I really hate you god damn gamers.

Every game I've ever loved, you shat all over. Every game I ever had a negative opinion of, you adored. One day, I will form a dark pact with Jack Thompson himself, and rid the world of your kind.

But, until that day comes, lets chat a bit about all the games that have received a bad rap for one reason or another, and lets do something that has never been done before, ever (With the exception of highly anticipated sequels and popular franchises). Lets look past the flaws that earned these games such spite from you god damn gamers, and look at them in a much more positive light.

I know, "Positive" is a scary word. At least it is to me. Here, just hold my hand. I'll keep you safe.

First up is Yakuza, a PS2 brawler from Sega that received a gigantic "meh" when it launched.


This is Kazuma, the main character of Yakuza. He has a tattoo, and he punches people.

Now, Yakuza is notorious for its terrible dialog, and shallow gameplay. And, these are valid complaints, for the most part.Yes, the Dialog is Horrendous, mainly due to ambitious use of the term "Fuck." Everyone says it, a lot.

Another, less offensive, aspect of the bad Dialog is a large amount of pointless conversations and diatribe. Not every exchange moves the story forward, but at the very least they serve the purpose of reinforcing relevant parts of the story and gameplay (Food heals you, those guys are "Mother Fuckers," Combo's are good, Kazuma is going to "Fuck those guys up," Those guys are going to "Motherfucking pay for reals," etc, etc.)

None of this ever bothered me, however, because I was having far to much fun with the gameplay and the bits of the story that were actually interesting.

Fun Gameplay? But its shallow, right?

While it may be shallow, Shallow doesn't mean "Bad," it simply means it's not "Deep." Yakuza doesn't task you with remembering complex button combinations, or 3 different types of counters. Theres the two attacks (Heavy and Light), Grabs, Dodges, and special moves.

Theres also different items you can take into battle with you, such as wooden swords and metal pipes, equipment that enhances Kazuma's defense and attack power, and multiple area's of character development that use an experience system, similar to one you'd find in an RPG.

Also, you can pick up just about anything around you and use it as a weapon, such as street signs and garbage cans. Oh, and each weapon has its own set of combo's, and Kazuma's "Special move" changes based on what weapon he's using, as well as the positioning of his opponent (Curb stomping, anyone?).

There's also tons of stores, items, side missions, random battles, a huge pile of locker keys to be found that can give you some nice bonus goodies, and various mini-games...

Where was I? Oh, yeah, I was talking about how "Shallow" Yakuza is! Let me put it this way. Yakuza is as shallow as the bastard child of Dragon Quest and River City Ransom would be, because that's basically what this game is.

So there you have it, Yakuza is great, and you should play it.

Though, I'm sure quite a few members of the Dtoid community already have. You guys never let me down (With the exception of that time you all totally let me down) . When the world is mine, you'll all get a jet ski.