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StriderHoang's blog

Strider's Smash journal of glory
12:45 AM on 10.21.2014
Strider's top 10 fetishes I can't believe I'm doing this
7:01 PM on 10.13.2014
Well I'll be a monkey's uncle! I call dibs on Diddy Kong!
2:27 PM on 09.26.2014
Strider's filthy casual Smash guide to Villager
3:10 AM on 09.23.2014

I was one of the fated chosen who reached platinum status with Club Nintendo. I’ve pretty much been playing the Smash 3DS demo non-stop, just trying to get Mega Man right and playing its two minute stock matches during breaks at work. I also saw some analysis videos but those largely confirm my suspicions and opinions. It’s been a successful demo, giving me only five characters and effectively two stages (Battlefield with items and Omega Battlefield, basically Final Destination). Here’s  how I feel about how the game feels and its five characters. It’s agreed upon by many players that this build represents the final build of how the game will ship.


If I had to summarize everything into one bullet, it’d be that Smash 4 represents a compromise between Melee and Brawl’s design philosophies. Not quite as slow and pondering as Brawl, but not quite as blistering and fast as Melee.

Edge hogging is impossible and it’s an improvement to overall match pacing. The lack of edge hogging promotes more offensive tactics rather than passive defense. Since someone with decent recovery can and will make it, defenders are encouraged to jump off for preventive measures.

Ledge grabbing is not as lenient as it was in Brawl but not as strict as Melee. The distance before you grab the ledge has been reduced compared to Brawl. Characters also no longer magnetically home in on the ledge when they get close, which gives them the safety of invincibility frames. Now, you need to space your recovery move so that you can latch on safely. If you’re too close, you’ll actually overshoot and subject yourself to counterattacks.

I might actually play mostly in 3D as the 3D effect actually gives it a nicer look. The FPS might be getting a bump while 3D is on, which is weird since the 3D made Pokemon XY FPS chug.

Having the Omega stage choice be a simple button toggle on the stage select is rather convenient. I’d imagine it’ll eliminate the need to drill into the item select screen to fiddle with the options. Set your favorite items and frequencies and whenever you get an impromptu challenge to your honor, just keep going and toggle the Omega stage.


Mario is overall more agile with a general increase to all facets of his speed. Footspeed, air speed, and attack speed all have an extra bit of pep. I know we call him a fat Italian but the guy works out for a living.

FLUDD’s range received a massive increase. Like, it has no business reaching as far as it does. If your opponent has bad recovery, this thing is viable. At the very least it stalls them in the air and leaves them vulnerable.

Back air is Mario’s best and fastest move. Comes out quick, plenty of knockback, and little to no recovery lag, even if you land with it. It’s not a kill move but it definitely helps throw people of the stage.

Down throw is your best bet to quickly pile on damage early on. Bounce them off the ground and give them a few up tilts and they’ll be pushing  50% in no time.

Mario overall has received more subtle buffs compared to the other two veterans in the demo. Its small but its noticeable when you reflect on how Mario worked before.

Strider's platinum thoughts on the Smash Bros. 3DS demo
2:33 AM on 09.14.2014
Analyzing Pokemon ORAS' new mega evolutions
1:47 AM on 08.30.2014

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Fresh outta college, one of those stereotypical, bumbling jobless "journalists" wanting to become a "vidya gaems jarnalist". And so the hunt for a job he likes begins! And no, he's not going back to school to become a pharmacist technician, like his mom nags him to be.

I also have a YouTube channel (above image). Self-taught video editing! I'm still unemployed you know, potential hirers!

~ Favorite games
- Red Dead Redemption
- Shadow of the Colossus
- Psychonauts
- Mass Effect 2
- Yoshi's Island
- Pokemon
- Monday Night Combat
- Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas
- Super Mario World

Also, twitter

Introduction post

10 things about me

Another goddamn 10 things about Strider

~Front Paged
- Downloadables: Every night is Monday Night Combat!
- eSports: Someone you know is hype
- Relaxation: Secretly training
- I calls dibs on Gaige!
- Let's explore space! My top 10 space games
- Giving thanks: Turning over a New Leaf

~FAP Approved!
- A discussion about Catherine with my girlfriend
- So I applied for an internship at X-Play...
- Being Social: Cal State Long Beach's Gaming Club
- Persona 4: Ultimate and 4 other fighting games you probably don't know
- A new return to 3rd Strike Online part 1: Picking a main
- Top 6 somewhat natural disasters in gaming
- Villains: For me my dear, it was merely a Tuesday
- Let's talk about Phoenix Wright and Nova in UMvC3
- How I gave my girlfriend Tetris DS and loved every minute of it
- Let's talk about Rocket Raccoon and Frank West in UMvC3
- Xenophilia: The Universal Language of Mecha
- Asura's Wrath might get panned and I'm ok with that
- Acquisition: Solid Snake signed your what?
- A Valentine's Day reflection: two great loves
- Skullgirls and the art of combos
- 6 reasons why you should check out Legend of Korra
- Today, I thought about oversexualization
- Hype: Japan Time
- Objection! The story of an impossible gift for that special someone
- Cultural identity and Sleeping Dogs
- Finn and Flame Princess' big Disney Adventure Picspam
- FTL: Recovered diaries from a derelict spaceship
- Retaliation: Your guide to fighting the Collectors
-Handsome Jack, the father, the hero, the asshole
- Before StriderHoang, there was Marcel Hoang
- Adventure Time: Hey Ice King! You're not all that mathmatical
- Ralph wrecked his way into my heart
- The sixth generation wishlist from five time Pokemon Champion, Marcel
- Strider's big, fat, ride through 2012
- Being the best predator you can be
- The Striderhoang series Dtoid Trading Card Roundup
- Strider's top 10 Kirby powers
- I love grapplers
- The gift of gaming: BIONIC ARM!
- Strider's big, bonkers GOTY 2014 list

~Friday Night Fight Replays!
- 09/02/11
- 09/09/11
- 09/23/11
- 09/30/11
- 02/07/12
- 02/12/12

~The Write Stuff! Get to writing!
- 06/30 - The Beginning!
- 07/06 - Line breaks
- 07/13 - Tone
- 07/20 - Commas
- 08/06 - Balance
- 09/03 - Crossposting
- Write Stuff of September - Pride

~ The Cblog Fapcast!
- XCOM or bust!
- The show must Smurf on!
- ScottyG is on the line
- Hobo extraordinaire, Manchild
- The sorry game
- Girlfriend caps
- #1ReasonHow
- Holiday Revengeance
- My Hairy, Downstairs Fapcast
- bbreaking nnews
- Strider alone
- Oh the Injustice!

Also, check me out on Bitmob!
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200 matches later, more than 30 hours later, dozens of custom parts later, I can thoroughly say I've enjoyed Super Smash Bros. for 3DS. I've even enjoyed countless battle online, which is something I cannot say about Brawl. Brawl had Subspace Emissary and the advantage of being a console game but Smash 3DS' online, while rudimentary, is much less prone to frustration as long as you're familiar with fighting games online; it's not nearly as bad Ultimate Marvel Vs. Capcom 3 but not nearly as good as Arc System Works' games nor is it flexible like anything with GGPO (Skullgirls, Third Strike). I'd compare it to SFIV as it's absolutely as tolerable as real life, as long as the Internet between two players holds up. But like an if and statement, if both parties aren't true, then the result will always be false. In other words, if both players don't have good Internet, the fight won't be good.

The following is a culmination of my experiences with Super Smash Bros. 3DS. It's about as bloggy as blogs can get. This includes the game as a whole, a rough journal of my matches, and feelings on the current metagame.

