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     Snaileb 's Blog
News in Film : The Forbidden Kingdom Review
 by Snaileb on 04.21.2008      33 comments




For all the people that aren't hitting the jump to read my review, here's the short and skinny : It's retarded, please rent it.

Now for the more complex piece of this here blog.

I really REALLY wanted to like the movie. From the epic scenery and lush CGI effects, to the awesome crossover of Jet Li and Jackie Chan. Intresting note, they both played two seperate characters each, and the opening credits didn't put one above the other, instead it was displayed like so :

Jackie Chan
e
t
L
i

OK so that was corny. First red flag. Anyways.. I'm not much of a review for movies, and I don't do this too often, but I thought it should be known. The amount of money, time, script, and planning on this was wasted. Don't get me wrong, this would be a fantastic movie to take the kids to, but the "Karate Kid time traveler" plot was uncalled for, and the Monkey King character was ridiculously Saturday Morning Cartoonish. Remember, for the kids...

The fight sequences, the good stuff. OR so I thought. Most of the fighting in the beginning is Jackie Chan doin his drunken master thing. Fun stuff, loved every bit. Then we get to the kid and his training montage complete with cheezy backdrop music. The only fight worth seeing was Jackie and Li duking it out, but even then it was one fight, and too short to care. The rest from there on out are all wires and CGI. It was terrible.

For the Kung Fu enthusiast, you'll appreciate alot of the culture and fighting styles used, but you'll curse them for using CGI and wires. It's not even entirely a feel good movie, or a kung fu hussle, so I don't understand why this even had to been made apart from the crossover.

There's not much I can say without ruining the movie with spoilers, so just let it be know if you're going to take your kid to see this : Great. 3 out of 5 stars, and you'll probably enjoy taking him to see this than Kung fu Panda or whatever the hell is out now. If you're trying to see this to see some sort of action flick, I wouldn't waste my breath, or cash.

2 out of 5 Stars. Why stars anyways? Can I use Snails?

There are 33 comments about this post:
Kryptinite's Destructoid Blog
For me...watching Jackie and Jet fight for 5 minutes was worth the price of admission. I do agree with what you said except maybe the score. That kid was fucking annoying. But didn't you think the witch look like Jessica Alba? She was fucking smoking.
Snaileb 's Destructoid Blog
If the actor ACTUALLY knew Kung fu then maybe.
king3vbo's Destructoid Blog
Sounds like something I would totally rent
Yashoki's Destructoid Blog
I saw it, and I loved it. It was a FUN movie. And thats why I enjoyed it.
Snaileb 's Destructoid Blog
You love dick. Stop telling me and go buy Gears of War.

I was expecting Hero, or Crouching tiger Hidden Dragon. Not Karate Kid meets 3 ninjas surfs up.
Arttemis's Destructoid Blog
Completely not surprised. They've made their own dissatisfaction toward the movie months before it was released.

Have no fear, though! There's been talks of them working together again, though, likely on their 15-year-old co-created script.
Here's to hoping it's a HK flick, and far away from Hollywood.

http://www.themovieblog.com/2008/03/jackie-chan-and-jet-li-plan-another-movie-together
Cowzilla3's Destructoid Blog
Yea I thought the kid plot was stupid and it sucked how much he would slow down otherwise really cool fights. Didn't hate it as much as you. Would have had a review for you if I hadn't been up at the Con all weekend. Strangley I really enjoyed the moneky king. It isn't often you get to see Li play somethng a bit more fun and I like that he went really over the top with it. I would recommend it to anyone who like kung fu movies, but yea renting would be just as good as the theater.
Arttemis's Destructoid Blog
@Arttemis:

Ignore that, here's the link!
Yashoki's Destructoid Blog
I couldn't agree more, the movie was advertised incorrectly, it's not that kind of movie, but you can't tell me that it wasn't FUN. Thats the point. Yeah it was cheesed up as hell, and the plot is pretty retarded and the script could of used some work, but who gives a shit? Thats what kung-fu movies are all about.

Also, fuck gears of war. Shit game is shit.
Snaileb 's Destructoid Blog
Thanks for the links guys.

I said if you're going to take your kids to see this, you'll enjoy it. If you're going to see an epic crossover between the greatest martial arts masters currently alive, don't bother and just rent it.

