That right there was the single most painful header image I could have possibly imagined. I actually need to take a shower now, I feel so...dirty.
Anyways...hello folks! So, as you may have noticed, something very awesome and unexpected happened on Friday- Faxtoid. It was amazing, it was unique, it was a very well thought out way to get the community active in the April Fool's shenanigans, and for the most part it was absolutely wonderful. However, there was one unfortunate downside- it made using the C-blogs almost impossible. And we ourselves had planned an awesome and (hopefully) unexpected happening for Friday. At first I was like "Oh sweet! I'll just hand-write all the reviews and this will become an even greater idea!"...until I realized my printer/scanner/faxer no longer scans or faxes, which led me to me pretty much giving myself carpal tunnel for no reason.
So, I had thought for a while over whether or not our special Stereotoid April Fool's Edition should even see the light of day, since it's not the same if it isn't read or released on that day. However, seeing as how our team suffered through great lengths (GREAT. FUCKING. LENGTHS.), I think it'd be a disservice not to display their work. So, without further ado, and in the interest of ending this longer then normal intro, enjoy the quasi-lost "Stereotoid April Fool's Edition", with a very special review of an album from one of Destructoid's very own.
Album: My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy
Artist: Kanye West
Label: Roc-A-Fella, Def Jam
Released: November 22, 2010
Genre: Hip Hop
*Sub-genres Real Rap
Sounds like: The best Hip-Hop album of all time.
Hip Hop has found its new emperor. The lyrical genius, master of hard-knocking, high quality beats is
back with another one of his snarky, innovative, bold, experimental, raw, true hip hop record. This is the
closest thing we’ll ever get to hearing the wonderful chant of sirens; a thugnificent gem, and an artistic
tour de force. If you’ve never listen to the genre, this album will most likely make you want to never listen
to hip hop again, since it’s so great.
This album is innovative to the point that I cannot find the adequate words to truly express how I love
this record. I honestly think I should’ve never listened to this album, because now, music feels obsolete
and completely unimaginative. Really, it’s just that good. In every song, King Kanye ejaculates on our
eardrums with his edgy, smart, totally refreshing way of rhyming. The high quality of the lyrics, like when
he talks about his inner child and shit, is incredible. Or that time when he talks about his ass and that
people should kiss it, but what he really means is that people should lick his peppermint patty, (I had
emotions going all through my body during that part). It’s so powerful, so true, and so intelligent. Kanye
West has a special gift of turning everything into diamond. The kind of diamonds coming straight out the
motherland, dug out by the unionized, hydrated, free diamond miners of Congo and Sierra Leone.
His brilliance even transcends beyond the waves, with his provocative sampling to one of Chris Rock’s
best monologue ever, (the one about pussy and the hilarious things he says about it). My only gripe
about this album though, is the use of one of Gil Scott-Heron’s sample to accompany the last song on the album, which is to be perfectly honest, kind of revolute in its message. West is way beyond that black VS white, civil movement bullshit. He is above all forms of racism, misogyny, intolerance and bigotry. He’s a real diplomat, one that would leave even the most suave Libyan UN representatives ineffective.
The beats are engulfed into this post-modern, highly artistic, Dadaistic 1930’s radio quality, which give
a brilliant sound to the whole album. The auto-tune is top notch; the beats have drum loops and shit.
It’s awesome. Buy this album; think about the starving children of Africa that could use all this delicious
money. Kanye will surely do whatever he can to briefly mention them in his new upcoming single to make you feel better about yourself. Thanks Kanye, you think about everything.
I would also like to thank God for making this album a reality.
Released: January 1, 2010
*Sub-genres Dance pop, electropop
Sounds like: The brilliance of Lennon’s social consciousness with the soulful and strong female
presence of Aretha Franklin
Ever since the 60s it has become almost regimen in English speaking cultures to take the social and
cultural issues of the day and bring them to light on a scale that still to this day is unmatched. Music
is a great unifier, in the 21st century no matter your class or position you literally cannot go a single
say without hearing some kind of music. But when does a song actually say something? When does
the music cross the threshold from corporate bred entertainment to be absorbed by the masses like
a collective mindless sponge and become true timeless, living, art? When does the music become so
daring, so massively groundbreaking, that it can only describe itself, like faith or what water taste like?
The point, my friends, is Ke$ha’s Animal.
Now of course I could go on and on about America’s well-reasoned fascination for this rags-to-riches
lovechild but I want to focus on the music. The first track, Your Love Is My Drug, simply encapsulates the
listener with its graceful sounds, suave vocals, and thoughtful lyrics. The commentary of the song, how
the positive emotion of love releases dopamine into the brain which then causes positive sensations and
boners is addictive, is simply some of the most powerful music out there. And of course there is Tik Tok
which has become synonymous with the push to eliminate poverty in America.Ke$ha herself describes
her poor background, a time where she hit rock bottom so hard she brushes her teeth with Jack Daniels.
