For those new to the Steamtoid Challenge, check out what it's all about right here. With that out of the way, let's get started.

First! There are rules to be followed!
1) Must have a Steam account!
2) Must join the Destructoid group on Steam
3) Must join Dtoid's chatroom (AKA Steamtoid)

Now onto the challenge.
Best Gaming Haiku
Deadline: Monday, October 3rd, 2011

Doesn't matter what video game it's about, doesn't matter the context. Could be funny, awkward, epic, or just fucked up, it's all good! Stick to the 5-7-5 format of Haiku. Know the risks of coming up with a clever haiku that is only funny to those who've played a certain game (Not everyone will get a Persona haiku, for example).
Submissions can be sent by PM, commenting here, or by finding me through other means.
Prizes are given out on Mondays, because Mondays need less suck!
Bouncing in the sky
Sending the enemies down
The Balloon Fighter

WINRAR!
This week's winner is: Telephis
The sword is pulled free
The green hero masters time
He feels - HEY LISTEN

For those new to the Steamtoid Challenge, check out what it's all about right here. With that out of the way, let's get started.

First! There are rules to be followed!
1) Must have a Steam account!
2) Must join the Destructoid group on Steam
3) Must join Dtoid's chatroom (AKA Steamtoid)
(Seriously guys, it's a good community with some rough edges, but this is helping promoting the PC community, so take part! )

Now onto the challenge.
Best Caption
Deadline: Monday, September 26th, 2011



All you have to do is come up with the best caption for the above image. Whether it's hilarious, crude, or just disgusting morbid and wrong (Or all of the above!), anything's game!
Submissions can be sent by PM, commenting here, or by finding me through other means.
Prizes are given out on Mondays, because Mondays need less suck!

WINRAR!
This week's winner is: Aurain
"Tarvu's masturbation fetishes are getting out of hand."
Indeed they are, indeed they are.

For those new to the Steamtoid Challenge, check out what it's all about right here. With that out of the way, let's get started.

First! There are rules to be followed!
1) Must have a Steam account!
2) Must join the Destructoid group on Steam
3) Must join Dtoid's chatroom (AKA Steamtoid)

Now onto the challenge.
Best Steam Screenshot
Deadline: Monday, September 19th, 2011

Doesn't matter what game your playing, doesn't matter the context. Could be funny, awkward, epic, or just fucked up, it's all good! I chose Steam screenshot over any screenshot because it stops peeps from stealing other players screenshots and claiming as their own. This way I can see your screenshot in your Steam profile.
Submissions can be sent by PM, commenting here, or by finding me through other means.
Prizes are given out on Mondays, because Mondays need less suck!

20 foot mutated spiders? Bitch, I got a knife!

WINRAR!
This week's winner is: FranksPickle!

Now that's the face of a winner coming off of a DOMination! Seriously, look at that face.
DAT FACE!

Bitches say they dominatin' me. Say whaaaaaaa? Nuh-uh girlfriend.

I've decided to host a weekly challenge to fellow Steamtoid users (Even new ones!) and give out a prize to whoever does it better than everyone else (including Batman). The prize will be $5 worth of anything from Steam, and maybe extra goodies depending on what I have. If there's nothing the winner wants for $5, they can "Bank" it for later use, or if they win again and claim $10 worth of goodies, and so forth.

However! There are rules to be followed!
1) Must have a Steam account!
2) Must join the Destructoid group on Steam
3) Must join Dtoid's chatroom (AKA Steamtoid)

Simple, really. Now unto the first week's challenge.
What would Destructoid's Uncle look like?
Deadline: Monday, September 12th, 2011!

Picture can be anything. Drawn, photoshopped, or just Googled, it's all good!
Submissions can be sent by PM, commenting here, or by finding me through other means.
Prizes are given out on Mondays, because Mondays need less suck!

Do I have to talk dirty to you? Come on! Open up for daddy! I'm gonna shove a load into you! Here we go! Come on, it's nice and easy. Aaah! Come on, here we go! Ah! Take that! Take that! Come on! You don't want the crowbar, do you? Come on! OPEN UP! UUGGHH! I'm gonna shove my load into you whether you like it or not!

