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Top ten most annoying video game AI! - Destructoid

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Im a Games designer from the UK who likes to write about shit (and work on a few too) and sometimes the odd gem may creep in there...



I am very into my retro gaming and Snes it up big stylee.
I own most of the games consoles and have been gaming for 20 years.

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Yeh its been done before, Yeh we all know that AI are generally useless with a weapon, useless in helping you and just down right useless. Getting stuck behind a wall, or just in the way of where you need to go. You think they are there to help you, I mean if one of them dies, you find it in your heart to revive them. Shame they never, ever, feel the same way.
These are my TOP TEN MOST ANNOYING VIDEO GAME AI ANYTHINGS!


10- The Arbiter - Halo 3, Yes thank you for helping me with one player on Halo 3 Arbiter, Thank you for having the worst aim on the ring. Keep it up and thats where I'll be shuving that plasma sword...


9- Whoever you pick in your Final Fantasy 8 party, (well its slightly more annoying with the gay cowboy in your party)


8- Every other player in Mario Kart Wii, now believe me i love this game (preferes Snes version) " but iv had it with these mother f**king blue shells on this mother f**king Rainbow Road of death"
Man, just because I'm in first place... oh now I'm last...


7- MeeMee - Sega Superstars Tennis - not only does she look horrific and as if she has down below parts on her face, And shes a bit TOO good at tennis for my liking.

6- My Fable 2 Husband Ernie
Ok so you call yourself Ernie the Thug, you carry a rusty sword on your back, classy... You look after our daughter so very well while I'm off killing Bandits and Hoobes. I come back with a fortune after saving the earth from destruction and shower you and little villager Michelle with gems and a brand spanking new castle. I give my dog a bone. Then everything changes...
HOW THE HELL DID YOU LET BANDITS KILL YOU! YOUR A THUG! You have your own sword! You should a fought back. I gave you precious gems before you were taken away which i could have instead sold on for a new hair style. Because of you my daughter was taken into care! So, not all bad then really.
Did fatherhood leave you soft, did your AI programming not allow you to take the sword off your back, where you truly happy, I never meant to take you away from Westcliff, if any of these are true i wish you had of told me... (tosser)
Sorry theres no photos of him, BECAUSE HES DEAD!


5- The AI cars in Need For Speed - Undercover. Now this is a touchy area as this game was the last game i worked on as a Games Designer, but seeing as i don't work for that developer anymore i can say what i like. Some modes in this game do not have master criminals driving pimped Gallados and your moded, rimmed and badly painted chaved up Renault Clio, but they are badly eye-sited octogenarian's who for fun or just to relive there youth would prefer to crash there health bar down themselves before i can even touch there pimped backsides.
The Cop cars fly past you and crash into walls for fun too, and they are either really useless at locating you or they instantly find you.
And not mentioning the pictures of the criminals, one of them to me, looks like a greased up vegan wearing a programmers sunglasses. Where on earth do they get losers like that from...


4- Those cheeky buggers in World of Warcraft who always show up with there Arcane Barrage and there Frostfire Bolt. Oh hang on, these are real people arnt they...


3- Navi in Legend of Zelda - "hey, listen!" or not, as the case may be for most of us.


2- The annoying blond bimbo girlfriend in OutRun 2/2006 when she says "i want to go far away"
"YES I WANT YOU TO GO FAR AWAY TOO! YOU STOP THIS GAME BEING PERFECT!! THAT SHOULD BE ME IN THAT CAR (driving it of course), NOT YOU, YOU DUMB COW"
Luckily her annoyance doesn't detract from the sublime gameplay, the beautiful surroundings and the cars(as long as they remain the color red might i add)


AND NUMBER ONE, probable the most annoying AI character of all time!
They may be small, they may be red,, they may have descended from the devil himself and resemble a guy i went to Uni with.
Those little Red Arremers are little red winged s**ts, and they fly out of know where at you and leave you in your pants (if your lucky), as if the game isn't hard enough, they fly at you from every direction, they spawn from areas of the screen you don't expect them too, like right fricking behind me, below me, above me. And even if you are no where near them, the little gimps are so fast and they mock your every movement and personally make my Snes pad best friends with the floor as Arthur lies there as a bag of rather clean and presentable shiny bones. Sorry dude, those little s**ts got me again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again and again and...
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