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2:45 AM on 03.23.2012

Dr. Albino, or How I Learned to Stop Crying and Not Hate Mass Effect 3s Ending

Oh hi, been a while. How are you? Annoyed? By either the crying about the ending, all the theories, the dlc either being begged for you that you know is coming? Well. Iím gonna tell you something, I think all this shit was planned. Bioware isnít tardedÖ. Wait, wait, I know, I know, KOTOR 2, trust me I know. Bethesda made the same mistake, even though New Vegas didnít turn out that bad when they handed it over to Obsidian for a round but still I know. And yes, Dragon Age 2, I know, everyone has things go wrong, but you know what, no one is that stupid.

Now Iím not here to tell you why I believe the Indoctrination Theory is correct, or why I donít like the endings. There are plenty of things doing so already, some I might end up plugging cause I donít want to rant about it myself. We donít need me having a whinge, having a sulk, having a fucking cry about it, thereís enough of that.

No, Iím here to just state why Iím not worried or pissed anymore. Donít care? Well then tl:dr this, Iím fine with that, from one troll to another, itís ok bro. Stop asking me if Iím mad, I just told you it was cool, chill. FUCKING CHILL!

Now Iíve spent a few weeks after beating the game, not touching the damn thing. Playing mostly another EA title, in Battlefield 3, add a sucky job and a dame taking new game + time away. That being said my computer is next to my tv, so Iíve had the time to dig through the internet. In between Ninja The Mission Force, Botchamania and EpicMealTime (whom Iíve seen live!) Iíve caught a lot of this Indoctrination business. Oh and TED talks, fucking love those, but yeah, Iíve even read that ďA Logical Breakdown of Why the Mass Effect 3 Ending Makes No SenseĒ Google.Doc (plug 1). I know, tl;dr or ďFUCK YOU I CANíT EAT ALL THEM FUCKING APPLES!Ē but it helped my confusion.

Unlike a lot of people though I didnít leave the ending as a pissed off mess, I just left kinda confused. I chose the synthesis because, well I didnít fill up Paragon so the blue option was out and I wasnít doing a renegade run so red was out. Iíve been polarized like that ever since Fallout 3, itís an issue Iíve developed with new game + games with morality systems. It was so easy when I was just doing it to get an ending that was different, looking at you Chrono games, looking at you.

ALRIGHT! WORD PAGE TWO! IíM ON A ROLL! Ok, so now, what spurred me writing this. I was watching Spoony review a shitty Tekken movie when I remembered I saw Angry Joe had a new video when I was on TGWTG, yes Iím telling you what I do on the internet, Iím sorry, but Iím lame. Now he did a review of ME3, a why the ending sucks video and I wasnít sure what the fuck else he could have done. It was an indoctrination video. Now Iím getting tired of all this shit too, trust, so I went to see if other things updated, but I was out of luck. So I watched it, and he pointed out the video by ACAVYOS and the doc and all that shit. Now it didnít make me decide what theory is correct but it did make me decide this.

Bioware isnít the fucktards that people have been calling them. I honestly believe that they planned this shit, the arguments, the theories, the rage, the counter rage, and all this shit. I believe they are evil fucking masterminds who dangled what we want in front of our faces, and ripped it further away to make us create so much fucking buzz about this shit that people will want to see what the hell we are all bitching about. We have become their post-launch viral marketing, their fucking scheme worked.

It was god damn brilliant. Make everyone get a rager so hard that they have to wank it all over the fucking internet. YOUR RAGE SEMEN IS THEIR WAR MACHINE FUEL! They have been poking this fire from the first day the shitstorm started, polls, tweets, all that shit. I canít say this enough, itís fucking brilliant. They toss a Prothean behind a wall, give him story shit to say, people bitch an put it on youtube, but they toss the ending behind a shit ton of flak and make us try to figure it out just to get more people to fucking want to see what the fuck is actually gonna happen. That fucking donation drive for a ending is up to what now? A fuckton, all without the marketplaces cut? How many petitions and polls of people on their knees, begging, with mouths and wallets wide open for this?

And Iím not even saying itís greed behind this. They want us, the fans, to show them how much we give a shit about this series. They are trolling an emotional response out of all of us. The way they are doing it seems evil as hell to me but god damn, Jim said it, this is fucking FANTASTIC! What the hell else has torn this kind of response out of our jaded community? I canít remember the last time everyone talked about something video game related this long and hard(hehe) about anything that actually meant a shit to people. Bioware has trolled and we fed them like slaves feeding an emperor a bunch of grapes. Good show Bioware, Good show.

