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Steven Hansen's blog

Halloween tips
2:30 PM on 10.31.2012
Please allow me to introduce myself
6:28 PM on 06.30.2011





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Steven watches anime & sports, buys meat out of trucks, dates a Muppet, and is only good at cooking. He stands before you bereft of solace and well on the road to perdition. (^ω^)
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Steven Hansen
2:30 PM on 10.31.2012



Just the tips...

Halloween is tomorrow. Technically today for some of you. Let me, Screamin' Hauntsen be among the first to wish you a happy night of ghosts and goblins (or of Ghosts'n Goblins, your plans depending). Some things to remember as you go about it:

1) Razorblades may make candy tastier according to science, but I strongly urge you not to eat candy that isn't factory sealed or otherwise appears tampered with.

2) Don't smash pumpkins (unless they're yours). I know the band Smashing Pumpkins is all the rage with kids these days, but let's not aggrandize vandalism.

3) Keep your mouths closed at all times, lest ghosts do unsavory things to your face.

4) If someone -- or something -- jumps at you unexpectedly, it's okay to take a swing. It's even possible you're on camera, so you can become a YouTube hit!

5) If you arrive to a party with a phoned-in costume, it's legal in 37 states for fellow party-goers to strap you in a stockade and tickle your feet. In nine states, you may be buried alive. Don't try and play the odds, put some effort into your costume.

6) Make sure you finish off all of the pumpkin-themed food and drink you've been collecting this month, because it goes bad at midnight. If there's any left over, a dracula will come to your home and give you a lecture on waste, then he'll impress your loved ones and they'll probably ditch you to hang with him instead.

6A) Don't try to hide pumpkin-themed excess by feeding it to your gremlin after midnight.

7) Don't drink anything you didn't mix yourself.

Happy Halloween!
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Who am I? Steven. I'm a San Francisco Bay Area native (currently living just outside the city) who seems to have stumbled into a writing position here at Destructoid. How droll. I like to look critically at games and deep beneath my craggy, cynical, sarcastic facade is a hopelessly naive idealist that values words like "integrity" and "creativity." I drive a Nissan Sentra and have an adorable, plush Kirby hanging from my rear view mirror.

COOKING, BATMAN, AND JAPAN

I love to cook. My avatar [was] a picture of me tossing some homemade pizza dough up in the air while wearing a Batman shirt that has Japanese characters on it (I love Batman and the Japanese). How much do I love Batman? I gave a presentation on Batman comics at an Honors Research Symposium at Stanford University earlier this year. Nerd cred +2?

Back to cooking. I'm first generation Italian-American. Familiar with that archetypal, non-English-speaking, Italian grandmother hunched over a giant pot of sauce for 9 hours? That was my grandmother! And me by extension. Minus the old lady bits. I always try to cook with the freshest ingredients and make everything from scratch, and I try to expand out of my comfort zone to a lot of the other foods I love (a lot of Asian stir-fry, for example).

SPORTS

I'm obsessed with sports. I love football first and foremost, followed by baseball. Though I've lived in SF my whole life, I'm a St. Louis Rams (football) fan, which I'm sure is appropriately shocking to anyone who follows the sport. Thankfully, I have redemption in my city as a San Francisco Giants (baseball) fan - they're leading los Tigres as I type, in typical, stressful Giants' fashion. I'm also a San Jose Sharks (hockey) fan and an LA Lakers (basketball) fan. ....And Brian Wilson just blew his second save in a row. How disconcerting and uncharacteristic. Though those are the major sports I follow, I like, appreciate, and occasionally watch several others. Like most people, I'll watch the World Cup (and root for Italia). I also like to play tennis on occasion.

GAMES AND MORE FROM JAPAN

Before I lose a lot more readers, I should probably transition into video games. I like them. I have a serious love-affair with JRPGs and I seem to be masochistic because I will play the grind-heavy, "hardcore" JRPGs (Persona 3, Resonance of Fate, I have a Final Fantasy XIII platinum trophy, etc.). My favorite Final Fantasy games in the main series are VII, IV, VI, and XII, in no certain order. I don't know anything about Western strategy games, but I love Final Fantasy: Tactics, and Valkyria Chronicles is one of my favorite games of this generation.

"Action" and "Adventure" (Uncharted, Batman: Arkham Asylum, Heavy Rain, Metal Gear Solid, etc.) games are probably my next favorite after JRPGs - I lump "survival/horror" into this category, too, though I'm pretty terrified of survival-horror games. I enjoy TPS and FPS, but I don't do much competitive online play (well, none, really. It's rare). I'm very much a single-player gamer and liable to get tired out on derivative shooty bits. When I say FPS, for example, I mean something more along the lines of Bioshock, Resistance, and the upcoming Prey 2 or Deus Ex: Human Revolution.

I also love anime, but I'm going on too much. Hopefully you'll all get to learn more about me in moderation, rather than turning this into a cram session of my interests. Unless the special "Things Steven likes" Jeopardy! episode is tomorrow (spoilers: it's not), the former is the better method. I spend an inordinate amount of time on the internet, so I look forward to getting to know some of you fine folks. Feel free to ask any questions, which I may or may not answer.

Oh, and I have a Twitter with no followers. Get in now, before it's cool, thereby making yourself all the more hip. (WARNING: I may use an excessive amount of insufferably cute smiley faces in Twitter posts)