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7:51 AM on 10.19.2009

Battling the Backlog: Street Figther IV, Machinarium and some stinkers

Street Fighter IV was pretty amazing.... I must admit I'm pretty rusty, I haven't played a traditional fighter since the Dreamcast era, sure I've played games like Tekken and Soul Calibur, but they don't have complex movements like traditional 2D ones do...

I already made a post about how at first I thought Seth was the cheapest worse boss ever.. then I remember that all Capcom bosses are cheap.

As gorgeous as the graphics from SF III were, I do think SF IV 3D graphics and style are great and breath a new life into the characters, they finally no longer look.... two dimensional? Thanks to their expressions, cutscenes and chatter between fights the characters have more personality than ever!

It was great to see how things made more sense, you could finally see the motives of why some people fought and it made a lot more sense....

I also loved how the style make the game more hilarious than ever, I laughed so hard when I did Dan Hibiki's Ultra Combo, not only Dan but the faces the opponent does when punched in the face....

It makes me wished they did a new Pocket Fighter... Get on it, Capcom!

About the new character, I don't know if I like Rufus or Crimson Viper better, but I really dislike El Fuerte.... Oh look! A wrestling cook who is bad at cooking, how novel! And he's Mexican and keeps talking about spicy things.... And I don't like his moveset...

But I don't want to rant too much about his game... XP



Machinarium is from the people who made Samorost and it's very similar to it, except prettier and with robots....

It's a beautiful game with a world you'll love to explore with lots of fun environmental puzzles...
And one PUZZLE puzzle or two every screen! It's like having a turret sequence every five minutes!

Even Myst doesn't have this many puzzles per screen!

There is one puzzle in particular which might make you hate the game... They force you play connect 5 / Gomoku, which is impossible to win unless you're good at that game or look up a strategy on the Internet, which is what 90% have done...

And yet I still loved the game! Maybe it's because the game includes a mini-game that gives you the walkthrough for the area? Halfway through the game I just played the shmup minigame every time I found a tile puzzle, or anything of that sort, because Gradius is more fun than Towers of Hanoi, dammit!

So you definitely get this game, but when you have to play the connect 5 game, ask someone for a savefile or look up a strategy online or your experience could be ruined!

Did I mention this game about a cute lil' robot? And that it has a bunch of other cool lil' bots?




As for the stinkers....

Silent Hill: The Escape is an iPhone game.. that was ported for mobile phones... I'm sure this made an OK mobile game, but it's not good enough to be ported to the iPhone just like that...

All you do is run around a maze, find a key and find the exit. There are enemies that move ridiculous slowly that you HAVE to shoot, because you can't dodge them, you can take another route... where you are likely to find another monster you'll have to shoot...

The game was boring and un-challenging... If it had offered anything to the Silent Hill mythos I might have actually bothered to finish it!



And then.... Eternity's Child... yes... THAT GAME!

The controls seemed a bit bad at first, until I used a controller which made things much better and easier... maybe too easy?

The only enemy that offered a challenge are the heart thingies, the rest can be dealt with easily...

Once again the game started to bore me with every level looking the same as the last, so... I checked the folder it was in and found out I modify it to go directly to the ending! Why not? It was either that or stop playing!

Good Lord! The final boss is an abomination! It look decent enough, but it's animation and patterns are terrible! Since I no longer gave a damn I looked up for cheats and there was one, so I could finally beat the boss.... But I still have no idea how, it seems you can only hit it at certain times, but I have no idea when....

While I don't think this game is as bad as people say it is, I do think it's bad enough to be avoided... It is bad enough to cheat at it without me feeling bad though... I've played worse, much, MUCH worse! XP

Fortunately Luc's newest game Mecho Wars seems to be much better, although I've only played a few levels...




Hopefully my copy of Brutal Legend should arrive this week and hopefully I'll enjoy it?   read


8:14 AM on 10.15.2009

Is SF IV's Seth that bad?

So... I'm a bit late to the game, but I finally got Street Fighter IV, and finally got to see what the fuss was all about with Seth....

I must admit, it's been a while since I've played a Capcom fighter, so I'm rusty, playing Soul Calibur or Tekken isn't the same, so I know I would have some trouble.


When I finally reached Seth, I was dumbfounded! He seemed IMPOSSIBLE to beat! It was the biggest struggle I had and at that moment I agreed that Capcom had gotten carried away and that Seth was the cheapest boss ever!


But then.... I found out that I had chosen the worst character to start with... Chun-Li! Apparently Seth is the anti-Chun-Li in the same way Mega Man is the anti-Wolverine!

He does have the cheapest move set, and he's super aggressive even in the easiest mode, yet....

Isn't this the norm for ALL Capcom fighting games?

I remember playing the original Street Fighter on a Capcom Collection on the PSP and Sagat could take half of your energy bar with his super move, so this "unbeatable" boss thing has been going on from the start!


The more I try to remember the more it seems true! Back in the Dreamcast era when Capcom fighters were at their best I remember that it was always the same, it takes a few moments to reach the boss and then you have to struggle and try to beat whoever the "unbeatable" boss was in that game and you almost never do it on your first try, or your second, or your 15th....


It's strange... I will admit his move set is the cheapest and he's too aggressive, yet... I doubt he's the cheapest boss in Capcom history, I was a much better player back in the Dreamcast era and the final boss took me AGES to beat... Now, I'm rusty and... I beat Seth with DAN HIBIKI on my FIRST TRY! I never manage that in other Capcom games unless the character I'm using is cheap! A part of me thing he does need tweaking, yet another thinks he's not the hardest boss I've fought.


It could do with the fact that it seems that in SFIV it's much more obvious when one character is the "anti" of another? There is always a character which is a struggle for which ever character you choose.   read


12:07 PM on 10.12.2009

Octoberween Backlog Battle: Resident Evil 5

Resident Evil sure has changed along the years, it's gone from a cheesy zombie game to what's basically an action game....

RE 4 had more action than horror too, but at least it had midget in a Napoleonic get up.... And it was dark....

So maybe RE 5 takes out the survival and the horror out of the series, but it's still a bloody fun game!

