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SpielerDad's blog

12:50 PM on 10.03.2015

Freezing my ass off at a Penn State football game. Half of the hicks at this stadium probably didn't graduate high school, yet they're rooting for a college football team. I wish I was on my warm den playing MGS V.


1:56 PM on 10.01.2015

Long form blogs buggy today or what? I was really struggling trying to get my blog formatted and published today. Anyone else?


1:00 PM on 10.01.2015

If You Need to Ask, Then You Can’t Afford It

When I was a young boy, around the age of 9 or 10, I used to dream of one day being rich and powerful. I wasn’t just going to be your run-of-the-mill wealthy mind you, but obscenely, filthy, Bond villain-esque, Middle Eastern sheikh wealthy

In a perfect world, I would be a wealthy Middle Eastern Sheikh and professional wrestler.

I actually used to watch The Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous and think, one day that will be me, but I wasn’t just going to own boring yachts, jets, and private islands, I was going to own a flying yacht that could turn into a private island. Hot supermodel quality guards would also staff my flying, floating, private island paradise, because when 10-year-old boys think of anything, it inevitably devolves into sex… and boobies.


I vividly recall drawing extensive diagrams of some of my various yachts, jets, and mansions that I would one day own during my free time at grade school. Of course, as the years went by, I didn’t become insanely wealthy, and this memory started to fade away. That is, until recently.

All these old memories began to bubble back up to the surface again after logging in a lot of hours in Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain and seeing my Mother Base in the Seychelles expand from one platform into many interconnected structures that stretched out into the horizon in all directions.

At first, I found this concept to be ridiculous, but as my base grew in size and function, the 9-year-old boy in my subconscious began to take notice. This imaginary base, out in the great blue sea is the stuff that dreams are made of. Growing this base became not just a small part of this sprawling, complex game, but an obsession.

There is just one small problem. Mother Base in Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain is a bit too industrial and militaristic for my tastes. I’m older now and more experienced. Industrial orange paint and no frills sensibility is fine for Big Boss, Revolver Ocelot, and a private mercenary force, but I require something more refined.

That is why I was delighted to find out that building a private floating island like Mother Base was not just possible, but it didn’t have to look like an offshore oil rig. BEHOLD!

Migaloo, an Australian company that apparently builds luxury submarines and submersibles for the insanely wealthy will also build for you what they call a Kokomo Ailand, which is a private floating habitat based on semi-submersible platforms. It’s just like Mother Base, but with CLASS!

Go ahead and take a gander at the promotional video below, and do your best to not fuck the first person you see when you hear the sweet sounds of generic porn music that accompanies it.

So what exactly are you getting with you purchase your very own Kokomo Ailand? LUXURY, that’s what! See below:

  • Private owners penthouse 80 M above sea level
  • Jungle deck with palm trees and vertical gardens
  • Beach deck with entertainment pool & barbecue area
  • Garden deck with al-fresco outdoor dining
  • Spa deck with spa and beauty saloons
  • Large pool areas and waterfalls
  • Two beach clubs including beach gym
  • Underwater dining saloon, shark-feeding station (No mention if the sharks have frickin’ laser beams.)
  • Outdoor cinema
  • Helideck
  • Massive storage for tender & toys

Eat your heart out Diamond Dogs. Mother Base sounds like a total shit hole compare to this place.

I especially like the last bullet point stating that Kokomo Ailand has massive storage for tender and toys. I’m assuming that the folks are referring to massive stockpiles of cash when they say tender. I’m talking Scrooge McDuck, swimming in massive piles of tender.

It also goes without saying that when you have your own Ailand, pesky laws that regular losers have to follow on the mainland simply do not apply when you’re in international waters. Go ahead and eat an endangered species like a Galapagos sea turtle then do massive amounts of blow of a hooker’s ass. Who’s going to stop you?

All in all, I like how there is no mention on how much it actually costs to purchase your very own Kokomo Ailand on the Migaloo website. Well, as the old saying goes, if you have to ask how much it costs, then you can’t afford it.   read

12:07 PM on 09.30.2015

My daughter watching me playing MGSV last night. "Why is she naked?" pointing to Quiet. "She's naked because she breathes through her skin." I say. "That's silly!" She says and walks away. My daughter is 3.


6:45 PM on 09.10.2015

Metal Gear Solid 5: Phantom Pain is easily one of the most bizarre games I ever played... and I have an unhealthy obsession with it.


6:29 PM on 09.07.2015

Having minor foot surgery on Wednesday. Nothing serious but I'll be home in a lot of pain for a couple of days. Not entirely pleasant, but I'm looking forward to it because I'll get 2 days of uninterrupted gaming. Is that weird?


11:14 PM on 09.06.2015

If they were to celebrate Labor Day in the UK, it would be called Labour Day, right?


9:13 AM on 09.03.2015

What Game Maker Would You Go on Vacation With?

