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Dtoid Memories: Coooooooool Christmas!
// Submitted @ 9:51 PM on 03.18.2013
I love Podtoid. I know that probably makes me a sex offender in some states, but it is easily the best Video Games Podcast That Is Not About Video Games on the Internet. While listening to Podtoid in the background of a Pokemon emulation, it is hard to even focus on the game because of Podtoid's bloody assault on my mind with an arsenal of humor. I once got a virus from trying to find Old Podtoid past 76 where the rss unfortunately stopped. I do like plenty of the things on the Destructoid proper, but Podtoid is what got me hooked like a cocaine addict to Destructoid initially (after having cum over from the Escapist following Jim Sterling's debut). I don't remember what episode that was, but it made a large enough impression on me that I had to see more.
That being said, Podtoid history is long and filled with many moments that could easily be my favorite Destructoid memory (Also, no more intentional puns). Shutup Samit, Man Island, Double Down Browntown, Willem Defoe, Voldemort, Is it pedophilia or not, etc. where some lasting gems. I remember when I had finally caught up from 76, it was with Jim, Tara, Jonathan, and Max, and it was the episode where Max and Jim were exposing Elton John as a hateful, evil man. That was an excellent episode. However, that was just the stocking that came before the numerous gifts found in the Christmas Special of Podtoid 182.
I'm listening to it now for inspiration, so I could cite each of the many jokes and some of the intelligent discussion found in it, but let's not beat around the bush. The title isn't "That Twat from Ocean Marketing" it is "Anal Siege." And boy, it is an anal siege.
To the Enlightened who don't listen to Podtoid or any listeners who don't know the roots of current Podtoid, this is the episode where Jonathan Holmes loses his anal virginity to Jim Sterling. Unlike most losses of virginity, this one is special. And like a married couple, this continued into old age until Jonathan was like "No More Anus". Having watched all the Podtoids before this and after, I believe this may be the most defining moment in Podtoid history. Forget that time David Jaffe came on or all the times hosts and members left.
There are 2 points in the show where I remember laughing so hard I had to pause and listen multiple times before grabbing my older brother to listen to it. Both times he was like "What, I don't get it. It sounds unpleasant." and I would say "That's the point." Anyway, the first point came around the middle when Jim told Jon what he would do to him if they had consensual sex. He said he'd wet his fingers and push them into Jonathan's puckering anus before bumming him hard with an afro while yelling "Coooool Christmas!" One of the funniest things about it is Jonathan's reaction unknowingly fits both roles as a man upset at the thought of and a man getting, bummed. The show's actual title comes a bit later. Jim says that if he tried to rape Jonathan that all Jon had to do is hold off Jim for a 2 minute Anal Siege until Jim with his lack of fitness collapses due to a heart attack or something.
Why are these moments so funny, influential, and memorable? At first, I had no idea. My brother didn't find it funny so I thought I was just incredibly amused at the thought of a a man sexually harassing another, which would make sense considering I'm aroused at "rough" pornography. However, Jonathan Holmes' Anus received a cult following that would make Pulp Fiction blush whilst tearing up a bit. I'm guessing that this joke was latched onto more than others because of the group dynamic of Podtoid. Jonathan Holmes is very nice, genuine, and like people that have very punchable faces, Jonathan has a very soft, beatable personality. Jim is a great foil to this by also being honest, but in a blunt, hard, forceful way. So listening to this is equivalent to popping bubble wrap on a large scale. And the reason my brother didn't appreciate it was because he didn't know who was involved except two strangers.
Wow! I wasn't trying to give a critical analysis (okay serious last pun). However, this moment is why I love Podtoid, and it is why I love Destructoid. It is the incredible, intimate, drunken lust ramblings of Jim Sterling to Jonathan Holmes. No moment can surpass it in my heart.