hot  /  reviews  /  videos  /  cblogs  /  qposts


SnakeDude4Life's blog

4:47 PM on 04.22.2013

Zero Dosh 24: One Story Among The 10.1%

I’m an unemployed gamer.

I currently live in Miami.

The unemployment rate in Miami is 10.1%. I used to work at a hospital in Miami, before that I worked in a heating company that serviced fancy hotels in south beach. Right now, I've been unemployed for about two years now. When I had a steady paycheck, I first paid rent, food, and set aside money for gas and a saving account. Anything left over was mine to spend, which I spent mostly on games.

Let me start from the start.

Since I was young, video games have always been my escape from living in a lower class family. From the age of 10 and up, I’d help my grandfather pick cardboard from behind old factories for extra money for the family. Every day, after school, every weekend. When I was home, I was collect coins in Mario 64, dodging raptors in Jurassic park for the snes and trying master Scorpion in Mortal Kombat on my genesis. I didn't have a lot of games but I made the most of what I had.

Years later, I find myself in the same spot.

Since I’ve been “let go” at my old job, the impact on my life was slow but apparent after about a month. My friends have been seeing less and less of me due to just not having the money nor (most cruelly) time to see movies or partake in social events, my family hounds at me to find another job on a daily basis (mostly due to my Grand-Dads recent illness), and (perhaps among many other more serious problems) anything gaming related has taken a major brutal blow.

My gaming was PC, at one time a great gaming “rig”. But since the release of Battlefield 3, it’s been showing its age like those fine gray hairs you might spot on hot 30-something woman. Release after release (actually more demo after demo) has shown me that my poor machine is on its last legs. Even with P2P games like Planeside 2, I simply cannot get the solid 60 frames I’m used to. Speaking of, while Steam has amazing, absolutely stunning sales (not even talking about the seasonal events); it’s no fun to see an awesome game like Far Cry 3 or Tall Tales Walking Dead at 30-45 percent off and can’t even afford it even if it were a 90 percent sale.

A side note here is that I used to collect Team Fortress 2 Genuine quality Hats. Currently I have one of most of the genuine item until Hit man: Absolution preorder items. At this time my spare money from odd jobs and such had ran out and it just was not feasible to keep up. I could grind tf2 for items to smelt and barter from there. BUT, that would take hours of grinding/idling and bartering. Hours I should be using to phone mangers, fill out applications, and request interviews. I need to put food on the table, can’t do that if I finally buy a (real, non-duped, clean) maxes head.

The first season pass I bought was Saint’s Row the Third. At the time, I was still working with a small budget thanks to unemployment (most of that went to gas, rent and food). Two weeks after I got Saint’s Row the Third, I bought the season pass.

Fast forward the release of Halo 4.

I love the Halo series, love the universe and the lore, read the books in middle school, and since Halo 2 I’ve always gotten the best edition I could afford. That is until Halo 4. I received Halo 4 as a very very late birthday gift from a good natured uncle. It wasn't the legendary edition, but I made due. The season pass was a real kick to the gut for me.

I’m a completionist, not in to sense of getting all 200 birds in GTA IV but in the sense of having a complete Mass Effect 2 run with all the DLCs (including all the preorder items).
This too shall pass. Among the DLC I've missed out on is: DragonBorne, Knife of Dunwall, Slingshot Pack (X-Com) and Gods and kings (Civ V) and many more.
Preorder items are also out of the question. If I can’t afford Bioshock infinite, I definitely can’t afford to preorder it from any retailer for Comstock’s various weapons.


I won’t pirate games. I want to play my games guilt free and as little hassle as possible. Unfortunately, paying the bare minimum on services like internet means having a connection like its 1999. 250 KB/s? 50 KB/s up? Only if the Comcast god of Oligopoly sees its own shadow on a blue moon during the shrimp season.

Lately, just to keep up with video game stories, I've been watching “Let’s Plays”. I recently watched a “Let’s Play” of Bioshock infinite on YouTube. The player kept shooting civilians and disrupting the pleasant scenery with and missing cues for story related events. It’s not how the game was meant to be played. Before that, I watched a “Let’s Play” of Aliens: Colonial Marines. While not wasting money on such a poor looking game, I would have liked to play it for myself.

