Have you guys ever tried to understand a Pokemon? I mean like REALLY understand. I have, and I'm pretty sure I've succeeded. Sewaddle is as grass/bug type Pokemon introduced in Black/White. It's also the raddest Pokemon known to mankind. Sorry Ekans. I've reproduced some claims to Sewaddle's awesome nature below:

1. He turns spit into clothes.

That's right, while all of your other Pokemon are off spitting lightning bolts or some nonsense Sewaddle is fashioning body armor out of spit and leaves.

2. Look deep into his eyes. Now realize how little he cares if you live or die.

Have you ever seen a Pokemon look like he gives less of a shit? If you said yes you're a goddamn liar because no, no you haven't seen anyone more nonchalant than that badass.


(original image)

3. He's capable of boning a dragon.

Sewaddle shares an egg group with Flygon. In case you're not aware, Flygon is a big-ass anime dragon who wears sunglasses. That's right, this little bug probably takes a bitchin'-radical dragon from behind. Those Flygon probably like it.



4. Sewaddle's second evolution is goddamn bug Batman.

Look at that majestic cape. THAT SHIT IS BUILT IN. That's right, while your pasty-ass is hangin' out sewing your lame-ass cosplay in your mom's basement, Sewaddle is out makin' his own cape AND THEN BEATING THE SHIT OUT OF THUGS(pokemon). GET ON HIS LEVEL. His parents didn't even die either. Your move Batman.

5. Sewaddle's final evolution happens whenever he damn well pleases.

Look at all of your inferior Pokemon. Those submissive little bastards just evolve whenever you tell them to. You know when Sewaddle evolves? When he thinks your dumb ass is capable of dealing with his awesomeness. That's right, if you're too much of a little bitch or don't treat Sewaddle with the proper respect he'll just stay as Batman forever. That doesn't sound too bad either way.

So, which Pokemon do you think is the coolest? You're wrong. Shhhhh, don't fight it or you'll just embarrass yourself even further.

Now, which Pokemon do you think is the second coolest? Sound off below.

Well guys, it looks like it's time for me to write my first anniversary post. That's right, one year ago I joined this site and my life has never been the same. Back when I did the Communicast I told a little bit of the story of how I joined the site every episode, now I'm here to give you one that my lawyers say is less likely to “land my happy ass in prison due to the sheer amounts of slander and treason” present in the other.

Here we go. It was one year ago when our dearly departed Anthony Burch gave his lecture at UC Berkeley. When this happened my life was tumbling around as I was having a rough time figuring out what I wanted to do for a career. I went to see the reverend because I was so fond of both his humor, and his amazing perception of video games. I had no idea that I would come home from that trip with more than I had ever asked for. After I made the two hour drive down to the bay I sat down in the back of the room where Anthony would be lecturing. I didn't want to sit any closer because there were people who would be attending the lecture as part of their class. Yeah, I know, I'm really considerate. Oddly enough the back row filled up before anyone else got into the room. We all thought this was odd so we began talking to each other and realized that none of us were in the actual class. Among these people were a good friend of mine and one of the guys who has changed my life immensely in the last year, Tactix. Before Anthony started I decided to film the lecture from my phone so that other people online could see it. Posting that was why I even bothered to make a Destructoid account in the first place, so I could share that video with people who couldn't go. At this point I didn't intend to stick around, but I'm certainly glad I did.

A few weeks later I started my first podcast. It was called the Save and Reload podcast, and it was shit by every measure. I posted a few episodes here before my co-hosts quit. It was at this time I started the Destructoid Communicast. It was through the Communicast that I began to love the community so fanatically. Every week I got to meet a few new members of the community and talk with them for a few hours. This meant that I was getting to know and appreciate all of the community.

A few months ago I began working as Hamza's intern. This has been an opportunity that I have loved more than anything else. Every day I get to work towards making this community even better, and even happier. This has been taking up a lot of my time, but I wouldn't trade it for the world.

2010 will go down as one of the worst years of my life, but it has been made so much better by you wonderful people. So let's have some shout-outs to some lovely people.