Now thatís not why Iíve come to accept the ending, Iíve come to accept it because, fuck it, why the hell should I get pissed. Itís a game, yes a game Iím really invested in but damn guys, we didnít write this shit. Weíre not entitled to shit. We canít always have the things the way we want. They didnít pull a George Lucas, they made something that sparked enough debate to cause an uproar, while knowing what is really up all along. Damn near all of the game up until the last hour was fantastic, I saw things happen to characters that I never would have thought. I saw some of my crew go out like heroes, because I donít care what run Iím doing, they are my damn crew. Death, love, fear, rage, getting drunk of pancakes, ALL THAT SHIT! Journey, not the destination and all that fucking shit. Iím still going to do more playthroughs, Iím not gonna bitch about DLC in a game I fucking liked that had a confusing end. I want more, Iíve wanted more of worse games. Almost all of us have played shitty games without bitching like this yet just because this is Mass Effect, entitlement is everywhere. If youíre not in for any more of this, fine, if you want to bitch, fine, but donít expect me to care, Iím gonna keep going with this and let it fucking happen.

Also, no pictures or links, I'm lazy and tired.   read

6:51 PM on 01.15.2011

2010 Sucked: Broke Assness

Some of us, the unlucky part of the community, are pretty damn strapped for cash. There are plenty of reasons behind the lack of expendable cash and Iím sure that itís not hard to relate to. These budgets make things like steam sales and big releases a reminder of the fact that budgets suck. These things that we want but canít afford always come with enticing incentives, incentives that look good and exciting but are actually worthless or have the same odds as hitting megabucks. You canít blame them for trying, but you can blame them for what they try to push as worthy incentives. Even worse, is when the big releases come out not finished and buggy as all hell, Ďbecause thatís what patches are for, amiriteguiz?í

The Economy still blows.
Not to get political here, so I wonít! Unemployment is still high. A lot of us who play games donít have years upon years of work experience so those of us who became unemployed have had a hard time getting anything beyond scraping by. Those able to maintain a job are doing whatever they are asked to keep them and staying above water. Then there are the lucky ones with decent jobs, who donít have to worry so much about getting fired over something stupid or laid off. No matter which group youíre in we all probably got better things to spend our money onÖ..well unless youíre that annoying 13 year old on Xbox Live with parents buy everything they ask for, because they feel guilty about not actually loving you.

The Sales!
Let me ask you something. How many sales did Steam have in 2010? How about Good Old Games? Live and PSN? Whatever the Wii marketplace is called? How about the actual retailers? Even just the ones youíre aware of seem countless donít they? There were so many sales this year, so many times where things were things seemed to have a great price. Low low prices so tantalizing it makes you not able to control yourself. Next thing you know you went from 10 games on steam to 60, or your xbox hard drive is demanding you delete something to make space for what you just bought. Impulse control is a bitch and they love when they rid you of it and your cash. You canít blame them, itís a business, they want and need to make money, you can only blame yourself for falling for it. What you can blame them for however isÖ

The cheap enticements!
CONTESTS! PREORDER BONUSES! MAP PACKS! OH MY! Sorry, bad joke/reference. While these things are nice, what real use are they? The contests have worse odds than being struck by lighting.

That's right little crab thing, you got no chance at those games.

The random preorder bonuses are usually useless. LIKE AVATAR CLOTHES!

Or donít even change anything important and wonít even be noticed.

The map packs at least serve some use but will be under populated for a while, or disabled for you when playing with friends who donít have it and donít want to pay for it.

Hour laterÖ
ďWell if I trade this in at least I could get ReachĒ
Fast forward to that
A date further in timeÖ
ďI got some FFXIII now, should be a huge time sink.Ē
5 hours later
ďÖis this going somewhere? ď
3 more hours
A date further in time!

ďAlright, Activision wouldnít screw me twice, right?Ē
2 minutes later.
And thatís how consoles get thrown from windows and budgets get fucked.


Ok, so the examples of the fail have quite a bit of my own personal opinions. If you like those games there is nothing wrong with that. I wonít think any less of you, itís ok, I promise. 2010 wasnít completely filled with fail and gimmicks. Some games were really damn good, and were actually worth spending what we could on them. Those gems make being a broke ass all the more difficult. There is nothing like hearing ďOMG RED DEAD IS SO GOOD, GO BUY IT.Ē, when you canít afford to buy shit. Nothing makes being a broke ass worse than when you canít get something awesome.

There is a lesson in all this.


9:11 PM on 06.30.2010

The Great Escape: The Double Wammy!