Thanks for the mini review there Cow.
Wexx's Destructoid Blog
Still gonna go see it. Maybe drunk, maybe not. Haven't made up my mind yet.
VWGTI's Destructoid Blog
Yakoshi has got to be the ambiguous person here at Destructoid.
BigPopaGamer's Destructoid Blog
3 Ninjas!! I loved that movie!
Arttemis's Destructoid Blog
@Yashoki

WTF kung-fu movies do you watch? I'll stick with my Shaw Brother's and Golden Harvest films. Fuck off with this "fun" BS.
I want to see people on a mission of death... Either that, or an action filled comedy - and when I say action, I don't mean CGI and wires, and I definitely don't mean kids who shouldn't be allowed to talk, let alone make decisions.

/goes off to watch Tom Yum Goong and Last Hurrah for Chivalry.
Yashoki's Destructoid Blog
I've always seen Kung-fu movies are overly done and exaggerated. It's the same way I look at the movie Crank. Now that movie was awesome. Lots of fun :P

I like seeing people being able to walk on a tree for no stupid reason
Arttemis's Destructoid Blog
Psh, I keep my Fun and AssKickarey in separate baskets. One with candy and roller coasters, the other with exploding heads and katanas.

Crank 2 is in pre-production according to IMDB, btw.
DJDuffy 's Destructoid Blog
use snails, not stars.
JonDarkwood's Destructoid Blog
A snail rating system would be awesome. You could probably start your own movie review site for that factor alone.
Surf314's Destructoid Blog
Jackie Chan reprises his Drunken Master role, that's all I need.

Also for the Kung Fu heads, isn't it awesome that he looks like Old Dirty Bastard did in the original Drunken Master. Like he is now the Drunken Master since he is now old, and dirty, and a bastard?
Tragic Hero's Destructoid Blog
Society needs another Tony Jaa (forgot how you spell his last name) movie.
Arttemis's Destructoid Blog
@Tragic Hero:
Tony Jaa is slated to do a sequel to Ong-Back (in conjunction with Panna Rittikrai)! I hope it has at least as much variety as Tom Yum Goong, aka The Protector, though.
Snaileb 's Destructoid Blog
Tony Jaa could probably kill Jet Li and Jackie Chan. Nice mention.
Cheeburga's Destructoid Blog
I like killing you in Gears. :D
loki d20's Destructoid Blog
I was expecting Hero, or Crouching tiger Hidden Dragon. Not Karate Kid meets 3 ninjas surfs up.

You obviously didn't pay attention to the trailers then, because that's exactly what it is and how they advertised it. It seems like most of the stars off of this are due to your dislike of movies targeted at 13 and under, though.

Tony Jaa could probably kill Jet Li and Jackie Chan. Nice mention.

Yes, please, more elbows to the head and high knee attacks... The fact is that none of these people are actual fights but choreographers and stunt men (excluding Jet Li). If we wanted to watch real men who can fight and win, we'd just watch MMA or YouTube videos of people beating the crud out of each other. But, it's rarely entertaining, let alone as entertaining, and typically ends faster than the 5 minute fight scene between Li and Chan.
Thornnn's Destructoid Blog
I give it four snails and a slug.
balth's Destructoid Blog
Karate Kid vs Surf Ninjas 3?

You know you just made the most win movie evar right there?

thanks for the heads up, tho, Mr. Snail!
Clockwork's Destructoid Blog
Use Snails next time. And that's too bad. I knew it wasn't going to be good cause there was a white kid in it.
Dan CiTi's Destructoid Blog
Dammit I though this was a Forbidden Dungeon.
Victor Stillwater's Destructoid Blog
The girl in the movie was way cute though.
Professor Pew's Destructoid Blog
Damn, I had such high hopes that it wouldn't turn into some Hollywood PG13 movie.. Ah well, we still have Red Cliff coming up.
weedgan's Destructoid Blog
Jackie Chans fav ice cream is still vanilla.
konchu's Destructoid Blog
I sorta liked the movie but my experience might have been a bit Jaded cause I watched it in a awesome new theater, Warren Theaters it had awesome sound and picture. They have the whole Art Deco thing going so I could help nerding out and imagining its ran by Andrew Ryan. A few water leaks here and there and this could be rapture.



Should have grabbed some pictures got this online.
Truther's Destructoid Blog
FAILURE! Epic failure indeed.

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