First, people who want to talk about Smash Bros. 3DS should mention what model they're playing on. People complain about cramping hands sometimes but neglect to mention if they're playing the vanilla model where it would be obvious or one of the larger models like the XL where it proves your hands truly are mannish hands that should only be gripping the necks of your enemies.

So I play on the 3DS XL and experienced few problems.

I've been playing Smash since the OG on the N64. And if there's one thing that I've developed a love for (which wasn't in the original now that I think about it) its trophies. Melee had an avalanche of trophies celebrating Nintendo history and Brawl turned it into a cosmic deluge. It's easy to see why I'd play one more round of Classic mode or All-Star and revel in collecting the trophies along the way because I also play Pokemon. A lot of the trophies before for me however revealed an interesting history of Nintendo like Fire Emblem characters and obscure Japanese releases. This time around after a few years of playing more Nintendo games, the trophies of Smash 3DS are not only historical but pure fanservice. I love Animal Crossing New Leaf and we've all played Fire Emblem Awakening. Now to see the character's I've only recently enjoyed appear in Smash truly speaks to me just how long I've been playing Smash. Trophies back then felt historical but trophies now can be contemporary.

Here to take names and market shares

Unlockables are really the key here. Not only are trophies constantly dropping as I played Classic and All-Star for character trophies plus Smash Run, but also customization parts like stat modifiers and variant specials. Don't like charging Greninja's side B, Shadow Sneak? Maybe you'll unlock Shadow Dash, which causes this charge move to become an instantaneous teleport attack at the cost of lower damage. Maybe you're not good at angling Pikachu's up B, Quick Attack, to get the most distance out of two jumps? The Quick Feet variant combines the distance of two jumps into one big, long jump. Or maybe you just want to transform Bowser's fire breath into a flying fireball. These customizations really add flavor to playing with friends or strangers willing to play with a wildly unpredictable metagame.

Speaking of playing with people, I'm surprised by lag in local multiplayer games. Its weird and hard to decipher what exactly causes it. Word on the street is that your results will vary wildly. I once played with two co-workers are a moderate distance and this was in Disney's California Adventure, which can have a variety of conflicting wireless signals bouncing around with extreme lag. But I also played with friends one-on-one nearby in a mall food court and things ran just fine. It seems possible that the more hosts the game is trying to resolve, online or not, the higher likelihood of lag, which makes sense. But figuring out what other external factors there are is a big mystery I want solved. But for the most part, in terms of online, like I said, things are expected. The variables that affect local wireless is what surprises me.

Now I mentioned Smash Run before and the opinions seem split. Most people think its a boring addition with its flaws. I found exactly one critic who liked it (JWittz on YouTube) and knew I couldn't be crazy to like it too. It's basically Subspace Lite and even at its worth, I want critics to admit one thing and that's its the best way to grind loot which is frustratingly randomized. And yet despite the random nature of drops, I still play Smash Run in hopes that I get just the right random loot (specific loot seems more likely when you play as the character you want loot for i.e. play as Diddy Kong and a slightly higher chance of Diddy Kong related loot). The grind is supported by running through the dungeon with a variety of different builds of a character as long as you leave custom settings on. Why you'd play Smash Run with stock settings is beyond me since you can either play Smash Run with an absurdly fast but fragile character or a slow, lumbering monster of a character. Have you tried playing Little Mac with maximum attack and defense? His ground speed is already great so sacrificing speed for defense as his attack grows make his punches truly hurt.

Ora ora ora ora ora ora ora ora!

So Little Mac, right? Is he as powerful as people say he is? Very powerful and very satisfying and in my opinion, very much fair. Everything related to the ground is top rated, from armor smash attacks, fast ground speed, ridiculously effective roll speed, and ability to kill early. But first time players have to learn a few quirks such as never leaving the ground to jump and how to deal with gimping (your opponent tries to make your recovery fail). I'm used to using certain good aerial attacks on approach as a substitute to dash attacks but Mac has no business using any of his air attakcs. His roll is so good, you might think rolling all the way over to your opponent is a terrible idea but with the stronger rolls overall this time and Mac's overall footspeed, it wouldn't be a bad idea at all really.

First, the overall meta sees speedy, aggressive characters being rewarded for managing a pace but zoning and camping is not only possible but an important factor for characters in breaking the pace of aggressive fighters. Characters like Shiek, Captain Falcon, and Fox are still popular for their aggressive playstyle, their ability to chase, and their ability to form combos with their speed and pressure. Having adopted Zelda, Greninja, and of course Diddy Kong among others, controlling space means projectiles as much as your ability to control distance with sheer mobility. Very rarely do I play against someone who's dedicated to keepaway or zoning as much as my Zelda. But I have once play against a Robin who would charge Thunder while controlling space with Arcfire and throwing me off stage as they camped the edge. Aggression is possible and hard to deal with but camping and zoning will be just as popular since it the learning isn't as harsh to pile up damage and score a KO when you remain patient.

Speaking of camping and the edge, be prepared for some quirky playstyle you've never seen before. A lot of the smarter players who despite Mac learn to camp the edge and force him to come to them in an effort to throw him in the dreaded air. Another quirky style I encountered was a Villager who would hang off the edge 90% of the time and jump off to throw Llyoid Rockets and slingshots at me while they could just Balloon Trip their way back up. The edge can sometimes be this terrifying space that characters either fear or utilize like a deterrent. But where ever there's a will, there's always a way to surmount the insurmountable.

Dash attacks have been nerfed across the board and the majority of them are unsafe on block. Due to this, grabbing as apart of strategy has shot up in usage. As it just so how happens, down throws tend to lead to extra damage opportunities. Dash attacks are mostly used to punish on laggy landings now since using them from neutral generally leads to blocked attacks and punishes. Air attacks are generally easier to use with exception to serious, character-specific nerfs like Meta Knight's Fair. You're going to see a lot of throws being used to punish, especially since down throws typically lead to extra damage and back throws have a lot of launching power. Especially since shields are very powerful and generally have a very strong position in the meta except from being thrown. The meta so far favors camping and defense due to how little blockstun there is from shielding and how easy it is to punish attacks in general unless your opponent goes for a throw. This is just speculation and theory by the way, since it hasn't even been a month since release. But I've seen people getting their attacks stuffed after shielding a few attacks. Heck, certain rapid-jab attacks have gaps in their pattern that can be punished.

My dash attack is still good though, right?

My top three so far are Greninja, Zelda, and a tie between Diddy Kong and Wario. Upon introspection with my selection, I realized that each character shares one thing in common: a complete disregard for shielding in their gameplan. Greninja can zone with Water Shuriken and Dair for a lot of approach; Dair (or footdive) causes Greninja to bounce off on hit or block and even on whiff he can cancel the landing lag with Shadow Sneak for mind games. Zelda naturally gravitates towards keepaway so shielding simply means blocked damage, not possible punishes. Both Diddy and Wario have attacks that are categorized as throws: Diddy has Monkey Flip and Wario has Chomp. Other than that though, I find all their playstyles agreeable to what I look for in a fun experience.


Greninja is a fast and tricky amphibious ninja. With great footspeed and an impressive jump, Greninja is like a combo of Falco's jump with Sheik's run, giving him a large threat range for combos, chases, and punishes. His Water Shuriken is sometimes heralded as the torchbearer for Falco's old blaster, doing exactly what it used to do but without the lag that the new one has with the added bonus of being chargeable for more damage and impressive knockback on a full charge. Shadow Sneak meanwhile is Greninja's unique flavoring, enabling him to do all sorts of goofy teleporting tricks like surprising edgeguarders, pre-empting people trying to punish certain attacks, and psyching out players who try anticipating his approach. Greninja as a whole with all his tricks and tools is very satisfying, giving a real taste of how Greninja would behave if it isn't in a turn-based RPG game.