Ah, once upon a time life was good at least good for someone who couldnít legally drink yet. Good as in having a decently paying job and aÖÖwhatís the politically correct term for fuck buddy? Is there anything else that sums that one up so well? Well I guess ĎCasual Relationship Ď. Or maybe we should just say

So all this and still having time to play videogames and screw around...How could this get any better?
Oh wait, it couldnít. In fact it was about to slide so far downhill that it may just blow some minds


Sure, it wasnít the best job around. Sure it was just a shitty warehouse job. But hey, the pay was pretty good and I liked most the people I worked with, there were benefits and paid time off. It was going well, then the departments management changed, and then my shift changed, and then my job changed and then WTF LEAVE ME ALONE! Then they donít even train me for this new job, sure they say ďWeíre gonna have this fat chick follow you and train youĒ but then the fat chick follows me for 5 minutes, then goes to do fuck all I suppose. Two weeks pass until I get a ďHey, youíre doing this wrong, WTF IS WRONG WITH YOUĒ talk. Only to embarrass them with ďHey, you people NEVER TRAINED ME FOR THIS JOB YOU RETARDSĒ talk. So that gets resolved but the new supervisor of the area, who is a raging bitch that no one likes decides to mess with everyone, and I seem to be a prime target. Of course Iím a prime target; Iím pissed at the whole situation. The bitch picks out the tiniest of things to use to mess with me, and I see it happening, but instead of talking to the manager about it I do what any 18-20 year old would do. I fuck with the bitch right back. I think she threatened an illegals job or something because she suddenly got spies, so when I did what everyone else in the warehouse would do, say fuck about something, I get snitched on. Did I mention this all happened while the manager was gone so the supervisor could be a complete twat and send it right upstairs to the corporate tools? Yeah that happened, and then I get the whole ďso youíre now suspended for 2 weeks while upstairs figures out what to do with youĒ. So again instead of trying to save my job I do what 18-20 year olds would do

Ok, I didnít take very much. Mostly I just stuck random stickers on shit, Iím sure there is a cart or two with a Jinx sticker still on em. Mostly I just started all of my friends there being snide as shit about the whole situation and propagating it for a while. Though that all seemed to end once I found out the bitch supervisor just seemed to not show up anymore which made me laugh. Canít say it was all bad, got good friends from it. (And I know one of you is gonna read this, so be glad youíre included in the good category.)

So job was done for, but I had money saved, good friends and hey, still a chick around for the happy fun times. So at least itís not all badÖright? No, no, itís just not gonna end, because FEMALE IS MOVING!

Well this sucks, itís ok, I got a backup for just such timesÖ.WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE OTHER CHICK MOVED THOUSANDS OF MILES AWAY ON A WHIM? IíM SCREW! IíM SO SCREWED! WHY DIDNíT I PLAY IT SMART AND HAVE A PLAN C AS WELL? WHY AM I SO DUMB? Ok ok ok, just breathe, calm down, you still got enough money saved to live well till you get a new job, hell you got enough to take a vacation first, itís ok, it will all end well.

Ok, I know

But letís get to the actual topic here. The vidjamagames!

So that all started somewhere around TWO YEARS AGO, now scraping by is what I do but damnit I do it well. Iím still in enough good videogames to last me another 2 years (thank you steam sales), still got kick ass friends, and still, somehow, managing to go to Comic Con this year. I may be broke for Comic Con, but someone owes me for buying them food last time and another one is rich enough that I can get a line of credit from them for random shit I want to buy. HA HA! WIN BUTTON!

Whatís that? That had nothing to do about videogames? Well how the hell do you think I got through the boring hours while my friends work? Or how Iím still able to joke about everything like Iíve done in this rant? Or how I went from 20 grand in achievement points to the number on the thing over to the right of this rant (53,585 at the time of this), I got some trophies to but I donít have multiplayer PS3 games so I donít even bother putting that up. How do you think Iím successfully making it through WoW rehab at the moment? Or how I got 700 hours of TF2 on steam(only way to play it I tells ya) under my belt? Well also the whole Ďcasual relationshipí area constantly fluctuates from WIN to oh god noÖItís

Videogames have managed to get me through a lot of shit that would cause a lot of others to spiral into a horrid depression. Sure I may be a bit crazy, but fuck it, Iím still happy and having fun, as shown by this ďwtf is this weird ass albino kid ranting about?


And thank you Marvel, for allowing me to whore Deadpool before you kill him with yourselves by overwhoaring   read

8:38 AM on 05.29.2010

Friends or Enemies?

