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12:48 PM on 03.08.2010

A box draws near! Command?

So a little whiles ago I entered a contest. Somehow out of all the awesome entries mine was picked! I was seriously over the moon, and when a box appeared today I knew it could only be one thing (my box of dildos is still a week away), and was unprepared for the win it contained.

Pictured: Box of win. Not pictured: Dildos

Welp, I thought, lets have a looksie inside. First up was the signed copy of Tales of Symphonia by Troy Baker.


After googling, turns out he's got a pretty impressive resume, having been in some of my favorite games and anime. GET IN!

As a hetrosexual male, I would sex this

Next up, and totally unexpexted, was a copy of Sky Crawlers: Innocent Aces. Apparently because it was late they decided to chuck in an extra game, and I was going to buy it anyway as I loved the movie so that is super awesome of them.


And finally...the Wii itself! I was expecting a bog standard console with maybe a controller but with Motionplus and the 2 Wii sports games chucked in I am speechless at the awesomeness of this box.


So I would like to say a massive thankyou to Pete from Indigo Pearl PR Company, you guys definetly know how to give awesome PR, Hollie for organising it all and chasing up stuff for me and generally being an all-round super person, and finally Destructoid for hosting it all & being the most awesome win-sauce filled haven of debauchery where stuff like this can happen!

As a hetrosexual male, I would sex you all

Now...what to get? Heres the rest of my collection so far.


6:25 PM on 03.20.2009

Robots Wallpaper

Whats going on Destructoid? Been a long time since I've done one of these. Recently there was an Amazing 3rd year anniversairy blog post that you might have seen. I decided to make some wallpapers out of my robot picture for those who are into that sort of thing.


If I've missed a size you want and you really really needs to show your love of Destructoid & Gurren Lagann give me a shout, and I'll see what I can do.

so... games! I recently was persuaded to get Zeno Clash as it was stupidly cheap today. If you haven't read the preview this game looks pretty amazing art wise, and its dirt cheap, so whats holding you back? DOOO EEET! Aside from that, recent purchases include Dawn of War 2 & Metroid Prime. DOW2's single player is amazing, playing like a mix between Diablo and Warcraft, Relic clearly stole a page from Blizzards book. The Multiplayer though, is a sad state of affairs compared to the original. Games are too damn short and it feels like your waiting forever for your resources to amass. Relic...maybe with the inevitable Chaos expansion you could fix this...because we all know Chaos space marines are the tits of the dawn of war franchise. Metroid Prime I brought after getting upto the final boss in Metroid Prime 2 (continuity and me dont get along) and getting my ass handed to me. I thought it wise to play a different game before I destroyed my GC from rage, but I still wanted to play Metroid because the gameplay is sweet as. So far...though you may cry heresy, I prefer MP2. It just felt better, scanning was a lot easier to distinguish and MP's environments seem to blend together into a brown sludgy mess, whereas 2 had some awesome levels. Maybe it will grow on me, only dead space pirates will tell.

Welp, thats all for now I guess. Hopefully I wont dissapear for months again this time.


11:25 AM on 04.27.2008

First Hertzpressions: Rondo of Swords

To be totally honest with you, this is the first Atlus game Ive ever played. I didn't even know who they were until this game, but after doing my research, I see they get a load of love from many Dtoiders as producers of the most awesomage of games. What drew me in though was the neat combat-path system Id seen in the screenshots. I didnt even stop to see a trailer, I just knew I had to have this game and plonked down my order with Play-Asia. It turned up the other day, and despite having more important work to do, Ive still put in a fair few hours (which I will undoubtedly pay for as my work deadline draws to a close). Still, I thought Id write up a few things that have impressed and dismayed me about the play-time Ive had with it so far.

Sleaze-bag, or worlds greatest unnapreciated lover?