As the New consoles arrive, I fear I won’t be there to experience the new graphical fidelity or the rich stories that will be told. In fact, soon I might have the sell my hard copy of my console games and auction off my TF2 genuine hats.

Now, I have to go back to filling out more forms online and see if I can receive financial aid for community college.   read

9:25 AM on 07.03.2009

Top Ten Sell Outs in Gaming (Bought to you by

You see these lists quite often on the internetz. I assure you this isn't just an excuse to spam the C-blogs with unpaid ads for You might be thinking, "What makes this list any different?" Honestly, this is still a list of blah blah blah you;re not reading this blah blah blah. All I can offer you in the "what's the difference" category is that I'm a washout internet writer who thought this would be an interesting way of stealing ad views from another site. Don't worry female readers; I'll be posting another link to in a timely fashion just for you.


[Text here] note: plz get dis done b4 postin THKU!)

343 Guilty Spark

This little dude sold out the Chief for a new Halo ring. Sounds like he put the UNSCDF in quite the bind. He just wanted save everyone from the Flood… by killing everyone. No doubt he would have fit in here at [NAME OF HOST WEB SITE destructoid ].

The Medic

This German dude stands in the back while all the other guys get blasted by snipers, sentries and heavies. Selling you out so he can get high on Übercharge. Much like UGO, am I right? isn’t like that at all.

Al Mualim

First, he takes all of your stuff and then tells you to kill some dudes as punishment. Clearly Al Mualim is not a true gamer because killing in a game isn’t work, its fun! Much like reading our articles over at

That guy on your team in Halo

We all know who I’m talking about, the guy on your team who will sell you for fun. Betraying you, not taking the flag, hogging the sniper, driving slow, etc. (Editors note: U 4got t-baging numnuts). Surly, this guy is most likely to be [INSERT DISLIKED WITER ON HOST SITE Jim Stering] after dinking. None of our writers are like that
at all at

Dex Jackson

At first, it does not seem like he sold you out. However, after some macgyvering (Editors note: NOT A WORD!!!1!) In the end game of Saint Row 2. Selling the old gang for a corporate job. Tsk tsk. While is owed by a major soulless corporate entity (rhymes with Miacom), we are free to write as we please… at a limit and within constraints and with the blessing of HR and Management and the CEOs and the timetable set. (Editors note: U R soo fired idot)

Gabriel from Rainbow six: Vegas

The reason why he sold out the elite rainbow team to a group of terrorists pretty unclear. It is clear that Gabriel is a complete sell out. Everyone at knew it the whole time. Thanks to the kickbacks from Ubisoft for giving the two game a rating of 11/10.

Mega man

He’s Dead! He’s not dead, only stuck on the moon! He not on the moon, he’s on XBLA! Soo many mega man game that mess up the canon. You might need to look up the whois on mega man just to find out which of the mega mens (Editors note: mens or mans? Google it fucker!) you’re playing.

Albert Wesker

Sold out the Raccoon City PD the second he joined to test out his bioweapons in live fire situations. While it may be zombies, BOWs, Uroburos or leather trench coat salesmen, Albert will gladly take them on thanks to his own genetic enhancements. Speaking of, visit!


What can be said about Mario that hasn’t been said about “Sold out”, “Whoring its base”, “Leeching off of others”, “Shameless”, “Likes it in the butt what what”, “etc”. Go easy on the dude. Sure it’s not nice but that life.

(Editors note:Make sure U don't post 2 much, that fucking hamza abu guy will ban you for doing it too much. Also, make another account as a chick for the girl gamer-related crap.)   read

6:31 PM on 06.16.2009

Springs are under tension: Modified Warfare

Usually with this series, I use a template to write about two video game guns and a piece of armament. Today, I have taken some time to play a Mod for CoD4. Not just any Mod, A SINGLE player mod. It’s called Homefront: Downtown. Created by Copbaby, it’s a Level that takes place in the US. The back story is a bit iffy on the exact details… but who cares, I like to shoot sum turrists [Bushism].


