So it’s about that time of the year that every gaming site in the known universe starts posting long-winded lists of games that they liked, be it because of gameplay, story, PR people sleeping with their editors, graphics or a big cash payout. Fuck that shit, this is Destructiod where the attention spans are short and the guns are shaped like sharks. Thus, I present to you…

2007 In Two Games or Less

Because in a few years you’ll remember this year just as you do 1997, which is to say, as a great year for gaming, but really unsure what games were actually released in 2007 and not 2006 or 2008.

The Orange Box
At this point giving you a summary of what the contents of the opposite-of-blue-box is would be like telling monkeys that flinging their crap is fun. The best deal in the history of gaming, by far, works just like a typical 2.5 children family. There’s Portal, the baby that’s super-cute and full of new ideas and potential. Team Fortress 2 is the oldest, with a development cycle and an end product that attests to the “good game is good eventually, bad game is bad forever” motto. Seriously, I haven’t had this much fun with a class based FPS…well…ever. Then there’s Half-Life 2 episode 2 (Manchester United 1). It’s sort of the middle-child of this collection, offering more than it’s siblings what with it’s prequels but ultimately being neglected and disappointed with despite doing nothing wrong. Really, it’s sort of just the bad luck of being bundled with two of the best games of the year. That said I’ve never played much of the half-lifery and for me it’s a great offer.

Halo 3
Apparently some people bought this game, and you know what, it wasn’t that great. It’s not a bad game, don’t get me wrong. It’s just so very average. Shit, the main character is even a space marine. Everything from its jungle level to its military base levels to its desert level just screams “average” or “ever so slightly above-average” at best. Still, the game had one major thing going for it and that’s hype. Microsoft poured money into every type of advertisement they could from softdrinks to those awesome still-life adverts. Microsoft managed to prove that with enough money mediocrity can hold sway.

And so how telling is that for 2007? Two totally opposite offers for gamers. With the orange box the standard $50 will get you:

-Team Fortress 2
-Portal
-Half-Life 2
-Half-Life 2: Episode One
-Half-Life 2: Episode Two
(and if you’re getting it through steam)
-Peggle Extreme
-Half Life 2: Lost Coast

Compare that to Halo 3’s Legendary Edition, which, even when marked down to $100 gets you:
-The game itself
-DVDs filled with content you might go through once or twice
-a plastic helmet that might fit your cat

So yeah, that’s pretty much 2007 right there. Overall the games were good, some were great, some were a slight letdown, but it was all gravy and tits. Truly it was a landmark year for the industry. So what do we have to look forward to? The wii will continue to find new ways to entertain us, the xbox 360’s massive library will be even more massive, and the playstation 3 will produce graphics that make are so pretty and shiny they’ll make your eyeballs melt. Fanboys will still be living in the year 2005, with Nintendo and Sony fans screaming about how much potential their respective machines have and Microsoft fanboys acting like the 360 is the only system out. Oh, and GTA 4 will rock all your faces.