As inspired by Volition's FANTASTIC advert.

Today Rockstar North announced that it is well into the development of GTA 5, the newest member of the illustrious Grand Theft Auto series. Leslie Benzies, GTA 5's producer, had this to say regarding the new game:

"I am very excited for this new entry in the series, and I feel we have even further evolved the franchise since GTA 4. Longtime fans will also be excited to hear we're continuing what GTA 4 started. This will be the most Mature and Artsy-fartsy GTA to date!"

We got a chance to speak with Leslie, and asked him what new features GTA 5 would introduce, he replied:

"Well, its not that we're adding to the fanchise, so much as that we are taking away. Think of it as though we were 'Trimming off the fat' with GTA 4, being rid of all the 'Silly' and 'unrealistic' gameplay elements introduced in San Andreas. Now, with GTA 5, we are going to continue carving up that metaphorical steak, till it is little more than a bone with stringy bits of dried meat and char hanging off of it. This is simply the most logical next step to take with the series."

Leslie continued:

"For starters, despite our best efforts with GTA 4, we're still far from achieving a true realism. This fact was brought to our attention by an industry veteran, who wishes to remain anonymous, that sent us a wonderfully Informative and helpful letter.''

''The first step we took towards total realism was the removal of all weapons from the game. It's silly to think that anyone could carry any firearms in this day and age, let alone that many. We also removed the melee combat system, as we felt no one in their right mind would willingly harm another human being. And on that note, we also removed driving. We felt players would be too tempted to drive into a crowd of people, or run over a puppy, or something ghastly like that."

At this point, we told Leslie that those were terrible idea's, as he was basically removing the features that made the series popular. He disagreed:

"Gamers no longer care for such archaic acts of violence. To them, the ideas of 'shooting an enemy' or 'using weapons to accomplish objectives' are barbaric, and they'll have none of it! And so, we've replaced those features with an expanded relationship system, and a few new side missions such as 'Baby-Sitting' and 'Bake Sale.' "

Leslie wouldn't reveal any more concerning the new features, so we asked him if he could shed any light on the new main character, as well as the new setting:

"GTA 5 will take place in Salt Lake City, Utah, where you'll play as Jackie Begoode, an Eagle Scout with a dark past! The story will begin with Jackie getting a new job as a Librarian. Little does he know, that the owner of the Library also runs a Pet Adoption Clinic, where Jackie agree's to do some volunteer work when he's not to busy, and thats when the story REALLY starts to take off!"

That is, unfortunately, all the time Leslie had for us. Stay tuned for future developments, but I think we can all agree that GTA 5 will be the most artistic and realistic game this century, and we can't wait!

- That Guy

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