I really think we should SLAP YOU ACROSS THE GODDAMN FACE WOMAN. We gonna FORD this thing like MEN. Oh by the way, if anyone asks about your bruises, you fell off the wagon. C'mon, Digit, hurry up and go back with the oxen.
*spit* Damn, why is this river so salty?
Not as salty as a WHIPPIN', boy.
Good thing I had my way, eh? Safe and goddamn sound.
A blacksmith from Missouri, Destre is a formidable man who has literally torn a bull in half with his bare hands. An entire. Fucking. Bull. Eventually he settled down with his wife to figuratively tear her in half instead. When he isn't bench-pressing exactly 792.34 anvils, he spends his free time writing a novel on his pectorals and growing an epic beard.
Mary Jane Troidovski
A sly and controlling woman, Mary Jane more often than not is the one holding the family together. She resents Destre's business in the smithy as he always tracks ash onto her nice clean floor, but she tolerates it because she knows her limitations as a woman in this day and age. While she usually means well, she can sometimes be a real biatch.
Digit is the first son of Destre and Mary Jane, and their inexperience shows. He has four thumbs, hence the name. He also has a bizarre obsession with sharks that have Winchesters attached to their heads.
Their twin son and daughter:
Herpios and Herpias Troidovski
A pair of twins born recently. Herpios is a male and is horrifically deformed, while Herpias is a female and is oddly normal compared to the rest of the family. The two are extremely close, but they are able to handle being separated. Herpios loves corn.
Dessie hunny, did you remember to do your shopping today? Remember dear, we're leaving tommorow!
Uh, yes. Yes I have. I took care of that weeks ago, dear.
Good, cause if we don't leave tomorrow I am going to cut off your goddamn dick.
Nothing Dessie, just get the wagon ready. I'm going to go out with some friends, so be good okay?
DIGIT! GET OVER HERE YOU LITTLE SHIT
Take this cash and go by Matt's place for me while I pump some steel.
DO IT FAGGO...I mean, uh...I'll let you buy some candy. And stuff. Yeah.
Dad, I'm seventeen, I'm like, sooooo over candy.
Let me put it this way. Either you will go shopping for daddy, or daddy's belt will come off. And we all know what happens when daddy's belt comes off.
I'm gonna be bored during Thanksgiving break after finishing the term exams, so what better outlet than a little nostalgia and a blatant, unashamed ripoff of Something Awful's Let's Play formula, in blog format?
For those of you who have not heard of a Let's Play, it is where an individual plays through a game, taking many screenshots along the way, and, most importantly in games where this is possible, uses the valuable input of the community to make choices along the game. The Oregon Trail is the classic, pioneer Let's Play, and the original thread which housed it eventually caused an entire forum to be dedicated to this fun, engaging formula. While the goons at Something Awful mostly played through the original Apple II version, I'm going to be playing the Deluxe version, which has vastly improved graphics but, more importantly, slightly more complex gameplay mechanics.
I'll be counting on the input of the Destructoid community throughout this LP, and I can only hope that it will be entertaining to readers.
Less talk, more play! Let's do this thang.
Oh golly gee I can't wait!
Let's start off with naming our ragtag band of heroes and choosing our occupation. I'd advise against going for anything retarded as we'll have to live with these choices throughout the LP, but I'm game for challenges if you are, i.e. going Teacher.