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7:34 PM on 02.28.2008

Microsoft Is A Robot And Hates Everyone

Throughout the days, many o' xbox gamer have shipped their best friends out in a cardboard coffin. There are stories behind every xbox, from refurbished ugly xboxes, to month long ship back times. But this story is saddening and a bit disturbing.

The gamer named "Nathaniel" shipped off his RROD xbox to the heartless bastards at MS with hope in his heart that they would fix and ship back his special buddy.

I personally didn't have much to say about MS after I shipped my xbox, except for thanks for the new faceplate on the refurbished machine! (I broke my first faceplate and removed it before I sent it in got a new faceplate on the xbox.) All I can really say about this is it's pretty ridiculous that they would destroy a piece of artwork that was customized onto the xbox. I'm not sure if Nathaniel necessarily should get paid for his losses, but MS owes him something.   read

1:13 PM on 12.17.2007

Christmaslulz, Also Box!

In the spirit of Christmas and caroling and whatever communists do on this holiday. I bring you joy in the form of video. May be old but always good for a hearty X-mas laugh.


Plus, as promised I bring you a gift you should have gotten somebody last year! It fits right in here at the Destructoid community as I'm sure many of you have seen it. I bring you also box.

The comments are pure genius.


1:40 AM on 11.26.2007

Tech Round-up!


First off, we've got a sweet flip-book movie which could have been better with sounds like *Vwing* and *Shazam!* but very impressive nonetheless. There was recently another movie released based on ze Matrix . I remember trying to make flip-book movies as a child that usually involved some sort of stick figure sexual act or some sort of stick figure getting crushed most comically by an anvil.


Secondly, we've got these robot "legs" that are supposedly the fastest robot legs in the world. On top of that, they contour to any ground they walk on. Now, I'm sure from watching the video you're not scared of them, but just think, walking down the street at night and these things come running at you, fuck that.


Next up, Swiss man Yves Rossy made himself a flyin' machine, slash gliding machine. Watch as he jumps out of the plane and flies safely to the ground, pushing us closer to Self Contained Flying Apparatus. SCFA may be harder to say than SCUBA, but it's manlier that's for sure. Remember when everybody in school used to make fun of you because you knew jet packs were the way of the future? No? Ya, me neither.....


Finally, to keep this game related I'll end off on a new Crysis gameplay video called "Dock Assault." Beautiful! The game is looking great still and Crytek has a sweet game on it's hands. Although from watching the video it seems as though the AI may be a bit lacking in the brains division. Is it just me?   read

1:09 AM on 11.25.2007

The Sunday Funnies-WoW Players Are Hardcore

George "Corpsegrinder" Fisher from the death metal band Cannibal Corpse speaks about his family and how WoW has impacted him. A very touching video to say the least.

[embed]55753:5090[/embed]   read

2:12 PM on 11.20.2007

I'm Done Playing Xbox A.K.A I'm Going To Vegas!

Lucky 7's that's gotta mean something right? This on the heels of Bfeld's OVER 9000!   read

8:36 PM on 11.18.2007

Songs That Should Be In Rock Band Pt 3?

It's all downhill from here ladies and gents. This week is the release of the the game we call Rock Band. With the oncoming approach of said game, I decided to do another one of these here thingies. Er clogs.

Reel Big Fish-Beer

Punk ska is an interesting genre that originated sometime during the early 90's late 80's. It's great, not because it's the most intricate of musics, but because the melding of instruments. How can you not love punk ska? If you're a fascist that's how. The song is great as it has challenging parts for everyone, but it's not the hardest song to play. It's one of the songs you'd love to play because it's fun, not because it's hard. A great party song, end o' story.

Anthrax and Public Enemy-Bring The Noise

Yeeeah Boyeee. Possibly the first metal/rap collaboration could be given credit for launching the genre itself. Chuck D from Public Enemy and Scott Ian from Anthrax got together to make perfect harmony. Ebony and Ivory of sorts, except, Chuck D isn't blind and Ian isn't a gay british dude with a huge gap in his teeth. The song itself is a lot like all Anthrax songs. Hardcore thrash for all the instruments, trying to play as fast as possible. The vocals are no pushover either. The singing parts are fast and rough with a great rap feel. Bring the noise suckas.