Tactix: I wouldn't even be here without you. Thank you so much for everything you've done for both me, and the community.

Xzyliac: Thanks for being there. You care about this community more than most people know and you're one righteous dude.

LawofThermalDynamics: You're another amazing person, and I'm so glad to call you my friend.

Vapathyv: Fuck you. Your Rock Band scores are too high. I love/hate you man.

Antwhan: Your kindness is amazing. It's an honor to know you.

Knutaf, Corduroy, Mrandy, Steezy, Beyamor, Gareth: I love playing games with you occasionally in FNF. It's usually one of the highlights of my week.

Qalamari:It was amazing that you were the first person from the internet I met in the flesh. I've enjoyed getting to be friends with you and I wish you the best with your upcoming marriage.

Eric, Sterra, Chris, Sebastian AKA the SF Crew: You guys are the best. You've made my choice to move into the city an easy one, and I can't wait until I get to see you guys all the time. Just make sure you're ready for me when I get there.

Hamza: You've made me a part of the Dtoid Family, and I can't thank you enough for that. I know sometimes I'm not the best intern, but I try and I really do love you guys. So thanks for putting up with me.

And finally, Niero: I'm sure when you made this website 5 years ago you had no idea that it would become so much to so many people. What you could have made into a pure exercise in capitalism you changed into a haven for people who have never belonged anywhere. I'm sure you have an idea of how much you've done, but I don't think you will ever truly know the extent of how amazing you are.

So guys, it has been an honor spending this last year with you and I hope that I will be spending quite a few more. Keep being awesome.

Also, Cocks.

Alright guys, I want to play a game. It's an easy game and won't end up like when they play games in SAW. In order to play all you need to do is grab some cases from your favorite games. Easy enough right? So grab them and come back. Got them? Good. Now look at the covers of the cases. Do you notice anything similar about all of them? This is where the game part comes in. I'm going to try to guess what they look like from a design standpoint. Unless you picked a special edition box up you are probably looking at the main or secondary characters of the game centered on the case, who are staring either slightly off camera or directly at it, and the background of the picture gives a vague sense of the setting of the game.

Was I right? Chances are that I was. This has been something that has annoyed me for years so I decided to look into what caused this stagnation of design on boxart. It's not a secret that video games have been influenced by movies, hell at this point calling a game “cinematic” seems to be one of the highest compliments we can give. This started in the 80s when video games were very much a boys club and the only way to get sales was to appeal to kids who were probably also enjoying Schwarzenegger movies. Does anyone remember the Mega Man boxart? The art itself has become infamous for demonstrating exactly this, a game that is now regarded as adorable had a box showing Mega Man as a man in a jumpsuit with a gun. This idea of making the box as “action-packed” seems to have been perpetuated until today because that is the only thing we know, and thus is the only thing consumers are willing to buy.



Sales seem to be the only reason why we keep this trend going. There have been games that have come out in the past that have failed due to the fact that they didn't have a cover with a strong leading man on it. I think it's time for us to crawl out of the mud of graphic design, and come up with something more creative. The music industry followed a similar path. Look at any record cover from the 1950s and chances are that you will see 4-5 guys (presumably members of the band) sitting in a group and staring at the camera. If you fast-forward 60 years to now you will find a diverse collection of artistic styles and subjects on the covers of cds that have become art just as much as the the music that it adorns. It's true that there is no true visual manifestation of music so they are more free to do as they like, but that doesn't make us any less able to find new directions to push our borders.

One of the current trends in gaming, and something I'm sure everyone reading this is aware of is that of collector's editions. These games run $20-$100 more than the “vanilla” versions of the game and feature bonus content like cards or soundtracks, and oddly enough they have alternate boxart. If you've ever listened to anything I've said on the Communicast you know that I love owning these deliciously large boxes of pointless swag, and among my entire collection there is not a single cover involving any character from any of these games. So what is it about these more expensive versions of games that publishers have decided is ok to allow varied (and usually beautiful) art on the covers?