Nothing like online gaming! You get a whole other level of stuff to do with a game to get your monies worth out of it. There are so many people online that youíre bound to get in a decently sized game. You get to socialize with people who like gaming, just like you. Sure there will be some people you just canít stand, but hell you may even be able to find a few decent ones that you can make friends with.

All that sounds great, and sometimes is, but what if those people whom youíve think youíve made friends with turn into asses? Have they changed? Have you? Is it something you just didnít notice at first? The reasons for these things vary from case to case, but chances are, this has at happened to you at one point in time. It could be something as simple as saying you donít like something then all the sudden BOOM!

It doesnít matter if youíre both regs on a server and joke around all the time or if youíre in the same clan, someone who you once had fun with will rub you the wrong way or become a prick. Sometimes you see it coming, like if they do bs tactics when on your team and this time youíre on the other

other timesÖ

It catches you by complete surprise and you donít even know what the hell just happened.

A lot of times this ends with just cutting the person off completely. Perma-muting, friends list deleting, nothing playing with, cut right out of everything. It makes anytime that you somehow end up playing with the person awkward and could possibly end with some sort of griefing.

Other times you may just get an awkward ceasefire, usually because everyone else is tired for dealing with both of you. Itís possible though, that you just get into the hatefest all over again, even if itís completely one-sided.

These things always end up in a few ways.
The Resolution: Just as it sounds, with issues resolved, friendship restored and everyone is happy.
Forgotten: After a while you donít even know why the hell you donít like each other anymore, and it either is laughed at or is too late and they have pretty much fallen off the face of the earth.
The Fade Away: You just stop playing with each other, communicating with each other, move on to different circles and it all just disappears.
Endless War: You canít get away from each other, you canít resolve anything, you just argue and cry and thereís nothing that can stop it.

Variations of those exist, but those really are the bases of any outcomes you could have from this nonsense happening. These things are bound to happen, itís just something we humans do and have always done. It would be foolish to not think it would happen in any medium that we can come up with, even one where we might not even ever see the people we are talking to.

I really wish I had a way of closing this, but I donít. There is really nothing witty to say, this is just human nature and it sucks but it serves a purpose. So, yeah, why are you still reading? Iím done, comment or something cause Iím out of stuff to say.   read

7:48 PM on 04.02.2010

Multiplayer Rant: I did so well, how come I still feel fail?

In this day of age, multiplayer seems to be the mainstay of that which we enjoy. Now I do know that great single player games do exist, I have beat GoW3 4 times, but other than the game and you, there is little that affects it. Meanwhile multiplayer has far too many variables to get the exact same result twice, which used to be a godsend, but now it may have lost its sheen. Once it reaches the point where multiplayer just pisses you off no matter how good youíre actually doing, it may be time to take a step back and look at multiplayer as a whole.

This is the place that I seem to be at, which is probably why I had any inspiration to write this. Yet for me, this has been a long time coming. Ever since Starcraft this seems to have been filling to overflowing like now. I really wish I could pinpoint where it all seemed to change, but I rea ÖÖok, Live, Live was probably the turning point. Donít get me wrong, from its humble beginnings to now it has provided me hours upon hours of fun, but I think thatís when, at least for me, it lost its innocence. Yes, the next paragraph is going to turn into a more personal story, but if you donít want to read it then skip the damned paragraph.

I always had an outdated computer growing up, and outdated internet. I never really hopped into online FPS games till the Xbox came out, but I was playing enough RTS online and Diablo 2 to eat up my fair share of bandwidth. Offline FPS however, I was all over that, me and my buddies have a good amount of stories from our N64 shooter days. I think the innocence was still alive because it would either be a text biased easily ignorable dbag, or someone you were at least within punching distance of.

Ok, that lil story is over, you can read again without having to fear. So, let us get to the first point.

Now Iím sure there was voice chat on the PC long before the consoles. Most things tend to originate from the PC because they can make things work for themselves most the time unlike console people. The thing is however, when itís an actual voice it gets kinda harder to just ignore. The mute function always helps but when you have to mute an entire room of people, it just seems completely ridiculous. Be it annoying tards, whiny kids, racist idiots or general douchebags it just makes you wonder what the hell happened to us as a community. And with that, segue!

Ok I know, lame joke is lame, just deal with it.