I don't see why there was any controversy.... In the RE 4 you killed MY PEOPLE and nobody complained.... It's not like this Africa is like the real Africa.... AFRICA HAS NO TEMPLES! And the bloody artifacts looked South American... Did Capcom fail Geography or what?

Anyway, this was the first time I played co-op online... because I didn't know it was on by default...

I'll just talk about the two most note-worthy experiences, one good and one terrible...

The terrible experience was with one of the worst players I've seen, this player was practically a kamikaze... I had to waste some herbs on him every few minutes... And then I met the giant grasshopper thing... My "partner" fled, leaving me alone with it, and it was my encounter with one I didn't know how to deal with it... and it killed me, the next time... he left to die AGAIN, but I managed to kill him this time... he left the game soon after, Thank God!

The good experience was weird... because it was with a mic and the person didn't speak English.
We were practically near the end so.... *spoiler alert*

We simply couldn't get each other to understand what to do next, the battle with Wesker was rather hard because the guy just couldn't understand he had to inject Wesker with the serum, but he was the best player I've gotten so far... But at the final area he couldn't understand that he was supposed to get up by him while I kept Wesker away from him and he kept falling into the lava.. and quit... But the AI of Sheva was just as good...

The QTE was rather annoying in this game since 70% of the death I got in this game where from them, and most of the other where from instant death things, like the chainsaw or the grasshoppers...

The turret section was OK, since it was just once it didn't get annoying...

And for a final spoiler... I don't see how the series will continue... Wesker died in lava... And there seems to be nobody left to continue the saga... Unless some completely new generation of bad guys and new kind of zombies? Oh well, I doubt Capcom will let the franchise die, so it will either reset or get a new bad guy?




I did play another game Alive4Ever, a Left 4 Dead "inspired" game for the iPhone, it's more of an arena shooter like Smash TV with zombies instead of mutants... And a upgrading system... It would be OK except for the final boss...

Imagine a boss that exposes it's weak spot at intervals... Sounds reasonable, right? Now imagine that the intervals are random and you can (and will) spend a few minutes with ever seeing the weak spot exposed... Hmm... Now imagine there are FOUR of them and that there is time limit...

The boss no longer becomes a matter of skill, it's a matter of LUCK, and I'm not the only one to think of this, they need to fix it, dammit!



I also played Silent Hill on the iPhone... which is boring and almost unchallenging.... I almost don't think I'll bother to end it... Bleh! XP   read


10:19 AM on 10.05.2009

Octoberween Backlog Battle: Bloodrayne, Painkiller and Condemned

Boobrayne, I mean, Bloodrack... that game with the big breasted vampire?

People claim that Lara Croft is nothing but a pair of breasts, but compared to Bloodrayne she's Miss Personality!

The game takes place in the WWII era, where she fights nazis, but she doesn't act like someone from that era! Sure, women from that era can be bad ass, but act like a bad ass from that era dammit!

She has no personality, no charm and despite she should be smexy, I don't find her attractive at all....

The gameplay isn't that great either, it only has three levels, three LOOOOONG levels... where you do the same thing again and again and again...

By the end, I didn't care much about the game...




Painkiller was pretty great! It was like Serious Sam is it's "swarminess", I really like FPS games where you fight dozens of dumb enemies that rush at you that the ones where there are two with a very good AI that take 20 minutes to kill...

The thing is that bothered me is that the game is supposed to be serious.... but I fight purgatory ninjas? Some enemies felt right, but others felt wrong, like the ninjas...

It was still a great game, despite the fact that something I couldn't tell whether it was a serious game or not.. Specially since I saw a ship named after the same ship in Grim Fandango, which was awesome, it felt kinda weird...

Another thing that was weird was the levels... A train station in Zurich? How is this Purgatory?

The final level was pretty cool though, Hell was a giant battlefield frozen in time where each area is from a different era, and as you approach them you can hear the battle cries!

The expansion had better levels, they at least felt more supernaturally, sure one of the levels was Leningrad, but at least it was in ruins... But the first level was a orphanage...

Please... don't make me kill children unless they are horribly deformed and don't look like kids... Just don't give them creepy eyes and make us think we can kill them without feeling bad... _

And once again, it had a silly part... The evil nurses that have ridiculously large breasts that jiggle more than a Dead or Alive character...

But it did feel a bit long in the end... And the cinematics for the expansion were terrible, yet it was worth it!




Condemned was... unexpectedly awesome! When I play survival horror games the scares tend to wear off pretty soon, but it didn't seem to happen with this game...

The controls aren't terrible like in most survival horror, but you do have mostly melee weapons and it's so dark you can't see a damn thing...

But it WORKED for me! I was genuinely creeped out during most of the game and I got even some REAL scares that made me jump! THAT HAS NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE!

And for that this game gets my kudos and while it might not be the best survival horror, it is the only one that I actually find scary!

It's funny how the game I enjoyed the most is the one I talk about the least, but I don't want to spoil anything to those who haven't played it yet!   read


8:06 AM on 09.28.2009

Battling the Backlog Week 17: Postal, forgettable blandness and.. FIGHTPAD!

The first Postal game... is just.... upsetting... I've playing many violent games, I've done things I should have been ashamed of, but this...

Wow! You just kill everybody, no reason, no excuse, the hero is just a pyscho with no personality...

People are laying around screaming, begging.... No game has ever made me feel so uncomfortable...

The game does have a lot of variety of stages.. to be a mass murdered... what I thought was the final stage which was really the ending arrived... it was the murdered in a playground filled with children....

Fortunately he seems to have some seizure, he faints and wakes up in asylum... game over...




While Postal was a unsettling snuff movie, Postal 2 was a Troma flick, the hero has more or less a personality and the world is so different it doesn't even feel like the same game.

The Postal Dude, yes, that his actual name, lives in a trailer with a her "lovely" wife who bosses him around and gives him a bunch of errands to do...

The game is no longer "kill everyone" as a matter of fact in some situations you can make it out without hurting anybody...

Since most people are armed and kinda psycho too, you don't feel bad if you have to kill them.

The game consists of days instead of levels, in the first day you get fired from your job as the character from the first game, and... a group that's anti-violent games comes in to kill everyone, you can join in the killing of simply leave, but after that that group hates and will shoot at you if you get too close to them.

