (Same as masterful but for overall score, will be based on opinion), of course it won't be perfect in every way but it will be close to perfect, no game is perfect.

Masterful - Perfect in every way (Formerly 9.5+) (definitely pick up the game if you are a fan of the genre)

Exceptional - Goes way beyond expectations (Formerly between 9.1 and 9.4) (definitely pick up the game if you are a fan of the genre)

Excellent - Does what it needs to and provides a first class experience (9.0) (definitely pick up the game if you are a fan of the genre)

Great - Does what it needs to, provides a high class experience (8.5-8.9) (recommended to all fans of the genre)

Good - Does what it needs to and provides a very enjoyable experience (was 8.0 - 8.5) (recommended to all fans of the genre)

Satisfactory - Does what it needs to, provides an experience which is just enough to satisfy the player (Formerly between 7.5 - 7.9) (Reccommended to read the review if unsure)

Decent - Does what it needs to, experience can very depending on the players tastes (Formerly 7.0-7.4) (Recommended to read the review if you plan on picking up the game to see if it's for you)

So-So - Not for everyone, has some issues, may be worth a try if patient enough to cope with it's flaws (Formerly 6.5 - 6.9) (Reccommened to read the review if you're interested in the title)

Flawed - Alot of flaws, difficult to recommend, some may be able to pass them by but will require a lot of patience (Formerly 5.0 - 6.4) (Reccommened to read the review if you're interested in the title)

Awful - (Formerly 4.9 and below) (If you see this, don't pick the game up for this catagory)

Kill It With Fire - (Same as Awful but for overall score, based on opinion which in this case is usually right if you see the game, you know what to do, don't buy this and if you do, get some gasoline and a match)

Lifespan:

Too Long (Legend Of Dragoon lol)

Very Long (Formerly 9.5 - 9.9)

Long (Formerly 9.0 - 9.4)

Quite Long (Formerly 8.0 - 8.9)

Decent Length (Formerly 7.5 - 7.9)

Quite Short (Formerly 6.5 - 7.4)

Very Short (Formerly 6.0 - 6.4)

Too short (Formerly 5.9 or below)

Worth Replaying?

Yes

Maybe

No
Player Profile
Xbox LIVE:terry 309
PSN ID:terry 309
Steam ID:Terry 309
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Pokemon Ranger is without a doubt one of the worst games i have ever played in my life, if it wasn't for DOTA i think Pokemon Ranger would actually qualify as the worst game i heve ever played in my entire life. So what exactly is Pokemon Ranger aside from being a pile of shit? Basically take any pokemon game, tear out everything fun about the series, add tonnes of frustrating elements and to top it off a scratched ds screen. That my friends is Pokemon Ranger, the second worst game i have ever played in my entire life.

Now you're probably thinking but it's Pokemon... how bad could it possibly be? How bad? How fucking bad? Bad is not good enough to describe how awful this game is. In any case lets get straight to the point and explain the game's concept to you. Basically Pokemon Ranger is a test of patience and reflexes, there really is nothing else to it. Any form of substance thrown in is almost completely meaningless, in fact this game didn't even need to be called Pokemon Ranger, if you took away the Pokemon from the game, it wouldn't be much differrent, in fact it would likely be a lot less tedious. Just call it Ring Drawing Simulator and you wouldn't be far from wrong though it's more of a sequences of challenge milestones that are hidden within the Pokemon themselves. Think Portal is it was an action game with little thought requirement needed and that's Pokemon Ranger. Lets face it, though the atmosphere was captured well enough, Portal would have been an incredibly dull game if it wasn't for the puzzles (though it was a dull game for me anyways since i don't really like puzzles at all). You move from 1 area to the next capturing pokemon temporarily only to have them do something trivial such as cutting down a tree. Sure Pokemon do play a minor part in the gameplay but is is barely enough to aqknowledge their existance, especially in some battles.

The worst part of Pokemon Ranger is... wait no, this is far from being the worst part, that is how bad this game is, this part is so bad yet it's nothing compared with what's to come, i'm just getting started with this piece of dogshit. The first think you'll notice about Pokemon Ranger is that you can only keep 1 pokemon for the entire game. This means that all the efforts you go towards catching the damn things are completely wasted as you let them roam free. It's as if PETA came to Game Freak's office with a gun pointing to Junichi Matsuda's head saying that if he doesn't stop his cruelty to pokemon, they'll kill off his family as well as his pet dog... and himself. And so Game Freak contacted Nintendo who got excited over the massive amounts of money that would be comming their way and so they began development of one of the worst games ever made. Pokemon PETA edition... oh i'm sorry, Pokemon Ranger. Oh and you still get to use your Pokemon in battles, like i said but their abilities are near useless. In any case, you're still harming other pokemon... humanely so really it doesn't make a speck of differrence. You are still hunting Pokemon down for no reason other than to put them to work, essentially making them your slaves for about 2 minutes. Game Freak must have forgotten that the main satisfaction of catching pokemon would be to use them in future battles and train them up to be part of your dream team. Sadly Pokemon Ranger scraps this.