You can almost hear the heartache in her voice.
Instrumentally the album is a grand masterpiece. Each and every song has a wonderful array of
electronic sounds and drums. Each and every one. All of them. Seriously, there is not a single song that
doesn’t have what the last song had. It’s awesome. Sometimes you worry when a track ends that the
musician might change it up a bit, maybe shake up the composition, but Ke$ha in all her purism sticks to what works for the entire 46 minutes. Really, it’s like a ballad. Occasionally a guest is brought but never for so long that the audience is left thirsting for that sweet angelic voice.
Lyrically the album is rock solid. It is as if John Lennon and Bob Dylan had a threesome with Patti Smith
and then Shakespeare came down from heaven and joined in and then through some magical fate (and
other dirty filthy things) they all impregnated Patti Smith simultaneously and gave birth to a miracle child.
Look at this…
I saw you In your tight ass rocker pants You saw me too I laughed 'Cause I was completely trashed And I watched your Ugly girlfriend Sneer across the room
Look at that! Can you not feel her pain!? SHE WAS DRUNK AND HER EX WAS THERE AND HIS
GIRLFRIEND WAS UGLY!
If you are looking for art, true art in it’s rawest form, in a way that can pain the soul and pleasure the
beast, this is truly the album for you. In fact, it is the album of our lifetimes. It will define this generation
and potentially all generations to come. There are those who never believed we could ever have our
Shakespeare, our Beatles, our Foreigner, but let it be known that we have all this and more in the
ambitious and humble work that is Ke$ha’s Animal.
Album: Dark Horse
Label: Roadrunner/Atlantic EMI
Released: November 18, 2008
Genre: Good ol' Canadian Rock N Roll
Sounds like: Heaven, easily the best thing to come out in music this decade.
So as many of you may know I'm still fairly new to Stereotoid. When I recently found out that no
one in our team had reviewed the rock n roll gods that are Nickleback, well … honestly I shit my pants.
Now when I say “I shit my pants” I don't mean this figuratively. I literally dropped my iPhone, dropped my
jaw and proceeded to produce a healthy amount of feces in my pants.
I did what any music loving blogger with half a brain did after this revelation, I began my review.
Dark Horse marks Nickelbacks seventh studio album and will certainly go down as their best. Every
single song on this album is just dripping with pure genius and originality! Music was at one time dying,
but it found it's savior. And that savior is Chad Kroeger.
You really know you're in for a treat when the album opens with the track, “Somethin' In Your
Mouth”. This song is about Chad meeting a lovely lady and how he has fallen deeply in love with her and
never wants to be apart from her presence. You can tell he really cares when he says, “You're so much
cooler when you never pull it out, 'cause you look so much cuter with something in your mouth”. If that
line didn't just absolutely melt your heart then you might wanna check your pulse. I just think its adorable
how he feels about this woman, that he has the guts to tell her she looks better when she's sucking his
This album surprisingly is actually chock full of sweet love songs. That Chad, he is just so
dreamy, Chad Kroeger that is, not Chad Concelmo. Although now that I think about it Chad Concelmo is
pretty dreamy too. Hmmm …. I wonder who would win in a fight between the Chads? Of course it
wouldn't be any sort of normal fight, oh no no no. The epic duel these lovely Chads would have to face
each other off in would be a blow job contest, and I would be the one and only judge. Who would win?
Anyways where was I? Oh, right, Nickelback. Another one of my favorite love ballads off of this
particular album was the heartfelt classic, “S.E.X.”. In case you had any doubts about what the song was about, yes, it is in fact about a deep and complicated relationship between Chad and his lady friend. I like how Chad shows us his gentleman side in this song with all the sweet nothings he's whispering into his lovers ear. Lines like, “Yes, sex is always the answer, it's never a question 'cause the answer's yes, oh the answer's yes. Not just a suggestion, if you ask a question then it's always yes.”. What a dreamboat.
Honestly I could just go on all day with how much I love this album, but if you're a living human
being then you already know this is an incredible piece of art. You don't need me to tell you that. If
nothing else then perhaps you can at least click my links below and reminisce about when you first heard
the album, all those years ago, way back in 2008. I hope you have a lovely April Fool's Day and that you
don't fall for any stupid pranks. Have fun Fridaying! But seriously …. click those links … you won't be
(EDITOR'S NOTE: Due to the intense trauma that JTHomeslice had to go through to bring this review to us, he was unable to continue the trollish tradition of the other reviews present this week. Given my limited exposure to Brokencyde, I do not blame him. At all.)
b]Album:[/b] I'm Not a Fan, But the Kids Like It!