This is what will happen during most of the game, you have to do something mundane, and someone will try to kill you...

It was rather enjoyable in it's cheesy silliness, it's so over the top you can't take it seriously, and since the game doesn't take it seriously either it's a good thing...

The game also has a expansion of a "weekend" two extra days that take place right after the previous game, where the "Dude" has gotten a head injury take gives him "episodes" where things get "Silent Hill-y" and he gets attacked by... mutant Gary Coleman?!

Did I mention that the expansion has doom kitties that kill enemies in an almost cartoonist way?

And when you make it out of the hospital you're in... Tourette zombies!

The expansion goes more over the top than the previous game and you can literally go postal since there are no cops to stop this time!

I enjoyed the game enough to hope that Postal 3 will come out.





Then.... I played a hodgepodge of text and adventure games that... weren't the kind I like to play...

It's my personal opinion, but I think that in good adventure games the solutions make sense, while others think that a puzzle where you fondle a ferret counterclockwise three time at noon is logical and it's your fault you can't figure something so easy out...

And I've also said this before but I hate how in most old adventure games you can ruin your game because you did or didn't do something that seems harmless...

Thank God I'm out of mediocre adventure games! I'd talk more about them, but nobody seems to care about mediocre games, it's only the good ones or the bad in a funny way people care about....




And.... I finally got a Fightpad! Now I can finally play fighting games on the 360 and PC.... I don't have any yet....

But the gamepad has a turbo button! Which finally helped me beat some shmups!



Wow! R-Type Dimensions is much more harder than I remember.... But it seems that thanks to the new gamepad I finally beat it? It was still brutal murder....

I can't decide whether I like the new or the older graphics better, in some areas the new graphics look better and in some the old ones do...

Is it me or do many of the bosses have a way to exploit them to make the fight almost too easy?


I also finally beat Galaga Arrangement and I'm positive it wouldn't have been possible without the turbo button, or because I found out a super awesome powerup?

In Galaga Arrangement you get let a big alien take your ship and when you rescue it you get a different power up depending on which alien took it, well....

You can let TWO different alien take TWO of your ships and get a SUPER power up!

I got a triple shot combined with rapid shot and it was almost too easy... until I reach the final boss who kicked my ass! XP




I also played Blade Angel which an Korean iPhone game which is badly translated in a ver humorous way, I almost think they did it on purpose in some parts...

It's about a girl who.... collects bottles? Apparently they are a very valuable resource in the future, which you use to upgrade your character and buy continues, it's a good thing continues are cheap because you don't get that much money per stage, unless it's a boss stage...

Oddly enough the boss are kinda hard in a stupid way, you have no health bar to see how you're doing and their pattern is kinda dumb too, some moves seem useless, while others seem too hard to avoid....

Since you can upgrade your stats you can max out, oddly enough the only stat I maxed out did it at level 13, which made the game almost too easy, except for the bosses...

It's a fun silly game, and if it's still 99 cents I'd recommend getting it, despite the fact it has no music...



Since October is around the corner I think I'll try to beat all the horror games I have left, if won't be enough to fill up the whole month, but it's better than nothing....   read


9:37 AM on 09.21.2009

Battling the Backlog Week 16: Cheesy FPS Edition

Redneck Rampage:

This game made me realize one of the problems with many old FPS games, while many modern ones has levels so simple they are boring, many of the older ones are so complex that you can get lost...

I expected it to be like Duke Nukem, cheesy but fun, and... it was, for a while... Specially the expansion in which is basically a road trip where each level is a silly tourist traps, freaks shows, carnivals, you name it!

I liked the levels that were outside, but the indoor ones really bored me....

Mostly because the indoor ones are just dull corridors, while the outdoor ones are inventive or at least not repetitive...

The humorous moments... weren't that many, the only one that stood out was when I found a room with an inflatable sheep.

The rest of the game was pretty generic, mostly enjoyable, but generic....





Shogo: Mobile Force:

An anime inspired FPS? That's different! It's also has doses of comedy and I was never sure if it's just trying to be funny or if it was also making fun of anime?

Anyway, the game won me over the moment I read a sign about Irritable Bowel Syndrome...

And it's very cheesy, specially with it's gore! It was probably because of bad programming but sometimes the enemies blew up in very amusing ways, leaving legs sticking out of walls and that sort of glitches...

There is one thing that is rather disturbing, in one level you encounter the only child in the whole game, and... you can blow her up!? WHA?! I... I... I didn't know! I thought the game wouldn't let me! But she was standing close to an enemy and I used an explosive weapon... The worst part? NOTHING HAPPENED! I just blew up a little kid and the character didn't even say anything, nor did the game punish me! WHAT THE?!?!

In this game you play some stages driving a mech which is more or less the same as the ones where you play as a pilot except you have different weapons, the game says that the different mechs play differently but I didn't notice that much of a difference...

The plot seemed a very cliche one, betrayal, people you thought dead are back, people you thought were good are evil, you know typical animu stuff....




Exodus from Earth:

WOW! This game is... terrible but awesome? Have you ever seen Santa Claus Vs, The Martians? That's the only way how I can explain how I feel about this game...

First of all, the AI is the kind that's dumb yet had magic snipers bullet that never miss, I rarely do this, but I cheated and cheated HARD and... it made this so bad its funny game even funnier!

The acting is so bad! While the got actual English speaking people and it sounds right, although not convincing, it usually doesn't make any sense... Right at the beginning you meet a guy who is speaking will a secretary, speaking about how they won a trip and wanted it to be to Borneo, then he spoke like he had already been there and said something about how monkeys stole his camera... Then he insulted me and said he would get me.... I didn't do anything to him! XD

When a game gives me such a vibe I can't help but to "dick around", the kind that makes the way most people play Saints Row 2 looks serious! I was as puerile as I could be!

I played the "Axe crotch" game, which I'm hoping is self explanatory, Kamizake bomber and shooting enemies in the butt and pretend they had an "accident"... Yeah, the kind of stuff only mature gamers do, right?

Despite it having acting almost as "good" as Resident Evil 1, bad AI it did do some things that were interesting, and it's a shame it got buried in such a cheesy and shoddy game...