Primus-Wynona's Big Brown Beaver

Wynona had herself a big brown beaver. Only a man with the likeness of Haysus Christ writes lyrics that inspiring. Professor Claypool is the teacher today and the lesson is Bass 101. Primus would be the song that challenges the bass player, while making the singer feel like he just punted a puppy. Can't help but laugh while reading through the lyrics with all the sexual innuendos. In your endo.

Rush-Test For Echo

Neil motherfucking Peart.

Well that's all for this issue. Not sure if I'll continue after Rock Band's release but we shall see. Any questions/comments are encouraged down beeelooooowwwww.   read

5:25 PM on 11.15.2007

10 most expensive games ever, a wtf moment


I am slightly perplexed by this collection of games because I had never heard of them before. Nor did I know that they had a collection of games in one cartridge for a tournament. Which is a fucking genius idea. This makes me want to go out to a store that still sells Nes games and see what treasures I can find. Plus, it would make me not look gay for going on Antique Road Show, which is a passion of mine...maybe. >.>

The Nintendo Campus one is a game I would especially like to get my hands on, I'm sure now-a-days we could find an emulator for it, but it wouldn't be the same. I'd like to see what kind of score I could rack up on that one. But for 10k+? I dun think so.   read

2:49 PM on 11.13.2007

My thoughts on CoD 4 MP

I've been in a world made of dreams and bullets the last few days, Call of Duty 4 is amazing. Amazing like my xbox 360 spouted out unicorns. Fucking amazing. The maps in the Mp are very original and different and I have yet to get bored or hate one of them yet. You go from fighting in two apartment buildings in Bloc, to fighting in the outside corridors of Ambush. But I have a few concerns about the game that I will address here.

-Fuck the Shotguns, I'm sure you like UAV Jammer if you like shotguns, pussy
-Fuck the Assault Rifles, goddamn campers love these guns, are you a camper?
-Fuck the SMGs, fight like a man, if you're fighting up close, use a knife.
-Fuck the LMGs, only people who can't aim use these
-Fuck the Sniper Rifles, only bitches snipe

I want my goddamn leveling up points, the other team should be equipped with knives and no radar while I have an M4 and a Barret 50 cal. In all seriousness though, this game has the greatest multiplayer since lesbian pr0n. Make sure to pick it up.   read

9:51 PM on 11.12.2007

Songs That Shouldn't Be In Rock Band

Fallout Boy-Dead On Arrival

Fuck you Fallout Boy, fuck you.   read

6:17 PM on 11.08.2007

Songs That Should Be In Rock Band Pt 2?

As I read Excremento's Songs That SHOULD be in Guitar Hero. I gotsta thinkin, and thinkin's bad, for me has a small brain. But onto the bloggage! I wondered what songs should be in Rock Band? I know that I get to rock out on the drums like Neil Peart on Tom Sawyer, wail like Chris Cornell in Black Hole Sun, and grind the strings like Billy Corgan and James Iha on Cherub Rock. But what other songs would rock, and might still be on the list that they haven't revealed to us?

This edition is full of "stuff". Easily offended turn back now!! You had your chance, this is going to be a weird one. Hold on to ye britches.

Osaka Popstar-Shaolin Monkeys

I enjoy some punk, mainly Misfits, because I want to love Glen Danzig to death. That's how I happened to come across Osaka Popstar. Osaka Popstar was created and fronted by John Cafiero and it's all about anime. The only reason I stumbled upon this band was because Jerry Only plays bass for the band. It's complete and utterly annoying to me but I put it on the list because I'm sure it would be fun to play nonetheless. With old punk beats from Marky Ramone, bass lines from Jerry Only, and some "different" vocals by Cafiero. Fans of this band may also enjoy a Teen Titans band.