I think that we, as the gaming community, are ready to accept new designs on the cases of our games. Back in 2009 Neogaf had a photoshop contest entitled “the Gaf Collection” it was a play on the Criterion Collection in which people started to emulate the collection's unique style of cover art for game cases. Once game-blogs picked it up people just seemed to lose their shit over them. People across the board decided that these covers were basically the greatest things ever created. Since this point people have taken to creating their own custom covers for their games, and the funny thing about it is that none of them involve the main character staring directly at the camera, or even near the camera. Some times the main character is completely removed from the box altogether. This just makes it clear that when given the choice of what to put on the cover of a game people don't like what is currently sold.

When I've spoken to people before about this topic I have gotten the response that “your idea of artistic covers doesn't show anything about what the game is about.” I think that this comment is sort of absurd, as no cover can show what is gaming's greatest strength, the gameplay. So without any real representation of what is inside that plastic case why can't we have something fantastic on the outside of the box? Why can't we have beauty on both the inside and outside of that little plastic case?

So what do you guys think? Are we ready for some boxart that is better than that of a B-grade action film from the 1980s? Is this nitpicky and pointless? Should we just get over it and wait until everything goes digital in 10 years? Or are we content with seeing the same design over and over again a la romance novels?

321 Go Cast -JohnnyViral

This show proudly admits that they don't have a script, or a clue for that matter. Each episode is recorded in an improv environment by several regulars, and guests from the community. Listening in each week is almost akin to witnessing birth: it gets mess, it's awkward for everyone involved, and it's fucking glorious. There is a reason why this is one of the longest running podcasts on Destructoid. Also, Tactix is on it. He's a dreamboat.

Airport Road- Mxyzptlk

One of the more underground podcasts on Destructoid is Airport Road, a weekly look at what is happening in the world. Our very own Mxyzptlk hosts this wild card podcast that has previously talked about: Cryptozoology, the TSA, MMORPGs, and more. You may not have heard of this due to the fact that they only advertise in the forums. I mean, who knew we had those?

Bulltoid –RandomBullseye

Contrary to what your first impression might be, this show isn't about the host RandomBullseye, but bullshit in general. This show features a cast of three talking about games and the industry in the most profane way possible. You may recognize the other cast members from other parts of the site, like FalconReaper the fighting game champ, or TF_Touya the scamp who stole my heart. It's a good time all around.

The Destuctoid Communicast -CrimeMinister

A podcast for the community, and by the community. Each week several community members join some guy called CrimeMinister (dumb name) as they talk about the games they've been playing, and what has been going on in the community. I'm not sure what it is that these people have been doing for the past few months, but they have been missing in action for quite a while. There has to be some reason for this absence....

Los Angeles Podcast of Destructoid -Alex Barbatsis

A (sometimes) weekly podcast involving some of Destructoid's most outspoken community members. The topics usually start out as games, but devolve into something wildly different. One time they talked about stalking people. This was relevant to my interests as I too am a stalker. There is something delightful about the thrill of the hunt. The stealth you employ as you track your prey. The adrenaline surge that comes with the capture... Wait, yeah, listen to these guys. They are great!

Robo-Chode - IcarusKills

Do you like math? Do you like science? I don't, because I'm basically a frustrated 12 year-old. Fortunately for all of us IcarusKills and company are here to break it all down for us with the Robo-Chode Podcast. This show centers around the nerdier side of things, and regularly features diverse topics such as: science, technology, math, and sexy scientists. They may be a one trick pony, but that trick is damn good.

Zero+Cool -Sean Carey

Zero Cool is the newest of the podcasts, but it has one of the best pedigrees. Sean Carey, A.K.A. the quintessential magnificent bastard hosts the weekly podcast with several current and former Destructoid editors. Every week takes an intelligent yet humorous look at the week's events in the gaming industry. Sometimes Ben Perlee is on. I like him. He's a fine fella.

