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Name: Stephanie (Steph)
Birthday: Oct. 16, 1989

Retail assistant manager by day.
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Stephanie K
8:47 PM on 06.18.2012



I come to you today not just as a blogger, but as a friend searching for guidance. Earlier in the year, I replied to a previous Blogger's Wanted regarding resolutions for the year. June is almost to its end and I have realized that I am nowhere near where I wanted to be by the middle of the year. Living on my own and working a full-time job has proven to make it extremely difficult to pursue my desire to become a professional journalist. It has proven to become harder to break into the gaming industry than I expected. While I was aware it would be a difficult, but the struggle is beginning to discourage my ambition. The passion remains but the flame has begun to dim; the desire to be dedicated exists but I have found myself in an endless loop of fallbacks.

I wanted to be consecutive with my work. I wanted to have an established series by now and had plans to finish a book regarding some life experiences by the year's end. However, my memoirs have consistently been ignored in favor of other things. PAX East was a disaster on my part. I was completely unprepared for the workload that came along with it. I failed miserable to actively engaging with public relations representatives when I had opportunities. Meetings were not scheduled; a majority of my time was wasted mindless wandering the show floor captivated by the intoxicating sensation of being there, but I did not live up to the expectations I promised and I did no E3 coverage due to personal engagements. A part of me feels I do not deserve the title of "journalist" or even be allowed to continue to have the opportunities I do.

Balancing time has become the hardest part of the job. Five days of the week are almost solely dedicated to work. Regardless of the time my shift begins and ends, nearly ten hours of the day are taken up with work and driving time. This does not include time that is chipped away to do daily necessities such as cooking, housework, and needed shopping. Even on my days off, I find my time being split between my social life and housework with little time to indulge in recreational pastimes.

Gaming normally takes a backseat as it falls on my list of priorities. I have fallen victim to laziness so to say. While gaming consists of nothing more than sitting on a couch and pressing buttons on a controller or keyboard/mouse, my mind wanders to the long list of other activities I could be doing instead. Almost as if playing a game has become a waste as I could be doing something more productive, like writing. Thus this is where the burdening cycle begins...As a gaming journalist, I need to game in order to have material to write about. Gaming is still a hobby I greatly enjoy but I feel as if I do not have the time to engross myself into a quest or epic adventure. The want to spend hours in front of a screen are there. These hours need to happen in order to continue my career. I cannot write a review without completing or at least putting a significant amount of time into them. It is hard to start detailed editorials without much experience or exposure to fresh subjects.

One of my biggest problems, however, is just trying to figure out the right engaging topic to write about to begin with. Anyone can put their opinions on paper but only original thoughts get noticed. Even with the bi-weekly Blogger's Wanted posts, I have a very hard time making myself stand out. I have plenty to say, but the issue that arises is keeping myself focused enough to complete a piece of work. Between juggling household duties, work, social life, and the need to play games to even have something to write about has become a challenge.

More times than none, my drive to write spikes at times when I am unable to sit down and actual put a few thoughts onto paper. Ideas for articles will come to me either late at night when in bed or while I am stuck in the middle of my day job's shift. By the time I get home or have fulfilled my responsibilities, the motivation has faded away. I find myself staring at a blank Word document for awhile before either A) giving up or B) getting distracted with other things before forgetting my train of thought. I have tried using voice recognition software to record thoughts while I worked on other things around the house, and have tried investing in a voice recorder to mention a few notes. Yet, even with a nice outline, it becomes ridiculously challenging to translate my thoughts into a structured works.

I try to remain elaborate and ardent regarding my thoughts but I feel like my work has never really taken off. Throughout the years, I have seen Anthony Burch leave Destructoid to follow a career with Gear Box. I have seen Jim Sterling's podcasts, articles, and videos explode in popularity. I watched as Yahtzee become a household name. So other than not being either a declamatory orator or an angry man with a British heritage, I cannot help but question what I am doing wrong.

What does it take to get noticed in the exhausted field of online gaming journalism?



Adam Sessler had told me at this past PAX East that videos were the best way to get your face out to the public but where does one begin? Youtube is saturated with plenty of video blogs of people doing video game reviews or complaining about the industry. Naturally, I do not want my voice to be drowned out by the internet blather that plagues our browsers. So what can I do to get my career started?

