I have come to an unfortunate conclusion the other day. Simply put, since the announcement of the next generation consoles, I haven't been playing my current console as much anymore. I haven't turned on my Xbox 360 since July 2, almost two months ago. When I'm in the mood for a game, I've been going to my iPad for a quick game of Badlands or Real Racing. I'm sorry old boy, but I have a made a difficult decision.
Whoís a good boy?!? Whoís a good big boy!?!
I have not come to this decision lightly. My Xbox 360 and I have been through a lot together. As console generations go, this one has by far been our longest. The Xbox 360 has been around for eight years. That's a freaking long time and I've been a devoted fan since the Xbox 360. Eight years is like fifty-six years in videogame time. Or is that dog years? I may be getting confused with my Old Yeller analogy. †
The other morning, while showering (that's where I do all my deep thinking) I began to reminisce on those eight long years my Xbox 360 and I have been together. As I lathered up my chiseled, Greek god-like abs, I thought about all the life changes I went through personally in those eight years. Probably most importantly, I went from having long, luxurious, euro-trashy hair, to a receding hairline and bald spot. Now I just shave my head and no one knows the difference, like Andre Agassi. I also became engaged, got married, moved three times, bought a home, and became a father. Very run-of-the-mill, I know, so I won't bore you with semantics.
I'll let you in on a little secret though. I've had an Xbox 360 for eight years, not necessarily the same Xbox 360 for those eight years. I've had RRODs, went from a launch white version to an Elite, another RROD, then my current Xbox 360 Slim. I've essentially treated my Xbox 360's like pet goldfish. One dies and I just get another one, give it the same name, and lie to the wife and tell her it's the same one, like a bad 80's sitcom.
Why no honey, thatís the same Xbox. I donít know what youíre talking about.
However, it pains me to say that it's time to take my faithful, and not at all an imposter Xbox 360 #5, and have him sent to a "farm in the county" to be with his cousins. †There he'll have plenty of open fields to run in, chase and herd animals, and be with a family that will love him unconditionally. †I'll power him up one more time of course, play some games, go on Live and play some multiplayer. Maybe I'll stream a movie while eating our favorite meal together, just one more time. Then, when he's nice and calm and least expecting it...
No mamma. It was my Xbox. Iíll do it.
Relax... I'm not going to shoot my Xbox 360. That would be crazy. I'm going to take it to Gamestop and trade it in for store credit and put it towards an Xbox One or maybe I'll list it on Craigslist for some cold hard cash. †I'm sure it'll go to a good family, who will love it as much as I did, playing games, watching movies, going on Live and getting into arguments with homophobic, anti-Semitic 12 year olds who lack parental supervision. Maybe it will go to a family with younger kids, and become some lucky ankle biter's first console. Now that would be great. Makes me feel all warm and gooey. † † † †
Now let's just hope it doesn't RROD causing unbearable disappointment to a future gamer.
DISCLAIMER: No animals or consumer electronics were harmed in the writing of this blog.