As you can see the opening shot is a hell of a start. (Damn exploding car!) Expect your M4 SOPMOD to run out. While the map offers no preset weapon placements (Except for one), the terrorists tend to use G3s, shotguns, RDPs, AK-74s, AKSUs, and M9s when in last stand. Plenty, if you are really good at scouting for ammo.

The thing that I didn’t expect was the involvement of civilians during the firefights. Remember, these are “American” civilians. Not even Soldier of Fortune (The first one) did that. There is even a scene where you and a buddy save some old guy in a dark basement from two terrorists.

The Sniping scene is pretty bland… until you get to the real objective! You will NEVER get it the first time; it comes out of left field. Then a fire fight occurs again (Surprise!) and there are only explodable cars available to use as cover. The Choppa comes in and does what Choppas do.


Oh no… Da choppa git RPG’d. Honestly, who didn’t see that one coming? Save the pilot from the turrists.

And then the Pilot becomes a zombie and you knife her in a QTE, but not before a Spy backstabs your LT and your gun isn’t real! You were shooting hot lead with your MIND! Then the Jets nuke the town but you are THE ONE. So, you go to area 51 and save the princess who turns out to be the pilot who is the also THE ONE and still a zombie.

Okay. I’m making up that last part. I won’t ruin the ending.
Overall, the Mod is great sure it’s short and a bit odd to see great looking soldier models against the low resolution texture back ground. Still, it’s a good change to the whole depressing, drab “the horrors of war” feel in Single player.

If you have COD4 for PC, just get it. You can download it here and next time I’ll stay with the normal “Springs are under tension” format.   read

5:17 PM on 06.08.2009

In Deep: The Armless Nazi

The second amendment: The right to bear…

In the past Call of Duty games, each entry was based on real world war two events like the Normandy Landings, the Battle of Stalingrad, and the Battle of the Bulge. However, the COD series has always relied on its game play and almost scenic grand battles to move the games forward.
No one ever noticed that one soldier (on multiple fronts) was able to take out entire Heer and Fallschirmjaeger troops time and time again. Not to mention the idea that people simply fall over when sprayed with .30 caliber rounds. Each COD main character surviving each bout with the forces of evil against overwhelming odds.
And then Modern Warfare happened.
Realism. It’s all the rage. That little extra that makes the game seem so… familiar. The AC-130H Spectre mission looking a lot like those YouTube clips of an AH-64 Apache infrared cam capturing the last minutes of a few insurgents before a hail of metal death rains upon them . The eerie Prypiat level.
One last trip in to the past was what COD: world at war became. The trip was not with baggage through.

From my cold dead hands…

The gore in COD: WAW was met with “meh” for some, “Awesome!” for the blood hounds and “Dear Lord” by the old dinosaurs. Add in some death animation, a Russian revenge plot and flamethrowers and the game was done.

Which brings me to this guy;

A hapless Nazi that fought for his country inside the German parliament building. After being shot with an Anti Tank Rifle (Overkill BTW) and losing his arm. He sat down and seemed to think. About what I have no idea. Maybe he thought about the true horrors of war, Maybe the irony of being “Disarmed”, or he thought “Oh no.. Not again.”

The point is the reason why I had the urge to shot him again. I know what his animation is going to do; Think and then die a few seconds later. So, why waste the ammo? While looking at some YouTube clips, the same thing happened. The friendly NPCs seem to ignore the wounded (not the guys trying to pull a last stand), but not I. Sure, He was a pawn in the grand scheme of evil things. But what if he was a conscript or just a desk jockey in the parliament building?

Regardless, He was actively trying to kill you and your buddies. If given a chance, he’d kill you and your whole family. Did the Nazi SOB deserve a moment of peace after losing an arm?