Nashville Pussy-Going Down Swinging

Sweet sweet old rock and roll is what comes to mind when you first hear Nashville Pussy. The name might be off-putting....well it is off-putting and for good reason. This band isn't for the weak of heart. It's a lot like Ted Nugent, but crazier. Almost an homage to easier days, sitting on your porch chewing tobaccey, while your cousins sex each other up, and your wife greases up the pig. The massive amounts of cowbell never hurt either.

Eagles Of Death Metal-I Want You So Hard (Boy's Bad News)

A great band in many aspects, great vocals, amazing drumming, and guitars to boot! Interesting doesn't even start to describe EODM. The vocals and back up vocals are meld perfectly you'd think it was one person. Eagles of Death Metal is almost a throw back to old rock music that's been turned up to 11.

Mindless Self Indulgence-Stupid MF

I've been a fan of MSI since Frankenstein Girls Will Seem Strangely Sexy mostly because of the brash lyrics and the uniqueness of Jimmy Urine's vocals. The singing part of this song could probably be comparable to Reign In Blood on Guitar Hero III. It's so fast and constantly changing pace and half the time you probably wouldn't be able to pronounce the words fast enough. The guitar and drum parts are full of quick stopping and starting, like a schoolyard game of "Red Light Green Light".

That's it for now, I'm glad you read all the way to the end, if you have any suggestions throw em up! Next week, moar Anthrax!!!   read

12:36 PM on 11.02.2007

Songs That Should Be In Rock Band Pt 1?

As I read Excremento's Songs That SHOULD be in Guitar Hero. I gotsta thinkin, and thinkin's bad, for me has a small brain. But onto the bloggage! I wondered what songs should be in Rock Band? I know that I get to rock out on the drums like Neil Peart on Tom Sawyer, wail like Chris Cornell in Black Hole Sun, and grind the strings like Billy Corgan and James Iha on Cherub Rock. But what other songs would rock, and might still be on the list that they haven't revealed to us?

A Perfect Circle-Judith

It starts out with a wicked guitar riff and drums by the man himself Josh Freese. Then it goes into the chorus riff with Maynard's wicked vocals. This song could be put on the top tier with the way his vocal fade in and out. The drums continue rockin this song throughout, with the guitar constantly changing, and the moaning vocals keep it interesting.

Buckethead & Friends-We Are One

We all know Buckethead from Guitar Hero II and the monster that is Jordan. Well, let's take Jordan and turn it up to eleven. I'm sure most of you haven't heard this song, so I put it up for ya. It starts off with that driving force of the drums and guitar, which, you've probably failed by now. But wait, "You want me to sing that?" Unpossible. This song will separate the men from the OMFG YOU'RE AWESOME.

Clutch-Burning Beard

When that guitar kicks you in the privates right at the beginning, you know it's on. This would especially be fun for the vocals and drums. Jean-Paul Gaster throws in snare drum beats wherever the hell he feels like it, most of the time it's not even noticeable unless you listen hard enough. The vocals by Neil Fallon makes this no girly song. The song is almost a throw-back to old blues, which is rough on the guitars. They're a pushing force all the way through the song pushing a wicked riff all the way up until the end, one word, relentless.

Shadows Fall-In Effigy

This is an outrage! After thinking about it, why didn't they give us a second bass pedal with our drums?! Eh, probably an add on later down the road (hopefully). In any case, the drumming by Jason Bittner is ri-fuggin-diculous. Not only is he playing complex snare/cymbal beats, but he's hitting that double bass drum like nobody's business. The guitar is no push-over either. It's power chords all the way through, and not slowly like John The Fisherman. The vocals would be rough but straining on a voice as Brian Fair switches from gravel voiced to harmonic in almost an instant.

Well, that's it, what? You wanted me to link you to Amazon? Piss off. Didn't put down your favorite band? Double piss. But....feel free to put your input below.   read

2:27 AM on 10.30.2007

Rock Band News A.K.A Cccccombo Breaker Of Whiny Cblogs

I know I for one have been wondering for quite awhile, what if I want to play Rock Band with my buddies on the same xbox? Aren't there only 2 USB ports? Well fret no more Simmons! There's news on them there fronts. 1up recently recieved a "hub" for multiple USB ports on your 360, check it out.

Linky   read

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