COMMUNITY! (Donít jump on me Dtoid, I know itís not everyone. And if youíre reading this on my clan website, then this disclaimer really doesnít mean anything to you.)
Speaking of what the hell happened to us as a community, WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO US AS A COMMUNITY? There was once a time where 90% of the people Iíd play against were pretty cool, or at least tolerable, what happened to those people? Did the stupidity of youths who started playing transfer over? Was there suddenly a mass acceptance of racism and general dbaggery that I missed? I donít get how people can cheat/grief/steal/playlikeadbag/Sagat/V-13 and still manage to have any real fun. Sure they may get short term rewards but in the long run is it really worth it? Maybe they are just lazy and donít want to actually try to do anything, or maybe they suck and itís all they can do, I donít know and I doubt I ever will. I know that sometimes the only way to fight the dbags is with dbag, but when itís not just a reaction and sticks, weíve just let them get to us in ways that we probably didnít think they could.

Iím sure itís not just me here. The games have gotten both simpler and far more complex. They are trying to make them all easily accessible yet hard to master, which is great in theory, but keeps falling flat. For example, every ones favorite horse to beat, Modern Warfare 2! The default classes are really quite easy to use, unfortunately it just shows people how to be giant aholes. Witchblades is in there, noob tube with scavenger is in there, if only it had a one man army class to complete the set of dbaggery. Whatís that? Tired of MW2 complaints? Fine then Team Fortress 2 it is. Yeah thatís right, I can hold Valve to this nonsense to with just one word, Demomen. Not enough words, how about 2, Dead Ringer. Want 2 more, Random Drops, wait this one needs a little more explanation that the other 2. Valves random drops have done nothing but made idling a widely popular thing to do. Now while most people can get the weapons fairly easily, itís completely nullified the coolness of having hats. When you see someone hop onto the server then immediately get 15 items, it just makes you feel like an idiot for getting all your stuff from actually playing the damned game.

Ok, I canít just say all this and expect that all of the blame can be displaced. Sometimes there are just things going on in life that affect everything we do. Even can get to the things that we do to distract from all that. It happens to all hobbies, even our very expensive one. Sometimes things we do for fun just donít seem fun for a little while. And while some may feel like this is all someone like me falls under thereís always some game, that one can fall back on and say ďWell Iím still having fun with this.Ē Sometimes games just break themselves from us in such a way that whenever we play them, no matter how many of our friends are on, no matter how well we do, no matter how much fun everyone else is having, itís just pisses us off to no end. Sometimes things never click, sometimes what did click snaps off and hangs there like poorly strung Christmas lighting, the mind works in mysterious ways and differently for everybody. Sometimes crap is just bound to happen to make us not like something, no matter what history it has with us. Case in point, I loved Halo 2, I played the hell out of it and I didnít even own it, but halo 3 actually pissed me off to the point where I threw a controller against the wall(first occurrence of the rage throw for me)

Iím quite sure that Iím not the only one seeing this, however Iím also sure that not everyone sees this, hell Iím sure a lot of people see the exact opposite. And I would like to see some discussion sprout from this, which is why Iím holding off a day before posting this. Writing something on April 1st and trying to get anyone take it seriously is quite honestly a topic deathtrap.   read

2:27 AM on 03.15.2010

MW2 is broken and 1200 points for DLC is ridiculous because of it.

Hey gais, you want more maps to play on? Ok weíll give you 5! Well 3 are gonna be new and probably just as fucked as some of the last but hey, we got 2 old ones you might have liked which we can now ruin with our broken gameplay. Weíre also gonna promise you that youíre gonna get new maps in some playlists, but not mention anything about fixing matchmaking or any of the modded tags and hacking on the 360. Lets also dangle some exclusivity to the people on the 360 weíre screwing by making them get it a month earlier than the PS3, making people on both sides rage at us! Weíre geniuses!

Ok, how about we get serious for a second here. We all know some people will love this pack, and in all honesty if the game wasnít broken even my poor butt could look past the fact that their previous packs of 4 maps were only 800 and that one more map, much less one thatís a re-textured old one is somehow worth 400 more points. To some of us though, itís another straw on already weakened backs, and a few of us are now breaking under it. Now before anyone gets mad or agrees Iíll explain what I feel about this whole thing.

As I already said, if this were a game that werenít hindered by some serious issues Iíd pay for this pack, maybe even gladly. If I wasnít constantly getting spammed by people trying to sell me a 10th prestige then maybe Iíd scrounge for it.

If I wasnít losing party members in the terribad matchmaking then possibly Iíd fap over it and have a mess to clean up.

If the game were solid and not full of stupid things and overpowered retardedness then maybe Iíd get on my knees in front of Activision and take a full load.