I could'nt give a rats ass about the story. Something about a king dying and a prince trying to save his kingdom yada yada j.r.r tolkien final fantasy etc. You can find more out here. Its not what Im playing this game for, but I can see they put a lot of work into it and they make sure its easy enough to follow. There's a lot of talk in between battles in the form of character speeches, but your only real option is to press A to move the talk along. So an RPG this is not, but some of the character speeches are still halarious - Ive really begun liking Marcus, whos every conversation seems to revolve around a sleazy line about getting laid. In combat sometimes the characters will also chat amongst themselves depending on who they are next to on the combat floor, and this gives you a bit more background on the situations and helps to break up the endless combat. What I was not expecting though, is the fact that this game is linear as hell. Some people say some stuff, you fight a battle (sometimes you have to escape, sometimes you have to protect civilians and such), some people say some more stuff, you save and go on to the next battle. Thats really all there is too it. No exploring, no choosing your own path in a Puzzle-Questesque type exploration system, just talk, fight, talk, fight. Nevermind though, because even though its linear and most games like that make me want to bathe my face in acid, like I said, Im playing for the combat anyway.

Charge them at impossibly tight right angles men! Also, how did you get that horse up them stairs anyway?


The meat and bones of the game, and really its best selling point. Combat is where the action is, and you won't be found wanting. In combat you can choose to draw out your paths with the stylus, but Ive found it a lot more comfortable using the buttons. Still, the path drawing for characters movement is brilliant. Each character has a certain amount of movement points they can use to move. Your ending point for your movement must be on an empty space, but choosing your path there are various tactics to consider; you can pick up bonuses from moving through certain friendly characters, and attack enemies as you pass through them. Angling your attacks is also a tactic to consider - depending if you come from the front, side or back of an enemy, they have a better chance to make a counter attack and halt your path. The same goes for your character, so it is always best to try to face your enemy head on. A lot of time can be spent in combat just trying to work out where each character should move to so that you can gain the advantage over your enemies. As you move through the enemies you get little cut scenes of them attacking which, thankfully, you can skip.

This bitch is useless. I havent taken her to a combat once where she hasnt gotten brutally raped by men in stupid hats.

Other things to consider are Momentum Counters and Over Breaks. Each character has a momentum counter, and the higher it is the more likely it is that the enemy will attack them, as well as gaining higher experience and your OB bar filling up faster. I havent really noticed the enemy attacking me because of higher momentum and it really doesnt seem all that useful. Maybe I'm doing it wrong. Over Breaks, or OB's are the RoS equivelent of Limit Breaks, and these do come in pretty handy, as they are high powered attacks that usually take out quite a few enemies.

Chargin iz lazers!

From what little playtime I've had, I've found that ideally you should take your time with combat, and don't be suprised if you end up redoing a mission several times because of rushing in or a miscalculation in your tactics. Not only that, but this game is HARD - It will strap you down and spank your arse until it's the colour of the Union Jack. Theres no difficulty option, only pure unrelenting savagery. Even some of the training missions took me a while to complete, and when you can't get through a tutorial without dying, you know not to take the main game lightely. I think this is part of the reason that when you do succeed, you feel a great sense of achievment from having passed particularly difficult parts.

Controls & Inbetween Combat

The menu is annoying to navigate, but thankfully you only have to deal with them after combat. Under formations it lets you remove characters, see their info and change their skills and gear. This would be fine except on the formations menu the A button is used to remove people from your party and X looks at info. In the info menu A is used to proceed through the menus and X is used to end and go back. This doesnt seem like I problem but when your rushing through the menus the fact I have to remember that X is used to go forward into info instead of the A button, which it is in EVERY OTHER GODAMNED MENU means I invariably keep chucking people out of my squad instead of looking at the character I want to see. Just a small annoyance, but still stupid.

Inbetween combat is also the time when you can use those useless members of the party and make them do something useful for once in the Errands menu. Basically, characters can opt out of going into the next battle to do some kind of errand instead, which range from quests for items to selling and buying things in the shop to training up their skills. Unless they are hurt. Characters get hurt if they die in combat (unless its your prince, in which case game over man, game over!). Hurt characters cant go on errands, but they can go into battles at severely reduced stats. As I said, this game is brutal and as more characters get hurt it only seems to get harder to not have them die. Damn you Rondo, cant I be the one fighting the peasants for once?