The most note worthy is the forcefield "puzzle", where everything is protected by forcefields, but there isn't enough energy for all and some prevent bullets from getting in, but you can walk in easily. If you activate the turrets they'll attack you, but the extra energy makes some of the forcefields weaker and you have to figure out how to get to main generator while not getting killed by the turrets...

You also reach a new planet which is kinda nice, and you encounter mutants, which are just big burly men with drills and tools instead of arms but are a relief after killing nothing but soldiers, unfortunately, you enter a factory soon after that and it's back to corridors and soldiers again...

The final part is also interesting, where you have to deal with an indestructible final boss, it rather nice to have a boss where you had to be a bit creative instead of having the obligatory battle.

The game also tries to portray the hero as the embodiment of Murphy's Law, the game even wants to make you think that he's even more unlucky than Murphy... Every loading screen has either one of Murphy's Law and the hero's one law which is basically saying that he can do worse, like "You can't fall from the floor", "Yes, you can!". it might have done more for the game if the English wasn't so poor...

If you like cheesy games, I don't think they get cheesier!





Wanna guess what I played on Talk Like A Pirate Day? Yep, Monkey Island: Special Edition!

I had already played the XBLA one and I did notice a few thing that seemed different, or at least more noticeable in this version, mostly that they forgot to update the graphic in some area and that the graphics got mixed up in some places, the PTA minutes look like the Directions to Monkey Island and vice versa!

And even though I've played the game a babillion times, I don't think I ever played it that differently, and this time I tried to steal the idol first, something I always left for last... I didn't know you got a romantic scene with Elaine after it! Since I left it for last I always got her kidnapped the moment I got out of the water!

That's all I'll say, because that's all that's different from what I said when I talked about the XBLA version...




I did play one more game, Samurai: Way of the Warrior, an iPhone game made by veterans, so it had to be great, right?

Well.... Not really, it's a very basic hack and slash that doesn't bother to explain how it works, which sucked, which is rather short and has generic enemies, which sucks...

But the game is pretty and the gore is kinda cool?

I also got my first iPhone game glitch! The game gave a blue background in the final level!

Considering it came from game veterans I expected a lot more, but it didn't actually disappoint me either... it was just O.K.?   read


8:15 AM on 09.14.2009

Battling the Backlog Week 15: Shenmue II

Since it was the US birthday of the Dreamcast last week, I thought it would be a great excuse to tackle my remaining unbeaten Dreamcast games!



Sword of the Berserk: Gut's Rage is basically a 3D brawler based on the manga with the same title. It... has his flaws?

For some reason you get MORE lives on harder levels and it has so many cutscenes for I moment I thought it was a Kojima game!

Just when I reached the final area I remember that I actually DID beat this game, which was good, since the final area isn't much fun...

While I still like it, I don't think it's aged that well...




Then I started Shenmue II and thought that I would be able to deal with ALL of my backlog of Dreamcast games before the week ended... If you've played Shenmue II you'll be laughing at me now... If you haven't massive spoilers await!




Still here? Good, I'll start with the bad...

Ryo controls like tank, like a character from a survival horror game! Also, some of the mini games are dumb... Why is it so hard to catch a leaf? I'm pretty sure even I could do it better than Ryo!

And... is it me or does EVERY GIRL IN THE GAME fall in love with Ryo? What is this? Love Hina? At least he's not slipping on thing and groping them by accident....


But that's ALL the bad things I can say about the game... The game is "epic" meaning that it takes a VERY long time to beat, I've beaten JRPGs in less time than it takes to beat Shenmue II! And I never lost that much time or event that made you lose time, actually, it seems I beat it "quickly"? It's odd how a game that's so long didn't bother me....

I'm also surprised THAT I like it! Think about it, all you do is walk and talk, follow people around do some QTEs, some minor battles, you spend more time asking questions or directions than anything else.... BUT YOU DON'T MIND!

Why? Because the game feels.... Alive? Sure the city is small compared to sandbox games like GTA, but this was mindblowing back then, and I still find it amazingly mind blowing now! The cities are filled with life, the number of people are limited and you will meet the same person several times, but you'll never see the same person in the same area twice, which helps giving the cities a sense of realism.

The game starts where Shenmue left off, Ryo's dad was killed by Lan Di, who also took the Dragon Mirror, and you've followed his trace to China....

As you get off, you start your quest for revenge.... OMG! ARE THOSE TOY CAPSULES?! Screw Lan Di! I wanna Sonicu Gatchapon! <3

*several hours and several dollars later*

Remember how you could transfer some stuff from Shenmue I (I couldn't since I lost my VMUs) well... EVERYTHING gets stolen! Huzzah! You obviously get everything back.. except your money, but this game has gambling in it!

Why do they even bother with gambling games anymore? Don't they know we just save before gambling and reset if we don't win?

I won't go THAT much into detail, but you meet a woman who thinks that your revenge will destroy and is probably in love with you... and her assistant? She's in love with you too, of course! You eventually find out that a gang in the piers might be able to help you...

The leader of the gang decided to help. but only because he thinks he'll make a fortune by helping you. He tells you to go to Kowloon, which is like this area only more maze-like and run down....

Since Kowloon was so rundown, I didn't like it as much... Don Niu as enormous guy who seems unbeatable seems to after the man that can help you and eventually captures him.

This part is basically the grand finale when it comes to action since it has the most QTE and combats, ending with a final battle with the big guy... who is oddly enough one of the easiest bosses in the game!


And then you reach the shortest, but prettiest part of the game, to find out the secret behind the Phoenix Mirror you go to a small village where the mirror was made.

There are no more battle, but still some QTEs, all you have to do is walk the path.... for a few days?! On the path you meet Shenhua, with a name so close to the title you know she's important... and that he'll fall in love with Ryo.... If they ever made the final part that is....

All you do in the final disc is... talk to girl and walk in a forest... and yet, it's great! The forest seems gorgeous even by today's standards!

When you reach her house, you find out her dad was the man who made the mirrors and is who we are looking for! So you head to the quarry where they get the special stone from and.... he's gone?

But he left a secret! A replica of the mirrors! And.. the game ends.... Of course, we all know there isn't a Shenmue III and it's likely that there will never be one, but... You can almost see how it will shape out.

