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About
Name's Ozz, I'm 25 and hail from Southern Ontario, Canada. Tetris broke my gaming cherry back in '89, thanks to Game Boy, and I've been obsessed with gaming since '98.
My favourite console would be the Nintendo 64, and favourite game is Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. Aside from Zeldas, my favourite genre is First Person Shooters (Specifically old-school, DOOM, Duke Nukem 3D).
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With New Years just passing, one of my resolutions was to put the biggest dent into my backlog. I'm hoping to beat last years record of 66 completed games, except this time in just unbeaten games rather than ones I've perfected over the years. Figured I might as well keep track of a weekly progress, so here we go!

3 weeks in the first week is a pretty solid start, if I can keep this up all year I may finish my backlog.


Game: A.R.E.S. Extinction Agenda
Platform: Steam
Date: January 4th

Take Megaman, only have 5 stages, and instead of pixel greatness, toss in really crisp flash animations, and you have A.R.E.S.
Basic side scrolling shooter with unlockable weapons earned after boss fights. Some of the hidden items like increased Max HP take some really tricky acrobatics to get to, but most of the game is pretty simple. I highly, highly recommend grabbing a controller for this though. With mouse/keyboard it works, but just feels awkward. When I bought my wired 360 controller and tried this game again, it just felt good, it felt proper. Can't say much for the story or audio because it's totally forgetable. Something about robots wanting to destroy humans and start a new circle of life on Earth, I dunno.


Game: Alien Breed 2: Assault
Platform: Steam
Date: January 5th

A twin-stick shooter heavily influenced by the Alien franchise, and from the minds of Worms. Seems promising, right?

Well, it is. The game may be short with only 5 stages (Few more if you hop into co-op), but each stage takes about an hour as long as you're not rushing things. There are only 5 weapons in the game, rifle, shotgun, flamethrower, chaingun, and rocket launcher, and while you can upgrade them, upgrades generally don't help all that much, sadly. This doesn't stop the game from being really fun though, as long as you enjoy pounding aliens in the face with lead and flame.


Game: Cthulu Saves The World
Platform: Steam
Date: January 5th

While you can't improve upon perfection, you sure can approach it from a different angle with the same mechanics.

I'm not even sure where to start with this game, everything is just so damn good. A retro 8-bit style RPG akin to Dragon Quest (Or back then, known as Dragon Warrior), 16-bit soundtrack, well-written humour throughout the whole game, everything just comes together and fits perfectly and feels so god damn good playing it. The only complaint I could see anybody having is that it's not a long RPG. Only takes about 4-5 hours to run through on Normal, but with unlockable modes and harder difficulties, you'll definitely be sinking in a lot more than 5 hours into this game.
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For those new to the Steamtoid Challenge, check out what it's all about right here. With that out of the way, let's get started.

First! There are rules to be followed!
1) Must have a Steam account!
2) Must join the Destructoid group on Steam
3) Must join Dtoid's chatroom (AKA Steamtoid)

Now onto the challenge.
Best Video Game Porn Parody
Deadline: Monday, October 10th, 2011

Doesn't matter what video game it's about. Could be funny, awkward, epic, or just fucked up, it's all good!
Can be a simple rename of a franchise, or a picture either drawn, photoshopped, made with Lego, whatever!
Submissions can be sent by PM, commenting here, or by finding me through other means.
Prizes are given out on Mondays, because Mondays need less suck!

My body is ready








For those new to the Steamtoid Challenge, check out what it's all about right here. With that out of the way, let's get started.

