I heard some of you are going to Pax this year. Actually, I hear a lot of you are going this year. Sadly however, I will not be able to attend this year... or will I? Actually no I won't be able to... but you can take adopt my avatar to rub it in my face! "But Monk, why the hell would I take your avatar with me? You're just a giant bag of dicks!" That last part may be true, but here is why you should take me... Erm, my avatar to Pax!

1. He's Sub Zero... what else do I need to say? He's easily the best character in Mortal Kombat and is probably the coolest. Get it? Did you see what I did there? ...I really need to stop with those bad jokes.

2. My lord... he has ice cream in his hands. See? He thinks of the children.

3. You will be carrying around the avatar of a pro. Everyone will fall to their knees and bow. Everyone will fear and respect you equally.

4. I have never, ever done this before, so you would be the lucky individual to bring SuperMonk4Ever to Pax.

5. I noticed a lot of you are also going to Halo Fest. Maybe you can get me a couple swag items or signatures. You know, because Halo is one of my favorite game franchises.

6. ...Because you are such a nice person?

On a more serious note though, I would greatly appreciate it. You have no idea how badly I want to be up there with the lot of you. By adopting my avatar, you will have a little piece of me with you. Knowing that little piece of me will be with great people and being with your great times fills my heart with joy. So please, adopt him today, or do you want this to happen to you?



Thank you all for reading this short entry, I hope one of you all can make my semi-dream come true and take my avatar to Pax!

So, I came home from work last night to find a certain package from a certain person was lying on my bed. It might have had anything in there but like the brave man I am, I opened it and studied the items of interest.



I had my dog Jack ready in case anything bad happened.



Hmmm... I told someone that I wanted to get back into comics a while back. I will definitely give this a read in the near future.



Wh... What the? A past OXM featuring Bulletstorm?



Hint: It's not that great...



This is actually for my brother. He is a pretty big Deadmau5 fan, so being the good man he is, Gareth sent Eric one of his most popular albums 4 x 4= 12.



Here's the inside of the case... duh.



For months now, Gareth has been trying to convince me to pick up Modern Warfare 2. I have been stubborn and rejected the game. Well... I guess i really don't have an excuse now, do I?



Here's Gareth's letter to Eric and I. You have done so much for me, you brought me into this community and have provided hours upon hours of great moments. You are one of our best friends, I cannot express my gratitude enough.
PS- I think Superman can be a dick too.



Wow... this kinda made me lose it when I first saw it.

Thanks Gareth, I loved everything you sent me! I'm still not so sure what to make of the OXM magazine but... MARIA! Best bros for life son! But now... here's a little something for you.

So guess what? I got a package today! Yaaaaaayyyyyayayayayayay! Who's it from this time you might ask? It's from the one and only ChillyBilly, one of my best bros around! Lets take a look at what he sent, shall we?



This is what I found taking up my mailbox today... fucking space hogger.



Sup bro?

So let's open this bad boy and see what's inside...



*Looks at calendar* Hey Chilly, you missed April Fo... Oh wait...



Haha... yeah, there we are!



Hell yes, Castlevania: Lord of Shadows! I have been meaning to pick this up!



Oh? And he sent me a Pip-Boy Fallout 3 Bobble head? AWESOME!



Fun fact: I wanted to get the special edition just for the bobble head.



For now, I have him resting on top of my my big old 90s television!

Seriously, I love you Chilly. You are the man, much love bro. I owe you one big brofist.

Yesterday was the fifth anniversary of Destructoid and I have been here for a while. Mostly a lurker until a a little over a couple years ago when I started posting in the forums and then made my first (shitty) blog shortly after. Since then, I have grown from a boy into... and man that acts like a boy. I thought it might be appropriate to celebrate this by taking a look back and take in what Destructoid has done for me. From playing games that I would have never given a second though about to meeting my second family, my bro family. None of this would be possible without Destructoid, my home away from home. I will be here till the day I die, that, or my fingers fall off from all of the typing. So lets take a look at some of the things that Destructoid helped bring to light for me.