It's obvious Shenhua has to do with the Hang Dynasty treasure the mirrors point to and it's likely she's the princess and sole survivor and her people. Ryo now knows that Lan Di killed his father because he thinks that his father killed his father, but we'll never know the truth....

It's a shame they never made a sequel..... Sigh....





I then tried Ecco on the Dreamcast... then I remember I don't like the Ecco series... So I quit....*shrugs*



That's about it, I've been playing a bit of KOTOR ever since it came out on Steam, but I'm far from beating it... I'm loving every moment of it though!




I did order one of those new fighter gamepads, so I'm putting off all gamepad games until it arrives, so expect to see a bunch of mouse driven games next week?   read


8:03 AM on 09.07.2009

Battling the Backlog Week 14: Arcade Apocalypse and Mega Man II

It looks like my collection wasn't completely entered in Backloggery.com... I had forgotten a few games.... Namely all the ones I had beaten, or at least the ones I thought I had beat.... It took nearly the first half of the week to get it all entered in!


I then saw that I had a LOT of arcade compilations that... I wasn't entirely sure I had beaten...


But fortunately arcade are short... and awesome... There is no way I'm going to talk about each of them individually, there is one way I sum up the madness of broken English, ridiculously awesome plots, disturbingly weird things going on...




A poop monster fighting a giant crab girl.... God I love these crazy arcade games!


The only thing I can say about the arcade madness is that I notice that many of on rail shooters have a scene in the end where if you mess up you have to restart from the beginning again? Wow, that's super annoying!




And then... I played Mega Man II! On the iPhone? Well, I have banned myself from replays, but I gave me the option of remakes or ports...

The game has the classic control and one more adapted for the iPhone, the only difference I noticed is the slow floatiness while jumping, you only stop the jump when you stop pressing the jump button, which makes the Bubble Man stage's spikes easier to dodge....

I also noticed that it had difficulty settings... I was curious... How easy could Mega Man be on easy?

Too easy! I chose the Metal Man stage for starters and... I killed him in seconds with three blasts!?

I kinda like easy games, but I almost felt disgusted and confused by seeing this game being so easy on easy! This is Capcom! EASY JUST MEANS THE GAMES MAKES YOU CRY LESS!

But then I realized something... this is probably the only chance I'll ever have to "bully" the Robot Masters!

This is my only chance I'll have to face a Robot Master without fear, with a hint of cockiness even!

It was the first time I discovered what "Item 3" really did, I never knew it could climb walls!

And I had all those songs based on the themes from the game running in my mind while playing it... The "I can't beat Air Man" one and all the Hyadain ones, and a few others... I was probably making up my own lyrics for most of them....

Oddly enough, there is only ONE enemy that seems to do significant damage on easy, the drops of acid / goo right before the final boss. I wonder if they simply forgotten to add them to the programming?

Anyway, Mega Man II is so amazing that's it's still fun to play when it's not challenging!



I think I might tackle the Sim games next, the obscure ones, the ones that aren't SIm City or the Sims?   read


8:40 AM on 08.31.2009

Battling the Backlog Week 13: Pirates! Dungeon Siege... I fail at Diablo II... and more iPhone games....

Wow... this is kinda ridiculous... My iPhone backlog is the largest of all the systems I own! But I don't think there are any good games left that could go on sale... I hope!


Sid Meier's Pirates... was glorious! I had played Pirated Gold back in the day on my Amstrad... I had memorized every type of vessel, the map, the pirates.... But I had trouble getting back into it though...

But not with the remake! The map is in game... Although I kinda miss the paper one... And all the info that I had to store in my head is now store by the game!

It seemed almost too easy! Then I remembered that you have to retire to reach the next level of difficulty, which always seemed weird to me... I had to retire a few times, only because my crew became dissatisfied no matter how much money I had!

Now the game has an actual plot, and you can (if you want to) rescue your lost family members with treasure maps, which is my favorite part of the game! And now you get to find lost cities too! I'm pretty sure you couldn't do that in the original!

Getting the Governor's daughter to like is harder though... You have to play a damn rhythm game, and I have no sense of rhythm, fortunately this game sells tons of upgrades to help with any skill and eventually it seems hard to lose that minigame!
I obviously chose a hottie, duh! But as a Spaniard I chose to side with the Spanish and only saw the Spanish people... Only later I realized that people looked different in other lands...

The game also has a villain who gives a ridiculous amount of gold and practically every upgrade you missed? Too bad he's technically the end of the storyline... I had did almost everything in the game... I had a lost city or two to find, but nobody was giving me any clues, so I just ended the game there... It looks like the higher the fame the better job you get when you retire... I was a surgeon... Not bad, I guess?

I also like how it seems you actually age, and by the time I "beat" the game I looked older, although maybe a bit too old for a 30 year old?

Anyway, since people complain that I don't post pics to make this less dull, so here's some pirates!






Dungeon Siege was a game I should have played when i came out... now it seems so generic and linear... Enough to actually bother me...

It seemed to try to copy many things from Diablo... except Diablo looks cooler...

The characters weren't interesting and I didn't like that they could be anything they wanted... spell casters, rangers.... if the spells were at least as cool looking as Diablo...

The game was boring, but not boring enough for me to quit... My reward for beating it? A lame ending and a promise for a sequel... which they actually made! Usually saying there is a sequel in the ending jinxs it!

I can't really say much more about the game.... it was bearable, but it lacked something to make it stand out...



Diablo II.... I remember playing it a long time ago and loving it... but I was playing as a necromancer and with a friend... This time I chose a Druid and was alone.... And for some reason I wasn't enjoying myself....

Either the game is only fun with friends, or I didn't chose a fun class to play....I'm going to restart the game later with a necro...



Underworlds is basically Diablo on the iPhone, it's short, it's not as hard, and has no spells and you can beat it in a few hours... But it's the reason I gave Diablo another shot and the only iPhone game that I've found to have an easter egg!



Simon the Sorcerer... felt weird... but why? Because Chris Barry (Rimmer in Red Dwarf) voiced Simon... When I played it as a kid I hadn't seen Red Dwarf... At least, not in English, but now that I've seen Christ Barry's work... I kept seeing Simon as being an unlikable git, just like the person who voiced him plays... yet Chris is a funny unlikable git... if that makes any sense... But it ruined the humor in the game for me... And maybe the jokes were a bit stale?