Zelda was an interesting choice. I merely chose her to complete a challenge but she became something so much more. Din's Fire was only an ok way to zone players. It was missing a certain X-factor to really let Zelda work with zoning. Then Smash 4 cut Sheik off of her and gave her Phantom Slash, in addition to increasing her overall strength to further compensate her speed and lightness. With Din's Fire for range, Phantom Slash at mid-range, and Naryu's Love as a close-range get off me move, Zelda gained tremendous potential for apply damage at range and drive her opponent's crazy. Her recovery, Farore's Wind, also had the hitbox on its reappearance increased in launching power. Zelda functions better at a comfortable range but if she teleports into you, you're in for a big surprise! Her campy nature makes her an interesting choice in a meta where a lot of casual play needs to learn that dash attacks are much riskier this time around. Just zone and keep them out as Zelda, that's what I say.

Fiber in your diet, bro

Diddy Kong is probably my last choice and my absolute last bet to win it big. While I have a lot of pocket picks for fun like Wario, Jigglypuff, and Little Mac (a trio I call the trifecta of hate), Diddy Kong is my number three for two reasons: I like exploring the other characters because they've gone through more significant changes and I'm at my most confident with Diddy. While Diddy lost glide tossing and his double banana game, a lot of his other moves only got better. The range on a lot of his normals increased, hit harder, and are even faster. Diddy's regular moveset wasn't nerfed a lot except for his dash attack, so a lot of his neutral game got easier in my opinion. Not to mention I love his new Uair, which went from a flip kick to a sort of monkey style, over-body stretch kick. With his side B Monkey Flip remaining the same if not better, Diddy has a wealth of options that not only help on approach but are also great for damage and combos thanks to Diddy's agility. If you're in the air with Diddy, expect trouble.

Those three together make up the bulk of my favorable fights online. Every now and then, I play people who are obscenely good at either true combos, chase and pressure, and reads. The only two characters I worry about are other Diddy's, which can score a lot of damage off of down throw and chase effectively, and Sheik, who is even faster than Diddy and buffed in strength compared to Brawl or Melee. Sheik has a lot of set ups she can do simply by virtue of her incredibly fast speed. In addition to combos, her speed allows her to create frame traps that help her with making predictions, such as guessing when an air dodge is coming and waiting to perform a much stronger attack. Most of the best players online are all about reading you like a book and making you feel like you couldn't do anything. Speaking of athletic women, Zero Suit Samus is another match up I don't particularly enjoy, though luckily she's a bit rarer to find online. Personally I think her ability to control space is far deadlier than Sheik's needles since her Paralyzer moves so slowly and controls the space in front of her so well. A clean hit means a free forward smash, and her Escape Flip leads has a powerful ender kick that's hard to see coming when you're not prepared. Not to mention she has both speed and floaty jumps to help in aerial game.

Here's my reflector

This game still has a ways to go. People are discovering new things, both functionally and in terms of the meta.I still very much enjoy this game, regardless of how you personally rank in the order of Smash games. Despite how good the best can be, I still find the game fun, despite mostly playing on For Glory. Still, I play what I think is fun, and I want to play 1-on-1, For Glory. I still play For Fun every now and then and don't take it seriously, especially with the rampant lag on four player free-for-alls. How has the multiplayer been for you guys?

Photo Photo Photo

When this topic started making the rounds, I was hesitant to contribute. Look, let's not kid ourselves but Google gave us incognito mode for a reason, you feel me brah? I know my way around an +18 designated area. You don't just watch vanilla anime and think, "You know what? Let's just stop here and not dig any deeper."

I have to admit, while I have a range of fetishes thanks to THE INTERNET and HENTAI influenced by ANIME (the trifecta of all caps), there is still an underlying fantasy of seeing my girlfriend in a few of these things. So if you ever somehow get in contact with her, you never read this list and I'll never destroy you. Still, seeing everyone display their fetishes, however serious they are in revealing their deepest or shallowest secrets, somehow instilled a sense of pride in my taste. Kind of like people describing how they're red blooded Americans who love guns, low brow strip clubs, and mud trucking all unabashedly. So like America's unsung heroes, I shall reveal my favorite fetishes for all to see. So don't talk to other people about it.

Bunny girls
History states that the bunny girl outfit was invented in 1903 by Lee Stanford O'Hare as a method to both scare pests off his farm and to join in the hot craze of misogyny that was sweeping the nation. Back then, they were called Hare Suits, which admittedly didn't roll off the tongue like a bunny outfit. When his farm finally collapsed from the great crow plague of '64, he sold the rights to his hare suit to Hugh Hefner and the rest was history.

Bunny girls are a great symbol towards men for luck, affluence, and confidence, while it's either a symbol of sex or something for women. But who wouldn't love to hit it big at gambling and have a bunny girl on your side cheering for your luck. On the other hand, my girlfriend grew up having rabbits as pets, and over time I've associated her with rabbits. I'm especially a sucker for those rabbits with the loppy ears. They look so sad! And my girlfriend can be the same too. Just so sad! But seriously, animals ears are the barely socially accepted animal fetish. Not quite vanilla but not quite furry. You get to fuck a human and yet it's also a cat or whatever be intimate in an acceptable, pro-diversity kind of way. The classic bunny girl wears a a classy one piece and for some reason, cuff links and collar with a bow tie or some other classy neck piece. But if you've seen what Dead Or Alive 5 has done recently then anything can be a bunny suit as long as you have ears on it but the classic remains.

Not quite a formal kimono and not quite a relaxing bath robe but all parts thin bedroom wear. In a sense, a yukata is basically an informal kimono you wear to bed or whenever you just want to relax while still letting the air flow around your most important bits. It's one big kilt for men or one big dress for women. It's a big skirt basically.

All the most dreadful fantasies with yukatas show just how thin a yukata can be. Just imagine feeling your hand up your partner as they wear one. I want to imagine it's like wearing nothing at all. Nothing at all. NOTHING AT ALL.

Just a sheer fabric is all that stands between you and a gloriously good time. All the best fantasy see two people sharing a futon, with a yukata barely covering their bodies as they lazily wrapped it around them because they're hoping for the big special to happen. A person wearing a yukata is like a gift waiting to be unwrapped when the mood is right. Best of all, it's personally not that all that out of the realm of possibility. My girlfriend actually bought her dad a yukata. You see, being a weeaboo isn't all that bad? You're afforded certain secret luxuries!

You should all know what a qipao is. It's as prevalent in pop culture as the bunny girl. Can't think of it? Let me say one name: Chun-li.

Chun-li is wearing what is basically a stylized, combat modified qipao. A traditional qipao is a tight, form fitting dress that's normally depicted as having a long slit up on side to allow for movement of one of the legs. Of course, Chun-li's dress is altered to allow a whole range of movement for both her legs because let's face it, she isn't best known for punching her enemies.

She... headbutts them?

Either way, the qipao is often associated with traditional, classy socialites when its normal, and trendy young fashionistas when its a more modern take. It's also more morbidly associated with the fetishization of asian women and turning them into objects but that's more of a tumblr post. We're fucking talking about fetishes so I left my shame at the door obviously, what about you Mother Teresa? But obviously what makes the qipao such a alluring image for men is the tight fit and the hint of a leg. If there's one thing I appreciate, it's what I don't see but can see sometime soon. And maybe they got some strong kicks too.

Sexy comes in all kinds of ways. Submissiveness is the classic form that everyone is familiar with. But an empowered woman is just as sexy. Being strong and armored doesn't just have to make someone look burly and stout. Moderate use of plate armor can also leave the figure elegant yet still functional.

