So as you all better know I had a contest to take someone to PAX. If you want to join that you are much too late. It is now my solemn duty to present the winners. I want you all to imagine I'm doing this like Leia at the end of Star Wars.
From the first time I saw this lovely guy across the room I knew I needed him in my hotel room at PAX. Look at this badass picture.
I'm going to be stealth mode when I pick this bad boy up. Do you see that? It gives +5 to both stealth and poison resistance. Additionally, I can use that gas mask to help me wade through the inevitable clouds of nasty stank surrounding people after the concerts.
There is also the matter of that badass suit. I have to fly my way up to Seattle (and boy are my arms tired)
this means that in order for me to be able to celebrate Suiterday I would have to wrinkle up my fancy suit. This makes the lazy part of me really angry. Fortunately for lazy-Crime I don't have to dress up any more, Manic Maverick will do all of that for me!
Let him tell you in his own words:
"Hey. You should take me to PAX. Wanna know why you should take me to PAX? Wanna know? Because I'm a man. I bench-pressed 70 cartons of eggs and then used those same 70 cartons of eggs to build a boat. I used that eggboat to sail across pretty much every sea on the planet, including the seas of many a woman's heart. I once made jello pudding for orphans by flexing the muscles on my muscles. These orphans became Spider-Man after eating said jello pudding, and thus had parents because superheroes. Every Autumn I participate in the Annual Man Festival, which involves me standing out in the middle of the street pelvic thrusting in a thong. It helps the crops grow. Like...500 times an hour. And, on the first Monday of last September, somewhere between 5:00pm and 10:00pm, I ate dinner."
I was very tempted to just leave that there and not write anything. Unfortunately the lawyers get pissed if I don't give everyone an explanation.
He turns me on.
Wait, that explanation isn't good enough? Alright let me try again:
Not only does Guile's theme go with everything, but this is essentially the most American avatar ever. I wouldn't want to offend Uncle Sam, George Washington, and the HUAC by not choosing this lovely fellow.
And here are some words from the man himself:
"First off, my avatar as me as Guile. I'm the ultimate wingman. My avatar will get you laid more times than I can throw sonic booms in a match. Guaranteed.
More importantly, nobody fucks with Guile for fear of a flash kick to the dick. So you have automatic security while at PAX. Hell, even on the flight, if someone tries to hijack that plane, I'll use my comb to slice some throats. Combs > Box cutters all day.
Last and least, I will be eternally grateful to you for taking my avatar. Not "blow you in the alley" grateful, but maybe "handjob in the theater" grateful.
I don't know if you guys have heard but there is a little thing coming up called Prom... or PAX. Every year at this event dtoiders advertise themselves and get other more fortunate dtoiders take a representation of them to the show. I am lucky enough to be able to go to the show, but yet my heart still aches. I have not been in the fortunate group to get to go with someone to Prom PAX, all of the cute girls seem to be taken already by those jerks on the football team. So this is my call out to the rest of the community. I want to take 2 of your avatars to PAX with me. The following is a list of reasons why you should come with me.
I'm a Gentleman.
Well Destructoid, it's a sad truth that not everyone is chivalrous as I am. Some people would go so far as to claim to be nice and honest but really all they want from taking you to PAX is just an easy way to get into your pants. I can guarantee you more than that. Because I am such a gentleman your trip will be much easier. I will take you out to dinner, I will treat you right, and I probably won't slip anything into your drink when you aren't looking.
I've Already Matched My Tie to Your Dress.
One of the hardest parts of going to Prom PAX is picking out what to wear. I've gone ahead and made this easy on all of you and snuck into your rooms and checked out your dress. Think about all of the hassle this will eliminate for the both of us! We can both go in color-coordinated outfits and neither of us will have to go to the store to pick out a tie while I carry your dress around!
You Can Ride in Style.
Sometimes people think it's cool to go to Prom PAX in a limo. Well screw them, I can give you a much sweeter ride than that. I've already prepped my bike to pick your avatar up from your mom's house. Think of how cool we will look when we roll up to Prom PAX with you on my handlebars. Yeah, that cool.
I Already Asked Your Dad.
I have already thought of everything. Originally I went to your father's house to ask for your hand in marriage, but he was less forthcoming with that. Eventually I managed to get him to give me his blessing to take you to Prom PAX. You don't want to disappoint Mr. Whatever-the-hell-your-name-is.
I'm Almost Onto Destructoid's D-list.
I host the Destructoid Communicast, which means that approximately 11 people who view this site know who I am. This means that you can go to the show with someone who is only marginally cooler than someone who just registered on the site! Holy Smokes!
Now you know you want to roam the show in style with me, but unfortunately I can't hang out with a gaggle of avatars. So if you want to be one of the two lucky ladies/pictures to travel with me tell me why in a comment below! And who knows, I might even send some stuff to the lucky winners!
So then loving public, you may be familiar with the shenanigans that are about to released all over the collective Destructoid. So as I said in the last post this podcast will only work if the community decides to get involved. Here is your chance community.
We need topics to talk about and questions to answer. The serves two functions for us. The first is that we need to have things to talk about. The second thing is that there was a game that came out this past week and we need to know if the people want to hear about that or if they would rather hear about something else.
So let us have it community. Questions, topics, nude photos, your first-born child, or whatever else you want. Conversely if you want to join our ever growing cast you can send me a pm or email at email@example.com.
Alright guys, I like making podcasts, and I like the Destructoid community, and I haven't had enough to do lately. This has lead to quite a bit of thinking to be done, and quite a few ideas to execute. One of these ideas is something I like to call the Dtoid Communicast (working title).
I would like to put together a podcast each week with every part entirely dictated by the community. This means that every podcaster would be a community member, the topics we discuss would all be chosen by the community, and the questions would be asked entirely by members of the community.
So this is the first step guys. If we want this to happen,and I know we all want it to, we need to have people to podcast, ask questions, and choose topics. Ideally this podcast will be the community in audio form so whatever the community puts into it will be what comes out. If the podcast is two people talking about the questions a third person asks the show is likely to be shit, but if the show has a revolving cast of great people who are asked interesting things by the rest of the community the show will be fantastic.
So what do you say Destructoid, are you ready to rock? In order to make this work we need people who want to hang out on air, people to ask questions, and people to suggest things for us to talk about. Can you fill any of these positions? I think you can! Say you want to be part of this in the comments so we can get this off the ground!
You folks may know that I host a podcast. Recently I had started making posts about the episodes over here and some people seemed to be enjoying them. Unfortunately calamity has struck and within the course of two weeks each of my fellow podcasters have had to resign (tragedy seems boundless.)
This leaves me by myself. Podcasting isn't something that you can do by yourself unless you are schizophrenic. This means that Save and Reload will wither and die.
But hell my loss is your gain. Podcasting is something that I love to do and I would love to be back on another show. So if you want to start up another podcast with me or want to have me on your show I would not only love to but be grateful as well.