First! There are rules to be followed!
1) Must have a Steam account!
2) Must join the Destructoid group on Steam
3) Must join Dtoid's chatroom (AKA Steamtoid)

Now onto the challenge.
Best Gaming Haiku
Deadline: Monday, October 3rd, 2011

Doesn't matter what video game it's about, doesn't matter the context. Could be funny, awkward, epic, or just fucked up, it's all good! Stick to the 5-7-5 format of Haiku. Know the risks of coming up with a clever haiku that is only funny to those who've played a certain game (Not everyone will get a Persona haiku, for example).
Submissions can be sent by PM, commenting here, or by finding me through other means.
Prizes are given out on Mondays, because Mondays need less suck!
Bouncing in the sky
Sending the enemies down
The Balloon Fighter

WINRAR!
This week's winner is: Telephis
The sword is pulled free
The green hero masters time
He feels - HEY LISTEN








For those new to the Steamtoid Challenge, check out what it's all about right here. With that out of the way, let's get started.

First! There are rules to be followed!
1) Must have a Steam account!
2) Must join the Destructoid group on Steam
3) Must join Dtoid's chatroom (AKA Steamtoid)
(Seriously guys, it's a good community with some rough edges, but this is helping promoting the PC community, so take part! )

Now onto the challenge.
Best Caption
Deadline: Monday, September 26th, 2011



All you have to do is come up with the best caption for the above image. Whether it's hilarious, crude, or just disgusting morbid and wrong (Or all of the above!), anything's game!
Submissions can be sent by PM, commenting here, or by finding me through other means.
Prizes are given out on Mondays, because Mondays need less suck!

WINRAR!
This week's winner is: Aurain
"Tarvu's masturbation fetishes are getting out of hand."
Indeed they are, indeed they are.
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For those new to the Steamtoid Challenge, check out what it's all about right here. With that out of the way, let's get started.

First! There are rules to be followed!
1) Must have a Steam account!
2) Must join the Destructoid group on Steam
3) Must join Dtoid's chatroom (AKA Steamtoid)

Now onto the challenge.
Best Steam Screenshot
Deadline: Monday, September 19th, 2011

Doesn't matter what game your playing, doesn't matter the context. Could be funny, awkward, epic, or just fucked up, it's all good! I chose Steam screenshot over any screenshot because it stops peeps from stealing other players screenshots and claiming as their own. This way I can see your screenshot in your Steam profile.
Submissions can be sent by PM, commenting here, or by finding me through other means.
Prizes are given out on Mondays, because Mondays need less suck!

20 foot mutated spiders? Bitch, I got a knife!

WINRAR!
This week's winner is: FranksPickle!

Now that's the face of a winner coming off of a DOMination! Seriously, look at that face.
DAT FACE!

Bitches say they dominatin' me. Say whaaaaaaa? Nuh-uh girlfriend.
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I've decided to host a weekly challenge to fellow Steamtoid users (Even new ones!) and give out a prize to whoever does it better than everyone else (including Batman). The prize will be $5 worth of anything from Steam, and maybe extra goodies depending on what I have. If there's nothing the winner wants for $5, they can "Bank" it for later use, or if they win again and claim $10 worth of goodies, and so forth.

However! There are rules to be followed!
1) Must have a Steam account!
2) Must join the Destructoid group on Steam
3) Must join Dtoid's chatroom (AKA Steamtoid)

Simple, really. Now unto the first week's challenge.
What would Destructoid's Uncle look like?
Deadline: Monday, September 12th, 2011!

Picture can be anything. Drawn, photoshopped, or just Googled, it's all good!
Submissions can be sent by PM, commenting here, or by finding me through other means.
Prizes are given out on Mondays, because Mondays need less suck!

Do I have to talk dirty to you? Come on! Open up for daddy! I'm gonna shove a load into you! Here we go! Come on, it's nice and easy. Aaah! Come on, here we go! Ah! Take that! Take that! Come on! You don't want the crowbar, do you? Come on! OPEN UP! UUGGHH! I'm gonna shove my load into you whether you like it or not!

WINRAR!
This week's winner is: Max!

Clearly this man knows Mr. Destructoid's history very very well. From the greasy gut, to the noose, and even his favourite game!

Runner-Up
Second place: Mollygos!

This entry was just too good not to share. Another great image of what it's like to be in the family tree. While there may be no prize for the runner-up, there will always be cocks!
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