Steven Hansen's Profile - Destructoid

Game database:   #ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ         ALL     Xbox One     PS4     360     PS3     WiiU     Wii     PC     3DS     DS     PS Vita     PSP     iOS     Android

Meet the destructoid Team >>   Steven Hansen
Steven Hansen 's blog
★ destructoid | Features Editor ★
click to hide banner header
Steven watches anime & sports, buys meat out of trucks, dates a Muppet, and is only good at cooking. He stands before you bereft of solace and well on the road to perdition. (^ω^)
Player Profile
Follow me:
Steven Hansen's sites
Following (21)  

Steven Hansen
5:10 PM on 12.01.2014

Birth from A La Cartridge on Vimeo.


Howdy folks. I was going to link to my second to latest cblog, in which I waxed poetic about the year anniversary of the death of A la cartridge, but my cblog profile page is disappeared or my broken computer is not displaying it properly. (Hey, turns out, the latter! Of course!)

Anywho, just wanted to share this video from the folks behind A la cartrdige. I hope you enjoy it. We did. 

No, I'm not pregnant, mom. 



Zombie Orwell's blog about skullfucking navel gazing books by people that are basically this guy or, just as bad, Jonathan Safran Foer or Dave Eggers or David Foster Wallace or whatever, reminded me that on my flights to and from Paris (I'm back), I spent most of my time finally getting through Crime and Punishment, which is a heavy book.

Damn, though. It's good. Even without the no longer radical, streaming and surreal peek at internal monologue and strife (also, hey, an actual meaningful murder and its repercussions), Dostoyevsky's prose is good and his plotting is on point. Good tension, good pacing, between all the fainting spells and wrestling with the human condition. 

I've tried to read more this year because I used to read voraciously and now I feel like I'm way more dumb because I've hardly read anything in recent years. Fiction, anyway. Plus every time I've picked up a book this year I've been so lucky as to get a, "Oh, right, reading is kick ass and good!" feeling, like with Crime and Punishment

You should read, too. But maybe for knocking off rust, stretching out old bones, Crime and Punishment is a bit intimidating, like coming out of retirement to fight a 20 year old Mike Tyson. Well, I read two other good books, both started on plane rides, this year, both of which are more modern as well. You should read them.

Typical American.

I don't know why I own this book. I don't remember buying it. I picked it off the shelf at random needing airplane fodder. Turns out, it's damn good. It's the story of a Chinese immigrant come to America to study engineering, and what happens throughout the rest of his life. Definitely recognized notes here that my mom et al have gone through since coming to America at the end of the 1960's, but you don't have to be an immigrant to find this interesting, provided you are human and capable of empathy.

If on a winter's night a traveller

Damn. I bought this book from Italo Calvino probably 7 years ago out of novelty after reading one of his short stories ("The Spiral"). It is, I was told, a novel written in the second person. It's also some tight fucking prose. And aside from the (well done) second person business, it's also a bunch of separate (but connected...) stories strung together in the One Thousand and One Nights vein, transitioning constantly right before climax. To be talented enough to write like (parts of) 8 different really good stories, and use 'em all up in one novel? Ballsy. This is some 8 1/2 level writing, too, sort of pretending at authorial confusion/struggle while actually being fucking ace. 


There you go, read a fucking book for once. A good one, not some Game of Thrones shit. <3

Why do I only write cblogs on or about Halloween, apparently? My last one was Halloween two years ago.

Anyways, just getting weepy over the impending one year anniversary of the last episode of A la cartridge, RIP in pieces. That was a weird, fun show to do. I appreciate all of voi who still say kind things about it. We had some grand plans of bringing it back (we being my two good friends who shot, edited, and otherwise made the show while my dumb ass droned on in a monotone, nasal voice), Kickstarter and all (food costs money!), but I guess it's a bit on the back burner for now. That's a food joke. You cook food on burners, as with a stove top.

How are voi doing? I stayed up until 1AM Euro-time to watch Game 6 of the World Series only to see the Giants blow the would-be-winner and cough up 8 runs at the onset. Rough. They'll probably still win it all tonight, though. 2010 and 2012 have removed lingering 2002 fears and feelings.

Paris is neat. Played some more Bloodborne, The Order, Type-0 HD, some other things. Wow, though. People sure are carrying water for The Order. Lot of upset folks that I was a bit bored by the well dressed but bog standard third-person cover shooting bits. I don't think I made any bold opinions? I left open the idea that the game could be good, that the demo wasn't representative, that vertical slices aren't helpful for this type of game. People are upset. Comment sections are weird sometimes.

Anyways, much of the next three days is going to be spent in meetings at Games Connection, which is happening concurrently with Paris Games Week. Lot of weirder, smaller projects to play and tell voi about rather than the E3/expo-like PGW. I'll probably still go play Smash Wii U, though, if it isn't nightmare busy. I played some other things yesterday at PGW, but am not sure if there's anything to front page about them. Like, what more can I say about LittleBigPlanet 3? It's LBP. I could talk about the cool pinball level with its Nicolas Winding Refn blue and pink neon aesthetic, but you'd probably be better served seeing a video of it. Writing about games is weird most of the times.