Clearly, I didn’t think so.   read

1:22 PM on 05.20.2009

Snake Dude rates stuff



Awesome until the last act. It’s really left4dead zombies/rabies plus cloverfield and a hint of Blair witch. Also, the cops are useless as fuck. Their handguns “disappear” after the real zombie rampage begins.
What the hell? The last cop gets taken down by a little girl zombie. Really? An LA cop downed by little Susan or whatever the fuck her name was.

The Spy update


It’s about time; Valve is really taking their time with the updates.
FYI, I’m a spy. I LOVE being a spy. Especially with my new PC. You cannot play a spy with a slow PC or a bad connection.
Also, I poach spy crabs. You should see my Spy crab rug or my Spy crab fire place mantle.

Blue Binders


God Damn blue binder! They are always holding papers and stuff. Blue binder rings are always uneven too. Always made in Mexico and china, they took our jobs! To hell with them.

Bawidamann’s “ZOMBIE HUNTER”


It’s an awesome war poster for zombie killing enthusiasts. The girl is sporting some true epic gear: a red lens S-10 gasmask (ala HUNK), a silenced P90, knife leg holsters and a sweet axe.

Even despite my own thoughts on the whole “suicide girls” thing, the poster on my wall next to my air soft Desert Eagles and my S-10 gasmask is worth it.



Great, played left 4 dead versus mode with SakuChan and many noobs were owned.
I MAY have rattled Carlos Ferro, (More on that later), met r3ys boyfriend, ate a 1UP chocolate pop from Epic Sugarworks.

Ball pythons


Great pets for any looking for a python that not too long or have a history of being a misfit. Small pythons, very hardy. Three feet is the norm, however five feet can happen.
They are also inexpensive; buying one can cost $50-$100 for a normal color type. Other color types like (albino, pieds, black, pastel, etc) will rape your wallet. Really, go Google it. They don’t need large enclosures to live a nice life (unlike the Burmese python); most large scale breeders even use drawer systems for space and efficiency.


9:29 AM on 05.14.2009

Springs are under tension: Wise Fwom Your Gwave Edition

Coming Under Fire

After a three month delay and a series of unfortunate events, “Springs are under tension” is back.
Here’s a brief run down: Laptop broke, IRL events, new job and loops of fire.

Anyway, let’s get to the firearms. Since the series is literally being reanimated, I thought I would set a theme of “weapons that kill zombies and other ghouls dead!”, but that’s far too long for a headline so the current one is fine.

[color=darkred][Due to a lack of Photoshop on the new compooter, the images may be lacking of HD awesomeness][/color]

Primary Firearm

Browning M1919
Real life equal: Browning M1919
Game: Call of Duty: Call of Duty: World at War
Ammo: .30-06 Springfield
Legality in US: Popular with civilian enthusiasts and WWII buffs. Also, an Über version of this weapon was used by Marine Corporal Tony Stein during Iwo Jima called the "Stinger."

While COD: World at War isn’t a Zombie murder simulator by any means, the Nazi Zombie mini game however is worth slugging through the campaign. Using the Browning against Nazis is one thing but literally blowing chunks out of Nazi Zombies is another. Check the following:

Nazi: Arm blown off? Dead.
Nazi Zombie: Arm blown off? STILL COMING!

However, as with all automatic rifles, the chance of wasting ammo by “Rock ‘n Rolling” in panic situations can be a real threat to your supplies. The Browning also has a chance of turning Nazi Zombies into crawling Nazi Zombie. Nothing like having a former Wehrmacht officer reduced to a bloody stump.


Real life equal: Smith & Wesson Model 500
Game: Resident Evil 4
Ammo: .500 S&W Magnum
Legality in US: Deifying all expectations, this overkill revolver is legal in California.

“Stranger! *laughs* What d'you need that for? You goin' huntin' an elephant?”

"If by “elephant” you mean giant trolls, chainsaw madmen, raider nation rejects and an Aliens rip-off, then yes."

Unrealistic? Yes. Fun? No doubt. Worth getting five stars with all characters and all stages? Totally.

