Ok, this will require some history, so I'll backup before I ever put the transmission into drive.
I've lived with, and have been married to my wife for over 10 years now. We've both got past's, ex's, I've raised her two sons as my own for that long, even to the point that people often mistake me for their biological father. I've been there... for a WHILE.
We all just found out the other day (both the boys live on their own now..) that my wife's ex-husband, the boys real father, died almost 6 days ago. He'd go so far as to disown his own sons because he didn't want the responsibility of taking care of them, even 1 or 2 days a month. He'd even dis-invited, in person, his youngest son from the annual family picnic. This guy is a jerk, control freak deadbeat, but he is the boys dad...
BUT WE HAD TO FIND OUT FROM THE NEWSPAPER, almost 2500 miles away. His obiturary even mentions the boys, but none of the aunts, uncles, cousins, or anyone contacted them. That's how deep the jerkism runs in his family....
Now, everyone is feeling complex emotions, he was the ultimate assholz dad, deadbeat, back almost 10 years on a simple 40$ a month child support (the minimum he could be charged because my wife couldn't bear to put any further burden on him..). We've had problems getting our own morgage because of his bad credit. He has made my life diffucult, but I don't want him to die, he's another human being, and all human life is equal...
BUT, someone then asked me, does that make my Wife a Widow? What? ? Don't I count?
Talk about uncomfortable.
P.S. You can try to defend him, maybe I have a bad perception, but before you do, know this, my wife has a picture of him passed out drunk, with his car parked on the front lawn, running, with his oldest son in the back in a car seat (he took him to the bar with him, instead of sticking around the house, while his wife was at the only job being held in the household at that time)... still think it just might be my perception?
P.P.S... this is catharsis, so please don't think to judge, I needed to tell someone annomous, and you guys are cheaper than a therapist for single issues...
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First you use me, then you call me cheap.
/cry
Your wife? No, not a widow. If your kids refer to you more as their real dad, then it doesn't matter if you're not the biological one. They'll remember you more for your positive influence and efforts than they ever will for his.
Ya done good, "Dad".
Still, sounds like that guy didn't deserve to have a wife or kids.
You must be a saint for raising someone else's kids and deal with the shit their dad put you and your wife through.
Also, the person who asked the widow question is a fucking moron. As far as i'm aware, when you get divorced from someone you have no marital ties to them so technically she's still married and he's some dead bachelor guy.
Seriously though, it doesn't make your wife a widow. She's got a husband... Hope it all works out. Sounds like a deadbeat to me and the kids are better off with someone who gives a shit (as in you)
It was also very upsetting because my mom lost her brother, and in a totally unfair way to go (he choked on food), but it was an incredibly heavy burden that my mother was finally able to free herself from.
I don't like saying it, but sometimes, a death can be a blessing in disguise.
I'll leave it at this, both the boys, both under 25, are now looking up how to legly change their last names, now that they don't feel they would have any objections... Weird doesn't begin to describe things...
Oh, and dgenerate... Seems to me that's kinda your thing, and You DID get post 0... so perhaps we both get somethign we were looking for? Besides, I grew up in Stoney Creek, so you burlingtonites are kinda our bitches, right? That's what my Dad always told me, it's the good principles I raised my boys on...
Seriously though, that's a messed up situation, but it seems like things are working themselves out. Everyone is probably better off this way.
Oh frig yeah, but this is a simple study of how people react... I'd really like to know how many people were actulay thinking... he couldn't have been that bad... you must just be the jerk step-dad... (sometimes I would almost think that, so it's not totaly out of the relm of possibility)...
I really just though this was an interesting discussion piece. Thanxxx ya all...
which makes you count
which takes away her widow status
win
That's a bit of a rant... I guess the point I'm trying to make is that a dead asshole is still an asshole. The people in his monkeysphere are better off now that he's not around to fuck with their lives. Take his death as a good thing, regardless of what your "conscious" tells you that you should think.
when trying to come to terms with something that someone else has said to you, you always have to consider many different angles. webster defines window as:a woman who has lost her husband by death and usually has not remarried. your wife has remarried, to you, thus she isn't a widow. i know that isn't what you were asking, but you should have slapped the question asker [unless it was one of the children] for not thinking about what they were asking.
now if you wife considers herself a widow, then you need to talk with someone more professional than the internet.
But again, thanxxx guys.
@ brandon... perhaps you have more important things than Zelda to think about... perhaps starting with the whole dead thing.