Oh but thats not the only problem with this game, the second issue is evident once you reach about an hour into the game... or perhaps more. Now one of the things that attatched me to the pokemon games as a kid was it's sense of freedom, the ability to roam the world freely using fly or just walking back like a boss (i actually walked all the way back after beating Mt Battle's 100th trainer in Pokemon Collosseum just to give the other trainers a smug grin as i walk past their sorry asses that i kicked, just thought you should know...). In fact i spent quite a while exploring the Pokemon world, you'll know the details if you read my last blog. In any case, Pokemon was my Skyrim, my adventure. I made the adventure myself, i became champion and explored the world at my leisure. Pokemon Ranger on the other hand decided to completely boycott backtracking altogether, in fact if you even dare to step back, your ranger partner will block your way and say "where the hell do you think you're going? You're not allowed to explore! Sure this sort of practice has happened in many other games such as Grandia 2 but unlike Pokemon Ranger, at least Grandia 2 had a good story to back it up. Sadly although i never finished Pokemon Ranger, i don't even think i needed to. The story was pretty much the introduction of Legend Of Heroes: Trails In The Sky but without the interesting character archtypes to keep you playing. Basically you are sent to do missions and stuff by the Pokemon Ranger branch and these missions are story related and can usually be quite menial. The story does seem like it was picking up but man does it drag, at least as far as i got to which wasn't far. In all honesty i don't think a good story could have saved this game anyways as it is just so bad that a good story would have been like painting graffiti on a nazi properganda poster.

Now to the real issue with Pokemon Ranger... the actual battles flat out suck my ass. Serioulsy if you're looking for a frustrating gameplay experience with very little substance then you've found the right game. All you do, i repeat, all you do in this game is draw circles around Pokemon... sounds easy right? Well no. You have to draw a consecutive number of circles which is easy at first as you only need to draw 2-5 circles to capture Pokemon but later on in the game you have to draw 20-40 circles which si a nightmare. Oh and by the way if a Pokemon touches that circle... it breaks. If a Pokemon attacks the circle, it breaks and you take damage. Now you're probably wondering where my stopping point was. My stopping point was on the Salamence boss battle. It is simply put a chore to capture, it's like playing F-zero gx chapter 1 on very hard difficulty but nowhere near as fun. You have to draw about 20 consecutive circles around him without taking a break as he walks around breaking them every now and again forcing you to restart. Seriously it's a lot harder than it sounds. Salamence will attack every half of a second so it requires a ridiculous amount of luck and speed to capture him as you have to hope that your circle isn't within his line of sight when he uses Hyper Beam, plus if you take too long he will use an attack which will instantly break the ring by hitting the entire screen so you have to do it extremely fast before his pattern ends, predicting the exact moments where he uses Hyper Beam and making sure part of your circle doesn't get hit by it. Put simply, it is a nightmare and from what i've gathered, the bosses get worse and worse.

 So what are you left with? A shitty Pokemon spin off with no exploration, pointless Pokemon and a damaged DS screen, as a result i sold the game a few days after purchase, one of my biggest regrets ever and back then i didn't used to sell games unless they were really bad. Nowadays i have been seeling a lot of games that i picked up and barely play sinply because i cannot fit it on my shelf and i barely play it anyways. I hate Pokemon Ranger and i hate how Game Freak made a series of those stupid games, by far the worst Pokemon spin off ever... yes even worse than Hey You Pikachu.

Don't bother trying to tell me to give this game a second chance, i don't want another damaged DS screen nor to i want to be frustrated at capturing Salamance again. All copies on Pokemon Ranger should be burned... period, ET needs a cellmate anyways. In fact, having Pokemon Ranger as your cellmate pretty much guarentees that you'll get prison raped so sorry ET but Pokemon Ranger will have to join you...

As always with these types on blogs, theres no images, i just don't see the point in putting them up when it's just me ranting abotu something which was really fucking shit. I hope i haven't ruined anyones day by talking about this heinous game.









Oh come on, you already know what my favourite game is so i'm not going to say it again. If you don't, check my blog. You should also know my second favourite game. So what is my third favourite game? My third favourite game, unlike my second and first favourite game is a game which i spent hours of my childhood playing. It's pretty obvious what it is, of course i'm talking about Pokemon Gold/Silver/Crystal (and yes i've owned them all at some point).

 For my favourite game of all time, read this: My real favourite game

So why is it my third favourite game of all time? Thats easy... nostalgia. We all have that one game that brings back memories. In fact i wish there was a game which could top it in such a catagory. Put simply, Pokemon was a huge game for me especially considering Pokemon Yellow was my first game. It was an RPG, a game which led me deeper into the genre. In fact many of my videogame tastes were built up from Pokemon. Eventually i played other games only to find that they weren't as deep as Pokemon. There was something about it that stood apart from other games.

 

That something was the fact that it was an RPG... or so i soon gradually learned. RPG's are my favourite genre and always will be... despite my love for them is beginning to deteriorate these days, i will never forget my love for the genre. Pokemon was an adventure, to me, Pokemon was pretty much the Skyrim of videogames, sure i could only visit areas in a linear fashion... but i could backtrack, talk to people, fnd secret areas, catch secret legendary pokemon. I thought that i was th master of finding secrets in Pokemon... until i realized that many others already knew. Of course, Pokemon didn't come close to matching the scale of Skyrim but for me it had the same effect, beign able to fly to any town and just explore the routes, fighting wild pokemon and trainers, it felt like an adventure, your adventure.