It's worth nothing that classic boob armor doesn't make much sense. Real armor isn't about stopping impacts but deflecting it. Boob armor, that is, armor that conforms to the contour of the female breast so that the viewer absolutely knows there's a pair of boobs underneath, is fundamentally flawed as the curves have the chance of drawing an attack inwards as opposed to away. Armor is supposed to be tough but I don't think anyone wants to be a magnet to violence.

A woman can still wear relatively moderate plate armor and come out looking elegant yet still ready to cut you in half. I don't need reassurance that there are boobs underneath your armor, petty game developer. A fair maiden wearing a broad piece of steel will still get my blood boiling, especially if she's good with a weapon.

A weapon!

Yes, an actual weapon. Not that thing you perv. We're straddling a fine line aren't we?


Yoga pants
I've admitted to qipaos, bunny girls, and yukata, but somehow I feel ashamed of yoga pants. Sometimes yoga pants just feels like the lowest common denominator of fetishes. It's everywhere because people who wear it, do so because its comfortable. I think its a divisive idea but hey, we're not here to talk about equal representation. I think it's clear from the onset that I wasn't pretending about anything noble. The female figure is alluring and yoga pants don't leave much to the imagination. And that's fine in this circumstance because hey, thinking with my brain uses up precious calories.

I've found blogs devoted to this fetish. Sometimes you'll find very specific hentai about it. If the qipao teases the leg, yoga pants presents a strange quandry as to just how much I really am seeing in person.

Holy crap, let's not get metaphysical about this. I described the symbolism of bunny girls for christ's sake. Yoga pants to me are just easy mode, ok? Are you an ass man, thighs, or legs? You get everything at once, so it must be fattening and we ain't talking KFC.

With a big smile and a flash of their... pep! Cheerleaders are an institution of an innocent sexiness. After all, their outfits are made to allow them to do all sorts of stunts that are honestly dangerous and deserving of respect. But seriously, don't you wonder what they do when they go back to the girls locker room except no we don't we all know what they do: WITCHCRAFT.

It's an incredible and mindboggling standard. When we think of upskirt, we think of hastily drawn glances at rare moments of strong wind or climbing steep stairs after a lady. But cheerleaders don't worry about that. They might as well be wearing swim suits underneath as they tumble through the air as their pleated skirts flip through the wind. As American as applepie, which I believe I've used that idiom once before already and if you live in a different country, who cares right? At least we get a bubbly attitude and a breezy skirt to admire. Plus they're freaking cheerleaders, as in they're athletic and toned. You think teams are throwing the heavier set kind of girl? Not unless the rest of the team is musclebound. Light enough to be thrown but strong enough to help throw human beings.

Jesus H. Christmas I started off thinking cheerleaders were cute and ended with the premonition that cheerleaders can throw you.

Now this is universal appeal. Stockings are like icing for your eye candy. A pleasing contrast to one's skin tone followed by the unique touch sensation for your grabby mitts. In Western society, I bet it'd usually associated with the power business woman, especially in a fantasy as she lets her hair down and gets a bit wild. But in Japan it is a transcendent ideal that's spawned its own subfetish: zettai ryouiki, or absolute territory; it's a term spawned by none other than Evangelion.

I kid you not, if you search this safe for work term (I think), you will find graphs and diagrams that are borderline scientific about the ratio between a girl's stockings, skirt, and the amount of bare skin that's visible. There is a grading system that's pretty much what kind of socks is she wearing.

Pictured: science

Real zettai ryouiki are thigh highs and over knee socks, giving you the golden ration of skirt, a glimpse of skin, and long flowing legs encapsulated in stockings. It symbolizes a weeaboo's love of the tsundere, budding innocence, and the young woman. But damn if its just nice to touch when you're intimate.

Remember when Dreamweaver-sensei made his own top 10 fetish blog and briefly mentioned netorare but didn't give it a spot in the actual list? Yeah, let's go ahead and shine the spotlight on this little gem.

A summation of what it roughly translates into thanks to Fakku would be thus:

"A direct translation of the word results in the definition "having your lover taken from you" or "to have something taken from you while you sleep". This is often accomplished by having main protagonist's loved one seduced away from them, with or without their knowledge."

Pretty much, a netorare doujin has this basic formula: Look at this cute couple, here's the jealous third-party, third-party is in possession of something the couple needs such as money, the female agrees to give it up good baby in exchange for the needed supplies, then finally in the end the third-party turns out to done the deed so well that the female changes teams because damn she can't resist the D.

Yeah, may favorite kind of D! AMIRIGHT?

Ahegao can be spotted alongside netorare and netorare in general can be placed under this umbrella of adultering or extreme content. Not to be confused with ryona which is straight up beating the crap out of a woman, usually in the context of fighting games with female characters, which in itself is a much lighter consideration compared to guro.

We've left the realm of realism for pure fantasy that can only be found in a Comiket doujin circle. Very rarely is there ever a positive outcome to netorare stories but the struggle and the spark of distress in the reader is what consumers most likely respond to.

This is like American apple pie to doujin artists. I've seen this theme so many times, I'm convinced it must happen on a daily basis in real life Japan. My worldview is distorted. Thanks Crimson!

Any mild watcher of anime knows of chikan but maybe hasn't heard the term. It's basically public molestation and pretty much legally defined as sexual assault. It is most commonly portrayed as gropers on a train, especially crowded trains so packed that you can't tell who's touching who.

Every other day there's probably a new release or upload that centers around it. From innocent schoolgirls to women who'd qualify as super human, there's always a plot device that allows for free reign for molestation and grabby fun-time.

I suppose what gets me most is that there's always that expression. It's a face that asks why to the whole of humanity as to why this would happen. Maybe other times its just an expression of the realization of helplessness. It all goes back to that primordial attraction to submissiveness. But lol misogyny and sexual assault, am I right?

I might as well also lump forced and rape into this category if we really want to put the screws to these semantics.

Remember kids, never do anything you've just read on this blog. Just turn on your gaming platform of choice and play CoD while calling your opponents/teammates motherfuckers. Be true to yourself!

Being a cool kid
Being cool dates back to medieval times when man of valor and gentlemanly spirit would congregate in decorated halls to discuss all of their best material without fear of the crown striking down their blasphemous words and thoughts. Since then, being cool was a tradition that was handed down from generation to generation in an effort to preserve the coolness. Or I could have described the Illuminati. These two can be interchangeable in my opinion.

So remember guys, be cool.

Well I'll see you all on Doujin-Moe tonight folks. Lay off the Love Live doujins.

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There are many characters who go down in the annals of history for their infamy. Fox is constantly top tier for his speed, Jigglypuff floats like a butterfly and stings like a bee, and Pikachu has Thunder. Now, Little Mac comes along for being a grounded powerhouse, Bowser will be remembered as a revamped monster, and Mega Man may be remembered as the hero we never expected. But nobody ever mentions Diddy Kong. Of course, Diddy Kong went down in infamy amongst my friends for how brutally effecient and annoying I was with the little Kong.

Diddy Kong is the lighter and faster of the two Kongs. While he certainly struggles with kill moves, he certainly belongs in the same weight and speed class as Fox and relies on damage just like him before scoring the crucial kill. I've made a lot of enemies of my friends with the way Diddy Kong can play to win. I bet you've never thought you'd see serious keepaway in a Smash game but relentless banana peels beg to differ. Unfortunately/fortunately for everyone, while his banana peels have been toned down, Based Sakurai boosted Diddy Kong in other places to compensate. And for me, Diddy Kong's fighting style is perfectly captured by his animal instincts: annoy your opponent with a tricky fighting style until they lose their concentration and prey off their lost composure.