WINRAR!
This week's winner is: Max!

Clearly this man knows Mr. Destructoid's history very very well. From the greasy gut, to the noose, and even his favourite game!

Runner-Up
Second place: Mollygos!

This entry was just too good not to share. Another great image of what it's like to be in the family tree. While there may be no prize for the runner-up, there will always be cocks!

So to prep myself for Rage on October 4th, I've decided to do a playthrough of every single id Software game, developed or published. It's about 32 games in 30 days, and with each game estimated at 8 hours, will take 256 hours to complete. Why am I doing this? Because id Software made me the gamer I am today. Plus bragging rights so I can get all the bitches. I'll be updating this blog entry with every game I beat, and how my brain is holding up as this will be a tedious task for sure. So while there's not a whole lot of text going on now, it should grow day by day into something worthwhile (hopefully).

So the order of the games I plan on doing is every id Software developed game in chronological order (Excluding their Softdisk games, since there's no soul in those games). Then every id Software published game, but we'll get to that later. So my playlist looks like this - Commander Keen 1-6 + Keen Dreams, Wolfenstein 3D + Spear of Destiny, Ultimate DOOM, DOOM II + Master Levels for DOOM II + Final DOOM, Quake, Quake II, Quake III Arena + Quake III Team arena, DOOM 3, Quake Live, Rage HD. Now with the exception of Quake III and Quake Live (Since they're just fragfests), that's 17 playthroughs alone, wow!

Now I was planning to start this at midnight last night to maximize my time efficiency, I was busy winning at Munchkin with my buddies, so after a full half day of sleep, I'm ready to crack into this. First game up on the list is...
Commander Keen Episode 1: Marooned on Mars
Start time: 1PM
End time: 1:20 PM
These used to take me a few hours to beat, and I just rampaged through this in 20 minutes. Can't help but feel a little dissatisfied. Oh well, 6 more Keens to go!

Commander Keen Episode 2: The Earth Explodes
Start time: 1:25 PM
End time: 2:09 PM
This game kicked my ass at two parts, reducing me down to my last 2 Keens before completion. Difficulty curve definitely went up by a good margin. If the rest of the series continues like this, I might not finish 5 or 6. We'll see.

Commander Keen Episode 3: Keen Must Die
Start time: 2:15 PM
End time: 3:03 PM
The crunching, I can't take it anymore. I'm referring to the sound Keen makes when he walks. Since the game is 21 years old, the audio certainly shows it's age as his footsteps sound like crunchcrunch, crunchcrunch, crunchcrunch, crunchcrunch. I muted the game for 5 minutes just to give my ears a break. Also, jumping on clouds and riding dinosaurs FTW. Oh, and getting a "Big V" is cool to, if you know what I mean.

Commander Keen Episode 4: Secret of the Oracle
Start time: 3:10 PM
End time: 4:18 PM
What's that? Trouble's brewing and old guys are missing? Fuck off, I'm playing Paddlewar! This was the game I remember from Commander Keen, with Paddlewar!, the ability to grab ledges, 16 bit design, and most importantly, the audio of his footsteps was taken out. No more crunchcrunch!



Commander Keen Episode 5: The Armageddon Machine
Start time: 4:25 PM
End time: 4:57 PM
Unfortunately Steam only has episodes 1-5, so I'm getting the last episode (and Keen Dreams) through other means. But for now I'm taking a break from the old school and playing some TF2 for a bit before returning to finishing Keen by tonight. That's right, I'm taking a break from gaming, by playing more games. Makes sense, don't it?

Commander Keen Episode 6: Aliens Ate My Babysitter
Start time: 5:55 PM
End time: 7:12 PM
Definitely the longest one yet, but after spending 6 hours playing the games, I just breezed through most of the levels. Starting to feel a bit burned out, at least for Keen, but there's one last one to beat, so might as well get it out of the way.

