Lately it feels like DLC is used by companies just to shore up a little extra sales during the slower parts of the year. Often times it's overpriced, and doesn't add much to the overall experience of the game itself. It's been awhile since I've dropped some duckets on DLC, but if the following were available, I would do so in a heartbeat.

5. Randy "The Ram" Robinson, WWE: Legends of Wrestlemania



I'm not a big wrestling fan, but I am a big Darren Aranofsky fan. I am an even bigger Mickey Rourke fan, especially post "I'm going to go into boxing and get my face jacked up and go bonus round with some terrible plastic surgery" era. I played the demo for Legends of Wrestlemania and pretty much hated it, but I felt like it was a huge missed opportunity for THQ to not secure the rights for Randy "The Ram" Robinson as a promotional gig, especially since both game and DVD of the film were released around the same time. I know the game has a create-a-player mode, but I want Mickey Rourke's face mapped onto the model, and his voice work included as well. Can't a brother throw a Ram Jam?

4. "Soul Blade" theme song, Soulcalibur IV



I remember booting Soul Blade up on my PS1 and thinking that the wailing butt-rock/strings arrangement that greeted me was of mana from heaven. Then the lyrics kicked in. I'm aware that you can purchase a music pack from the original arcade version, but I'm a little unclear as to whether or not the title song is included in this pack (if I'm wrong, correct me). I literally cannot imagine anything more hilarious than my Tonfa-swinging, monocle wearing, butler themed created player named "Mr. Fiddlesticks" wailing away on some Voldo butt while this plays in the background.

3. Jet Pack, Saint's Row 2



Saint's Row 2 is pretty high on my list of 'best games released in the past three years'. It's great because, unlike a certain more newsworthy cousin, SR2 is not interested in being important, it's interested in being fun. Doing wheelies on a dirtbike while dressed as a pirate while your cross-dressing co-op partner fires rockets off the back at a trailing SWAT van is something everyone should experience. Imagine my surprise when we got another terrible glut of DLC. I don't know what Volition's problem is, but terrible follow-up has plagued both SR2 and it's precursor. SR2 did better by having actual missions, but they all seemed like afterthoughts. The less said of crap like the 'UnKut pack', the better. I was really hoping for something new and amazing. Something that would add to the insanity of the already insane game. Something like Jetpacks. Apparently Volition is all done with SR2 DLC, so there's little hope for that dream becoming a reality. It hurts all the more to see its brother-from-another-mother, Red Faction: Guerrilla come shipped with a jetpack available in the vanilla release.

2. Vader Mode, Star Wars: The Force Unleashed



Let me get this straight. You create a unique model, with unique animations, including a unique replacement power (Vader rolls a force choke rather than force lightning), and you only use him for one level? And it's a level you can't access from the mission select? What the hell? After beating the game the first time, I was looking forward to the possibility of unlockable Vader. Alas, I was to be disappointed. Then I thought, hell, DLC? Maybe some challenge modes? Again, nothing. Out of everything on this list, this is the one that baffles me the most. It's right there. Why not just do it and get it done with? Don't get me wrong, I'm super excited about the new content (see: blog from yesterday), but not covering what should have been a given is a glaring missed opportunity on the part of the designers with this one.

1. Sam Fischer's Emo Haircut, Splinter Cell: Conviction



No explanation needed. Look at it.

LOOK.

AT.

IT.

Sam Fischer is a grown-ass man. With a haircut like he's the missing member of Fallout Boy. This is the super spy equivalent of your dad buying a corvette in his mid forties. It is awesome, and there was no one more disappointed to see its removal in the newest batch of footage than yours truly. Forget the 'wall projected mission objectives', or Jason Bourne inspired fist-fights, I want to play as the recently divorced Sam Fischer who kicks ass by day and goes home to his shag-carpeted one-bedroom apartment at night, flicks the lava lamp on, and watches Smokey and The Bandit marathons. That's my hero. That's an American hero.

---

So, games industry, I've just given you a post full of freebies. Get on it. Give the people what they want.