We'd love to do some errands but you suck at this game and we're all at deaths door.

All in all, I find it hard to hate this game despite its flaws. The combat is fun and challenging, but sometimes becomes more than a little overbearing as whole armies are released on your small militia of guys. If your a turn-based geek like me, you'll love this game and are probablly playing this right now. If your not, stop playing X-com and go buy this RIGHT NAOOOO DAMMIT. For everyone else, the difficulty and linearity may put you off, but even if your just a passing fan of turned based games, if you fancy a challenging game that will test your gaming skill will you ride the bus, you can't go wrong with Rondo of Swords.   read

11:02 PM on 04.04.2008

Dawn of War 2 Officially Officialised & New Friends For Me YAY!

The Dawn Of War 2 website has opened! While theres not much there at the moment, theres a short teaser to get your juices flowin and some tasty pictures. Ive included the video below for you guys who hate clicking links:


Hit up the website if you want to check out a better quality version of the teaser and the lovely pictures that are up, or just click these links for the 3 high-res pictures:

Pic 1
Pic 2
Pic 3

DoW2 Official Website

I dont know about you guys, but I've got a pretty raging clue right now. Sadly, Tyranids still aint confirmed.

[via Kotaku]

Ohhh and I got a package yesterday from a certain Muscely Red Dude. Looking within I not only find all the figures I ordered but also a lil transformer dude who turns into a ball (and, presumebly, spies on ping pong players in transformed mode)

From left to right; Rei Ayanami from Evangelion, Transforming ping pong ball, Nibbler!, Kaneda Tetsuo from Akira, Major Motoko from GitS, and Street Fighters Ken

Looks like Xiahou Dun and my Windwaker figures have some pretty new companions to hang out with and/or raip.

Thanks again, UnstoppableJuggernaut!   read

6:08 PM on 03.12.2008

British Retro Lulz: Bad Influence

Anus Mcphanus reminded me of an old british gaming program in the forums, and after watching through the old videos I could find of it I couldnt resist posting for your horror and/or amusement. Let the 90s retro action commence!

I think I know the other reason why he was filming her all day...

Maybe one day those consoles will be able to hook up to the internet, until then the PC is clearly the winner in the Console vs PC debate. Sorry.

[embed]75281:9094[/embed] many buttons does that controller have? Itll never catch on.

Peter Molyneux...when he had hair?

Violet teaches us how to get through those pesky 'install screens' for our games

I end my post with the Shaman, and their brand new song straight from the 90s

For anyone who survived that ordeal and/or wants to find out more about this classic show, here is the Bad Influence Website where you can dress badly and re-live the glorious 90s while rocking out to some Zoo Babylon.   read

2:19 PM on 03.07.2008

Not My Turning Point Gaming Rig

Warning: May contain pale ginger-haired skin. Those of a nervous disposition may not want to continue.

Hi there, welcome to mah room guys! Let me show you around, there's beer in the fridge, help yaself. I'm afraid you caught me in the middle of animating, but dont worry I can do it laters.

You like figurines right? Check out who popped up in my post the other day. Hes from china, he keeps having fits every now and then... keeps talking about a loo boo whatever that is, personally I think hes not been the same since he lost his eye. Dont worry, I got some guys to stand guard incase he has another one of his 'flashbacks'

So I guess you wanna see my rig huh? Its looking pretty sorry for itself, yeah its a dell, sorry, I was young and reckless. It blue screened between 10-20 times over the past couple of days. Sometimes it wouldnt even get that far.

Dont worry tho its fixed for now, but I have to leave the side open in case she overheats. Poor girl....she was so still the whole time, I didnt think she'd pull through.

Well thats pretty much it, thanks for coming guys. You know the way out.

What? What do you mean by that? I dont have another rig, I dont know what your talking about. What Are you talking about?