Commander Keen in Keen Dreams
Start: 7:15 PM
End: 7: 27
Walking bucktoothed hash browns? Check. With shotguns? Check. Who turns into flowers when I shoot them? What. The. Fuck. I didn't think I'd clear a game quicker than 20 minutes, to be honest. But Commander Keen is out of the way. I always loved the fourth game, and until today, it was the only Keen game I had beaten. Now I can officially say I've bested them all in one sitting, hurrah!. Goodbye Commander Keen, until we meet again!

Wolfenstein 3D
Start time: 8:00 PM
End time: 9:18 PM
I used to speedrun this when I was in high school, but my memory failed me on a handful of times. I was expecting to have this done in under an hour, oh well. Another game checked off, off to the next!

Wolfenstein 3D: Spear of Destiny
Start time: 9:30 PM
End time: 10:26 PM
Thought it would take me longer than Wolf3D since I've only played this once before, but I'm happy with the result. I'm going to see if I can squeeze DOOM in before midnight. I don't expect this to take long as I know that game like the back of my hand.

The Ultimate DOOM
Start time: 10:35 PM
End time: 11:15 PM
Average of 10 minutes per episode as I thought, but now I think it's time for a break before I tackle DOOM II, Masters Levels and Final DOOM, that'll be a rough!



DAY TWO
Well that was an eventful first day. 10 games in 11 hours, pretty happy about that. New record? Fuck yeah it is. Over halfway done the id Software developed games, let's see if I can finish that today. Got plenty of sleep, some Lucky Charms in the stomach, and a whole 10 hours ahead of me until the day is done.

DOOM II: Hell on Earth
Start time: 1:35 PM
End time: 2:31 PM
Little big longer than my DOOM speed run, but that's because I haven't played DOOM II nearly as much. Onto it's expansion!

Master Levels for DOOM II
Start time: 2:35 PM
End time: 3:13 PM
While I've only played the Master Levels once or twice before, I seemed to instinctively know my way straight to the exits. Next is the not appropriately titled Final DOOM, which is the hardest offering in the series, with a double does of content. This will take me the longest so far, I reckon. But before I start it, I need to head out to the bank and pay rent. Was supposed to do that yesterday, but my schedule's been busy, if you can't tell.

Final DOOM
Start time: 6:30 PM
End time: 9:04 PM
Got caught up with dinner, Timmies, and TV. So starting 2 hours or so later than I expected. After a solid 2 and a half hours, it's time to say farewell to 2D sprites, and say "Hello beautiful" to 3D polygon models.

Day Three
Ended my gaming night pretty early last night. Decided to do other things with friends who I may have been neglecting during the night time, haha. I'm ready to take the next step in gaming, let's do this!

Quake
Start time: 1:00 PM
End time: 4:17 PM
Well it seems like I won't be speedrunning through Quake, considering I've only beaten Quake 2, and that was once many years ago. I hope I can at least finish Quake 2 within 3 hours.

Quake II
Start time: 4:25 PM
End time: 7:40 PM
Well shit, took longer than 3 hours, just by 15 minutes.

Quake III + Quake III Team Arena
Start time: 7:45
End time: 8: 50
Considering there's no story to these games, I just spend 30 minutes in it enjoying the fragfest action. I miss the old days of Seganet.



DOOM 3
Start time: 9:00 PM
End time: 2:04 AM
I'm now feeling like these games are dragging on, considering how fast I've been beating these games, and as they get longer, they take more out of me. Tomorrow shall be the end of every id Software developed titles.

Day Four
Just one game stands in my way of beating every id Software game, and that game is Rage HD. So I'm gunna quit dickin' around and just get it done. (Convenient Rage HD just went free for a week last month too, hurrah!)

Rage HD
Start time: 12:45 PM
End time: 1:20 PM
Died on Asylum because I'm half awake, so took abit longer than I wanted, but it's done! The halfway mark is reached on just the fourth day!

Now to start on every id Software published game, mostly with Raven developing. First game up is Heretic.

