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Lax Bro Blames GTA for Being Dumb (In a Nutshell) - Destructoid

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A relatively new dad telling tales on what life is like as a gamer and a father.

- I'm the youngest of two children with one older sister.

- I'm first generation American as my parents were born in Italy.

- Married to a wonderful wife and have an amazing daughter who makes me laugh and smile every day.

- Hobbies include exercise, reading, writing, sci-fi, film, and of course, video games.


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What pray tell is a "Lax Bro"? I realize that some may not be familiar with this special breed, as they're originally from they North East, but they are expanding to other areas of the country. Thanks to the internets, I was able to find this handy dandy definition from our friends at Urbandictionary.com.

Lax Bro - Any male individual who plays (or associates with those who play) lacrosse. They wear hats (fitted, trucker, college lax hats), bright colors, and have long hair. Their vocabulary consists of, but is not limited to: word, bro, gnarly, stoked, flow, etc.

Of course, there is the Lax Bro's closely related cousin.

Dude Bro - White suburban males, usually 16-25 years of age, hailing from anywhere, USA. Characterized by their love of College football, pickup trucks/SUVs, beer, cut off khaki cargo shorts, light pink polo brand shirts (with collar "popped"), Abercrombie & Fitch, Hollister gear, and trucker hats. Favorite bands include, but are not limited to, O.A.R., Jack Johnson, Dave Matthews Band, Avenged Sevenfold, The Fray, and often crappy radio rap (i.e. Nelly, Dem Franchize Boyz, D4L, etc.). Dude bro's are incredibly insecure in their manhood, which makes them: insanely jealous of their girl friends, overly macho, and laughably homophobic. currently, there is no cure for being a dude bro.

BEHOLD!


Awwww, Lax Bro sad face :-(

White sub-urban kid: CHECK
Long hair: CHECK
Pick-up truck: CHECK
Football: CHECK
Lacrosse: CHECK
Overly macho: CHECK
Bright color clothes: CHECK
Popped collar: Undetermined

That handsome fella above, a fine example of Lax Bro-ness is Zachary Burgess, freshman lacrosse player at Auburn University. He was in Baton Rouge, LA on September 21 to catch a football game. He never did make it to the game however, since on early Saturday morning, after a few zesty beverages 'm sure, decided to steal a truck, kidnapping the woman inside, and proceeded to hit several parked cars.

So what does this have to do with gaming you ask? Well, after being arrested by police, during questioning Zachy boy told an officer that he “wanted to see what it was really like to play the video game Grand Theft Auto.” Apparently, he was surprised the cops didn't just shoot him multiple times on the spot only to take him to a hospital where he'll be magically healed in 24-hours, but all his money will be taken away.


The surgeons at All Saint's General are miracle workers.

Mr. "Bro-gess" (see what I did there!) was arrested and charged with Theft of a Motor Vehicle (or Grand Theft Auto, HAH!), Hit-and-Run (9 counts), and Simple Kidnapping. His bond was set at $80,000. He was released on Sunday, Sept. 22 after posting bond (THANKS DADDY!). If you're interested in learning more, you can do so here and here.

Not sure what Broseph up there was thinking when he told the cops that he was emulating GTA. Perhaps he was thinking that they'd let him go. Obviously, it was not his fault, but the GAME'S fault for making him do this. Let him go and arrest the game makers by golly! BREAK OUT THE PITCHFORKS AND TORCHES!


DEATH TO ROCKSTAR GAMES!

Fortunately, this story did not get a lot a traction with the folks in the "established" media outlets. We all know how they love a sensational story against videogames, especially GTA. Maybe the folks in the mainstream media aren't as clueless when it comes to videogames as we thought. Well, let's not go that far.
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