Unfortunately so much of this game is still so broken that itís not even fun to play anymore, the newness has worn off and we see itís not so structurally sound. Itís almost hard to point out anything good with the game in all honesty. From gameplay mechanics to design choices to failed Ďinnovationsí there is a lot wrong and no amount of patches can fix the damage that has been done.
Time for me to point fingers and yell ďFOR SHAME! FOR SHAME!Ē starting with kill/death streaks. Whoa whoa whoa, put down the pitchforks and torches, let me talk. In CoD4 everyone had the same killstreaks, sure it would get boring after a little bit when it was all you could do but it had a nice balance to it that these multiple killstreaks just tend to lack. Now donít get me wrong, variety is the spice of life, but too much variety can cause problems. Sometimes itís never having a uav up for an entire round, or an encouragement to campers just so they can let their streaks do the work for them. Some of them are disproportionate to the amount of kills it takes to get them, and others are just stupidly overpowered. Deathstreaks are not without some WTFness as well, as long as youíve seen someone with painkiller take an AT4 to the face and live that is.

The perks, are hit and miss. Sometimes you see someone with stopping power and a Famas kill with on burst on a moving target, yet when you do it to a guy standing still it takes 2 bursts. A danger close RPG can get 3 kills yet a danger close tube next to a guy just wounds him. How does lightweight make you faster than a claymore? Why does commando pro basically give you the Blades of Chaos? Using Scrambler is a death sentence because it just gives away your position and barely ever helps. Oh and One Man Army has to be the most bs thing in the world, when in the correct evil hands.

The matchmaking! Oh the matchmaking! How could they screw up what they and many other games have had working for quite some time now? I donít know how they did it but boy howdy, mission accomplished! Way to go Activision, youíre raising the bar for everyone once again! Itís pathetic how they could screw up something thatís been working online for years now. And lets not get started on how they have screwed the PC people by torturing them with this nonsense to.

But speaking of the PC people, we should thank them for taking the time to discover all these glitches that werenít ever worked out and figuring out how to get them over to the consoles. We could have made the mistake of not being able to call Activision and Infinity Ward on these things if it werenít for you guys. I want to take this time to put a second edge on this sword and tell you that youíre pricks for making us deal with some of this stuff to.

Now for the elephant in the room, the DLC! There is no way, in outright hell that I am paying that much for a broken games DLC. Personally no amount of patching can make this game not just seem ruined to me. Iím sure millions of people will buy it, and Iím sure they will make tons of cash that they donít deserve. Then they will still gouge people for their money with future packs and it will be horse armor all over again.

With the way they are treating all of us they should be glad anyone plays their games at all, the only reason itís popular is because itís Call of Duty. Itís really a shame that they are destroying their own franchise, but hey, if halo can do it why canít they right? They might as well because it seems like the popular thing to do now a days. Itís sad and I refuse to be a part of it anymore, gamestop here I come.

Also, shameless clan website plug since it's all new and whatnot. we just bs a lot and play games, feel free to stop by and to talk to us.   read

3:33 AM on 02.21.2010

My Expertise: Luck

Weíve all had the close calls and the ďHOW DID I LIVE THROUGH THAT!Ē moments, but for a few of us it gets to the point where when we have a lucky streak going we become godly. Be it flailing on a analog stick and getting ridiculous dodges or someone dcíing before being able to finish you of, these moments of luck can be surprisingly important. While anyone can argue and state that they are just skilled and donít need luck, or are luckier, I donít care. THATíS RIGHT! I DONíT CARE ABOUT YOUR SILLY ARGUMENT! IíM WRITING THIS THING AND NOT YOU! DEAL WITH IT! Iím writing this to explain why Iím a lucky bastidge and you shouldnít tempt the fates.

Luck comes in many forms, such as a sliver of life, or a few extra milliseconds on a timer, perhaps a accidentally perfectly timed cool down. While we all wish we could transpose what luck we have to different situations, like megabucks, god I want to win that, that would be so epic Iíd poop a lilÖ..TRAIN OF THOUGHT TOOT TOOT! We should just be happy that we get any luck at all, and are not that sad sack who we see looking out the window at his own team, you know that sad sack that gets throwing knifed to the back of the skull. As shown by the sad sack, some of us have better luck than others, or maybe better sound systems, I donít know, I donít know what you spend your money on, stop looking at me like that, Iím not a prostitute.
Now all this might seem nonsensical to you, and youíre right, I havenít said why itís my expertise. Well IíM GETTING TO IT! SUCK IT UP! THIS ISNíT QUICKHITS BRAD! IíM NOT AFRAID OF YOU! Ok that last one was a lie, he could crush my skull with his pinky, Iíd have to run like a little girl in a pretty pretty sundress to get away from such a death.