Scumm games iPhone don't work that well, pixel hunting is a nightmare... On an old screen that pixel that was a potion was as big as a kitten, but on the iPhone it's as tiny as a speck, even with the magnifying glass feature...which goes a bit wacky when it gets close to edge of the screen, so good luck if you need to click there...

But seriously, unless you don't own this game, don't buy it! And if you can get it on PC, play it on a PC, you won't regret it!




Prey Invasion was weird... I haven't played the original except the demo for a bit... If my character died he just went to a strange plane where he had to shoot flying things to recover energy...

And the game doesn't really save the game, if just let's you select the last "level" you reached, and by level they mean CORRIDOR! That tells you how short the game is... And when you load a "level" you start with full everything and I'm pretty sure if you reached the an area and missed a weapon the game would give it to you if you loaded the next level...

But they aiming was actually decent, as were the controls... For a game I got for 99c it was pretty decent...



Castle of Magic is a classic plataformer for the iPhone.... that seems way too forgiving and easy! The game gives you more lives than you can lose, and when you get it you lose gems that drop right next to you making them easy to pick....

It's the first game to have a cake level I've played in ages, so that's a plus in my book... But the boss was a bee and not some cake or candy.... LAME!

The controls seem decent... The virtual D-Pad is too sensitive and sometimes it senses your "right" as a "down right" which makes the character butt stomp, which can be lethal... And doesn't make sense since you never need those diagonal directions...

But then... you reach the final trek... and the game actually gets challenging.... I lost 20 lives in a level.... to unwanted butt stomps! The final boss can actually kill you and you realize the controls aren't that good anymore... He's still fairly easy... unless the controls betray in a critical moment...

The humor was weird, sometimes it felt like it was aiming to please kids and others it looked like it was aiming to please nerds with jokes only a nerd would get...

I got this game on a 50% sale and... it was on a 50% of it's 50% the very next day, which was rather upsetting and just goes to show you how insane the app store is getting lately....


The last thing I played was Sim City on the iPhone, were I built a decent city... and destroyed it! That's how you win, right? :3




My backlog is still more or less 100 games, but it seems there are still games I'm not sure I've beaten and games I somehow forgot to add, so it might stay as 100 for a while....

I think I'm going to find sometime to add ALL the game I might have missed, who knows, I might have some cool games unplayed that I had forgotten I had!   read


5:54 AM on 08.30.2009

This reporter has never played Monkey Island I pressume?

I hope this hasn't been posted before.... I guess it hasn't because I'm sure it would have make Weekend Destructainment easily!

[embed]146723:21955[/embed]

WOW! This guy obviously has never played Monkey Island! I haven't laughed so hard in ages! XD   read


9:01 AM on 08.24.2009

Battling the Backlog Week 12: Ceville, Shadow Complex, Tales of Monkeys and... more iPhone games?

Sheesh! Thanks to Touch Arcade I find a game one sale before I even have time to try the last one I bought on sale! And I don't mean games like "Bad Fake MMO You Could Play on Facebook" or "Whack a object" game, I mean games like Wolfenstein RPG or Simon the Sorcerer!


Let's start with Shadow Complex.... WOW! What can I say? It the only game to make me break my vow to not replay a game (remakes or releases on other formats don't count)!

I played it FOUR TIMES! IN.... A.... ROW!

The funny thing of Shadow Complex is that if this had been a 3D FPS even if it had the same mechanics I would have probably been bored by it...

But being a Super Metroid clone up to the 2.5D look really helped the game! Notice how I saw Super Metroid clone and not a Metroidvania game? It's because it more Metroid than Vania.

The lasers have been replaced with guns, but the rest is pretty much there! The grapple beam is here as a hook shot, the ice beam is here as a foam gun, which is actually cooler than the ice beam, but I'll talk about that later, you have the hyper speed, the wall jumping, almost everything from Super Metroid is here... But it feels more like a homage than a ripoff!

Like any Metroidvania game, it's about exploring and finding items to reach new areas, but this game has a leveling system which gives you a BIG reward every ten levels. At first you get an extra health unit, then the whole map is uncovered with all it's secrets, and then you get infinite ammo for all the secondary weapons...

The only new thing is the final piece of armor which needs 12 passcode keys hidden in the game, once you find it you unlock... invincibility! But only when you are moving slowly! You also get infinite ammo for finding all the pickups for a certain type of ammo. You can also find 12 gold bars to unlock gold weapons, which are the ONLY thing that carries over to the next game along with the level you reached... In that aspect it reminds of Dead Rising.

The foam gun is a really cool item if you know how to use it, you foam an enemy and throw a grenade at it which will stick to the foam and the most important part is that you can create paths with it! You reach areas you could only reach with upgrades you get later in the game if you know how to use the foam well...

The biggest downside are the bosses.... there mostly bipedal bots or men is suits like yours only bigger, only one was mildly creative, but there is a spot where you are always safe even on the hardest difficulty level...

Wait, did I just say hardest difficulty level? Yep! For once I actually played on the hardest difficulty level.... But only to reach level 50 and get unlimited missile ammo... In Insane mode the damage is insane and you have to be a lot more careful and you start realize that you can actually be stealthy in the game and you can make it through some areas undetected, or by using your fists on them which is won't alert the other guards unless they see you do it...

I don't know what else to say, but it's the only XBLA game since... well, Castlevania Symphony of The Night that I played until I got all the achievements, only because I wanted an excuse to play more!



Ceville... Some call it the Shrek of adventure games... only because they both take place in fairy land... and they are both comedies... Except Shrek is about a troll that belches and farts to amuse kids, Ceville is aimed at adults, specifically the adult adventure gamer...

Ceville is the ruler of Fairyanis, the land where all fairy tales live, and Ceville is... well, a tyrant! But not for long, because the minute you start the game the people revolt and kick you out! Not only that, but they put you in jail too!

In jail you meet Lilly, a nice an innocent, but not stupid girl who will help him escape, but only because he knows who will replace is worse!