He doesn't give a fuck about your rules
Want to play three stock, Final Destination, no items? Well too fucking bad, you're going to see items because Diddy's got bananas. Glad to see tripping gone in Smash 4? You'll be re-acquainted with it when Diddy's concerned because you're still in for a slip and slide against him. Good at space control and approach game? Sorry pal because a banana peel on the ground means it's Diddy Kong's ground.

Diddy's banana game got limited to one banana at a time which disappears after a use but that doesn't make it any less useful. I've littered stages with bananas and tossed around opponents who couldn't stop slipping on my bananas. It doesn't change the fact that you're helpless for an astounding amount of time after a banana slip. And Diddy's increase in range and power means he only needs one banana to truly capitalize.

As you can see, bananas are both a vital part of your nutrition and a big part of your ass whooping.

He knows monkey kung fu
Animal instincts are one thing, but base combat only gets you so far. Donkey Kong is a brawler who recognizes the value of twisting your arm into a circle several times is the secret to unleashing a power strike that is multiplied by a factor of three. Or that if you spin with your arms outstretched fast enough, you'll gain horizontal midair distance. Diddy Kong does what most would expect and borrows Chinese martial arts which was already inspired by his species.

A tail flailing whip, a low leg sweep, an aerial dropkick, a body flipping leg/foot/fist attack, and even a double fist kung fu punch.

It's interesting to note that not only can you find some cool movies based around monkey kung fu (I ain't making this shit up. Try googling Iron Monkey) but Diddy Kong received more substantial buffs than simply attack X does more damage. The animators made a conscious effort to enhance Diddy's cartoonish characteristics, to the point where his body and limbs elastically stretch when used. The end result is that Diddy Kong has even more range than physically possible because he fucking knows kung fu dammit.

He has one of the best dash attacks in the game
Dash attacks are easy to use and abuse in Smash Bros. Overtime, you'll discover that a lot of the time, dash attacks are useful to punish characters in recovery lag who are farther away. Other times you use it to follow up opponents who hit the ground hard from something like a throw. The mark of a filthy, casual Smash player though is someone who runs constantly and does a dash attack simply because they were running. And these people must quickly learn that nine times out of ten, their dash attack is just plain unsafe and easy to read. Even characters as revered as Fox don't just run into their targets and dash attack. A flying kick, a slide attack, a charging headbutt, a shoulder ram, and more still are examples of attacks you'll see often and learn to block and grab.

In that nine out of ten though, Diddy Kong belongs to the one.

Diddy Kong's cartwheel, his dash attack, is one of the best. An attack Diddy Kong can use recklessly out of a top speed run to pressure his opponents. It's an attack that hits multiple times due to the fact that Diddy can use all his body parts naturally. He can use his hands like fists and feet like hands and in his cartwheel it's a four piece appendage onslaught. This attack pops people into the air, prime for an up smash or any other air attack and in fact segues perfectly into an up smash. And all of these additions are possible because this attack is so fast and lagless that its completely safe. As soon as the cartwheel stops being an active threat, Diddy Kong is free to move however he wants while his opponent is still left wondering if its safe to come out and play. This thing is impossible to punish on block and sets up so many opportunities for Diddy it might as well be renamed White America. It doesn't matter how good his opponent is and how fast they react because even if they dodge this big ass cartwheel, Diddy is nimble enough on his feet that he's always ready to leap anywhere on short notice.

I mean, they only made it stronger looking in Smash 4 by adding a ground slapping animation. Diddy Kong was playing around in Brawl. Now in Smash 4, Diddy's playing for keeps.

He's a goddamn monkey
Monkeys are nature's gift to humanity, both literally and realistically. Man is descended from apes and apes are an inspiration to us all. They are hilarious to watch, gifted acrobats, in control of amazing beastly strength, and are free from judgment to throw their feces as both a form of dictating dominance and as a site gag. Diddy Kong doesn't stop there though because ordinary monkeys use their fur to cover up. But Diddy wears a shirt, a baseball cap, and still doesn't wear pants. He asserts his superiority by appropriating our clothing, wearing a stylish hat, and still proclaims his primal origins by not wearing pants. Plus, he has complex machinery and weapons made out of jungle compost and barrels. He made a gun out of wood and peanuts while also creating a jetpack made of barrels and god knows how much flammable fuels. Tom Hanks wouldn't be able to do that if he had his entire life with luxury on a tropical island. Hell, I don't think most engineers can do that because they'd need trivial materials like metal and hazard suits.

He's a goddamn monkey. Every human on the cast owes their evolution to the Kongs and Diddy still one ups them by being their evolutionary link and wearing a hat. Bowser didn't descend from him but he's a cold blooded lizard who'd fall asleep in a refrigerator. Motherfucker, Diddy Kong has both warm blood and fur. Step up your goddamn game.

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Remember back when the Villager was first announced for Smash? How everyone characterized his wall eyed stare and unmoving smile as a suburban, homicidal maniac who’d use garden tools to menace your neighborhood? Despite the give and take of projecting your homemaking insanity on a small person who is regularly depicted as having an outstanding debt to a raccoon (or tanuki if you want to be real, brah), Villager is quite the dark horse when it comes to, you know, actually fighting in Smash Bros. and not 4koma comics about wanton murder.

Villager is good, whether you want to acknowledge it or not (you damn Fox elitists). Yup, I’m no competitive Smash player but I do have an extensive taste for fighting games. It doesn’t matter how much you deny it, your favorite dash attack might be unsafe on block (or shield?) but maybe you just think shields or grabs are cheap, you filthy casual. So from one filthy casual to another, here’s how I play Villager from the demo, which is pretty much the final build of the included characters.

At a glance, Villager is a character with high risk/high reward smash attacks, an arsenal of unconventional projectiles and zoning game, unmatched recovery, and is generally very versatile when it comes to the ledge. Villager is slow on both the ground and in the air but is actually fairly heavy for a character his size. Villager shines best when he plays defense over the ledge. The problem is getting his opponents off the stage because his options to knock his opponents around are limited. Fsmash is slow, Ftilt is just ok, and his grab speed is slow. But enterprising Villagers will find his toolset makes him less a villager and more an ornery farmer/settler, always trying to keep damn pests of his property with extreme prejudice.

Home & Garden and Assault & Battery Channel
You might be the kind of person who uses forward smash all willy nilly because it’s usually powerful and has range, right? Well stop because Villager’s Fsmash has all the power of dropping a bowling ball on someone’s foot and that’s not even exaggeration. Villager whips out a bowling ball, tries to put it on an imaginary shelf, and drops it right in front of them, doing easily 20% and enough knockback to send regular weight class characters flying off to the blast zone.

But carrying a bowling ball is heavy and slow going, so you can’t use it whenever you want. It does however fall beneath you if you use it over a ledge, so it can surprise people beneath you, including people trying to recover from beneath the ledge line. Ftilt is a swing of his umbrella, which has reasonable hitstun but no dependable KO potential and unsafe on block. So most neutral game will use Utilt, Dtilt, rapid jabs, and his aerials. His dash attack is also notable for a really weird hit box, letting him land in front of a shield, behind a shield, or not even physically touch it, letting the pot you drop do the damage instead

Most of the time your air-to-ground attacks will be the Nair and Dair, an all round body spin and variable below turnip smash (the number of turnips and damage is random). Most of the time, you’ll be piling up damage with more minor attacks and by launching his Lloid Rocket (side B) until you have enough to work with to aim for a throw. While his net for scoring throws is slow, Lloid has a ramp up to its acceleration, meaning you can pull it out and run behind it, making for easy approach and an easy way to try to read your opponent and grab them. Throwing them up is worthless since Villager’s up KO potential is random due to his random turnip aerials. Down throw, like any down throw, is worth using at lower percentages for damage and combos. The meat of Villager’s time will be spent on forward and a slightly stronger back throw, where Villager can hopefully throw them off and start edge guarding.