Super Meat Boy

I have never really been that big into the indie scene. I have always just brushed them off as flash games that people make that aren't worth my time. Well, I was ignorant to think that way. Destructoid showed off Super Meat Boy to the point where I couldn't be more excited for it before it came out. Thanks to all the coverage that was presented; I bought the game the week it came out and I love it. The pain, suffering, yelling, crying and satisfaction all made it worthwhile. Super Meat Boy is the first game that made me curse so much, I was asked to stop cursing and yelling by my neighbors. It stands as one of my favorite arcade games of all time and I would have never picked it up if it weren't for Destructoid. So thanks for all the pain and misery, you bastards. <3



Amnesia: The Dark Descent

I had no idea this game existed before I saw the review that brought the game to my attention. Now, some of you know I am not that big on PC gaming. I might play more if my current computer wasn't a single processor laptop that is four years old. However, from all the other reactions from other Dtoiders, I thought I might give it shot. Thank god it was the weekend sale on Steam that week. I bought that and downloaded within the day. I might of had to play it on the lowest setting so it wouldn't chug but that didn't stop me from being scared shitless. I have never been scared or paranoid thanks to a game before Amnesia. The atmosphere, puzzles and horrible events that took place in that game was enough to easily put it in one of my top ten games of all time. There were points where I was screaming and had to stop playing because of how scared I was. Seriously, play it, you will not regret it at all.



Hey Ash Whatcha Playing? (HAWP)

Never would I have imagined that one of my favorite series would be a web series. I started watching HAWP after the first season ended, bored and nothing to do. I instantly loved every episode and bought the season one DVD that day. Since then, I have caught every new episode the day it is uploaded. I even stayed up to 1am to watch GTTV to catch the newest one. Once I get paid this week, I am going to order season two. You guys deserve all the success and more.

There are other games that I would've skipped as well, such as Alan Wake, Deadly Premonition and Darksiders. All those unique games got lost in the shuffle to other AAA games sadly. Without your coverage of the smaller AA and indie games, I would probably be one of those gamers that only play shooters. *Shudders* Destructoid isn't only about the stories and games though. It also has the best community I have ever had the chance to come in contact with. I feel honored to know these people and even talk/play with them. I don't feel as if I am not interesting or cool enough to even know these phenomenal people. I could go on and on about how I feel so lucky to just post here and know some of you read my blogs. I feel it is appropriate to address some of these fellow Dtoiders that have had a massive impact on my life...

GarethxxGod: You are the first Dtoider that ever invited me to play with you. You have always been there to have a great time with. I love to hear you rage sometimes in COD or whatever else we are playing. You are my best friend here and will always be, never ever change my friend. You will always be part of my Bro Family.

Chilly Billy: You have done so much for me, providing me with many LIVE codes and other items. I cannot begin to explain how much I appreciate everything you have done for me. You are someone that I could just hang out and just talk with. You have a special place in my Bro Family.

Occams Electric Toothbrush: You are probably the classiest, funniest and most original person on this site. You are probably one of the most generous as well. It is never a dull moment when you are involved, I cannot imagine Destructoid without you.

Knutaf: You always know how to bring a crowd together and have a fun night. All those hours of Halo: Reach have been a blast.

MrAndyDixon: You always know what to say, never ceasing to amaze me. One moment you are spewing boner-isms and then the next you can be serious. Seriously man, never, ever change one thing about you.

Lenigod: You are just... plain awesome. I'm not sure how to put how awesome you are into words. You are just an amazing guy to play with, being able to pull yourself away from your Gran Turismo 5 to play with us. ;)

Epic-KxDtoid: For that one L4D2 game we played. Funfunfunfunfun

SteezyXL: You are just too cool for school. I'm sorry I have to put you in your place sometimes, but I do it out of love. You are one of the best, it's always fun whether I am fighting with or against you.

Law of Thermal Dynamics: I haven't been able to play with you that much, but I can tell you are already an amazing guy. I always look forward to your interviews as well, you bring so much to the community.

The Commentoid Team: I just wanna give you guys a shout-out, keeping track of the best of the best comments. It is always hilarious and interesting to read what you guys think the best comments are. Keep em coming guys.

Last but not least, I would like to thank the person that made this all possible, Niero. Thank you so much for bringing these games and people into my life. You are truly a man that deserves the respect of everyone in this industry and more. I wish the best for you, you are amazing. I cannot thank you enough for making what seemed like a massive task possible. Happy (belated) Birthday. :)

There are so many other people I could thank from the community to the editors. I say thank you to everyone here, my heart is filled with joy just knowing you people. You have no idea the impact on my life you all have on my life everyday. I think the only way I can truly express this is through a classic song. If you grew up in the 90's, it might be familiar to you. So with all the love I can give, thank you so much Destructoid.