The comedy of the game is... mostly pop culture references, or references to fairy tales, the pop culture references are mostly videogames ones, which the odd Asterix ones thrown in every once in a while.
But they tend to be subtle, the first one I remember is Ceville commenting on a horse saying how that for some reason he feels like reading him a boring story, Lilly says "Why? We don't need any fake teeth!". If you know your adventure games, you'll know this is a Day of the Tentacle reference, some are more obvious, but they never get carried away like Family Guy or similar shows do...

The puzzles are... logical! Which is what ALL adventure games should be like! And if you even feel stuck and look it up, you'll find out that the solution is something logical that you probably would have figured out in a few extra minutes...

Frankly, it actually felt like it's taken up Telltales approach to adventure making, and since it's my favorite way of making adventure games, it's probably why I enjoyed it so much! The game even has the subtle hint system from Telltale, which gives hints but never goes as far as telling you what to do.

The game was pretty funny and the puzzles made sense, which are the ingredients for a great adventure game in my book!



Tales of Monkey Island: Siege of Spinner Cay... Hmm, how to talk about the game without spoiling the plot or the puzzles?

Well... If you don't want spoilers, skip this paragraph?

This episode starts with ANOTHER battle at sea, but not as sea sickening as the first! And... Guybrush loses his cursed hand! How he has a hook! Cool!

And he finally meets up with Elaine and LeChuck! LeChuck is completely free of of his voodoo curse and seems to be nice and tries to help you... One of the puzzles in the game involves helping LeChuck solve a puzzle, who isn't as used to this puzzle thing as Guybrush is....

It might be only me, but I think the comedy level on this was even funnier than the last!

The hint system seemed a bit rubbish this time, he only said he wanted to plunder, which I assume means there is an item to find, but that's ALL he said!

I wonder what will Teltalle do next? What could possibly top Monkey Island?


Space Invaders: Infinity Gene.... WAS AMAZING! It's definitely the best shmup on the iPhone so far!

You control the ship by moving your finger around, but it doesn't have to be on the ship so it doesn't block your view. The Infinity Gene is an apt name since the game keeps evolving in looks and gameplay, as you unlock new levels and new weapons.

The game even gets a bit bullet hellish, but the hitbox and controls are very well adjusted so you can actually cruise through all the bullets.

The only downside is that there seems to be too many things to unlock, I probably played almost all levels three times and I think I only have half of the unlockables, but the only unlockables left is artwork and sound apparently, so I don't feels that inclined to do so.... Although I probably will!

I even tried playing a level created by a song and... I couldn't even survive till the end of the song...

I'm rather curious on how it creates the levels though....

There is a big chance that this game will be on sale eventually, but it's good enough you won't mind... probably?


Siberian Strike is a bit of a mess... It's a another shmop for the iPhone, the controls are good enough, except the charged shot which sometimes messed up my game until I figured out the charged shot wasn't even worth using...

The biggest problem here is that it seems the hitbox for this game is HUGE! And there are many MANY bullets, much more than in Space Invader Infinity Gene.. And you have limited continues, that aren't really that limited...

If you use all your continues, you just continue from the level you reached, so I don't see the point of having limited continues!

And the powerups only last a few seconds... Which is lame!



Silent Scope... Is even a bigger mess! I've never played a game of this series before, but I'm pretty sure this a very poor iPhone port of the game... All shooters on rails should shoot where you tap on the screen, dragging the cursor around is like playing with a joystick instead of a light gun!

Although it is pretty funny to see how you regain health by being a voyeur with you sniper scope!


Jelly Car... Wow! How can a physics game have such terrible physics? Or maybe a car made of jelly is supposed to control this bad? I only played the easy levels and it was a struggle with the physics and controls... Thank God it was free! And no wonder! XP   read


8:53 AM on 08.17.2009

Battling the Backlog Week 11: Banjo Tooie and iPhone game that are rather fun!

Sheesh! I should never have discovered Touch Arcade, I keep seeing mad sales for the iPhone each time I visit it!

Lion Pride is probably the first "line" game I've played on the iPhone, it's pretty basic, you drawn lines from the lioness to the prey, the quicker you draw, the faster the lioness runs.

It's supposed to have a bit of strategy and your supposed to draw a slow line with one lion to lure it into the other lion... but it didn't seem to work for me...

Fortunately you can just tap on the prey to stun them, reducing the game to tapping and drawing...

You also need to use more than one lioness on bigger prey and if the prey get close enough to the male lion it will attack it automatically, which is nice since you can only control the females...

It's only 99c, and at 6 levels... It was just OK....


Spider: The Secret of Bryce Manor was rather interesting, although technically you could call it a line drawing game too here the lines are spider silk and they worm cobwebs, this game actually needs strategy since the thread is limited and it only replenishes a bit when you eat a bug.

As a spider you can obviously jump and crawl up walls as well as the already mentioned web making...

Not only do have be careful how you spend your webs, you have to plan where to place them, most bugs have a very obvious pattern, so you must create a web that's in their path, but as you progress you'll find mosquitoes that flee from you so you must herd them to the webs, wasps that can only be leaped on and dragonflies that must be stunned with a leap and then caught on a web.

The background is pretty good drawn art, and practically plays a role too, as you find secret areas with discarded letter or other secrets to the mansion... The game also has a secret room, I found clues that pointed to it, but I never found it and the game doesn't let you replay levels to get missed items, you can only replay the whole game....

I really enjoyed the game, I loved the atmosphere and wanted to find all the secret areas in the mansion...


Banjo Tooie is a collectathon, and I love it!

Before you had to find 100 notes and 10 jiggies per level, and while you still have to find 10 jiggies, the notes are now worth 5 each so you'll never have to spend an hour looking for that stray note like before!

The game has gotten much longer and complex! You know have to the power to split up, Banjo can use his backpack in many interesting ways when Kazooie isn't in it and Kazooie is so much more agile when he doesn't have to carry that heavy bear!

And... it has FPS sections, but they aren't that hard and they shouldn't be a challenge... if you make a map of the area!

When I played it originally I only make it to Grunty's Industries and gave up, but no I wonder why I ever quit?

I frightfully easy if you get everything! You can find pages for Cheato the magic book who will give you a code that I wouldn't actually call cheats... double ammo or health regeneration are VERY helpful, but I wouldn't call them cheats, it's not like they give you unlimited ammo!

