I was bored, I had a shitty camera handy and I thought of this.

If I was to make a game about the SnakeDude4Life persona: I would hope it was a FPS or Third person shooter, something involving a plot with terrorists and zombies (and hopefully zomerrorists).

My favorite part of older games has always been the Unlockable suits; from Dino Crisis to Halo 3. Unlocking cool shit to wear while killing dudes is awesome, but I digress.

Here’s what unlockable costumes you can get in the video game version of SnakeDudes fictional game:

Street Snake



How to unlock: Press Start

Here’s the staring costume. Not much but it gets the job done. Just like the level one suit in Dead Space and the leather armor in Fallout, it’s the most basic level of protection against the bullets, undead hands and the ground (falling on it from 20 stories is a real killer).

Most people you’ll see on the multiplayer part wearing this suit will be Noobs or people playing the “I R SNAKE” meme.

GameNARP Snake



How to unlock: Beat “Tanks for the memories” and “A Bullets market” in colorblind mode and in the ultraviolence difficulty.

Now it’s time to get to work. As seen at the Miami GameNarp. Still not the bullet proof armor you were hoping for. However, you will have a bit more adrenaline to sprint farther and jump higher. In single player, some enemies will stop and try to see what your shirt saids before saying “I don’t get it.” Which gives you time to pop him in the head. Warning: Does not work on zombies, the blind and jaded hipsters.

Freedom Fighter Snake



How to unlock: Snipe the last bottle of Jarate in the hands of the Final bosses Final Form (Zombie Lincoln).

Near the end of the game, you’ll get to the big twist in the story (That guy is a ninja robot OMG!). It’s time for serious business. Using the old republican method of wrapping ones self in the US flag to give an appearance of patriotism. Unlike them, you’ll be the one dishing out the shock and awesome in operation Dual Eagle with Dual Desert Eagles.

This suit gives a bit more armor and gives you a third small slot for extra grenades, a sidearm or magazines.

Biohazard Snake



How to unlock: Find all the red ringed Xboxes, dusty PS3s and the Wii-ed TVs.

Here comes the heavy duty gear. Inspired by Resident Evils little known character HUNK, This suit will help when the shit hits the fan boys. While not “Bullet Proof” or “Fire Resistant” or “Safe”, Biohazard Snake can go toe to toe even with the most abusive zombie.

Overpowered in Multiplayer, I’m saying it.