This image leaves a lot to the imagination... what could that red haired kid be doing? Is it a boy or a girl? (well it's a boy) is he attatching a bomb to the side of the building? Is he fixing a fuse box on the side of the building? Is he masterbating whilst watching Professor Elm do naughty things to himelf? Nobody knows... i'm sorry i brought this up.

Now this could go for just about any game, i think pretty much everyones first RPG experience was the same, RPG's are an adventure and offer limited freedom, though limited it may be, i can easily say that RPG's offer more freedom than any other genre and as a kid, freedom was a luxuary especially considering the fact that i live in the middle of nowhere and couldn't play with other kids. Pokemon kinda gave me something to do. It was pretty much my life away from school. So essentially when i say that Pokemon Gold and Silver was my childhood, i meant it in the literal sense. To be honest i did kinda wish i had friends but considering i got into Pokemon after moving from home to a new place which was barely a neighborhood, nor a hamlet, it was pretty much my life. Despite this, the many hours i spent playing were not productive. Even after beating the game and becomming champion, my adventure continued. I journeyed around the world, making my own story. In a way i was kind of role playing, something which most games don't let you do. The dynamic real time clock bolstered this immersion. I was literally living in the game world, catching pokemon, beating trainers, being champion really meant a lot back then, it really amazes me looking back now how absorbed i was into the game.

 

Uh dude... shouldn't you be in bed at this time? Why are you still? *sigh* i'm not even going to ask that question.

Another feature was the ability to share phone numbers with other trainers so that they could ring me up occasionally to tell me their life story which i mostly did not care about but despite this, it was still an amazing feature which greatly immersed me into the game. Put simply, Pokemon Gold/Silver/Crystal are the most immersive games i have ever played to this day. Now thats not to say that it is the most immersive game out there, i'm pretty sure if games such as Skyrim existed back then, i would be just as immersed with it as i was with Pokemon but let face it, Pokemon was my Skyrim and nobody could take that away, it was the sole game that managed to immerse me. Though i did play other jrpg's, i always felt like an outcast (besides maybe Baten Kaitos) as if i didn't belong, it was their story, not mine but Pokemon on the other hand... that WAS my story. Pokemon offered so much immersion that i couldn't have asked for more, it was already a part of me, a part of me that i couldn't simply let go, looking back i laugh at myself for how stupidly attatched i was to a piece of what would now be considered "lackluster coding" and looking back on the Pokemon games as well as playing the new games in the series, i see that it they were pretty simple games which could probably be easily remade today with the right scripts. Heck pretty much anybody could remake the map of Pokemon Gold/Silver/Crystal in RPG Maker with minimal effort and essentially create the pokemon experience all over again (though it may be difficult to code the actual "Pokemon" into the game and the catching. In fact, there are already many Pokemon fan games on there.

It just feels silly how the Pokemon games are so... basic. It feels as if gaming has evolved ridiculously fast and that Pokemon is a shadow of it's former self. As such, this is why i feel like recent Pokemon titles feel significantly lacking. Sure back in the day, Pokemon was an original concept, simple as it may have been, it did have a lot of immersion and the concept was very well executed allowing it to stand on it's own two feet and extort millions from us unsuspecting youungsters pockets... or our parents. Nowadays there are simply put a lot of better games out there for youngsters to enjoy, games like Skyrim are huge, bigger than anything Pokemon could pull off, it's easy to see how kids can be absorbed by such games and not Pokemon.

And this is where Game Freak are going wrong by not realizing it. With games as immersive as Skyrim, it's time for Game Freak to take a step back and look at what the series is up against and reshape it to adapt to the current generation of gaming. So much more can be done with Pokemon and though it will never have the same amount of immersion as the other games in the series, it could still offer something differrent whilst keeping the same premise of the original titles. One thing they could do is have us create a character and have us make our own story, kind of like a sandbox, make gyms completely optional basically Gothic 3 but with Pokemon. Just imagine it. The game starts off with your custom character on a ship about to land on a huge island of adventure and excitement where you're free to do as you wish and the world changes around you as you play. That sort of thing can be done now, just look at games like Skyrim where people remember the feats you have achieved. I won't go into this too mch because it would be boring to read but put simply, if i was to develop any game out there, it would be Pokemon, i'd know exactly what i want for a new Pokemon game. I have it all in my head, the ideas are all there, jsut waiting to come out and believe me, it's something differrent from the conventional pokemon games. Perhaps i'm not the only one who has ideas, their image of a Pokemon adventure, if so, feel free to share it with me.

It would have less door puzzles that's for sure >.>.

Of course how could i forget to mention the core aspect of Pokemon... the actual Pokemon. As a kid, the bond shared between pokemon and trainer was real, nowadays the bond between trainers and pokemon are nonexistant, in fact most pokemon are jsut thrown away due to the fact that they don't have "perfect IV's" just imagine if Pokemon was real life for a minute, people would be throwing pokemon into incinerators, there would be factories producing and disposing of pokemon. Thats what Pokemon feels like now, a factory. In fact it feels little more than real life dogfighting where the losing dog gets thrown in a cage forever but of course it's just a videogame, we aren't supposed to care about data, i mean since when was data so important that it deserved a place in our lives?