So I like #NewDestructoid, but I'm a little confused on how this works. In fact, I have no clue where this post will go. My blog? The Communicast group? The Furry Naruto Fanfiction Lovers Club (Oh Sasuke-kun, let me show you the jutsu to make your tail hard enough to put inside me)? Who knows? It's an adventure!

So this is the tenth episode so it's kind of special. Well, special to me anyway. 

We had a few guests this week. You may know them as they are good friends of the show. Jesse Cortez, Kraid, and LawofThermalDynamics were on it, but this girl found her way in somehow or another. I think she just wandered in from another podcast, but you may have heard of her. Her name is Stella Wong. 

So here you go lovers of fine podcasts, this is our weekly gift to you. 

 

There is a group for this podcast that you should join. I'm not sure how you can find it, but it's called The Destructoid Communicast. That is likely to be where we do most of our coordination for future episodes and talk about past episodes. Hell, we may even give out prizes at some point. 

#NewDestructoi So I like #NewDestructoid, but I'm a little confused on how this works. In fact, I have no clue where this post will go. My blog? The Communicast group? The Furry Naruto Fanfiction Lovers Club (Oh Sasuke-kun, let me show you the jutsu to make your tail hard enough to put inside me)? Who knows? It's an adventure! So this is the tenth episode so it's kind of special. Well, special to me anyway.  We had a few guests this week. You may know them as they are good friends of the show. Jesse Cortez, Kraid, and LawofThermalDynamics were on it, but this girl found her way in somehow or another. I think she just wandered in from another podcast, but you may have heard of her. Her name is Stella Wong.  So here you go lovers of fine podcasts, this is our weekly gift to you.    There is a group for this podcast that you should join. I'm not sure how you can find it, but it's called The Destructoid Communicast. That is likely to be where we do most of our coordination for future episodes and talk about past episodes. Hell, we may even give out prizes at some point.  #NewDestructoid unfortunately hates me so I'm not sure how to embed, but here is the link to stream and to download Stream: http://www.archive.org/details/DestructoidCommunicastEpisode10 Download: http://www.archive.org/download/DestructoidCommunicastEpisode10/Communicast10.mp3   Oh, and no episode next week because I'm going to that Extra Life thing.   EDIT: Here is the link to the group http://destructoid.com/groups/the-destructoid-communicast (thanks Manic Maverick)

PAX happened. Some of you saw me there, some of you didn't. But this blog isn't about me, it's about 3 mighty heroes who braved the dangers of a world devoid of compassion to make it all the way to Seattle in order to save PAX for the rest of us. This is their story, this is everyone's story. Also, it's poorly written.

Part 1

It all started with the call. Early one morning our heroes were all called up
"Usedtabe the Strong, Manic Maverick the Sly, and LawofThermalDynamics the Wise we need you. PAX is in trouble. It is at PAX in which the devious Professor Normal will strike and ruin things for everyone. He has created a ray that will take from everyone that which they hold most dear. Their individuality. Also, Cocks"

The heroes nodded in silent agreement, they knew what they had to do.

"Alright Mr. Destructoid we will do it. For the good of all of us."

"Good to hear boys. There are several other operatives that will be working with you.You will know them when you see them. We've also got a staging area for you at a nearby university. The mission begins at 8am tomorrow you will receive more information then."

The screen clicked off and the heroes were left in the room to collect themselves and begin to think about the task ahead of them.


Part 2
The university wasn't a terribly inviting place. It was taken over by all sorts of evil creatures, but they didn't really bother anyone. The crew established a camp for the night tucked away in an abandoned corner of the basement on top of some old furniture they found. It is also important to note that they had to use public restrooms. It was disgusting, as if thousands of asses were pressed up against theirs every time they went to shit. The next morning came earlier than most would have expected as it was important that the operatives could witness the keynote. Unfortunately the line was long.

REALLY REALLY FUCKING LONG.

This meant the boys got to meet some local color. The local color was killed after 20 minutes. Seattle natives are crazy. After 2 hours of standing around the keynote started. Not much happened except for Warren Spector telling everyone to be nice to casuals. This made UsedTabe rip some children in half. Goddamn kids.