Heretic
Start time: 1:25PM
End time: 3:18
I always loved the level design Raven's done with the Heretic/Hexen titles. Plus the whole medieval aesthetics totally call out to me since I love fantasy. Will be taking a break to play some more TF2 with a buddy before I start Hexen.

Hexen
Start time: 5:00 PM
End time: 9:12 PM
My brain needs a break right now, considering Hexen is one big puzzle. So once again, hopping on TF2 with a buddy.

Hexen: Death Kings of the Dark Citadel
Start time: 10:00 PM
End time: 10:56PM
To be honest, if I didn't notice this in my Steam list, I would have never known about Hexen's expansion. Only about 20 levels or so, and definitely a simplified level design compared to the rest of the series.

Hexen II
Start time: 11:00 PM
End time: 4:32 AM
So much god damn backtracking in this game, but I cannot help but love it. Definitely up later than I expected, so I'm gunna grab some food, and hopefully pass out.



Day 5
Was woken up by my neighbour being a huge deaf fagbait, so not in the greatest mood. But not going to let that stop me from completing this challenge. So straight back into it I go.

Quake: Scourge of Armagon
Start time: 11:45 AM
End time: 2: 17 PM
I seriously didn't think this would take as long as it did. Oh well. Heading over to a buddies for some co-op gaming, pizza, and whole bunch of good stuff.

Day 6
Well shit, I had unexpected plans happen twice, which kept me busy until 3 AM. So there goes THAT day. Let's try this again. 6 hours or so of just beating through this.

Quake: Dissolution of Eternity
Start time: 6:00 PM
End time: 9:00 PM
The only game I'll beat today, sad.

Day 7
It's a Wednesday, nobody does anything on a Wednesday, right? Right! No friends to keep me distracted today so I can actually put another dent into this challenge. I hope. I took an unexpected nap, and am now ready to get an early jump today.

Quake II: The Reckoning
Start time: 1:20 AM
End time: 3:35 AM
There, Quake is done, at least old-school Quake.

Return to Castle Wolfenstein
Start time: 3:40 AM
End time: 8:36 AM
This is actually my favourite Wolfenstein title, and I can't explain why. Very much enjoyed this playthrough.

Wolfenstein: Enemy Territory
Start time: 8:40 AM
End time: 9:10 AM
I only consider this an additional game because it was shipped as one. It was supposed to be apart of Return to Castle Wolfenstein, but was delayed and released at a later point. Since there's nothing to play through, I just put 30 minutes into it like I did with Quake III.



DOOM 3: Ressurection of Evil
Start time: 9:15 AM
End time: 1:12 PM
Only 4 games in 12 hours, seems like a slow day, eh? Gonna head of my PC for abit, give my brain a break before coming back.

Quake 4
Start time: 7:00 PM-7:53 PM| 9:03 PM
End time: 12:53 AM
I passed out for abit, and have more food in my tank, so ready to rip into this. I'm taking a break from Quake IV because if you're worth anything in salt, you'd know Dtoid now has a TF2 server, so I've gotta join my fellow Steamtoiders while they're on. After an hour of distractions, I get my ass back into gear and finish Quake IV finally.

Day 8
After Quake, I just passed out. My sleep schedule is all kinds of fucked up since I woke up and it's a little past 2 in the morning. But sleeping aside, I SHOULD finish today. Let's see how it rolls out.

Enemy Territory: Quake Wars
Start time: 2:25 AM
End time: 6:39 AM
It's almost over. Just one more game on the agenda, Wolfenstein (2008). Before I start that however, the PC my roommate uses has died and he wants some TF2 action, so I'm gunna let him hop on mine for abit.

Wolfenstein
Start time: 10:05 AM
End time: 1:14 PM
I didn't expect to beat this game so fast, but I shouldn't be surprised as I recently 100%'d on 360 earlier this year.