I really hope nobody is playing through Star Ocean Till The End Of Time right now, i'm sorry if i ruined 30 hours of your life by putting this here but it was inevitable.

Put simply, my perception of the Pokemon games has changed dramatically, it's highly likely that i have grown out of it's formula but that's not to say that i have completely given up on the series, games such as Pokemon XD and Colosseum reignited that spark. They were given a story with a completely differrent world and a completely new experiance. The style of those games felt surreal... as if they didn't belong in the pokemon universe, yet at the same time they felt completely refreshing, it was a whole new Pokemon series in the making that seemed to be cut off with Pokemon XD leaving a semi-cliffhanger which would suggest a sequal. I mean Wes' journey was one of coolness, it wasn't about being the very best that no one ever was... you already achieved that. Pokemon Colosseum was there for the players who already beat the elite four and the champion and as a reward they were given a head start with a trainer who already has experience as a trainer and is tasked not with being the very best but with stopping evil from using Pokemon.

Who needs to be a Pokemon Master when you have one of these?

Michael's journey was similar although he didn't have much of a head start, his ambitions were far mor greater than any other pokemon protagonist, surpassing even Wes' efforts, he wasn't a pokemon master, he was a hero who stopped Cipher from wreaking havoc with shadow Lugia. Now what other Pokemon games could you consider the protagonists to be a hero? Stopping team rocket? Maybe, but in truth you were merely meddling, you convinced them to give up and surrender.

But he's not quite on the same level as Wes...

The purpose of the enemy teams was to symbolized that as a trainer, you had grown strong enough to influence a change of heart for the villains, at least in the first game where Giovvani loses in an honorable duel and surrenders. As for the other games sure you did play the hero role occasionally... but it felt more of a sub plot. Sure the stakes were higher but you ultimately saw them as a mere stepping stone and despite your efforts and ultimately they felt quite silly but maing them a main plot focus in Pokemon XD and Colosseum felt interesting, it was a step in the right direction at least to what could have been a much deeper plot than the other games and lets face it, Wes could have annihilated pretty much every other trainer with his experience, he was even accepted by Hooh himself unlike Gold who had to prove himself by catching him, Hooh joined Wes on his own accord because he knew that he was a trainer worthy of his prescence.

I saved the world before it was cool.... oh wait i merely stopped a pointless radio broadcast? Aww...

Ultimately i will always see Wes as the strongest trainer, even compared with Red. Lets face it, Red may have been the league champion at some point but he still had a long way to go and he knew that, thats why he went to Mt silver and continued his training. Wes could have been League champion ages ago, he proved himself in Mt battle which proved to be a far greater feat than Red ever achieved. In fact it's probably certain that Wes could have thrashed the elite four but that wasn't his goal, he was already the best and he knew it, he fought in the deep colosseum, a place where only the greatest trainers gathered. Wes was a pokemon master and he knew it which is why he didn't waste time proving it. Red on the other hand discovered that becomming champion was a meaningless title and that he had a logn way to go to become stronger and thus he went to Mt silver to train.

 

Why am i saying all this? Because i'm trying to explain the message of Pokemon, being champion is meaningless, it's just a tile that amounts to nothing. What matters is the bond between you and your Pokemon and the adventures you had, not your goals, theyw ere jsut the driving force which ended up being ultimately meaningless. What would have happened if red didn't go to become a champion? He would have probably chosen to travel around the world with his pokemon and probably become just as stronga as he was as a champion. It just goes to show that ambitions are not everything and that it is experiences that matter. Pokemon taught me that and as a result i never really see the point in competitive gaming or being the best which back in the day, i did because i was so absorbed into the game.

So remember, if you are playing a game, it's the experience that matters, not how high of a level you are. This goes for games such as Diablo 2 as well. Getting better loot isn't exactly going to provide you with a better experience, it's not the legendary sword that matters nor the data, it's the experence playing the game and we all need to realize this. So if you are one of these people who tries to be be best at a game and find the experience is getting tedious as a result, just give it up. It's not worth practicing/leveling up if you're not enjoying it and the end result is meaningless anyways as it's just a game and most people don't care. Pokemon taught me this, after years of grinding my pokemon to level 100 after losing my data countless times only to realize that my pokemon weren't as strong as they could have been due to EV's/IV's. I gave up and now i laugh about how much time i wasted doing such tedious grinding, in fact i felt the same with World Of Warcraft after my account got hacked but the experiences weren't all tedious and most of it was very enjoyable and those are the things that i will always remember and cherish.

Good times ;)

All in all, Pokemon was a huge game that made me the gamer i am today, being an rpg and all, it helped me look up other RPG's, i believe the first traditional RPG i played was Legend Of Dragoon on a Playstation demo disk and i loved it alot because it was just like pokemon but with a story however due to the fact that the game was rare as hell i never picked it up until way later. I picked up Final Fantasy 7 instead... how generic, but thats another story for another time of "how i got into JRPG's" and i swear the story is probably the same for 70% of JRPG fans.

Sorry, i kinda joined the fad this time... at least it's nothing to do with any of this industry journalism drama. Besides i promised to do a blog about this game a while back so here it is.