Part 3

The show floor was next up on the day's agenda of ass-whoopery and nobody was safe. As the boys descended upon the expo hall like Edward on Bella (slowly and terribly written) they noticed something was amiss. Everyone was merely shuffling.

"This has to be the work of that nefarious time wizard Professor Normal" Thermal Dynamics exclaimed as he put 2 and 2 together.

Manic Maverick growled "We need to work fast."

Some punches were thrown, but the hordes of the PAX-goers never let up.

LawofThermalDynamics was deterred "We need some backup before we attempt this."

Usedtabe was fatigued from all of his rapid-fire flash kicks "We need an army."

After a hasty retreat down a poorly lit hallway a voice came out of the darkness.

"Goddammit guys something bad is going on out there, this is looking worse than my ninth Far Cry 2 Permadeath run."

The voice had a familiar pretentious ring to it. The voice started growing louder and louder as it was joined by a few others: "Anthony come on, things are going to be ok, nothing bad can happen while I'm around. Besides we've got your dad here.

"Whoa whoa whoa, don't bring me into this. As soon as I get a chance I'm getting out of here and getting my ass over to a Fuddruckers." The last voice sounded simultaneously apathetic and displeased.



Part 4

Having realized who was on the other side of the doors at the end of the hallway our nerdy version of the A-team burst into the room. Unfortunately Papa Burch was surprised and punched everyone in the face. Especially Manic Maverick.

Usedtabe was the first to break the silence, "Guys, something is going on and we need your help. We need to break the mind control that is turning all of the people into zombies"

"That we can do, we've got some people who can help" Anthony said through his beard. "But we're going to need a dolphin and some copies of Deadly Premonition to lure them out." What followed could only be described as the most magical occurrence to have ever occurred: a montage inside another montage. The double montage (what does it mean?) included all sorts of events crucial to the story, so I will list them here: Breaking and entering, stealing a dolphin, concealing a dolphin in LawofThermalDynamics' pants, a coffee break, punching some meat and running up some steps, and finally a simple trip to the game store. The crew eventually found themselves outside of the convention center summoning the warriors they hoped would aid them in their battle. Anthony said some words that nobody recognized (they must have been indie as hell) and a giant beam of light shown forth from the ground giving life to:

Special agent and TPL James Tiberius Sterling


and Chad "I don't usually wear this many shirts but that's awesome" Concelmo.

Part 5
Manic Maverick gave the newly-summoned members of Team Awesome a moment to collect themselves before asking "Alright guys, there are too damn many people in there not having the time of their lives and we need to stop that, we need an army."

"I know of one" Chad said.
"And I know just how to get them all here." Jim said as he began to stand in a funny pose. "I just need to sacrifice a ps3. Fortunately I have on right here in my backpack."

As Jim let forth a long string of game titles followed by the number 4 people started to show up in droves yelling at the Jimster only to be caught in amazement when Chad removed his shirt.
"Alright guys, we've got the army." Jim smirked "The Destructoid Army."



Part 6
The army was perfect. It moved as one, thought as one, believed as one, and loved as one. They were a family. Nothing could stop this fighting force as they descended upon the convention center. As everyone spread out they managed to find the source of all of the evil inside.

Unfortunately it was hidden behind a 2 hour long line. So the army waited. It took forever but they finally got inside. Inside was a large machine broadcasting its evil signal to the world. Breaking the fuck out of the machine didn't take long. In fact the army rearranged the parts into a statue of Mr. Destructoid.

Part 7- The Aftermath

"Professor Normal isn't here guys, we have no leads. It's safe to say this round was a draw." Usedtabe was displeased.

"It's ok, maybe he will be stupid enough to try something at PAX East or PAX Prime next year." Manic Maverick sighed.

LawofThermalDynamics was the last to speak,"Come on guys, lets just go enjoy the rest of PAX. You know, that thing that we just saved."

And our heroes looked out upon the people they had helped to save.


THE END?