Label: Breaksilence Recordings
Released: June 16, 2009
Genre: Crunkcore (?)
Sounds like: Shit
I kind of want to just leave the review at that. That single word accurately describes Brokencyde. It’s maybe the most vile shit I’ve ever listened to. This whole “crunkcore” or “screamo crunk” or whatever the fuck it’s called could be the most dreadful thing to happen to music. And Brokencyde is right at the top of the shit pile.
First off, the beats are terrible. Just the most generic, uninteresting beats ever. Give me an hour in FL Studio and I could make you something better any of this crap.
The vocals are just all around awful. The screams and growls are among the worst I’ve heard. This is sub-deathcore y’all. They’re so bad you can’t even understand the lyrics, so that’s a plus I guess. The rapping is equally bad. It’s sub-nu metal. If you rap worse than Fred Durst, maybe you shouldn’t be rapping. And the singing. It sounds like it’s been Auto-Tuned a million times over. It even sounds like the screaming is Auto-Tuned too. AUTO-TUNED SCREAMING. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
I now present to you a few excerpts of their lyrics. These are just a few lines that jumped out at me. Here they are:
“Let’s get fucking freaky now”
“Throw your motherfucking titties in the air”
“I want to see you naked clap” (???????????????)
“You got the buns, I got the hot dog”
“DO THE BOOTY CLAP GIRL”
“Go get your sex on girl”
“You make my pee pee hard” (UGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGH)
“Don't expect on having sex unless you shave your pubes”
“That means my penis is hard”
Now, these may look absurd, but you have to actually hear them to get the full effect. I get that crunk music is all about getting drunk and fucking bitches and such, but this is just bad. And the worst thing is that they’re delivered with complete sincerity.
There is not an ounce of irony in these guys. If this was a joke band or something, it would still be awful but I’d at least be laughing with them, not at them. From a few interviews of them I’ve read, they are absolutely serious about what they are doing. Even the title of the album was taken from something their manager said to them. They clearly missed the irony of it.
This is absolutely the worst thing I’ve ever listened to. Please, don’t ever listen to this. Sand off your penis or something instead. It’ll sound a lot better than this.
(HEY LOOK ANOTHER EDITOR'S NOTE: Given the class and beauty of this album, and the fact that he's a Dtoid bro, I thought it'd be rather horrible of me to put his album's art up there with those other abominations. Enjoy your place down here in the sane section!)
Album: Walking in Circles
*Sub-genres drum & bass, idm, trip-hop, chip-tune, ambient, trance, post-rock.
Sounds like: Quite a diverse collection of electronic music.
Alphadeus’ been on Destructoid for quite a while now, so much so that I can even remember the first time
he introduced us to his wonderful Piano Journals. If you’ve been following his work on the C-Blogs, you’ll
notice that this album is completely different from his usual musings. Alpha departs from his classical
piano, and brings a fairly solid electronic album. Highly inspired by video games, (obviously) and the fruit
of his plentiful imagination, Walking in Circles is definitely an interesting piece of DTOID musicianship.
I get a weird vibe from this album, though. It captures so much of the electronic spectrum that I have a
very hard time defining it. It’s more of an experiment I guess, but the album’s ever-changing style leaves
me wanting more of certain type of tracks. I usually find myself liking albums that are more conservative
and streamlined in their sound, yet I still like a lot of what I’m hearing with Walking in Circles. The album
shifts from drum & bass to trip hop, some tunes are incrusted with chip-tune while others bathe into
trance, idm, and ambient.
And I’m not even sure if what I’m classifying it under it totally accurate, some songs are entangled in
multiple genres. Maybe it’s that aspect that leaves me kind of wanting more, or maybe it’s because I’m so used to Alphadeus’ great piano playing. However I can’t help, but think that for an independently released electronic album, it is quite good.
Walking in Circles has a few highlights, especially The Grand Scheme,(which is in my opinion, a brilliant
example of how ambient should be done) and the ever so ephemeral piano tracks. I’m saying this
because, (as I’ve stated before), I think Alpha’s force is in his keyboard. There’s great emotion and
substance to his piano, and Walking in Circles could’ve totally benefited from that. Sometimes though,
you have to hear a musician in a totally different light to truly appreciate his other projects. I’m not
denigrating Walking in Circles, (I’m just pointing out the fact that if you haven’t listened to Alphadeus’
piano, you should).
It’s quite rare I get to review albums straight out of the community. However, as a first feature, I’d say
Alphadeus is pretty neat. Fans of electronic music should check him out, if it’s not already the case. If
you’re more into classical stuff, check out his Piano Journals. The man is rocking the keyboard like there’s no tomorrow.