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Remember the good old days with games like Doom, Serious Sam, Half Life and many other games back when we used to fight mano-a-mano against grotesque looking monsters? If anything is wrong with today's FPS games it is that it is all based on real life and often involve playing as a marine fighting in the military alongside your squadmates killing other humans. It got me thinking... why? Why do FPS titles need to be "military" based? Pretty much anyone can use a gun, Gordan Freeman makes this clear enough so why do we need the military?

Personally i find that there's nothing more boring than playing as a marine in the military, all you do is take orders and do what your superiors say. Now sure a lot of people do that for a living and i don't mean to offend but we're talking about video games here, we want some excitement, a new concept. I think this is what FPS titles have been missing. Sure there have been exceptions here and there, Borderlands for example but i think these military FPS have clogged up the industry and given the genre a bad name. I say the fps genre goes back to it's roots.


Now i know there's a lot of people out there who enjoy old school FPS and their mechanics and to be honest i prefer them too. The problem is that the FPS genre is lacking in substance, something important in every game. Now i know that FPS games aren't all about storyline and stuff but playing Painkiller helped me realize that there is potential for storytelling in FPS games but it should be simplistic, to the point and original. Problem is, very few fps tick those boxes these days, their stories are way too complex (The Last Of Us anyone? well it's not exactly an FPS but it's still a shooter) and their concepts are painfully unoriginal (do i really have to give examples? just look at the best selling games of this generation). Developers need to learn what's important in an FPS but they seem to have the completely wrong idea. They're putting in depth storytelling forward but they aren't even trying to come up with an interesting concept. Just look at Duke Nukem, sure that game was a major flop this generation but hey at least it's more original than most of the military crap we get these days. Now i'm not saying all military FPS games suck but i seriously think that they're over saturated in the genre.

I just think that we need a fresh start, a new game which is going to be about non stop FPS action. A lot of people are asking for Half Life 3 but it's not going to happen for a while yet (in fact it seems that it's hard for games with a "3" in it's name to be released nowadays). In the meantime, we need developers to come up with something cool and original. Something laid back yet bone crushingly brutal. That is what made FPS games so great in the past.


Bringing back old school gameplay mechanics is one thing but we also need the games to feel great. I want the satisfaction of bringing out a ridiculous looking minigun and shooting swarms of enemies, oh and don't forget a shotgun with a fast fire rate and bottomless clips. No more reloading, no more ADS, just plain bang bang bang until they all die because lets face it, FPS games exist for one reason, to indulge in the satisfactory of blowing peoples heads off with ridiculous looking weapons, not to engage in a long drawn out storyline... though Bioshock Infinite seemed to make it work...kinda (dunno why i never did a review of that actually lol, still trying to piece the convoluted ending together in my head i guess lol).

We need more of this...

Basically my point is, the FPS genre needs inspiration. We need to go back to the 90's back when the main characters were hot headed and cool, i don't want to play as Carmine from Gears Of War, i wanna play as the doom guy or Gordon Freeman, heck you could even throw in Serious Sam too. In fact you know what would be cool? It would be awesome if there was a crossover FPS title where all the old school FPS characters fight in this huge battle, team up together, fight amongst each other and even a multiplayer mode where you could have team death match with Duke Nukem and Serious Sam vs Gordon Freeman and the doom guy, it would be epic. Oh and it should be developed by Id software since they pretty much pioneered it.

In any case, the FPS genre is getting more and more bland, please do something more original! Oh and bring back those badass exotic weapons, those defined the FPS experience, i'm sick of seeing AK47's and all that shit, give us something that will blow our minds like a rocket launcher that launches garden gnomes MAKE IT HAPPEN!
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Time for me to leave the hot seat for a few minutes... why? Because there are much more talented reviewers out there that you need to know.

Ok... ok i admit, i'm making a plugging blog, yes i'm plugging some Youtuber's who aren't all that popular, yes i do encourage you to watch them...

In any case how i'm going to do this is i'm going to bring up a video from one of my favorite Youtube reviewers and i'm going to talk about why i enjoy them, you can then go and subscribe to them yourself if you like, either that or you can tell me to stop making stupid plugs.

In any case lets get to my top 5:

5. TheDevilsJoker


Aka Rory Binks. This guy has been inactive for years... in fact, he never got to finish his Final Fantasy 13 review which was a shame. If you're looking for an informative reviewer, look elsewhere though whilst Rory does make a lot of good points in his own witty fashion, it might not be for people who are seriously considering purchasing a game, more for people who just want a good laugh from quite possibly the most witty, talented most entertaining british person on the internet. TheDevilsJoker makes me proud to be British.

His reviews may not be for everyone, neither will his humor but the amount of witty sarcasm that goes into his video's is mindblowing, he's just so unpredictable. One minute he's making a sarcastic remark about the game being bad, another minute he's making awkward gestures. Sometimes it's just the way he says things or his timing that makes him downright hilarious... or maybe it's just me. If you play games and you're british and you haven't watched this guy... you should.