Oh yeah, my luck. Well lets reminisce, all the way back to when I was a WoWtard, yeah, that was a terrible time of my life that Iím quite ashamed of. Why did you have to open old wounds like that? Well since weíre already here we might as well bring up one decent moment. Was heroic Nexus, with a priest who respecíed to holy because a healer was hard to find. I was a cute lil undead rogue, with my spine all nice and shined up, wasnít the best DPS around but I could drop feasts so I was a credit to the team!

So adorable.
Server maintenance wasnít far off, we got to the last boss with 10 or so minutes to go before it all went down when the unthinkable would happen, we wiped on the final dragon boss thingy. Well I say wiped but really I ran away and vanished when everyone dropped like flies. They ran back and we tried again, with the clock counting down. This time we were making good progress, till a heal didnít make it in time and the tank died. We were sure we were doomed for there were minutes or less left before we could finally gtfo of the game. At 2 minutes left I was the last man standing, but the boss had little health left and I was determined to at least try. I hit evasion and BEAT THE HELL OUT OF THE THING with a minute left. We were all shocked and I was an instant badass to 4 other nerds, they all rezíed and I hearthed cause hey, I was a winrar, and then we all left cause well we had to, the server was shutting down.

Ok letís get me to a happy place, the time I beat a Korean in Starcraft. Thatís right, another Blizzard story, and youíll read it and like it! I donít know if he was taking pity on me, or thought I was so bad that I couldnít defend from a Zerg rush as Protoss but he was wrong either way. His pitiful zerglings come running into my base, only to meet up with 4 Zelots with someone who could micromanage them correctly in the commander seat. They would try this same tactic repeatedly, with every unit one could think of attacking with, only to run into me fighting back with the same vigor. Thatís not to say there werenít a few close calls, the mutalisks almost had my dragoons, but in the end those cripples in robots roughed it out. He gave me enough time to have a double layer ring of photon cannons around my base, the ultimate turtle. I sent my units out, like sacrificial lambs, just so I could get my unit count down to support my ever growing Carrier/Scout fleet until finally it was time. I rolled over his base with incredible ease. I may have just been facing the worst Korean in all of Starcraft, I may have been underestimated, I may have been younger and more into RTS games, but either way I got lucky.
My base pretty much looked like this for most of the time.

Should we get into something more up-to-date? MW2 nukes? Nah that game is too broken. Surviving with 1HP in TF2? Too easy to pull off. Accidental puzzle completion? Happens all the time. Getting all 37 questions right and being 4th out of 80000+ people on a video game section of 1 vs. 100 XBL? Nah, I could just be an huge nerd and people wonít believe it cause I havenít received the screenshots from the friend I was playing with. How about a story about when my luck turned and I actually had to rely on what I could actually do. Yeah that sounds good, canít have too much good luck without showing the downside.

Was a versus match of Left 4 Dead, No Mercy to be exact. Everything was going well, till about the third chapter, when 2 members of my usual team revealed to be under the influence of some things. Iím not telling you what, I donít approve of such things in all honesty, but who am I to judge what others do. We scrape by, holding a marginal lead due to the two who arenít thinking clearly being carried by me and our other member. We get to the finale, and we had to be the survivors first, we donít make it to the chopper and our win, which is meaningless due to no leader boards or anything is slipping from our ghrasp. If even one of the opposing team were to make it in the chopper we would taste defeat, which tastes a lot like spoiled seafood. In any normal situation however, we would be in the clear, as we were always better as the infected, this wasnít normal though. We get our first tank, itís given to one of the messed up members, he canít do anything with it, game hands it off to the other messed up one and they kill it in record time.

We get to our second tank, gives it to a messed up one again, the director hates us, but he didnít count on the smoker hunter combo of me and the sober one. I pull one off a ledge and the hunter pins the person who comes to rescue them, while the other two survivors worry about witling down the useless tank. By the time the two know whatís going on we got two kills under our belts and my tongue is recharged. They get the tank and the chopper shows up, while running to it me and the other sober one manage to hit separate targets even though they were practically spooning their way up the helipad ramp and squeak out a win. Even when luck turns on me, it seems to always leave me an opening to squeeze through, and a bottle of lube on the nightstand.