I think you'd better leave. No, I didnt invite you in here for anything of the sort. No I wont show you my 'other rig'. Why are you winking and smiling like that?


I....I feel so violated.


7:26 AM on 03.07.2008

Kings of Power 4 Billion % Releasing Next Week

Paul Robertson gets a lot of attention on Destructoid, so I thought Id let everyone know who isnt Hamza that his new video is going to be released next week, the trailer of which can be seen again below.


Cannot F-ing Wait. I bet Hamza has already had a cream explosion in anticipation.

[via Indiegames]   read

3:51 PM on 02.28.2008

Retro Games With A Twist

I know a lot of people on this site really dig retro games. Im one of those people. So when I came across this I had to share with y'alls.

Retro Sabotage

This site shows us a different side to some of the greatest retro games. What if Pacman went on a killer rampage after his lust for round dots. What if the Space Invaders could not be stopped, the domination of man just an inevitability. What if these so called simple retro games, had a far deeper meaning. Im pretty sure this hasnt been posted before but if it has, im a failer.

I would also like to point you in the direction of my new blog header, which features some of the characters you will see in my next Dtoid wallpaper. Hopefully it will be pretty epicsauce, full of characters you know and love...if I ever get round to finishing it that is.   read

2:22 PM on 02.11.2008

Robots Cant Act: Starring Mr.Destructoids Nephew Twice Removed

From the vault of doom known as the interwebs I bring you the second installment of Robots Cant Act, this time starring Dtoids long lost nephew as a Goodfellas goon.

Click here for lulz

The original Pulp Fiction one can be seen on Tazars blogedy blog.

Also to make this a bit more content-ified I bring you you some of my favourite animations. Studying animation means I get to watch cartoons and call it 'work', so heres a few of the good ones ive been shown over the years.




[embed]69704:7858[/embed]   read

4:06 PM on 02.09.2008


Soooo following on from this post which in turn followed on from this post I once again, have clearly taken things to far. But fuck it...its saturday night and im doing bugger all else. Mxy wanted a video of this. I thought id oblige.


Sorry for the shite know youtubes. Also, my mic sucks. Also also....I couldnt be assed with any fancy animation. Enjoy anyways   read

10:52 AM on 02.09.2008


This thread from last night was great, and incidently did'nt turn into a flame war, just a very lovely debate about whaling and the consequences.

Inspired by this I decided to make some badges for all you, proers, conners and fence sitters.

For all you people who think whales and pandas are lazy assholes who should get jobs, I got something for you to share the hate

For all you people who think the whales should be represented, I got something for you to share the love

And for all you fence-sitters, who couldnt care either way, this should cover your ambiguity

I fricken love you guys <3   read

3:55 PM on 02.04.2008


Whilst reading Jims post earlier today I was struck by the ideas he portrayed in this piece, the integrity and brilliance of the piece. One question that I feel he didnt answer properly, or infact at all, was this:

What would Jim Sterling look like if he inhabited the world of Dynasty Warriors?

He didnt even attempt to answer this in his post, and so being the inquisitive sort I went seeking answers of my own. My first port of call was his myspace to see if any answers could be found. Alas, all I could find was a picture of him with a bearded gentlemen and, although humourous, didnt really help me with the answers I seeked.

Beards make everything fun

Distraught, but not on the verge of giving up I decided to try the characters of Dynasty Warriors themselves. So onto google I trekked, desperate for some form of closure to this most enigmatic of equations. Whilst there were a couple of the ancient chinese warlords who had the look or attitude found in Mr.Sterling, I found one character stood out among the others who captured the very intensity and soul of our dear writer.

Gender confusion makes everything fun

Alas...he looked nothing like the intrepid Sterling. What could I do to somehow find the answer I seeked whilst retaining that Sterlingness that was so Jim?Finally...after mere moments of pondering...I had it! It was so simple....staring me in the face like a deer who likes to cuddle after buggery. There was only one way that this question was ever going to have an answer.....


I hope Jim doesnt destroy me like Lu Bu for this   read

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