He also does other funny video's as well as movie reviews, his most iconic being his Snakes On A Train review where he takes it apart and he somehow made watching the movie scenes feel less shitty by talking over them. TheDevilsJoker is without a doubt a living legend, Ashens was lucky to have bet face to face with him... despite the fact that he is vastly more popular. Despite this, Rory remained modest and actually had great respect for Ashens. It just made me laugh as a fan of Rory as despite the fact that Ashens is a talented individual, he's nothing in comparison to the great Rory Binks. If i ever see his video's in my sub box again, i will click it without hesitation, and you should too.

4. ShintaiReviews


Now unlike TheDevilsJoker, this is a reviewer that you may already be familiar with, if so, you know what to expect. Shintai is a good, honest, informative reviewer. He generally reviews action games and RPG's. His review structure is quite standard, he spends most of his time covering important points which are highly relevant to the respective game. He also manages to keep a cool headed persona even when reviewing some of the more dreadful games out there and isn't afraid to tear it apart limb by limb. His reviews are of course based on his experiences and as a result he will make a lot of valid points and point out important flaws. It's very easy to tell whether or not the game is for you by watching his reviews.

He will also readily interact with the community too, he is very open to other peoples views and critisicm's and it's really easy to engage in a conversation with him and he is just an all round pleasant person to listen to. If you're looking for a straight forward reviewer for RPG's/action games you've found the right place. He also has an anime channel too if that's your thing.

3. Stanburdman


Have you played Broken Sword 2.5? If you have, then you will find this guy very familiar. Yes it's the voice of George Stobart...and he makes reviews. So Stanburdman is already a living legend to begin with, he is essentially the American Rory Binks, i would so love to see the two of them do a co-op lets play. So what do i think about Stanburdman's reviews? I think that the framerate of his video's could be a bit better and his video quality could be better so it drops a couple of points for that but dat voice... so overall he gets an official Stanburdman rating of a 9.999999999/10. This pretty much suns him up in a nutshell. Now of course, the framerate and the quality aren't an issue of his video's, i was just using it to describe his reviews. Stanburdman is without a doubt the most sarcastic reviewer on Youtube, it is impossible to describe the level of sarcasm in his video's and even if i tried to describe it, Stanburdman would describe it better.

So what makes Stanburdman differrent from the others on this list? He will review everything... literally everything (videogames of course) and he makes a hell of a lot of points, many you wouldn't even think are important... but they are because Stanburdman said so. he is very quick to praise yet quick to criticize and always seems to differentiate the game's flaws from it's qualities and is suprisingly open minded. Most people would think a floating tree in a game would be lazy game design but to Stanburdman, it is a phenomenon, something more games need and he is right... because he is Stan fucking burdman. Of course he doesn't hesitate to point out a games flaws but he always manages to keep a balanced emphasis on his reviews by expressing the good and bad points of a game concisely.

He also has quite possibly one of the most contageous laugh i've ever heard.

2. Alloy 7 Video


Very similar to Shintai though he's further up the list simply because he reviews a lot of different types of games. Alloy Seven (AKA B. Chambers) is very open minded and intelligent when it comes to his reviews and his video's in general. He's not quick to slate a game off due to having particular issues though he does vocalize his own issues with the games he plays without bringing judgement upon it. Instead he gives us the information we need and lets us decide for ourselves whether or not the game is good. Though this is a far differrent style of reviews to your average reviewer, his style actually works quite well and it's easy to tell if the game is for you just by watching his reviews. He also does game rants too where his brings up some very good points about issues in the gaming industry and how he believes they should be put right. In fact his channel is growing beyond just reviews/rants as he offers a wide variety of content. So if you want a solid gaming channel which offers a wide variety of content, look no further. I'm pretty sure there's something there for everyone.


1. RemoteRPG's


And finally my number 1 reviewer on Youtube. RemoteRPG's provides the perfect balance of humor and constructive reviews which places him at the top. Probably my favorite review of his has to be his Valkyrie Profile review which was simply perfect. In fact, his review is so good that i opted not to make one myself because his review pretty much says it all. He does a lot of reviews for differrent RPG's that most probably have never heard of which is a good start, he might not have the library of Stanburdman but he does bring a lot of RPG's to light. Like Shintai and Alloy Seven, RemoteRPG's is a highly informative reviewer who brings up a lot of good points yet he also manages to add humor to his reviews also though his jokes are often a joke in themselves. Unlike TheDevilsJoker or Stanburdman, his jokes consist pretty much of bad puns, relevant google images (ala Razorfist i suppose) and generally just bad jokes altogether but that's what gives his reviews charm. Some of his jokes can be quite true though and can be quite funny. But the real reason why he comes at the top is because he covers pretty much every little detail about the game. He likes to talk about characters and story a lot
more than most reviewers and of course the rest of it is highly informative too. I don't think theres a single thing he misses in his reviews and they can be quite long.

I just think that RemoteRPG's has the perfect mixture of information, humor and pretty much everything which makes a good reviewer. There really isn't much to say other than he's basically like Alloy Seven and Shintai but with humor. It's very difficult to decide who gets number one out of all 5 really but this guy had to be the one mainly because he impressed me so much with his Valkyrie Profile review and he seemed to have gone through the same experiences as i did in the game. So it all cane down to personal taste at the end, pretty much all of them are good. TheDevilsJoker and Stanburdman offer a great, unique and entertaining experience where as the rest provide a well formatted informative review and bring up a lot of great points.