You also finally get to use the Stop N' Swap items in the XBLA version! You get.... A GAMER PIC? One of the rewards is homing eggs which is rather useful actually!

I almost got 100%... ALMOST! If you've played the game you probably know where I failed.... BLODDY Mary Canary! She has rubber band AI and I got blisters on my fingers before giving up....

Thank God you don't have to mash buttons like that anymore in games... At least I hope you don't?

Now that I've played both the Banjo games I recognize ALL the characters in Nuts and Bolts, and I get the jokes too!

If you like collectathon, Banjo Tooie is the best of them all, or at least the best one I know of!



Mevo and The Grooveriders.... Why did I get a rhythm game? If was free for a day at the App Store!

And... I actually beat it? It seems Rhythm heaven was only for hardcore fans, and it left me thinking I was the worst rhythm game player ever... I'm just not that good! XP

I actually beat Grooveriders... It's very simple. You know how in rhythm games there is a bunch of notes coming down a lane? Here it's kinda different, the characters keeps running and you only have to hit the buttons when he touches them, so the layout looks different, but you are doing the same thing...

Nothing seems to happen if you miss a note, you only lose if you miss so many your bar empties and it fills up if you get several in a row right... that's right I actually got several notes in a row right! I didn't know I could do that!

It only seems to have six levels but the game says I have to rescue my friends... Do I have to beat the game on hard? Will more levels be released later? I have no idea....

Still, it was free so I'm not complaining!

Ragdoll Blaster is laced with cracked.... I always tell myself I'll only play a few levels and it ends up being an hour later somehow!

It's a physics puzzle that looks that crayon physics because it looks like a drawing on notepad, except here you have to shoot ragdolls at a target, instead of leading a ball to one... Sounds easy? It is! But only at first!

Soon it becomes a REAL puzzler and you actually have to think and have a decent aim.... while you do have unlimited ragdolls, you are supposed to use as little as possible.

Some levels require you to be pretty fast too, specially the trash compactor, you only have seconds before the traps sends your cannon to it's doom!

Although... It does seem that the physics don't work and you do need dumb luck, in one level I only beat it because the arm of the doll got caught on a platform and slided down to the target...

With over 100 levels of mind numbing madness, I really must recommend this game!

Saucerlifter is another freebie for a day and since it's just a scorefest, I wouldn't have bought it, but for free, it OK!

The game looks like a retro game with it's vector graphics and it's feels like one too! You're an alien space ship who must blast buildings where your friends are kept, land, wait for them to get in, get back to a teleporter of sorts, land again and wait for your friends to teleport out. And you rescue more and more friends the enemies become more and are more fierce... If the game didn't have tilt controls I might have survived a little longer...

But it was free, so I'm not complaining! XP

Annie's Wild Shot is Tecmo game... where the female lead doesn't have large breasts? I guess Team Ninja wasn't involved! XD

It's a cartoony shooter, you tap on the screen to shoot, not like in the other ones, where you have to move a cursor... All shooters should use the touch screen, right? It makes sense! Anyway, each level has 2 stages, one where you have to shoot a certain number of enemies, one where you "chase the bad guy", which basically consists of shooting enemies on wagons or a train until you reach the boss, each boss has a gimmick, the first tosses paint at you, and you must wipe the screen to clean it, the second tosses bombs and you must alter between looking up and shooting bombs, while fighting him, the third one just fights you in a dark room and you must you a flashlight to see where she is, and the grand finale is... fighting them all again in a row before you duel the final boss with a quick draw...

Despite it's shortness, it felt right for a game of it's type and I definitely liked it more than the OTHER shooter I played on the iPhone next...

Doom Resurrection uses tilt control to move the cursor.... WHAT THE HELL WHERE THEY THINKING?!

And it has a cover system when you encounter enemies that shoot back... sarcastic huzzah!? And you have to press a button in time to dodge fireballs... Because they know it would be impossible to shoot them with this bloody targeting system...

You encounter weapons but you don't get to choose which to keep.. I could really have used that chainsaw for those enemies that charge at me...

A shooter on rails shouldn't be long, or at least it shouldn't feel long... I kept saying "This is the final level, right?" which probably isn't a good thing... this game is frustrating because of it's controls and because it's a shooter on rails made by FPS people... so you have to shoot enemies in the head SEVERAL times to kill them quicker... ON EASY! And a full ammo clip or two if you can hit their head... Fortunately if you die you come back with full health at the last checkpoint... but still it got annoying... specially the boss in the hell level..

You fight two bosses at the same time who keep shooting at you, you have to keep hitting the dodge button while shooting at them... if one dies, the other come towards you and beats you to a pulp...

The story.... is weird... does the game take place before the first game? Does it retell it? I don't know... people are messing with what they shouldn't and demons start to appear, that's what I can make out....

It was half price... and I'm glad I didn't pay full price...

Wolfenstein RPG, while I never played DOOM RPG, I assume this is basically the same thing but with Wolfenstein? Since it's turn based it's much friendlier than any other shooter out there, and it's a blast to play!

It is basically the game turned based, but you can now mix chemicals to create syringes, since there are no bad combinations you can experiment as much as you want.

And as an RPG, you do have to search more, you probably won't make it if you never bother to at least brake the supply crates...

The only thing that annoyed me is that gaining a level only seemed to make you regain health... at the end of the game I could swear my stats were the same as the beginning...

There a few funny bits and story somehow connects to the Doom series...

I must definitely recommend this game!


Sid Meier's Civilization Revolution was at half price for a few days... HUZZAH!

I bought the 360 version when it came out, so getting this at half price ( 3 bucks? ) was a no brainer!

It's basically the same as the 360 version, but with several graphical limitations...

You can no longer enter you palace and see what presents you've got or the paintings of famous people unlocked, but everything seems to be there....

I only played one game on the easiest level, because there is nothing more satisfying that fighting the enemy with tanks when they are still using spears!

For once I actually messed up a city because I chose a location without any production...

While it's a shame you can't really see the city you've built, it was still fun... And it has a Lite version if you're willing to try it!

I still have a backlog of iPhone game with all these mad sales going on... So you'll probably see a few more iPhone micro reviews next time too..   read





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