Look at all these big ass trees
Congratulations on knocking your inferior opponent off the screen. Now for the Villager, there is no such thing as a passive edge guarding game. It’s time we discuss Villager’s aerials and his ability to either carry to the blast zone or gimp.

Villager has the luxury of relying on two different method of edge guarding: carrying with his side air attacks or planting a big ass tree and chopping it down.

The former takes a bit of practice to get down. The attack itself is not instant and it has a disjointed hit box. The slingshot itself is the sweetspot but it releases a limited projectile that still has a bit of knockback. Villager has the option to either sweetspot the attack and try to knock his victim back further into the blast zone or space themselves for safety to carry or simply gimp. Nair is an easier attack to hit with as well but lacks the range and sheer power of the side airs. The idea is for the Villager to be aggressive with edgeguarding because Balloon Trip lets Villager recover from just about any situation. It takes a fine tuned hand to gimp him since popping his balloons will gimp him but hitting the Villager directly simply refreshes their recovery like any other. But that example is for whenever Villager must recover. On edgeguarding, Villager can be as reckless as they want to generally carry their opponent offscreen because Balloon Trip makes anything possible.

The latter is potentially the only real way to use his down B, Timber. Depending on how far you knockback your opponent, Villager has just enough time to plant a sapling, water it, and chop it down. The tree is a huge, falling projectile that takes up a surprising amount of space. Even when simply standing it has a hitbox that lets it absorb projectiles for defense. But obviously, its biggest use is edgeguarding, and depending on how well your opponent recovers, the tree is a serious threat. Sometimes even if an air dodge is attempted, the sheer size and slowness of the fall can sometimes catch them. The size also lets it hit opponents who come a bit from up high but obviously the worst case scenario for recoverers is coming from below since obviously this tree obeys gravity and will absolutely decimate anyone desperate enough to spend their recovery from below the ledge.

Sometimes it’s worth planting the sapling and watering it beforehand and keeping in mind which direction you want to knock your opponent away. Saving time by prepping the steps isn’t a bad idea but the sapling and tree do disappear after a while.

The new mayor is Earth
The only move left to mention is Pocket, his neutral B. Compared to Timber, Pocket is more character specific but certainly has increased utility with items on. It’s still basically a reflector though; capable of taking a projectile, storing it, and sending it back with a damage multiplier.

Villager will probably struggle against speedy characters since Villager’s own speed is pretty bad. Fortunately, speed doesn’t equal power and so far it seems his recovery can trump any gimping attempt, meaning he needs to be straight KO’d for a point. Even if Fox can spam lasers or Pit firing directed arrows, Villager’s air mobility with Balloon Trip lets him maneuver into blind spots safely. Characters with good air mobility like Jigglypuff though can probably deal with Villager’s edgeguarding strategy. It remains to be seen how Villager will fare against the entire cast but for now, Villager is a great character with a versatile battle plan.

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I was one of the fated chosen who reached platinum status with Club Nintendo. I’ve pretty much been playing the Smash 3DS demo non-stop, just trying to get Mega Man right and playing its two minute stock matches during breaks at work. I also saw some analysis videos but those largely confirm my suspicions and opinions. It’s been a successful demo, giving me only five characters and effectively two stages (Battlefield with items and Omega Battlefield, basically Final Destination). Here’s  how I feel about how the game feels and its five characters. It’s agreed upon by many players that this build represents the final build of how the game will ship.


If I had to summarize everything into one bullet, it’d be that Smash 4 represents a compromise between Melee and Brawl’s design philosophies. Not quite as slow and pondering as Brawl, but not quite as blistering and fast as Melee.

Edge hogging is impossible and it’s an improvement to overall match pacing. The lack of edge hogging promotes more offensive tactics rather than passive defense. Since someone with decent recovery can and will make it, defenders are encouraged to jump off for preventive measures.

Ledge grabbing is not as lenient as it was in Brawl but not as strict as Melee. The distance before you grab the ledge has been reduced compared to Brawl. Characters also no longer magnetically home in on the ledge when they get close, which gives them the safety of invincibility frames. Now, you need to space your recovery move so that you can latch on safely. If you’re too close, you’ll actually overshoot and subject yourself to counterattacks.

I might actually play mostly in 3D as the 3D effect actually gives it a nicer look. The FPS might be getting a bump while 3D is on, which is weird since the 3D made Pokemon XY FPS chug.

Having the Omega stage choice be a simple button toggle on the stage select is rather convenient. I’d imagine it’ll eliminate the need to drill into the item select screen to fiddle with the options. Set your favorite items and frequencies and whenever you get an impromptu challenge to your honor, just keep going and toggle the Omega stage.


Mario is overall more agile with a general increase to all facets of his speed. Footspeed, air speed, and attack speed all have an extra bit of pep. I know we call him a fat Italian but the guy works out for a living.

FLUDD’s range received a massive increase. Like, it has no business reaching as far as it does. If your opponent has bad recovery, this thing is viable. At the very least it stalls them in the air and leaves them vulnerable.

Back air is Mario’s best and fastest move. Comes out quick, plenty of knockback, and little to no recovery lag, even if you land with it. It’s not a kill move but it definitely helps throw people of the stage.

Down throw is your best bet to quickly pile on damage early on. Bounce them off the ground and give them a few up tilts and they’ll be pushing  50% in no time.

Mario overall has received more subtle buffs compared to the other two veterans in the demo. Its small but its noticeable when you reflect on how Mario worked before.


Hands down, this is the de facto version of Link. You know how Street Fighters say vanilla Sagat was the best Sagat in Street Fighter? Well, Smash 4 Link is the best Link by a landslide.

Link’s overall speed has been increased, similarly to Mario.

The damage to boomerang and bomb have increased. Arrow charges faster in exchange for reduced damage.

Down air spikes opponents if you hit on its starting frames. This is immensely satisfying provided you actually hit and don’t miss and plummet to your doom like a tool.

Back air is stronger and reaches further. Good alternative to using his slower forward air.

Recovery is way better. The distance his aerial spin attack travels is much better, not to mention its finisher hit has more knockback. Tether grapple is also improved, which is something across the board for all characters with tether grapples.

Dash attack actually has kill potential. Its way better and you should use it.

Up smash has better horizontal hitbox.

Link isn’t the butt of jokes amongst pros anymore. This Link has taken all his complaints and just fixed all of them. I’m excited to see how her performs at higher levels because I think he’s going to do better than he ever has.


Skull Bash goes FAR. I mean, if you miss, you’ll probably fly off the screen. Not enough to make it risky but enough for everyone to notice.

Up tilt and up air are annoying jugglers. Fast ways to do more and more damage.

Back air is by far my favorite thing about Pikachu now. On defense, hitting someone with this multi-hit spin move will drag them along helplessly before being launched backward. At best, you can score knockouts by using this in the no man’s zone. At worst, you’ll drag them down to a point of no return where you can still recover with a double jump and an angled quick attack.

Changes to Pikachu aren’t very dramatic, but a buff to a few moves of his really make a difference.


Described by Zero as Jigglypuff with projectiles. Both side airs shoot a slingshot. The slingshot itself is the brunt of the hit box while the pellet is slightly weaker but has a great range. Simply jump off and carry your opponent to oblivion with these bad boys.