But yeah, not much else to say really i just wanted to get this out of the way.








Probably one of my less favorable reviews. Red Faction tries to be Half Life but fails due to it's incompetent design. It's main selling point being the geomod feature, allowing you to blow holes in the ground felt quite underused, in fact it was only usable in certain areas and often had me getting lost due to the fact that i couldn't access certain areas only to find out that you needed to shoot the terrain with rockets to get by which was annoying.

What's more annoying about Red Faction and quite possibly the worst part of the game is the enemy placement and the AI in general. Stealth segments are broken beyond belief, even if the guards aren't facing you, so long as you are lined up with them, they will see you, you could approach from behind them and still be spotted due to their ridiculous reflexes, either that or they have eyes in the back of their head so the silenced pistol is pretty much useless.

The biggest problem being the enemy placement, remember back in DOOM when they had all those traps where enemies camp behind doors waiting for you to open them? That's what playing Red Faction is like and feels completely out of place unlike DOOM which tried to scare the player by opening a door only to find a Cacodemon waiting for you inside, in Red Faction it feels completely unnecessary and tends to be quite an annoyance at times when you open an airlock only to be welcomed by "Die miner" followed by a rain of bullets.

Even worse is that the game often places enemies either side of a door so that when you walk through, you're immediately ambushed by two guards and you don't even realize it until you're dead. I swear i had to reload the game so many times because of the cheap enemy placement, you will find them standing in some of the strangest of places at times, it feels like the enemy placement was completely random and the majority of them didn't even have pathing so they just stand in one spot waiting for you to walk by, it's just laziness.

"It's just you and me miner"!

To add to this, Red Faction has quite possibly one of the most campy AI i've ever experienced in a videogame. They camp behind doors, around corners, they even camp above you in elevator shafts, shooting you as you're trying to climb a broken ladder to a small ledge in which you barely have any roon to strafe past their attacks. Add to this that the enemies can get quite repetitive in the later half of the game where almost all of them carry precision rifles which is arguably one of the stonger weapons in the game, either that or they'll have a railgun or a fusion rocket launcher which is pretty much unavoidable.

The railgun is the most annoying though simply due to the fact that you will die so many times by just walking through a doorway only to find a railgun camper who kills you the instant you walk in and you will have to keep reloading the save and hope that the railgun misses you which can often lead to trial and error, add to this the fact that the enemy AI are extremely accurate and you have some very frustrating gameplay experiences. Oh and if you manage to dodge a railgun shot, be sure that there will be another railgun camper nearby who will probably hit you and there is very little that you can do about it, you basically strafe from one shot directly into the other guys line of sight who shoots you with another railgun. The only way to circumvent this is to remember where the enemies are and whenever you open the door, stay back as far as you can and wait for them to hit you, throw in a remote detonator to get them to run then shoot them when they're not looking (grenates and c4 are basically useless as enemies are quick to avoid them and they don't deal much damage later on either. Alternatively you could use the trial and error technique, there is a chance that both railgun campers miss and if you can kill them both quickly enough you may be able to pass through nearly unscathed and i say nearly because there will be two guys with heavy machine guns camping above you who you probably won't even see at first.

I'm pretty sure i've already encapsulated the Red Faction experience in general but there is more to say about it. For starters, later on in the game you will be dealing with mercs who have a ridiculous amount of health and ususally take 3 direct rocket shots to kill, that is ridiculous beyond ridiculousness, to make things even stupider, they can still be 1 shotted by the sniper rifle which just happends to be the most overpowered weapon in the game which seems to have no firing delay, you don't even have to lead your shots, in fact you shouldn't as the shots happen instantaneously when your cross hair is bang on the target so if your crosshair is pointing directly at the target you only need to press the button and they're dead, they don't even have time to avoid it as like i said, the shots are instantaneous which is not only unrealistic but it puts all the other wepaons to shame in comparison considering how useless they are, even the fusion rocket launcher kneels to the almighty sniper rifle.

Seriously if it takes 3-5 rocket shots to kill a single merc yet only 1 sniper shot, something is definitely wrong. Sure snipers are bound to 1 shot most people but surely if they can be 1 shotted by a sniper bullet, they can be 1 shotted with a rocket. Essentially rockets are near useless late game and only serve as a means of breaking terrain with geomod which you will almost never use.

Oh and enemies aren't the only npc's you'll encounter throughout the game, not like it matters since pretty much everyone is an enemy to me and it's best to just shoot everyone you see besides perhaps medics who will heal you if you talk to them which can be really helpful at times though they are few and far between, pretty much everyone else is worth gunning down if you have the spare ammo as they tend to attract guards if you scare them off and when they talk to you they say "leave me alone i'm busy here". Plus it's difficult to discern them from guards, sure they have a completely differrent appearance but you don't have time to discern who they are as you have to be ready for pretty much everything, especially with the campy guards who wait for you around corners, you will probably find it easier to shoot everything that moves.