-SuperMonk4Ever



[img]http://senorgif.memebase.com/2011/04/01/funny-gifs-just-one-more-time/?utm_source=embed&utm_medium=web&utm_campaign=sharewidget"><img class='event-item-lol-image' src='http://chzgifs.files.wordpress.com/2011/03/doitjustonemoretimep1.gif' title="Do It Just One More Time... Gif - Do It Just One More Time..." alt="Do It Just One More Time... Gif - Do It Just One More Time..." height="210px" width="273px" /></a><br />see more <a href="http://senorgif.memebase.com?utm_source=embed&utm_medium=web&utm_campaign=sharewidget[/img]

We all know who Occams Electric Toothbrush is. We all know how awesome his is as well. Well, this gentleman has graced me with one of the best things I have ever received. His package came in today, and it was like Christmas morning all over again. So let me share with you what this marvelous man game me.



I thought about leaving Occams's address in, but I don't want the man getting more ass than myself. You're gonna have to try harder than that. Now lets see what we have here...



A COSSET TAPE?! WHO USES THOSE?! Actually, my car only uses cosset tapes, so I will have to give it a listen to when I drive to work tomorrow. Sad about the necklace though, unless it was already like this, the lobster was broken off of the necklace. Now if I see an Rock Lobster posts... I will kill you.



Some of Occams's famous Garbage Pail kid cards. It still amazes me that these things were even really made. You know, with the child violence thing being a big button of controversy and all. How the hell did that one kid though get his head impaled by that bar though? BLACK MAGIC I SAY!



Some other random cards here. Occams, you really need to get out of my childhood mind. I fucking loved Dinosaurs when I was younger. You know which ones I loved the best? Flying Dinosaurs. Seriously Occams, stop it, you are creeping me out here.



You know those little comic flip books churches gave at fairs? Well, this is one of them and... I don't really know what to say about this. It is about an Islam and Christian arguing about whose religion is right and who is wrong. Apparently, Islam religion is the work of the Devil trying to deceive you.



I'm not sure if Occams is trying to tell me something now... *Strokes chin*



Two of my favorite games series of all time! The MGS is a small walkthrough about how to beat Metal Gear Rex and Ocelot at the end of the game. Now I just need to get passed Sniper Wolf to get that far. As you can tell, the second is how to draw characters from Donkey Kong. Everyone knows Donkey Kong has better games than Mario anyways.



Why is this in the front cover of the Donkey Kong book though? It seems like someone disapproves of Donkey Kong. Seems like I will have to teach someone a lesson... *Cracks Knuckles*



This... Book... Is... The... Best... Kids... Book... I... Have... Ever... Read! Apparently, the reason Godzilla came to Japan was because all the other monsters on Monster Island didn't like him. He was too powerful and big to play with. So Godzilla roamed the Earth, trying to find a place to make friends. Everytime he met someone new though, they would just run away. At the end, he comes back to Monster Island and stops Gigan and Megalon from bullying the other monsters. Gigan and Megalon fall in the volcano but Godzilla decides to save them, earning all the monsters friendships on the island.



You know you have an epic fail on your hands when Godzilla face palms.



It may deceive you, but this is one of the best things in this package. Wanna know why?





That should explain why.





...I have no idea what to make of these pictures. Maybe you all can... I am just completely lost.



Hey, it's one of those grow your own _____ things! It's a treasure though... I guess Occams figured out I was after his booty... ARGH! ...Wait though, what's rubber banded to the back?



Awww, well, you are part of my heart bro. You are part of my bro family man, much love. <3



At first, my family thought it said "Shoot Heffer"



No idea why Occams would want to shoot Heffer, maybe... just maybe he hates cows. That cow hater. Anyways, the CD has a pretty awesome mix of a wide variety of songs. I love the first one by the way, classy intro. ;)



FINALLY! My own Cthulhu! I have already put him to work...



He's guarding my iPod! Now I know who to blame if it goes missing again.

Thank you so much for everything Occams, you are one of the reasons why I have made Destructoid my home. You are one of the brightest shining lights man, never change and never disappear. If you do, we will all find you.