I hesitated to call this a “sidearm” as having this gun in real life would be too heavy and cumbersome to work as a successful combat weapon. The Handcannon is a hit one kill on most of your parasite ridden enemies in Resident Evil 4. This is the only weapon (aside from the RPG) that can kill El Gigante by shoot him in the foot (maybe twice). It is the deadest thing in game when used by a smart operator. No need to worry about that expensive ammo as the gun can upgraded with infinite ammo and a larger capacity.


S10 Gas Mask
Real life equal: Avon S10 NBC Gas Mask
Game: Resident Evil 2
Legality in US: Legal, although wearing any mask in public may bring the whole “unlawful to wear a mask” rule out in some states.

Ahh yes, the S10 Gas Mask used by British Special Forces (like the SAS). My favorite video game version of the mask has to be the HUNK version. Elongated for an aesthetic purpose and the lenses colored bright red for great justice. The wide lenses help when fighting zombies. The real masks lenses come in two flavors; clear and blacken to lessen the effects of flash bangs.

The mask also has a unique ability to allow the wearer the drink water through a built in straw, proving even HUNK needs to drink after snapping zombie necks.

The Avon S10 is the gas mask is of choice among Zombie slayers and Spec Ops alike. I fact, I own one of these masks. I highly recommend it.

That’s all friends; hopefully my new computer won’t ERROR x45778568403P and I’ll be able to keep this series going. Back to playing Left4Dead and Team Fortress 2.



9:03 PM on 03.04.2009

The Gun Game: Springs are under tension

Locked, stocked and also cocked.

I have been meaning to do a weekly post about something. I love three things about games; Guns, Blood and the unique moments that will NEVAR be recreated in other mediums. Well, I don’t feel like writing too much about blood in games (good idea however) and I’m too lazy to examine the psychology of how Video games are unique among means of expression. Soo…

I’m beginning a series of blog posts on video games guns and their awesomeness (or lameness).

Primarty Firearm

Barrett M82A1
Real life equal: Barrett M82A1
Game: Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare
Ammo: .50 BMG (12.7x99mm NATO)
Legality in US: .50 BMG rifles posed a “terrorist threat” in California. (no rly!)

If you want to reach out and touch someone, that’s no better where to do it then with this beauty. Nothing says “hiya doing?” than a .50 caliber round to the torso. Sadly, Call of Duty 4 doesn’t have gibbing or dismemberments, the real life effects of being shot with a M82A1 are extremely Gorerrific.

In CoD4, going no scope (as in not aimed and no scope attachment) makes for real fun. The M82A1 has a few things going for it high damage, possible deepest penetration, and good rate-of-fire for when some SMG interloper tries to spray and pray. You can pimp out your .50 caliber high five with blue camo and perks like stopping power (overkill AMIRTE?).


Flare Gun
Real life equal: 12 gauge flare gun
Game: Team Fortress 2
Ammo: Flare
Legality in US: In some states, they’re considered "any other weapon" under the ATFA.

If used in the correct manner, these things can be used to save lives. However, in Team Fortress 2, it’s used to set your enemies aflame when your flamethrower just can’t reach them. It comes in red or blue. True, it’s not an elegant weapon nor is it a weapon that a Navy SEAL team would use (unless they were lost at sea). But, it works for the Pyro and that’s all that really matters to the little gimp man in a gasmask.

The longer the Flare is allowed to burn, the more damage it will impart on its target. It’s only got one flare per shot and sets the intended target on fire for 10 seconds. The flare itself is part of the rarest kill icon: Killed With an Airblasted Flare. That means you a Pyro shot a flare in your direction, you air blast the flare back AND it hits someone with low health and KILLS them. Good for you.


Riot Helmet
Real life equal: Tactical Riot Helmet with Face Shield
Game: Rainbow Six: Vegas

Who in their right mind would wear a bandana or faux gas mask to a fire fight? Not me. The Riot Helmet has always been the bread and butter of realists and wannabe LAPD. It doesn’t have any real bearing on your armor or health. It does, however, have a cool Cobra Commander or Strom Trooper effect on your online terrorist fighter.