Speaking of defense, Villager has unmatched recovery. They removed gliding but Villager’s balloon trip pretty much lets him fly from off screen all the way to the other ledge of Battlefield. He’s like Metaknight from Brawl in the sense that he can recover from pretty much anything short of being knocked all the way out.

Forward smash (bowling ball) is ridiculously strong. It has no range but it certainly compensates. You will not believe the knockback on this attack.

Up and down air have a lot of active frames. There’s no need to time these attacks. Throw them out and watch your opponent slam into your radishes.

Keep in mind that Villager’s pocket move double damage and knockback. Play with items on and try pocketing those big crates for laughs.

The true purpose of Villager’s timber (down B) is for edge guarding. Keep a sapling planted on the edges and if your opponent recovers from a downward angle, they’ll be saying hello with a whole lotta wood.

Villager will be interesting to see in play. Villager exemplifies the changes to the edge grabbing mechanics with his jumping slingshot carries and tree guarding. Why wait to see your opponent fall down when you can get out there, expedite the process, and just fly back.

Mega Man

Megs has tons of projectiles, almost none of them are very good at aggressive play. I’m afraid effective Mega Man play might exemplify Brawl’s design philosophy but time will tell if there’s anything to discover.

Crash bomber is very underwhelming. It disappears on contact with shields and keeping it up blocks damage.

Metal blade is versatile but slow. Even Link’s bombs are faster.

You can’t multitask with leaf shield. Once it comes on, you can only shoot it out. You can however grabs with it, adding damage with or without a pummeling.

Crash bomber and metal blade together can take up a lot of space.

Megs is built from the ground up differently with the lack of a true side tilt. He just walks and shoots.

His uncharged buster shots have uneven hitstun. A regular problem for players with too much muscle memory is to walk forward and forget they shoot buster lemons rather than have an actual tilt. This leads to them walking right into a grab due to how little the shots do.

Forward air has a good hitbox but poor knockback. Back air however has great knockback but a difficult and narrow hitbox.

Down air is a meteor smash projectile. You can meteor people from a comfortable distance and it doesn’t have any complicated hit boxes.

Slide is probably a better options for Megs at neutral than moving and shooting. Up tilt also has surprising knockback.

Best kill move is down smash but has brutal recovery frames. You can try punishing rolls with it but this thing is high risk/high reward. Do not use at low percentages because that’s how long its recovery is.

Up air (tornado shot) is good at carrying opponents into the sky box. It’s small hit box makes it hard to connect unless your close.

Out of all five, I have a lot of trouble scoring kills with Megs. With limited kill moves, Mega Man struggle to fight in any conventional way. People interested in fighting with Mega Man will need a deep understanding of his moves and how they all work in tandem.

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Normally for most iterations of Pokemon, we have to wait for full release titles to get a shakeup in the metagame and see something new. Sometimes we get a small change in the form of new move tutors appearing to give unexpected Pokemon new moves but usually the lack of brand new moves or new Pokemon makes most in-between releases very fluffy titles in terms of hard game balance. But Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire have one leg up on this rule: new mega evolutions. It seems for ORAS, Game Freak can work around introducing anything too new for a remake and introduce new mega evolutions to older, more beloved Pokemon. As we’ve seen with X and Y though, not all megas are made to be equal. Mega Blaziken is king of offense while a mega for Banette was interesting but ultimately a waste (his best feature being a mega capable of a priority Destiny Bond. Yay! Priority sacrifice!).
The coming megas for ORAS look interesting and fun, but I’m afraid of how capable some of them will be. The bar has been set high thanks to the likes of Mega Blaziken, Gengar, Lucario, Kangaskhan, Charizard (both  X and Y), and Mawile. Remember when nobody used Mawile? Thanks to Serebii listing all revealed ORAS megas, we can review and speculate on the effectiveness of some of the new megas. There’s a lot of revealed data such as confirmation of the 100 point boost distribution and abilities, but having it on paper and having it in practice are two different things so there’s only so much we can speculate on. Mega Garchomp receiving a huge boost in sacrificing speed seems negligible but in practice this fact makes Mega Garchomp unpopular in favor of its standard form.

Mega Sceptile
Personally what I was looking forward to most since I personally own a mixed attacking Sceptile. Sceptile has always been number three due to Swampert being able to set up Stealth Rocks with bulk and Blaziken being Blaziken (with a Life Orb + Speed Boost set). Grass has never been a useful offensive type and Sceptile doesn’t have any supporting options. Mega Sceptile attempts to rectify this seemingly impossible problem by making it part Dragon. Sure!? Why not!?
Sceptile also receives Lightning Rod as an ability. At first, this seems like a waste considering the mega form is already 4x resistant to electric. On second glance though, Sceptile’s strength has always been special attack though and with Swords Dance and no way to boost special attack, this makes potential sets capable of doing either offensive sets well or even, once again, a powerful mixed set. Dragon is a very effective offensive type, being resisted by very few types even in this post-Fairy age. And it just so turns out that Grass can hit Fairy just fine. Still, Grass can be seen as a liability. So while I’ve been hopeful and praising Mega Scep, being an offensive Grass-type is a very big unknown. We also don’t know if Sceptile will have ready access to good Dragon moves. Like Mega Ampharos, he can’t learn Draco Meteor but even worse, learning Dragon Pulse thus far is relegated transferring one that learned it from a move tutor in B2W2.

Rating: 3/5

Mega Swampert
After a dose of anchor arms, Mega Swampert is ready to pummel his foes into the ground where they’ll feel even more powerful Earthquakes! Mega Swampert’s already been confirmed to gain more attack and more bulk. Pretty pedestrian buffs but effective so far as far as improving a Pokemon goes. The real kicker here is that Mega Swampert gets the coveted Swift Swim ability.
Granted, this won’t make Mega Swampert a speed demon, let alone one that continues to be a speed demon after five to eight turns. But this will most likely allow Mega Swamps to outspeed a veritable zoo of competition that are normally comfortable moving before a slow ass like Swampert. Combined with increased bulk, you have a tank strapped with boosters ready to wail on unsuspecting Pokemon. Imagine pitting this thing against Lucario in the rain. Lucario is fast but I bet it isn’t Swift Swim fast. While this temperament is dependent on rain, this could very well be like having a second Choice Scarfed Garchomp slinging Earthquakes around without the lock.

Rating: 5/5

Mega Sableye
Sableye wasn’t exactly itching for a mega. With Prankster, Sableye was capable of effectively annoying a team with a variety of priority like Fake Out, Shadow Sneak, Will-O-Wisp, Confuse Ray, Taunt, and Toxic among others. But Mega Sableye now promises to provide Sableye with options outside of annoying your opponent indirectly. An increase in defenses and special attack gives Sableye an offensive presence. Its mega form even provides a legitimate choice between mega evolving or not with a pivotal change in its ability.
Prankster becomes Magic Bounce, being a member of an exclusive group of Pokemon with access to this useful defensive ability which most usefully reflects Stealth Rocks back, among other things. In fact, Mega Sableye is just about the only Pokemon that can take a stray hit. Other Pokemon like Espeon or Mega Absol absolutely must be sure they’ll be reflecting a non-attacking move or else they’ll be losing a significant chunk of health on a wrong guess. Mega Sableye on paper can take a few hits, reflect support attacks, and fight back all by itself.