Thatís not to say I havenít ever been spawn camped, or had a huntsman arrow fly past on my screen then end up killed by it anyway. Cheap deaths and aholes can get the best of the luckiest of us. I may not be the luckiest person ever, hell you might have better gaming luck than me. The important thing to remember here is I WON 100 LEGION BUCKS AND YOU DIDNíT! THATíS RIGHT, DTOID GAVE ME MONEY AND NOT YOU! BOW DOWN TO MY LUCK! EAT IT! ..... Well unless you are one of the other 2 people who got the money, then you know, stuff, and things. Well I shall leave you with my luckiest MvC2 character, Should probably not want me to use him at all really.

7:28 AM on 02.01.2010



How often do the comments of a dtoid writers articles boil down to one of those four? Can I get a chart of those compared to constructive posts or even valid opinions that donít include bashing/blowing the author? Is it impossible to discuss a topic without bounding into the great land of retardation? Do we really have to let what someone writes, someone who we donít even know, hit us so hard that we have to work off our rageboner all over it? Can this paragraph get another question mark in it? Oh look it can, win and a half right there.

Lets use one of the dtoid writers as a example here, which one, which one.

Well not Brad, he can punch my spleen out in one hit. And not Anthony, rageboners over indy games rarely happen and I like HAWP(OH SHI~ AN OPINION! IíM A BASTARD!) What about Sarkar? Nah I canít rage about sports games if I donít care, so thatís right out. Ashley Davis perhaps? Psh, even Anthony loves her and heís a cynical bastard. Jim maybe? Heís fat and seems to piss off people. Yeah that will work, besides Iím running out of podtoid/lulzyvideo people and I donít pay attention to who writes stuff to know more names.

So Jim, Jimmy Jimmy Jimbo. Faps to Bayonetta and isnít afraid of anything. Did I get the terrible meme right? Come on people, I wanna be sure Iím correct on my fail internet stuffs. So why does Jim make people have rage-ons? How he writes? What he writes? Is it because heís a big fat fattie who you have nicknamed Fattie McButterchubs? Or is it because he has a wife and that makes you sad about life? Oh wait, is it because he found a way to get paid for this shit and youíre mad that you donít get jack? I know that last one would get my broke assÖÖnot like it does thoughÖÖat allÖÖeverÖÖYOU CANíT PROVE A DAMN THING! OBJECTION! ÖÖSorry, lost my train of thoughtÖ.toot toot.

Oh god, after that I think I need to towel off in the downstairs areas, good thing Iím not wearing pants while doing this or else Iíd need to do some laundry.

Ok ok, back on topic. Are we internet dwellers that protective about stuff that in the end doesnít really matter than we have to cry out in either ecstasy or dismay about it? Sure I love my videogames but surely we can all just see that if weíre not getting paid for it then itís just a hobby? Or are we gonna pull a Korea and die because we were too hopped up on serum and gaming to eat or go use the toilet instead of dropping it where we are like some animal. Oh, we gonna kill our parents cause they took it away or our children for needing attention while weíre farming gold. GOTTA BEAT THOSE 13 YEAR OLD KIDS WHO ARE PRACTICALLY SLAVES WHO FARM GOLD! GOTTA BEAT THEM! GOTTA CATCH EM ALL!....damnit there I go again.

It might just be us internet generation. I canít imagine our parents getting hut hut in the butt hurt about such trivial things, then again I canít imagine anything that isnít boob related anymore. Iím sure they had more important things to worry about, like where to get booze and if the whole rabbit killing pregnancy test thing they did in the day was accurate. You know, back when people actually had to get out of the house to occupy their time, unless they were hot boxing their room with some Led Zep playing of course.

Now Iím sure that no one will get the point of this, if there even is a point. Iím sure that twitter wonít be aflame with talk of ďHOLY CRAP! THIS CBLOG ON DTOID IS WIN/FAIL.Ē Not like I will even checkÖ..(@squirrelygod and is never EVER updated so why am I plugging it? Um shit um #Yankees Yeah that will save it!) No one will link this on facebook and no one will like it(honestly, canít check that, no facebook) This will not ever make it on Digg and Kevin Rose wonít give me any little bit of the ad revenue cash, even though I remember him being dtip on the screensavers and got my gmail invite from his ass, back when I was hardcore and fighting for the code on dial-up. I might have to fear Brads fist though, everyone should fear that, all the time. Hell, Iíll be shocked if this gets a fap!

Can at least hope someone laughed at it though, makes the insanity worth it. Also being insane makes whining about people who are whining not seem like a huge contradiction, cause I can believe what I want, now if you excuse me Iím going to go bound through this fanciful forest, KILLING EVERYTHING IN SIGHT!

Also I know tl;dr, stop making fun of me!

P.S. this image will either be unrelated or make sense, I'm not sure yet


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