As inspired by.

Good evening, and welcome to the "Judgmental Eye of God," game reviews for the insanely Conservative Christian in all of us.

Tonight, we're going to review a new "Tactical RPG'' from Square Enix called "Final Fantasy Tactics 2: Grimoire of the Rift." As the title suggests, this game contains a "Grimoire," or a book of spells. Without spoiling the story too much, I can reveal that the titular spell book is used for various godless acts, such as summoning Demons, creating a mockery of all gods creations, and also skipping Sunday School!

The story follows a young Christian named "Luso," who was on his way to Sunday School one day, but is then forced to clean a Library by his Atheist teacher. His teacher hopes to "trick" him into denouncing god by surrounding him with books filled to the brim with atheist propaganda! Luso beings to doubt his faith, and angers god, whom then sends Luso to the 16th circle of hell, also known as the "Never Ending Story" realm.


One of the books contained in the Library, responsible for causing Luso to anger god.

Once in Hell, Luso sells his soul to a man named "Cid" (Who has Horns, similar to Satan's!). In exchange, Luso cannot die when in this dark realm. The contract will be null and void, however, should Luso fail to abide by the rules of Satan's minions, known as "Judges." Then Cid/Satan and Luso work together to murder one of gods creations, a Gigantic Chicken (Possibly a Gigantic Angel? I would think so.). Following the battle, Luso and Cid are rewarded for their heinous actions against god with something known as "XP." This "XP" is used to make Luso and his minions even more powerful. The goal being to become more powerful than even GOD HIMSELF!


Luso's "Dark Master," Cid.

The gameplay is filled with satanic messages, as well. For starters, Luso and all of his minions are able to "Shed" the form god gave them, and become something entirely different through the "Job" system. There are over 50 jobs in all, each representing a type of warrior that Satan plans on using in his army.


This is but a SMALL sample of the army that will follow Satan and Luso into battle!

A large part of the jobs available are composed of "Magick" users. "Magick," however, is simply a clever misspelling of MAGIC! Nice try Satan, but I will not be fooled so easily!
As you'd expect, these Magick users often wield dark powers, such as FIRE and CURE! They can even summon thunder from the sky, or bring the dead back to life, IN MOCKERY OF GOD!

The tactical gameplay, while enjoyable, is little more than a training program. It is intended to prepare our youth to guide a demonic army in battle! It replicates both the combatants (occasionally, players will be asked to murder Angels and Babies) and the pace (Many religious scholars agree Judgment day will be "Turn-Based") of the Holy War, perfectly.

All in all, I cannot recommend this game to ANYONE, unless they're a godless atheist. If you are a godless atheist, then I think you'll enjoy it, just like you enjoy making JESUS CRY!

ONE HOLY TRINITY OUT OF FIVE!