END
It's done. It's over. 32 games in just 8 eights. (Really 6 though, got sidetracked by that damned social life). I don't think I'll ever do something as excessive as this again. But at least now I can concentrate on others games, after a nice long break of course. TF2 and Brolands aside, don't think I'll touch another FPS until Rage. I'd like to thank the handful of you (literally, five peeps) for supporting this ridiculous challenge of mine.

One entry from last week tickled my fancy in a way I did not expect. It talks about digital distribution being the death of retro gaming. While it's an excellent read, I outright disagree with the saying "the death of retro gaming", but in a different sense. I'm going to talk about three fantastic games that I love, that are built around the idea of retro gaming.

With the rise of digital distribution comes the rise of smaller games for a cheaper price. Most are terrible half-assed games or attempts to cash-in on popular fads. We in the industry call this "shovelware" and there isn't a big enough shovel to heave this shit from sight. I can hear your epic breath of despair when you look upon the cluttered space known as digital distribution. Not knowing what's good, what's bad, and what could scar you, but fear not! I am hear to guide you to three games that show off the very essence of what makes this medium good and pure. So sit down and grab a sammich, this should be a smooth ride.



Epic Dungeon (Xbox Live Indie Game)
Developer: Eyehook Games
Publisher: Microsoft Game Studios
Released: November 30, 2010
Price: 80 Microsoft Points ($1)
This game is so good I even wrote a review about it. For those who aren't into reading blogs within a blog, I guess I'll provide a summary. This game is a complete throwback to 80s retro gaming, with it's main influence being the original Gauntlet. You choose one of four characters and must dungeon crawl through 50 floors to beat the game. It has added layers thanks to upgradeable equipment and level progression you'd find in a typical RPG where you get to increase your stats and spells. Just like in the retro days of gaming, once you die in this game, that's it. Your character becomes a tombstone and leaves behind a random piece of equipment for your next adventurer to stumble upon. Adding to the old school flare is an awesome 8-bit visual and audio style making you feel like you're back in the good 'ol days.

Breath of Death VII (Xbox Live Indie Game)
Developer: Zeboyd Games
Publisher: Microsoft Game Studios
Released: April 22, 2010
Price: 80 Microsoft Points ($1)
This game is almost beyond words to describe it. It's an RPG akin to the old Dragon Quest (Or Dragon Warrior as it was known back then) games, sharing the same combat system, and general mechanics of the game. However, the brilliantly witty writing, and homage to decades of games sets Breath of Death VII into a class of it's own. In the name alone it pays tribute to Breath of Fire and Final Fantasy. Other references include Mega Man, Pokemon, Earthbound, Lufia, The Legend of Zelda, Fallout, Castlevania, Super Mario, Diablo, among others. Some are dropped ever so slyly that you'll find a smirk crawl right up your face, while other pop up in spontaneously and you cannot help but chuckle, or even burst out laughing. This game doesn't just feel like a really tight old school RPG, it also feels like a fan service by making us remember the games we grew up playing.

Castlevania: Harmony of Despair (Xbox Live Arcade)
Developer: Konami
Publisher: Konami
Released: August 4, 2010
Price: 1200 Microsoft Points ($15)
Speaking of fan service, that's the entire point to this game. It struck a particular chord between Castlevania fans. Some loving it because it's mixed an arcade feeling into the "Metroidvania" style of the newer games. Others hate it because there's no story, the game is built for co-op, or they prefer the old school platforming type of games in the series. I'm obviously on the side that loves this game and for good reasons. Not only does the game feature a large cast of favourites, but through downloadable content, the nostalgia really kicks in. One of the stages recreates the entire NES classic into one giant level, in beautiful 8-bit glory with the soundtrack to match. Also released was an 8-bit character Simon Belmont, which is what tipped into buying the game.



The main aspect these games have in common is that they embrace the look and feel of the games I grew up playing. That is why I love them, and why I will continue to support smaller games like these. I was honoured to be your guide through this. While I did only cover one platform (Xbox 360), fear not! Breath of Death VII is now available on Steam, and Castlevania: Harmony of Despair is coming to the Playstation Network this summer!

Game on!