"My only friend is this SMG"

Another issue with Red Faction is that health packs are scarce in some areas and you will often be walking around with less than 10 health, particularly in the final area where the last health pack in the game is dropped by an NPC which you will likely have killed in the shuttle making it very easy to miss and even then it won't heal much. There are also areas where you will fight enemies who drop nothing and will likely run out of ammo as a result, heck the game also likes to strip you of your weapons quite often, i found myself missing the control baton at the end of the game so had i run out of ammo in the final boss fight, i'd have been a sitting duck as the control baton is the only way to melee enemies and it has a kind of painkiller esque laser which i never really tested due to it's outright uselessness as a weapon heck you can't even use it in the stealth segments where it would have been ideal.

The story leaves much to be desired, the characters who "help you" are quite bossy, particularly Eos, she wouldn't shut up about telling be to do this, do that. Then there's Hendrix who provides you with pointless information, he does help you later on in the story though but most of his babble can easily be ignored as it's complete nonsense. He basically tells you where to go and stuff but even with his help i still got lost so many times not knowing where to go and as far as storyline goes, i lost the plot the moment i first got in contact with Hendrix, you basically end up being a dogsbody mercenary for Eos who does nothing but bitch at you instead of rescuing your ass from utor, instead you have to rescue yourself though thankfully Hendrix does prove somewhat useful even though what he said often went from one ear out of the other because i just couldn't give a crap about the story when i found out that i wasn't getting out of their.

She never shuts the fuck up...

You will also occasionally find Red Faction allies who fight alongside you, it's quite funny that they call the game "Red Faction" yet your interaction with your "Red Faction" comrades is minimal and they often end up dying before you can say hi to them. Heck there was this one point later on in the game where this merc starts shooting against a Red Faction dude and in my attempt to save my ally, i pulled out my sniper, aimed at the mercs head and boom.... it did nothing. Funnily enough once the merc had killed my fellow Red Faction ally, he fell almost immediately to my sniper rifle. What a dick move...

The ending also left much to be desired, it was like eating bran flakes without milk. it was basically "oh the support have arrived so... yeah, the end". Apparently the second game is even worse, i honestly can't see how that is possible but i'll take people's word for it.

Thankfully the multiplayer isn't really all that bad... though once you've played it enough you will realized that the weapon balance is terrible and people can spawn behind you. The sniper is king, everything else is garbage...except maybe the railgun and fusion rocket launcher, sometimes the rocket launcher can be useful too. Put simply, if you're looking for a serious competitive FPS experience, this game couldn't be any worse, if you're looking for a bit of nonsensical fun, it passes i suppose.

The multiplayer is still surprisingly active though without the pure faction mod, it's basically unplayable anyways.

So in conclusion, Red Faction left a horrible taste in my mouth, an experience bast forgotten. What more is there to say? If there any good? The art design was quite bland at times and the level design felt somewhat repetitive. One minute you're in a red cave, the next minute you're in a yellow/brown colored warehouse, the next minute you're in a pure white laboratory, then back into a red cave, then a grey/brown barracks, back into a red cave, then onto the surface which is also red but with a skybox, then back to the yellow/brown warehouse. The Space Station near the end (i think it was a space station) was a nice change of pace though and i liked how when you looked out of the windows you could see that you were moving though there really isn't much to say about the rest.

The music was ok i suppose, it was enjoyable... until it cut off after the loading screens for some reason or other. The voice acting was pretty standard stuff, nothing spectacular yet nothing cringe worthy either. Overall Red faction was a rather boring experience with a really boring atmosphere that failed to catch my attention for the most part add to that, the frustrating AI and you have a missable experience which is best left under the rug. I wouldn't recommend this game at all as there are much better FPS titles out there, check my Painkiller review for example.
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Presentation: Flawed
Gameplay: Awful
Music: So-So
Multiplayer: Decent
Lifespan:Quite Short
Worth replaying? No
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Overall Score: Kill it with fire

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Very short blog, just something i want to get off my chest

First I'll give my definition. To me, Adventure games should be open world games with plenty of freedom, when i think of an "Adventure" game, i think of games such as Skyrim, Gothic etc. But wait a minute... those are RPG's, not adventure games! Oh really? Yes really. Adventure games are actually linear puzzle games with minor action segments.

Come on people, lets face it. The adventure genre is just stupid. How is Zelda an adventure game when you're on a linear path throughout the entire game with tonnes of puzzles? Please try to tell me one Zelda game that isn't linear and don't mention Hyrule field or anything like that, just because it's a huge open plain doesn't mean that the game itself is open-ended. You still have to visit the temples in a linear order.

Plus... nothing but puzzles... and this was the best level too.

Then there's those point and click games on steam, sorry but how are they adventure games? All you're doing is playing "where's waldo" but with miscellaneous items scattered around a static screen. How the hell is that an adventure? It's a puzzle game, A PUZZLE GAME!!! Just because a game isn't a Tetris clone doesn't mean it's not a puzzle game, look at Portal for example, Portal is basically Zelda minus all the action elements. Metroid Prime is another one, minimal combat sequences, lots of puzzles and bosses are puzzles in disguise for the most part.

Why do we keep calling these games "Adventure games"? Can't we just look at them logically and say that they are action puzzlers? I'm sick of being misled by this horrible genre. Sorry for the short ass blog but i believe I've said all i need to say without repeating myself, I'd like to hear all your thoughts on this as it's something which had been bugging me for a while now.

Oh and if anyone knows an adventure game with 0 puzzles, feel free to inform me of it (I know about The Walking Dead).
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