Summer is winding down. Soon, we will be heading back to school, half-day Friday’s at the office will be ending, and there will be a nip in the air as autumn approaches.  Of course, if you live in the southern hemisphere, summer is just beginning.

As I sit here writing this, just a few days before Labor Day in the states, which is the unofficial last day of summer for us yanks, I’m thinking back on the recent and the not so recent summer vacations that I’ve been on. Some were good, some were great, and some were utter shit. That got me thinking, what would it be like to go on vacation with a big time gaming personality?

Shigeru Miyamoto – Creator of all things Nintendo.

Going on a vacation with Shigeru Miyamoto would probably be nice if not amazing.  I imagine a wholesome, family friendly, and highly organized affair to Disney’s Magic Kingdom.

I’d like to think that he would have customized tee shirts made that everyone had to wear. Embroidered on the shirts, along with your name would be "Miyamoto Dream Vacation 2015."

Sure, the cool kids at the beginning of the trip thought this vacation was totally lame, but end up having the best vacation ever! Even grumpy uncle Frank who poo poo’d the trip in the beginning has a blast and learns a valuable lesson of love and forgiveness at the end. THANKS SHIGGY!

Peter Molyneux – Creator of Populous, Dungeon Keeper, Fable, and broken promises.

Going on vacation with Peter Molyneux wouldn’t be bad, but it would probably fall short of initial expectations.

Have you ever been looking forward to a vacation to someplace new and exciting only to show up and realize that the place is okay, but not quite what you were expecting? Maybe the brochure was using a fancy camera angle with fish eye lens. Maybe you decided to go during hurricane season. Or maybe the pictures you saw were from thirty years ago and the place now looks run down and is in desperate need of a new coat of paint.

The Hotel looked bigger on the pictures we saw online.

The vacation wouldn’t be bad per se, and you may end up having an okay time, but you just can’t help feeling a bit disappointed.

Cliff Bleszinski – Creator of many games with muscular space marines.

Going on vacation with Cliff Bleszinski would probably be, no pun intended, FUCKING EPIC!

Who’s ready to party?

There is something about Bleszinski that screams debauched vacation aficionado. Maybe it’s the fact that he used to go by the nom du guerre "Cliffy B" or he used to have an awesome Pornstache (see above).

He looks like the type of person who would rent a party boat on Lake Havasu while flying a giant banner from the mast (party boats have masts right?) that says “SHOW US YOUR TITS!”

Natty Ice would flow freely. Jell-O shots would be eaten off the tummies of co-eds, whip cream licked off the chests of frat bros and everyone will have horrible hangovers the next day. WONDERFUL!

This actually sounds horrible to me now, but when I was a younger man, this would have been awesome. Also, Cliff has grown up a bit the past few years. He may not be down for doing a line of coke off an Arizona State sorority sister's tramp stamp anymore either.

Hideo Kojima – Creator of Metal Gear, Snatcher, and other things… probably.

Remember that Swedish dad who took his kids to the Gaza Strip to teach them how war was not a game when they asked for a copy of Call of Duty: Ghosts?

It will be like that, but much worse.

Sid Meier – Creator of Civilization (the game not literal civilization).

Sid Meier reminds me of a cool history teacher that I had in high school. He’s just a nerdy looking guy who takes things that should be dull and boring, and he makes them fun and interesting.

I imagine that a vacation with Meier would be educational but fun, perhaps to someplace historically significant, like Rome or London. He’ll probably be leading a large group, holding up an umbrella so that he doesn’t lose anyone while pointing out interesting things that can be easily missed and regaling us with fascinating facts.

Richard Garriott – Creator of Ultima, Tabula Rasa and other things that will not help you get laid.

Garriott will probably be the exact opposite of Meier in terms of a fun yet educational vacation. There is just something about the man, that makes me believe that he will just take things a bit too far.

I see Garriott creating meticulous and accurate costumes for each family member, piling them into the station wagon and driving to a distant Renaissance Fair out in the middle of nowhere.

He’s going to force you to stay in character the entire time and if you don’t, well it’s off to stocks for you. People are going to throw rotten vegetables and it's going to be horrible and psychologically scarring.

Alexey Pajitnov – Creator of Tetris, Tetris, and Tetris.

Pajitnov is Russian. Every Russian person I know likes to drink excessively on vacation. I’m completely okay with this way of vacationing. People who do not do this on vacation should be looked at with suspicion and contempt.

Is there some other game maker you think would be fun or horrible on vacation? Let’s hear in the comments.


1:12 PM on 09.02.2015

I hear through the grapevine that a game called Metal Gear just came out that is sort of a big deal.


11:02 AM on 08.21.2015

I just eat a piece of fruit that still had the tag on it. Am I going to die?


7:38 PM on 08.20.2015

Have finally gotten around to playing Valiant Hearts. Still haven't cried yet.


1:47 PM on 08.17.2015

You can cut the tension with a knife...

Come on. You know you want to.


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