Rating: 4/5

Mega Metagross
Metagross was another one of my favorites, being a powerhouse Steel/Psychic back before X and Y released. With the advent of X and Y though came detrimental nerfs to Steel’s defensive posture. Without a resistance to Dark or Ghost, many Steel-types were adversely affected, including the powerhouse Metagross. Like Alakazam before it in gen 3, it lost its luster much in part due to Psychic being a disastrous defensive typing against popular Ghost and Dark attacks. Even with Metagross’ super powered hits, STAB Steel attacks just weren’t a big draw to negate Metagross’ growing weaknesses.
That’s probably why Mega Metagross sounds like it’ll be joining Mega Blaziken and Gengar in the ubers tier because Megagross receives insane buffs that are reflective of a sore loser who took his ball, left, and came back with a flail. Megagross receives all around buffs across the board but has a particular focus making up for its speed.  With enhancements to its already powerful attack, defense, and boosts in the special spectrum as well, Mega Metagross is reported to have a significant boost in speed to turn this metal computoid into a dangerous sweeper with nuke worthy Meteor Mashes. And they will be nuking things because it even gets Tough Claws as an ability. The infamous ability which boosts Mega Charizard X’s contact moves by 50% is now primed on Megagross to turn STAB Meteor Mash and Zen Headbutt into life changing decisions of switching out for the opponent.

Rating 6/5

Mega Altaria
ORAS is certainly putting up a load of forgettable Pokemon and giving them a second chance at being competitive. Altaria took the news of the incoming Fairies and decided to partially jump ship and become part Fairy. It partially jumped ship because it’s still Dragon; a Dragon/Fairy dual type which has the same logic as a Fire/Water type. Altaria actually had access to Moonblast long before news of Mega Altaria but it turns out it doesn’t need to rely on it for STAB.
First off, Mega Altaria’s ability is Pixilate, transforming all Normal-type moves into Fairy-type while providing a 30% boost. This allows Mega Altaria to use Hyper Voice as a Fairy attack that has the advantage of bypassing annoying defensive strategies like Substitute.
Secondly, Mega Altaria gains increased offensive power and defense, rounding out Altaria’s bulk while giving it the power to actually fight. While Altaria has always struggled to carve out a niche for itself from better Dragons, Mega Altaria has a unique charm of being a bulky, Fairy/Dragon that will have a mix of interesting resistances (Fairy is immune to Dragon, one of Dragon-types’ few weaknesses).

Rating 3.5/5

Mega Slowbro
Slowbro has always been one of the premier bulky water types. Water/Psychic provides a lot of opportunity to take hits and its high defense was perfect for taking stray Earthquakes and Close Combats. Many megas are often offensively designed and Mega Slowbro takes this chance to be one of those rare defensive megas. Mega Slowbro’s reveal has already demonstrated an insane bump in defensive power. Not many Pokemon laugh off a Dragon Claw from Mega Charizard X and Megabro does exactly that, shrugging it off as a mere 25% blow.
Megabro is likely to be plenty good but situational in choice compared to using it over its base form as there are a few consolations done in the process. Mega Slowbro gains a huge defensive boost but loses Regenerator as its ability in favor of a much more situational Shell Armor. Instead of regaining 33% health on a switch, critical hits will never happen instead. While Megabro still has Slack Off as health recovery, especially with its sky high defensive scores, it still is a mortal blow to Slowbro’s longevity. Slowbro can help retain momentum by switching out to hard counters and recovering health, but Megabro will be more focused on toughing out hits in the long run, walling and stalling hits with Slack Off and staying in.
Megabro’s potential for walling was impressive at first but further testing of losing Regenerator might be the clincher to its overall value.

Rating: 3/5

Mega Lopunny
Quick! Name another Pokemon you think deserves a second chance. If you said Lopunny, you’re really weird. But hey, Mega Lopunny has very envious qualities that make it a strong candidate as a Fighting-type mega on your team.
Mega Lopunny gets everything you need for an aggressive late game sweeper. It gets boosted attack and speed, access to moves like Jump Kick and Fake Out, plus an interesting Fighting/Normal dual type and a complimentary ability to boot. Mega Lopunny gets STAB on really good moves, gets Scrappy as ability, letting all its best attacks hit Ghosts, and retains its Ghost immunity from its Normal-typing. This means Mega Lopunny can ignore any potential Ghost-type switch ins thanks to Scrappy and conversely switch in on any nasty Shadow Balls or Shadow Sneaks.
Basically, Mega Lopunny gives you everything you want from a hard hitting Fighting-type without many of the problems. While Mega Lopunny lacks that critical ability to learn Swords Dance, a Mega Bunny trained to hit hard and fast is by no means a bad strategy.

Rating: 4/5

Mega Audino
Audino fits the same mold as Chansey but unfortunately doesn’t have much to help it leave Chansey’s massive shadow. It certainly rewards grinders with XP but it doesn’t have the same spread in bulk to let it compete with Blissey or Chansey. Audino and even Mega Audino are mostly designed for doubles and triples, where its slew of support moves have more space to shine. But that makes Audino and its Mega form largely irrelevant in a singles battle.
Mega Audino mainly gains increased bulk. Considering it’s HP pool has always been above average and both defenses were just below average, receiving a big boost to those defenses while retaining HP is a big deal to making Mega Audino a long lasting bulky support Pokemon. While it lacks offense, the fact that it’s hard to kill in a multi-battle while it can heal its partners means it offers a tremendous boon when it has teammates. On one hand, targeting it in a multi-battle means feeling like you’re beating your head against a wall. Target its teammates though and their damage can be healed by Mega Audino’s best move, Heal Pulse. The division in viable targets can be paralyzing and Mega Audino’s ability to persevere despite normal medic conventions makes it a great support option. Making your mega a support Pokemon is a matter of preference or strategy but you never know what can be done with creative thinking.

Rating: 2/5. 4/5 on doubles and triples

Mega Salamence
Well here comes another uber candidate honestly. Salamence has always been a strong Pokemon with Intimidate bolstering survivability and Moxie offering legitimately scary pulverizing power. Plus being a Dragon-type with an impressive and diverse move pool doesn’t hurt either. Mega Salamence took a look at what happened with Charizard and decided a simple boost wasn’t enough. So it took something that made a certain other Pokemon scary and gave it to itself.
Salamence is plenty strong; strong enough apparently according to Game Freak that rather than boost offense directly, Mega Salamence gains a boost to defense. But  that doesn’t mean it doesn’t get a scary boost to its punching power though because it takes Aerilate as an ability, which was made famous by Mega Pinsir. Guess what Salamence can learn that turns into a STAB Flying-type attack with an extra free 30% boost? Double-Edge. With Double-Edge gaining a massive STAB boost, an additional option in Outrage, Draco Meteor, or whatever else other strong Dragon move you want, plus your choice in coverage from moves like Fire Blast, Hydro Pump, Earthquake, and Stone Edge, Mega Salamence is a dead simple battering ram to utilize. Just take a second to observe what kind of competition Megamence is attacking and choose the appropriate attack. Chances are your Megamence has access to a move that’ll do 40% or more to something not specifically trained to take hits.
Add to increased defense meaning it can take a Rock Slide or Stone Edge fairly well and you have something with a fairly limited range of soft counters. If Aerilate worked for Pinsir, a Pokemon nobody used, Aerilate will work wonders for Salamence, a Pokemon that’s still viable for use today.

Rating: 5/5

Personally, I'm looking forward to using Mega Salamence and Mega Metagross while Mega Sceptile will need some serious planning but would be an interesting wild card to catch my opponent off guard. Of course there's Mega Diancie too but Diancie isn't even a available legally yet either so we don't know what it'll be like. If you're getting Pokemon ORAS, who will be your go to mega? Mega Pinsir is by far my favorite mega in terms of utility but I'm a big fan of Metagross and lamented over his nerfing this past generation. I very well might pick him up while Mega Salamence is worth a test run simply due to how much Aerilate was a factor in defining Mega Pinsir.