Or, four ways ninja gaiden II will disappoint me.

I know this post is a bit late, with the game gone gold and already reviewed, even here at Detructoid, but since a recent knee inury has left me home with my xbox instead of out at art school like I had hoped, I have been spending a lot of time with my old copy of Ninja Gaiden. Having almost completed a run of Hurricane pack 2, i'm truly looking forward to the release of it's sequel -- although oftentimes crushing, Ninja Gaiden is a welcome diversion from my dislocated knee and ruined life.

Although enjoyable, ninja gaiden is not a game without a ridiculous amount of laughable flaws. Between the disgustingly laughable story, absurdly uneven difficulty curve, frustrating gimmick enemies, and nonsensically unbalanced bosses, ninja gaiden is a game with a lot to hate. Below are what I find to be the elements that stretch the game from 'love to hate' to 'hate to love'. Also, just plain stupidity in game design.

4. The savepoint is after what?

Ninja gaiden is a difficult game. This is a well noted fact. Regarded as one of the most difficult action games of the last console generation, picking up ninja gaiden without expecting to have your ass handed to you on multiple occasions is absolute foolishness. Between the blisteringly fast combat, complex and necessary combo list, dizzying enemy attack sequences, and brutally long levels, ninja gaiden is truly a game that requires some investment of time to master.

However, beyond all this, it is also viciously and mercilessly unfair. Blind corners into enemies that will kill you in a single combo -- only noted by a telltale nod of the camera, trying to track the enemy through a wall. 10 minute duels against Bosses more than capable of draining half your health bar in a single strike. Absurd mobs of enemies that will break your blocks and strike you as you end every combo, leaving your only viable tactic a dive/roll/long lather rinse and repeat that demonstrates powers of Ryu's that fall somewhere inbetween crippling autism and debilitating muscle spams.
The cruelest element of the game, however, is the placement of save points. Whether in a labyrinthine corridor where only a walkthrough or incredible luck will keep you from stumbling into a boss fight before the pre boss savepoint, or the devastating 'I finally beat the boss i've been fighting for an hour! And in the next room is... shit, demons', ninja gaiden's level design leaps well beyond challenging and into the realm of outright sadism. Even after a hard earned triumph over extraordinary challenges, the game will not think twice about throwing a room full of Rocket launcer soldiers at the wounded player, or spawning a room full of demons as they approach the telltale glow of a save point.


You will see this a lot --ninja gaiden's scripters must take a perverse joy in placing unskippable cutscenes before difficult fights.

Ninja gaiden is a game with control issues, and even if you are playing exactly as it intends you, it will not hesitate to blacken your eye just to show you who is boss. More of the intense, fair challenge of the basic combat model, and less of the cheap shit, would be welcome in Ninja Gaiden II. But i've heard they just stack bosses inbetween savepoints now. Bravo.


3. Why can't my ninja wear sleeves?

What, exactly, is badass about coming to a fight underdressed? I do not quite understand it -- or any of Team Ninja's character design. For each rare instance of a cool looking badguy or monster, there are a dozen embarrassingly silly looking characters. Ryu's skintight latex is only bat nipples away from as ridiculous as an outfit could possibly get. Rachel's designer leather swimsuit is a joke -- beyond the natural flaws of revealing attire for combat with demons, it's about as far from attractive as it is impractical. I can understand the 'dress down' design principle on female action game characters. Very few players will honestly object to a little T&A, but with execution this juvenile and amateur it's very hard to find anything redeeming in even a 'stupid fun' sense.


Beyond just embarrassing, rachel's leather 'combat gear' is hard to even look at. But i guess you aren't supposed to look at her clothing.

Even if you can appreciate a mishmash of anime aesthetics, it's hard to say anything redeemable about team ninja's character design. With so much great concept art coming out of japanese developers, it's a shame that one of the most technically capable of their big name franchises' art direction is such a joke.

Also, take a shot every time you see a demon or 'greater fiend' with something obviously phallic in their character design. Actually, don't -- i wouldn't want alcohol poisoning on my conscience.


2. GHOST FISH!?

Ninja gaiden is a game about ninjas. Ninjas, as i'm sure you are pretty well aware, are hardcore. Ryu Hyabusa can block rockets. Outright block them. He can take a bullet to the chest and never flinch. He slays the strongest of demons, bests the most masterful of ninjas, and saves the world from the eeeeeevilll darrk dragon blaaaade.

His one weakness? Ghost fish. These are, perhaps, the most ridiculous part of the game. Unblockable, undodgeable, quick respawning and incredibly deadly, the bite of a single ghooooost fiiiiish will paralyze our hero, holding him in place as a thousand more cut through the ectoplasmic waves and feast upon him. Ghost fish, basically, are the most vicious enemy in the game, by far -- and since they do not really exist within the normal dodge/counter/block combat model, easily the least fun to fight.


ghooooooost fiiiiiiiiiish~

How they exist at all is a total mystery to me. My theory is that after a while team ninja realized that despite all of its' flaws, ninja gaiden was a little too fun. After carefully studying what parts of the combat were enjoyable, they carefully programmed ninja gaiden's very own Medusa Heads. Abominable mockeries of the game's high speed combat, ghoooost fiiiiiish can only be defeated safely by standing in place and repeating the same combos -- carefully, because if you end your combo at the wrong time a fish will grab you inbetween blows, and you'll be held immobilized as wave after wave of them home in and kill you.

Beyond the obviously gameplay problems, i can't quite wrap my head around why there are ghost fish in the game. What the fuck happened? Actually, to my knowledge you do not see a single living fish in the entire world. A few giant sea creatures with arms, sure, but fish? Not one. Perhaps something terrible happened, leaving the former residents of Tairon's once glimmering oceans to forever wander the earth. I don't care. Ghost fish are a cruel joke, and simply shouldn't exist in this game.

1. The EVIL DARK DRAGON BLADE. PASSED DOWN THROUGH GENERATIONS.

I hate this game's storyline. Truly, it actually detracts from the rest of the game -- some feat, considering how easy it should be to tune out. From the opening monologue when you turn on the game, as bizarre rant about dragon's teeth and 'strong, capable hands' or something, to every cutscene throughout the game, ninja gaiden is a game that is difficult not to cringe at, and even harder to play in front of other people.

This guy liked it, i guess. Read his synopsis at your own risk -- you are staring into the face of madness, and you will feel the cold eyes of some eldritch thing glaring back.

Ryu's dialogue has a stilted toughguy delivery, but it manages to stand as the highlight of the game's story and characters. Between its' awkwardly weaving plot, nonsense setting, and awkwardly comical characters, Ninja gaiden's story is perhaps its' weakest point.

Set in the Masamune-Shirow-fanfiction bizarro world first thrust upon us in Dead or Alive, ninja gaiden's setting is one that gets more starkly disappointing after every turn. Seemingly conceived by a twelve yearold anime fan, the world of Dead or Alive lifts every grotesque anime cliche imaginable, and not blends, but rather simply scatters them together in some disgusting potpourri. I cannot imagine the zoning arrangements in the city of Tairon --the only fashioned blacksmith is a street away from the nightclub, the military base just outside of the gates' fortifications must have wreaked havoc on the zombie infested tombs below, and, what, zeppelins? Boarded by ninjas? Is this a joke? Sadly, this only seems about to get worse in Ninja Gaiden 2. Just look.


...

I've actually brought myself down a bit. I'm not sure i'm excited about Ninja Gaiden 2 so much, when i look at Itagaki's track record. D:

What do you think? Will NG2 make amends any of the first game's glaring flaws? It's about to be released, i guess we'll all see soon.