I donít do game reviews, so Iíve decided to outsource that to some of the worldís most iconic celebrities, both living and dead. Today, Iím happy to announce that the late great Liberace will give his take on one of the most well received music games of the last generation.
Boy oh boy, I wasnít expecting this. When Mr. Spieler Dad channeled me in heaven, I didnít know what to think. Never played a videogame in my life, but Iíll tell you, he sure was persistent. I finally agreed to write this piece when he said that it would be read by one of the most beautiful and fabulous online communities around, and I think thatís wonderful!
Would you believe that there is a movie about me? It is shown all the time on HBO. Michael Douglas plays me. I think he does a great job! Matt Damon was cast as my good friend Scott. What a fantastic job he did in the movie. He also looks great in a chauffeur outfit. I give the casting director an A+. Simply put, I think the film is wonderful!†
You know, up here in heaven, videogames are quite popular. I never was one to play them when I was alive. One day, my assistant, Mr. Scott Thorson, brought home an Atari 2600. I wasnít at all taken by it. The wood paneling on it clashed with my furniture, so we had to get rid of it. Sitting there, on the sofa playing on a videogame seemed like such a waste. I would rather take a few laps in my piano shaped swimming pool.
Iím digressing so Iíll get back to what videogames are like in heaven. We have the same games up here that you have down there actually. †We also have a fabulous recreation room up here with every machine and game you can imagine. You know what they say, too much of a good thing is wonderful!
You know who are big time gamers up here? Jesus and Buddha. They go at it for hours in some silly war game. You should hear some of things that they say to each other when playing. Itís enough to make me blush. Everything they taught goes out the window when those two pick up the game remotes.
I only got my chance to actually play a game called Rockband when Jesus and Buddha took an extended break to perform miracles and to meditate. Let me tell you, I was sure impressed by how advanced these games look compared to the Atari. All I needed to do was get a band together to test this game out.
On keyboards, yours truly will be tickling the ivories. On drums, thereís no one better up here than Keith Moon. On guitar, I was able to get Jimmy Hendrix. On bass, I wanted to get Paul McCartney, but heís still alive, can you believe it!?! So I asked my pal John Entwistle, aka Thunderfingers, which is a double entendre ☺!
Finding someone to do vocals was going to be tricky. There are a lot of great singers up here. The better ones are in hell, but you play with the cards youíre dealt. I was thinking Frank Sinatra, but Old Blue Eyes was too busy chasing around Marilyn Monroe and feuding with JFK. Some things never change. I ended up asking my pal Janis Joplin, who was quite honored. So there you have it, thatís the band. We even gave ourselves a name, the Gilded Candelabras! I adore candelabras you know. †Theyíre sort of my thing. I think theyíre wonderful!
Okay, onto the game! The game is a pleasure to look at. I love the art style. If there is one thing I would change, it would be more ways to customize the way your character looks. Iíve been told that I had my own signature style. I have an outfit for every occasion. You know that I had a custom fur coat made specifically for me when I gave a command performance for the Queen of England? Itís true! The coat was made of virgin white fox. Over a hundred of the little guys gave their lives for it. It took forever to get the pelts! Think about it. Virgin white fox are rare little critters. It takes one to know one! The coat cost me over $300,000, but it was worth every penny. What I wouldnít give for a way to get that coat into the game.
The instruments used for the game was not what I would call classy. I found them cheap and unappealing. I used to collect pianos you know. I had over 300 of them. I had one in every room, sometimes more. All of them were personalized with gold and semi-precious stones from Austria. Yours truly was practically keeping the rhinestone business in business.
Moon and Entwistle didnít mind the chintzyness of the instruments so much, since they smashed them up after each song. What a mess. Moon kicked his drum set so hard one time, it flew across the room and hit Janis Joplin right in the head. Knocked her out cold. Hendrix gave her mouth-to-mouth. GET A ROOM YOU TWO! ☺
The song selection left something to be desired. The rest of the band didnít mind so much, with all the rock and roll and whatnot, but I would have loved to see more classical and big band numbers. Not one number from Bach or Lizst. Lets just say my talents as a pianist were under utilized in this game.
All in all, I give this game 4 out 5 candelabras. Itís fun to play with friends when theyíre not destroying the instruments. Professional musicians like myself will find it a bit rudimentary. I do find that it is a great way for people to get involved in music, and I think thatís WONDERFUL!
I hope you enjoyed this piece. Mr. Spieler Dad has a few them lined up from what I understand. Say stay tuned for some more reviews from famous people from the great beyond.