Its one part combat helmet, one part tactical face shield and one hundred percent badass. Not to mention, it can be used with custom faced characters.

That’s it for this week. I’ll be playing some more Left4Dead and COD WAW.

Love the “No head shots” in WAW.

Don’t forget to reload.



9:24 PM on 02.12.2009

The Pitt DLC: Let me AXE you sumin'...

Some new info have been speading on the internets about the second part Fallout 3s DLC called "The Pitt"

You might have notice the new melee weapon in the picture above. It's called the "Auto-Axe". Also, seen is some awesome armour and a kick ass miner helmet (Flashlight... on MY head?).

The Pitt is now a slavers/raiders town and they have a fighting ring.

Yes, a fucking battle arena.

I can't wait to get this and since I'm playing with the Lawbringer perk, I'll bag a LOT of fingers.   read

1:53 PM on 02.12.2009


HAMZA's homeland:
HAMZA certainly lives in Nairobi, Kenya. Along with overthrowing the government, he has made it illegal for those who live in Nairobi to buy Adobe and has forced Nairobites to shoop his image with Gimp. HAMZA has even released a hit album "You won't find Adobe here in Nairobi"

Widely considered to be one of the greatest IRL trolls of all time. Way back in the sixties, Charles HAMZA aka C. HAM invented and popularised murder. Since then, murder has enjoyed consistent mainstream success and remains one of the most widely enjoyed pastimes today.

The following took place between last thursday and FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Mikey: "So i herd u liek Mudkips"


3:06 PM on 02.02.2009

10(+) things about me that no one cares about.

1. My first game was Double Dragon at a girls house (I think she was a cousin or something?). We played for hours. I got a SNES a few months later.

2. I LOVE PC gaming! I love playing with mods, skins, sounds, modes and NPCs. *My* version of counter strike: source and Team fortress 2 are unfeasibly awesome. I’d play more PC games if I had more than just a shitty laptop.

3. I have some skills in SFX (Fake blood, Squibs, etc)

4. I was in many Halo 2 Machinimas. I have no clue whether or not they are still up. One was FUCKING EPIC! I was killed with a warthog while running.

5. I’m a Zombie Combat Expert. I can zombie proof almost any home. I love zombie movies, games, books, comics, etc. From Zombie Survival Guide to Left4Dead to Brain Dead, I love killing zombies! BTW, slow zombies for the win.

6. I hate watching movies on cable networks like TNT because they always fucking cut the language, the blood and the awesome headshots. That’s bullshit.
7. I like guns although I don’t own any.

8. I always wanted to make a post apocalypse movie.

9. Grilled chicken is the best food in the world, bar none.

10. Once, I lost my car keys at Niero and Colette’s new shitty house and I had to spend the night. I don’t want to talk about it. The horror… the horror.

One more thing:

3:56 PM on 01.21.2009

Why so musing?

Gear of war, Left 4 Dead and Fallout 3.

What do these games have in common? A bleak outlook on life, a gritty feel and humor
What happens when you play a game that’s a complete downer? Generally, you might stop playing.
Serious games need humor, but why?

What if there was a Red Dawn FPS game or an A Clockwork Orange open world game or an 8mm graphic adventure game?

They say games are becoming more and more climatic, but what kind of climatic? Michael (XPLODE!) Bay kind of movie or something like Nuovo Cinema Paradiso? That’s something I’d like to see change.

Of course, it’s hard to pitch a game that’s a game version of a depressing story with an ending that may be off-putting AND knowing that it won’t be a bestselling game. You can make an emotionally moving indie film for $2,000–4,000 (if you got friends), while making a game for the Xbox 360 can cost thousands more. Also, let’s not forget much coding is harder then editing.

So when will a Citizen Kane-like game come around?
Who knows, Bioshock is pretty good.


7:57 PM on 01.03.2009

I hugged no one and...


Back to Top

We follow moms on   Facebook  and   Twitter
  Light Theme      Dark Theme
Pssst. Konami Code + Enter!
You may remix stuff our site under creative commons w/@
- Destructoid means family. Living the dream, since 2006 -