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Soupy Hero avatar 10:44 AM on 08.11.2013
The shit parts of the Payday 2 Beta

18:18:09
The Payday 2 beta is good. Some things in it aren't. I would define these things as shit, I suppose. Here are some of those things, I guess.



MICHAEL FLATLEY SYNDROME

Many modern games suffer from this strange disease. In reality, when a man shoots bullets from his gun into another mans head, he would usually die. Whereas in games that suffer from MFS, victims of gun bullets have a tendency to express their discomfort through the medium of dance. This gives them superhuman resistance to being shot in the faceholes and makes you want to eat your own head. I haven't seen a case of Michael Flatley Syndrome this bad since Splinter Cell Conviction. My god.



 SHIT COSTS TOO MUCH


You'd be forgiven for making the mistake of thinking that a flashlight would cost less than $63,000. Well fuck you it doesn't. This wouldn't be a problem if getting $63,000 was easy in this game. Well it is. You just can't spend it. Because having fifty million dollars sit in a room is more important than spending one hundred thousand dollars on a decent gun that would help keep the ferocious breakdancers from holding you down and farting on the inside of your mask and then putting the mask back on your face and you can smell the fart inside of the mask and then you puke with the mask on and now your face is covered in shit gas and digested sausages. And you just spent $98,000 on painting some flames on that plastic mask.



BORING TALENT TREES


These are some boring ass talent trees. Tie hostages faster. Your drill works faster. People find you slightly less suspicious. Where are the talents that let me put condoms over the heads of my hostages or wear magical snakeskin boots that allow me to do the hucklebuck which boosts the morale of my team mates so their bullets turn into exploding dildos?



THE PLAYERS


This is just one of those games. One of those games where it's too easy to end up in a match with a bunch of ego testicle bastard eyed shitehawks. A lot like Airsoft, this game has plenty of 12 year olds who believe that they are some sort of amalgamation of Rambo, Solid Snake, Gandalf and God. They'll try to give you orders and tell you to fuck off for not doing what they command, and you'll laugh at them and pretend to speak Russian while they scream inaudible bollocks into their microphone. And there are various other species of pseudo intellectual bastard guys who believe that they are the reason that this game exists and that everyone else playing it is merely a parasite within their domain.

Other shit things include:
Not being able to remove weapon attachments without destroying them.
Unlocking weapon mods at random, making the game even more grindy.
Animations that make the characters look like they're walking around with a bag full of razors up their anus.
A lack of missions that involve stealing yokes.

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