I have briefly spoken to Spencer about Streamtoid. For those who do not know its history, it was another unproductive project of mine from last summer that remained unsuccessful under my management. I am honored that he picked it up. It is thrilling to see the idea thriving. Although, I cannot help but feel disappointed in myself for I should have filled its lifeless corpse with life. Naturally, he has offered to let me have a spot on its programming but what in the world do I do? And when I already feel like I am drowning due to lack of time, how do I keep up with a regular schedule?

So now I come to you. My fellow gamers, my readers, and writers alike to ask for help on freeing the blockage that seems to have formed. I am searching for help in tapping into the well of inspiration in order to get creativity flowing again. How can I overcome these obstacles and prevent myself from being a failure before I even get my feet off the ground?
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Someone told me once, that barriers are only there to separate you from the other people who don't want it as badly as you do. I'm sure you'll get recognized some day Steph.
To me is to keep writing. Get a note pad and a pencil near by and write down any thoughts that might come out. This is what I'm going to start doing. I used to write then down on paper first become typing it out on a computer, this helped a bit by expanding on what I already have and new ideas that might soon follow. Just keep going. Soon, you'll have something that will make you stand out from the rest. It may take a bit to get there.
If you keep at it and you're dedicated I'm sure you'll succeed. I personally have very little knowledge on the subject, but if I was going to write articles I would probably do what a few Journos already do and use topics people already have a strong opinion of to engage readers.

From what I gather journalism is all about being a good storyteller, to be able to draw people in and keep them gripped and reading till the end. Maybe these guys are a bit sensationalist and prone to being over controversial, at the end of the day it gets people reading.

Now livestreaming is another thing I haven't done, but I've been involved enough to know it takes a long time to build up a viewer base. If you aren't an official channel of a developer or e-sports related then you have to do it the hard way and build up viewers with regular casts, even if they aren't to a set scheduled time. To make it you need to be an entertaining host, you need to have a magnetic personality and you need to interact with your chatroom.

The most inspiring casters I have seen are Jon Carnage and Pico Mause, they built up the Destructoid Twitch channel in just over a year and ended up with a huge following, 50 million+ views and a network of contacts within the game industry and casting community. Both of them now work within the industry.

It's hard but everything worth it usually is, so good luck with your goal Steph.
I have pretty similiar problems from time to time. The voice recorder on my phone has been a big help because it's given me random thoughts somewhere to keep them when I can record them really easy if no one is around, especially considering if I'm talking to myself about video games I'll look nuts at work.

Social media is a great way to get out there too, use your twitter/facebook and promote the hell outta your stuff. I've had friends who don't even have an interest in gaming every once in a while tell me they've read something I've written and it gives me that warm and fuzzy feeling to keep at it.

I wish I knew the answers but if the flame is still there keep at it. Throw your ideas all out there and when one sticks take it and run with it. Quality over quantity! Good luck!
I know exactly how you feel. I'm living on my own and want to get into the games industry. I had an opportunity for a PR job but the company went with a local candidate because it would have been too much of a hassle to relocate me to SF. With my day job taking up 10 hours of my time and my fiction writing career demanding hours as well, it's difficult to find time to game, write about games, keep up with gaming news, and still have something of a life. Oh and there's also that whole personal hygiene, laundry, cooking food thing to consider.

My advice to you would just be to keep writing, whenever and wherever you can. I keep a spiral notebook with me on my desk at work so I can scribble ideas if they come to me. I've had to learn to cut down on watching TV and other things like that. Playing games is important, but you gotta make sure that what you're playing leads to something like a blog post, an article, or something.

Good luck to you! You know how to string sentences together with skill so that already puts you at an advantage.
You need a hook, something that will get you noticed.

