Howdy doody folks! vApathyv has jacked Stereotoid temporarily to bring you guys a nice selection of Valentine's Day-themed music. Whether you're lovestruck and happy as can be, heartbroken and lonely, pissed off at any ex that may have wronged you, or just plain indifferent to the day, you're sure to find something for ya here. And before anyone asks about obvious omissions, I tried (keyword: tried) to stay as far away from obvious, played-to-death-on-adult-contemporary-radio-station choices as much as possible. Because we've all heard Total Eclipse Of The Heart way too many times already, dammit.
(Special thanks to Xzyliac and Raien Swiftwood for some of the song choices. Always remember, a bromance is always there, even if it isn't February 14th.)
LOVE LOVE LOVEY LOVE LOVE!!!
Andrew W.K.- She Is Beautiful
Sometimes, love songs are really, really corny. Hell, actually, most of the times that's the case. But Andrew W.K. has turned corny music into an art form, to the point where it's actually kind of awesome, and this song is no exception. When it comes to rockin' party songs about love, look no further.
The Cranberries- Pretty Eyes
And then you got songs that are just so powerful, they give you chills. When Xzyliac suggested this one to me, he told me to think about my significant other while listening to it and see how moved I am...dammit, the boy was right.
Joan Jett and the Blackhearts- Crimson And Clover
Yeah, I know I said I'd try to stay away from obvious picks, but I have a total weakness for Joan Jett.
Queen- Good Ole Fashioned Lover Boy
I had quite a few people tell me Queen should be up here somewhere, and for good reason. Few people are as well-versed in charming love songs as Freddy and the gang. You could pick from any number of Queen tracks to woo your man/lady, but this is my personal favorite.
Even though the song has no lyrics, it's rather amazing that it's able to incite warm feelings of good 'ole fashioned romance in the air. Then again, maybe I'm just weird. Whatever, the song's called Valentine for god's sake.
Florence + The Machine- You've Got The Love
And of course, sometimes you just have to have a ballad-y song that lays it all on the line, and the always-beautiful songs of Florence + The Machine are sure to deliver. This could easily become a love anthem rivaling even the best 80's ballads.
But My Heart Is Broken...
La Roux- Cover My Eyes
It hurts a lot to see a former love being happy when you're not. Especially if you still harbor feelings for him/her. If you've ever had to endure that pain, this song should strike a chord with you.
David Bowie- Be My Wife
Sometimes, ya get so lonely. The song really speaks for itself.
Tegan and Sara- The Con
Ever had a song that commands dominance over your tear ducts in times of sorrow? This is that song for me. During a particularly troubling part of my relationship, I heard this song for the first time ever and it had me bawling...what? Got a problem with that!? MANLY MEN HAVE FEELINGS TOO.
David Guetta ft. Chris Willis vs. Sam Sparrow- Love Is Gone vs. Black & Gold
Nobody said sadness couldn't be groovy right? Sometimes you can wrap up all your bad feelings in a surprisingly danceable package and at least have a little fun in your heartache. Unfortunately, due to DJ Hero's untimely death, the love really is gone with this one.
Hurt- House Carpenter
This song. Oh God, this song. There's something so intense, so moving about this song, that it rattles you to the core. The kind of thing that makes your hair stand on end, that demands your attention, and could leave you wrecked afterwards. Special note, do NOT listen to this song if you're coping with the death of a loved one...it will not end well.
The Who- Love, Reign O'er Me
I know, another obvious pick. And yeah, the song is actually more positive than anything, but consider the situation that Jimmy finds himself in when this song is performed during Quadrophenia. His parents, his girlfriend, even the Mod lifestyle he enjoyed so much, had all failed him. At this point, all he can do is realize that love is the answer to all his problems, and cry out the iconic chorus present in the song.
...You know what? Fuck this love bullshit.
Cee Lo Green- Fuck You
Yes, yes, ANOTHER obvious pick. But you know what? How could I possibly not include what has undoubtedly become this generations defining anthem of “Love sucks”?
She Wants Revenge- True Romance
A bit of a somber pick, but the way the singer manages to cut the target of this song down to size in such a droll, unenthused manner is possibly one of the biggest acts of comeuppance I could think of. “Yeah, you broke my heart...but whatever.” Take THAT, ex-girlfriend of mine that cheated on me for free pot!
Weezer- Why Bother?
What's the best way to stick a defiant middle finger in the face of affection? Come to the conclusion that love's not worth it because you'll just get hurt in the end, and instead decide that no-strings-attached sexual flings are the way to go. Bit of a surprise, coming from Rivers Cuomo.
Alkaline Trio- My Friend Peter
And this one is just PERFECT for anyone that found themselves in the situation present in the La Roux song above. Tell that ex that you don't give a damn anymore and you'd rather be with your friends anyways. Take THAT, ex-girlfriend of mine that led me on after we broke up and kept me on the side as a back-up plan, playing with my fragile emotions just to appease your own sick desires!
Atreyu- Bleeding Mascara
And then, sometimes, you just get pissed. REALLY pissed. And then a song like this happens, where you pretty much systematically assault the person that wronged you in every way imaginable, making it quite know to her just how horrible a person she is. Take THAT, ex-girlfriend of mine that only dated me to win a bet despite knowing that sort of shit can wreck a man for life!
Reel Big Fish- Hate You
So the first verse doesn't really lend itself to love or anything, but everything after it sure as hell does. Seriously, if you're ever feeling down about how someone hurt you, sing the chorus to this song. Over, and over, and over again. You'll feel better in no time.
Not gonna write you A lol-ve song!
Freezepop- Lose That Boy
Freezepop is always a good choice for a witty and humorous take on relationships, and this is no exception. Ever found a person in a terrible relationship? Let 'em hear this.
Toki Wartooth- Toki's Love Song (From Metalocalypse)
Poor, poor Toki. The guy never gets a break. Him and Murderface are treated as non-entities in the band, he can never find love, and when he finally DOES meet someone, it turns out to be a hideous old hag who might be a transvestite as well (verdict's still out). Oh well. At the least, I managed to prove that Dethklok is ALWAYS a relevant choice in anything I intend to write.
Flight Of The Conchords- The Most Beautiful Girl [In The Room]
Man, this is a great song to attempt to woo that special someone and sweep them off their feet with. Singing this is GUARANTEED to get you on her good side. Seriously, try it. (Disclaimer- Do not fucking try this. You will probably get kicked in your jewels.)
Speck- Conventional Lover
It's a rather cute song even on it's own, but the constant nerd references (They're polyhedral) definitely set this into certified “lol” territory. If you don't crack a smile when he screams out “Uh-oh...saving throw!”, then you have no soul.
Jonathan Coulton- Skullcrusher Mountain
Another song that initially sounds rather heartwarming, and in fact actually is in it's own weird way, but when you get around to listening to the lyrics, it gets a little...odd. But hey, if there's any evil scientist bachelors out there looking for some pointers, look no further.
This song is so incredibly juvenile that I couldn't help but include it. I really, honestly have no other reason for doing so.
And that's it folks! Hopefully this was somewhat of a treat for you guys. But hey, got any suggestions? Stories? Death threats? Leave 'em in the comments below! And as always, see ya this weekend for the real Stereotoid deal!
And while you're at it guys, take a look at our fellow Stereotoid brother Crackity Jone's own Valentine's Day blog! http://bit.ly/euJeRx
FUCK YO PANCAKES XZYLIAC, I'M MAKIN' WAFFLES!!!