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2012 Game Awards Stealth Edition - Destructoid






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I realized something important this week. I am not mainstream. Not even a bit. Not in tastes, not in ideals, not in anything related to games. So when I started looking at this sites reviews and getting angry my bro Andy Dixon had a good idea, make my own awards. I didnt want to due to the sheer laziness of this request, being trolled by the many bastards on this site, and some other reasons to. Well........... I sit here in my captains chair, 10 pm, bored, READY TO FUCKING ROCK THIS SHIT.

I am going to have a global (Imports) and Domestic (Exports) categorization and a break down of all the systems. Genre categories are for pussies.

WII
Global - Dragon Quest X ( Dear lord did I spend way to much time trying to play a import mmo. People who import know how crazy it is to play an mmo completely in japanese, its suicide. But this game is pure dragonquest right down to the turn based combat we all love.)

Domestic - Xenoblade (Was there another choice? Really? Naw, couldnt be. This game is what I like to call FF 12 but better in every way. The story, characters, world, it was all unforgettable)

Runner Up - The Last Story ( I think even the semen of the legendary FF creator can create rpgs someday for the rest of us to enjoy. The combat is less revolutionary than most analysts think, and far more important than they all think. What I mean by this is we've seen this type of combat before but because it was attached to him. It got way more press)

PS3
Global - Ni No Kuni (The ds version was great, the ps3 version is better. Its like being in a living breathing animated movie. Xseed tried that too this year, not as well as this. Oliver is about as relatable a character as anyone these days. The combat is a mix of pokemon, grandia, tales, dragon quest, how could that not work people?)

Domestic - Tales of Graces F ( WAAA WAAA WE NEVER GET TALES, NEVER WAAAAAA. How I wanted to bitch slap people over there constant whining that tales never got localized. Forgetting that it took 15 years FOR THE VERY FIRST TALES TO GET LOCALIZED. And this ps3 title only took 2 year? Fuck off. Then when the title finally came out, we had people bitching about the loli characters. Which lead me to believe people had no idea what loli meant. But fuck them. Through it all this game is absolutely amazing. One of the best ps3 exclusives of the year in the US hands down.)

Runner Up - Legasista ( Roguelike meets disgaea. Disgaea meets pain. Yes my friends, not exactly a mainstream darling, but I loved this game. When a developer like nis japan has the huge cock and balls to make a retail sprite game on the ps3, that should earn mad props from everyone. But it didnt. So I am doing it right now)

360
Global (I admit this one is very hard so I am making a stretch) - Final Fantasy XIII ( Not popular to say ff 13 without getting your cock ripped off, but I loved this game and its prequel. The combat was addicting, the characters fun, the story.......sucked........I dont care the bosses kicked ass. If people spent all the time hating this game, into actually playing more than 1 minute in. They will enjoy it. Just not for the story)

Domestic - Witcher 2 ( I must admit I was a hater of this game, before I even tried it. I tried it, I played it, I 100 percented it and I realized something. This is the jrpg of wrpgs, What I mean by that is there is a superior effort on the story, the world is big but fairly linear progression, good effort on characters THAT YOU DONT MAKE YOURSELF. How many blue haired muscle men with large cocks can I make?)

Runner Up - Persona 4 Arena (I play this game when I want to pwn noobs. Nuff said)

IOS
Global - RPG Grinsia (Its just that cheesy 90s jrpg crap we all grew up with. I liked it.)

Domestic - Chaos Rings II (Thank the jewish god hashem for media visions. They got zero respect on wild arms from sony. They got are getting the same lack of respect for the chaos rings trilogy. But it is quite simply the best rpg on any ios device. You say DURR INFINITE BLADE IS REALIST LIKE CONSOLE DURR. I say, compare the depth in the gameplay and there is no arguement. Chaos rings II is a tour DEE force.)

Runner Up - Final Fantasy Dimensions ( You say 40 dollars for an ios game is too much? I say, if this were on the 3ds and you had 50+ hours of content, you would say the price point is just right. So that never bothered me for this particular game. Its pure old school, hard as balls final fantasy. Kudos for sprites, Kudos for original animations)

DS
Global - Anonymous Notes: Chapter 3 - From the Abyss (Third chapter in a trilogy of rpgs on the ds nobodies heard of. Never localized, which is a damn cryin shame)

Domestic - Pokemon Black 2 ( Not White 2, the easy mode is for the pussies of our society. Over 300 achievements, the ability to battle every past leader/champion, a very good story, amazing region. Whats not to love? Oh, I know. The fact that I pwned you with my level 99 breeded with my semen metagross. You probably dont love that)

Runner Up - SMT Devil survivor 2 ( Unless the game is named SMT persona, nobody gives a damn about these games. Which is a real crying shame. Its the best blending of classic rpg and srpg Ive seen since legend of heroes)

PSP
Global - Nayuta no Kiseki ( ys x legend of heroes. How could it get better. At this point my hand is cramping, broken, and bleeding, so these entries will be considerably shorter)

Domestic - Gungir ( Part of the overlooked dept heaven series by sting. Its probably the most classic of the rpgs they've done. Doesn't mean its bad, just familiar. The sprites of the weapons are just so damn cool)

Runner Up - Ragnarok Tactics ( People ignored this game. People spit on this game. I loved this game. Its the closest to FF tactics in terms of dark story, since..........well ff tactics.)

3DS
Global - Bravely Default ( I just started playing the import and I already want to shove holmes' cock into wada's ass for not announcing a localization. Call this 4 heroes of light 2, call it final fantasy 15. Doesnt matter. Its worthy of both titles. Its that good)

Domestic - Kingdom Hearts Dream Drop Distance ( Some people may have given up on this series after it ditched consoles. Well, I didnt. Ive played every main, side, main but not quite so main entry. I spent my entire childhood watching The Three Caballeros. Not sure how it fits. But it does.)

Runner Up - Code Princess ( Nobody respects Atlus unless they are pumping out SMT, which is a shame. They published this wonderful rpg/brawler in a nifty box which I am looking at right now)

VITA
Global - Tales of Innocence R ( The best tales on ds, is now the best tales on vita. Revamped graphics, more characters, more stuff.......classic tales gameplay. Whats not to love?)

Domestic - Disgaea 3 ( Now here me out before you lynch me for not putting persona 4 golden here. I took a look at both games. They are both ports of well respected rpgs. One is an srpg, the other a more classical rpg. Both have enhanced graphics, sound, gameplay, ect. Now, why did I put disgaea 3 here? Simply, they went more beyond with new content than atlus did with golden. With Disgaea 3, they not only included over 50 dollars worth of ps3 dlc. They added new mega spells, over 10 new weapons, 5 new bosses, 4 new chapters, some new game modes, some new features and called it a day. Its quite simply the biggest srpg ever made as far as I am concerned. I cant say persona 4 golden is the biggest classic rpg ever made.)

Runner Up - Persona 4 Golden (Ok, so it didnt win the big prize. But its getting props as main runner up. Thats something right? Mainstream rpg gamers ejaculate over this game. But for the wrong reasons. Its worthy of mega praise for being the first game on vita, people didnt care was a port. Thats impressive to me. I even forgot and didnt care. I want vita to get exclusives, but this didnt make the wait so hard)

If you thought I breezed through those just wait until I give PC the shaft. It gets punished for my broken hand.

PC
Global - Ys III
Domestic - Dark Souls PC
Runner Up - FTL




I apologize for this blog. It is a stream of of thoughts. Like gumby, my brain hurts. And yes I just suckered you into reading a GOTY with nothing but rpgs.


PS. Who wants to write my blogs from on as I dictate like a sociopath?



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