The games jurnalizm industry is saturated with hacks and shitheads, most of them aren't give up those jobs anytime soon, if you wanna get noticed you need something that will get you noticed, some unique thing only you can do and offer.
Jonathan Holmes does tons of stuff for destructoid, and he still has a day job. I should hope that you take the offer, and try your best on streamtoid, Jonathan Holmes has to put up with this kind of a frantic schedule, and still deal with all the comments of worms up his anus. Persevere Stephanie, the key to success is sticktoitiveness! Looking back on what I have wrote, it seems like I am telling you that if Jonathan can do it, you can too, but that's not it, I think you write good enough to succeed, what you need to do is keep on writing, get on streamtoid, choose a genre of game to dominate, and become the paragon of truth for that group of games. Jim sterling is popular because he reviews games, instead of writing what the publishers want to hear, Jonathan Holmes has that excitement that is so invigorating in this cynical world. take your personality and intensify it, then brand your thoughts on racing games, or fighting games, or RPG's. learn about the upcoming releases, play as many as you can, and own them on streamtoid, own them in your blogs, make SURE that if you go to another convention, you know in advance what games are coming out for your genre, and get in there! I believe in you Stephanie, You've got zaz, you've got pep... kid, YOU'VE GOT MOXIE! NOW GO OUT THERE AND MAKE ____ GAMES YOU"RE PRISON BITCH!
The same thing happens to me were ideas seem to thrive when I can't write. And I don't know how to avoid or fix it. What I do know is that you need time to dedicate to whatever you want to be successful in, and beating yourself up after a full workday usually wont yield much. I'm not telling you to quit your job but maybe you could find something thats doesn't require as much time. That way you would have more time for writing and really test yourself if you can pull it off. I mean with deadlines and hard competition having a full time job while still managing to ponder and write better than most is a Herculean task, don't forget that! I wish you good luck!
I didn't follow their advice, but Kauza and WalkYourPath gave me some great advice a few years ago at PAX East that more or less went like:

"Create for yourself, Create for others, but the most important thing is that you create stuff and put it out there."

Not everything you do is going to be good. Even the best in the business have their off days. From what I've seen and everyone I've known, there are two ways to break in. Either get really lucky and be thrust into a position where you have that immediate huge exposure and audience, or just keep doing it for better or for worse until you rise to the top.

An important lesson I took from my time as a CBlog recapper was to write because you want to put something... anything, out there. A bad reason to write is for views and comments. Far too many people try to put out an award winning piece every time and get so discouraged when only a few people read it, and even fewer bother to comment. If you write with that kind of mentality imo you're always going to be disappointed and have your motivation drained. Just look at the stuff established people put out. All of them put out some stuff that is clearly just something silly/dumb that's immediately forgotten, but the important thing is that they wanted to put it out and did, damn the consequences. And for better or for worse, people saw it, and their name got just that little bit more established.

I like your writing, and wish you'd put out more (just realized you had a personal blog, putting it in my feed :p). I also think it's totally awesome that you started the whole idea of Dtoid community streaming, and what that's turned into.

I totally understand how much of an ass motivation can be though. Real life has a way of just crushing it out of you sometimes. Even just playing games seems like a chore many nights for me, and I'll often wind up wasting time while thinking about the things I want to do rather than actually doing them. I hope you find your motivation again, good luck!
>What does it take to get noticed in the exhausted field of online gaming journalism?

I have no idea. I'm just fucking around here until I sober up enough to write a novel. Well, the first one anyway.
Unfortunately sometimes it seems like it’s who you know is more important in the games industry, but hey, if you’re going to things like PAX that’s a start, maybe hand out some business cards next time.

Your writing is certainly good enough at least!
... as others have said, just "do it"! I think it's important though to find some aspect of contribution (whether in written, video,or audio format) that you love to do. If you absolutely love to do it, it won't seem like work and you'll always manage to find the time for it. :)
Oh Dalia , you're such a rascal!
I'm VERY guilty of this myself. I set goals for myself that are simply unattainable given the current state of my home life (read: BUSY AS FUCK) and then I feel ashamed when I don't manage to make any progress on them. It sucks, but know that you're not alone in this.

The only advice I can give you (which I've tried giving myself, multiple times, to no avail) is that you have to set aside time every day to work on whatever it is you want to accomplish. Even if it's just 15 minutes of putting pen to paper (so to speak), that's 15 minutes of working toward your goal... and that's something to be proud of.

Now you tell me to do the same and we'll all hold hands and be happy :)
I guess you just need to write more, don't worry about being drowned out you're a good writer with time your presence will become stronger. You definitely have the talent, you just need to find the time to write more. You're work schedule seems to be very heavy so I guess you should develop really good time management skills to take advantage of the few time you do have. Since you don't have much time for gaming try playing portables when ever you're just waiting for something else. If you invest 15-30 minutes into a game every day it will take about a week or 2 to beat a game.

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