Note: I will be talking about certain spoilers about the original Darkness game. If you are going to play the game before the second one releases, I STRONGLY recommended you skip this blog. So this is your warning. Turn back now or forever be spoiled.

It is no secret that the Darkness is one of my favorite games of this generation. The gunplay, powers, tone and gripping story of vengeance kept me all the way to the end. The Darkness, for anyone the skipped my spoiler alert, is a game about Jackie Estacado, a mobster that was taken in when he was just an orphan. The man that took Jackie was "Uncle" Paulie, a vicious man that controlled the Italian mob that Jackie was brought into. On his twenty-first birthday, Jackie receives a gift that will forever change his life, The Darkness. After that point on, the game takes Jackie through a roller coaster ride through Hell and back... literally. Starbreeze Studios did such a magnificent job bringing life to the story of ever struggling mobster. They did such an excellent job on the game that it is one of the few games that has actually almost made me cry. We will talk about that more later though...

Last month, the Darkness II was officially announced and I cannot contain my excitement. After reading an article in the newest OXM, I know I will pick up this game day one. Here are the reasons the first one has hyped me up and what I look forward to...



Combat

The original Darkness game played a bit... stiff. Every way Jackie moved or performed a task, it just felt slow and stiff. One of the other small complaints is that there is only a handful of moves you could use with the Darkness. Well, from what I've read, most of these problems have been heard. The gun combat, as I've read, is fast a brutal. Bullets and sparks flying everywhere in a wonderfully chaotic symphony. Blood flies as limbs are shot or... ripped off. New Darkness powers also come with this sequel, and they sound devastating. Some of the new devastating executions include moves like the Daisy Pop (yanking off an enemies head) and the Anaconda (wrapping one of your Demon Arm's around the enemy, you pop the second one right out of his chest). The demon arms aren't restricted to only certain executions now however. The left Demon Arm can be used to grab, wield and throw objects at enemies. You can even pin an enemy to the wall with a lead pipe if you aim it just right. The right Demon Arm can be used as a brutal slasher. You can cut in all different directions with the right arm and even cut off their limbs in an oh such satisfying way. We have also been told that you can combine these moves, grabbing an enemy, slicing him up to a bloody pulp and then throw him into another enemy.

You remember those little Darklings you could summon in the first one? Yeah, remember how useless they were? I never once used them except for a diversion, but they didn't usually last that long anyways. Well, this time around, they are going to attempt to have you tied to one Darkling. He is said to be more useful that the precious incarnations and brings some of the dark humor. Yes, that includes him peeing on corpses. He is said to actually have an impact on the story as well, which I rather look forward too as well.



Mike Patton

Some of you has expressed to me that you don't care for Mike Patton's music career, which is understandable. However, you cannot deny that he did a phenomenal performance as the Darkness. You object against me, I will find you and punch you in the balls three times.





Story

The story drove me to want to continue in the first Darkness. The betrayal and struggle with one's self kept me going. The original took you to hell and back and then back to hell again. Jackie's quest for vengeance and the blood of those that killed his love, Jenny, drew me in and didn't let me go until it was all over. Well, I was excited beyond belief when they announced that writer Paul Jenkins (who has done many The Darkness issues and wrote the script for the first game) was on board for the sequel.

SPOILER: I am going to discuss the preview of the story that we know so far about The Darkness II. Skip this paragraph if you want to go in knowing nothing. The Darkness II takes place three years after the original game. Still haunted by Jenny's death, Jackie is seeing visions of Jenny. These visions made a tiny appearance in the original Darkness about young Jenny so who knows what they could be. Currently, Jackie's mob is in a gang war with a different mob, swapping bullets all through the streets of New York. This isn't all though, Jackie gets kidnapped by a small group that know about the Darkness and want it for themselves. This could lead to an interesting enemy type, instead of just fighting people with guns.

As the game gets closer to it's release date this fall, more info will slowly pop up. The anticipation is killing me to get back in the shoes of my old friend Jackie and help him with his demons. The original is one of the few games that almost brought me to tears. Jenny's death made me want Paulie's blood as much as Jackie wanted it. If the sequel is anywhere close to as good as the original, we will have another classic on our hands.



Read the newest OXM for more info/screeshots of The Darkness II!