I will make a photo gallery of all the slightly raised show floor platforms I keep fucking tripping off of, though.

Steven Hansen
2:30 PM on 10.31.2012

Just the tips...

Halloween is tomorrow. Technically today for some of you. Let me, Screamin' Hauntsen be among the first to wish you a happy night of ghosts and goblins (or of Ghosts'n Goblins, your plans depending). Some things to remember as you go about it:

1) Razorblades may make candy tastier according to science, but I strongly urge you not to eat candy that isn't factory sealed or otherwise appears tampered with.

2) Don't smash pumpkins (unless they're yours). I know the band Smashing Pumpkins is all the rage with kids these days, but let's not aggrandize vandalism.

3) Keep your mouths closed at all times, lest ghosts do unsavory things to your face.

4) If someone -- or something -- jumps at you unexpectedly, it's okay to take a swing. It's even possible you're on camera, so you can become a YouTube hit!

5) If you arrive to a party with a phoned-in costume, it's legal in 37 states for fellow party-goers to strap you in a stockade and tickle your feet. In nine states, you may be buried alive. Don't try and play the odds, put some effort into your costume.

6) Make sure you finish off all of the pumpkin-themed food and drink you've been collecting this month, because it goes bad at midnight. If there's any left over, a dracula will come to your home and give you a lecture on waste, then he'll impress your loved ones and they'll probably ditch you to hang with him instead.

6A) Don't try to hide pumpkin-themed excess by feeding it to your gremlin after midnight.

7) Don't drink anything you didn't mix yourself.

Happy Halloween!

Who am I? Steven. I'm a San Francisco native who seems to have stumbled into a writing position here at Destructoid. How droll. I like to look critically at games and deep beneath my craggy, cynical, sarcastic facade is a hopelessly naive idealist that values words like "integrity" and "creativity." I drive a Nissan Sentra and have an adorable, plush Kirby hanging from my rear view mirror.


I love to cook. My avatar [was] a picture of me tossing some homemade pizza dough up in the air.

I'm first generation Italian-American. Familiar with that archetypal, non-English-speaking, Italian grandmother hunched over a giant pot of sauce for 9 hours? That was my grandmother. And me by extension. Minus the old lady bits. I always try to cook with the freshest ingredients and make everything from scratch, and I try to expand out of my comfort zone to a lot of the other foods I love (a lot of Asian stir-fry, for example).


I love football first and foremost, followed by baseball. Though I've lived in SF my whole life, I'm a St. Louis Rams (football) fan, which I'm sure is appropriately shocking to anyone who follows the sport. Thankfully, I have redemption in my city as a San Francisco Giants (baseball) fan - they're leading los Tigres as I type, in typical, stressful Giants' fashion. I'm also a San Jose Sharks (hockey) fan and an LA Lakers (basketball) fan. ....And Brian Wilson just blew his second save in a row. How disconcerting and uncharacteristic. Though those are the major sports I follow, I like, appreciate, and occasionally watch several others. Like most people, I'll watch the World Cup (and root for Italia). I also like to play tennis on occasion.


Before I lose a lot more readers, I should probably transition into video games. I like them. I have a serious love-affair with JRPGs and I seem to be masochistic because I play grind-heavy JRPGs (Persona 3, Resonance of Fate, I have a Final Fantasy XIII platinum trophy, etc.). My favorite Final Fantasy games in the main series are VII, IV, VI, and XII, in no certain order. I don't know anything about Western strategy games, but I love Final Fantasy: Tactics, and Valkyria Chronicles is one of my favorite games of this generation.

"Action" and "Adventure" (Uncharted, Batman: Arkham Asylum, Heavy Rain, Metal Gear Solid, etc.) games are probably my next favorite after JRPGs - I lump "survival/horror" into this category, too, though I'm pretty terrified of survival-horror games. I enjoy TPS and FPS, but I don't do much competitive online play (well, none, really. It's rare). I'm very much a single-player gamer and liable to get tired out on derivative shooty bits. When I say FPS, for example, I mean something more along the lines of Bioshock, Resistance, and the upcoming Prey 2 or Deus Ex: Human Revolution.

I also love anime, but I'm going on too much. Hopefully you'll all get to learn more about me in moderation, rather than turning this into a cram session of my interests. Unless the special "Things Steven likes" Jeopardy! episode is tomorrow (spoilers: it's not), the former is the better method. Feel free to ask any questions, which I may or may not answer.

Oh, and I have a Twitter with no followers. Get in now, before it's cool, thereby making yourself all the more hip. (WARNING: I may use an excessive amount of insufferably cute smiley faces in Twitter posts)