I am a big fan of Revision 3's podcasts. Today they announced that they would be collaborating with Area5, who worked for 1Up before the ridiculous meltdown. Their show, "Co-Op," is pretty rockin'. The opening graphic is really god-damn cool and drips with that whole Revision-3-New-Media-Vibe that they've perfected. In their first episode at Revision3 they shed some light on Noby Noby Boy, a game that confused the balls out of me, as well as the Playstation 3's "kill"-er app, Killzone 2. Not to mention, Tiff Chow plays a part in it. So that's exciting.
They seem to have a really good energy and chemistry, which is pretty rare. The format is unconventional and conversational, but it really works, in my opinion. I've been waiting breathlessly for a really good video podcast about video games, to the point where I almost started making one myself, but this fills that gap very well. So I can relax. The collaboration with Revision3 should yield some interesting results.
Stumbling along the dirty, makeshift road, I didn't take the time to adore the rose bushes interspersed throughout the shrubbery, jutting out violently, juxtaposing their pleasant demeanor. My hands were shackled discourteously, and my head throbbed with ferocious curiosity. Why am I here? What crime have I committed?
Upon reaching our destination, I was dropped ungraciously onto the dirt. I heard footsteps and looked up at my judge, the man who would decide my fate in this questionably holy church. Reverend Anthony spoke.
"Sheir. Are you aware of the crimes you've committed?"
I stammered. "N-no, sir. I have no idea, not even a sembl--"
"Silence!" Roared Reverend Anthony. "Is it not true that you gave up on Ico after only 20 minutes of gameplay?"
"What?" I responded, dread slowly closing in on me.
"Is it indeed true that you found the art direction 'bland'? The gameplay 'uninspired', the AI unforgivably 'silly'?" He looked down at me with contempt. His eyes showed no mercy. It may have been Friday, but alas, there was little fakery afoot. I bowed my head in compliance.
"Ico sucked," I spat. Those around me gasped, but Reverend Anthony kept his confident physiognomy. I looked away. "I found it in a bargain bin for nine dollars. Nine dollars! I thought, how could I go wrong? This game is so critically acclaimed, everyone loved it so much. This was surely golden. Surely.
"I waited for the screen to brighten, before investigating the brightness settings on my television. The game was so lifeless." The faces around me went white with shock. "BLASPHEMY!" They cried.
"BURN HIM ALIVE!"
I cringed. "But I digressed. I sat through the cinema, but I could only last so long. I decided to skip it--something I do not often do--and dive straight into the gameplay, frantically searching for a reason to keep playing."
"MAKE HIM PLAY SUPERMAN 64!"
"Reverend, surely you can empathize with me. It is a thing of utter banality, with the most simple of Zelda mechanics and a mentally-challenged girl following you around."
The Reverend sighed at me. "There is hardly anything I can do for you, Sheir. You will be branded with a scarlet letter 'N', for 'noob'. You will wear this letter at all times, and live in a cottage outside of the village for the rest of your days.
"Furthermore, whenever someone feels it is necessary, they are allowed to beat you with a stick."
His eyes lingered on me only a moment longer, before he said his final words: "Let God have mercy on your soul."
And so here I am, a red "N" fastened onto my chest, my resolve weak. In this edition of Blasphemous Gaming, I ask once more for the Destructoid community's participation.
Quite simply, what is your video gaming scarlet letter? Hit it up in the comments, or write a C-Blog post and link it.
My teeth tore apart the wrapper of a Sour Starburst. The hydraulics-fueled hamster wheel inside of my head spun the residential rodent around helplessly as I pondered my choices for this gloomy, terrible Sunday. Perhaps, I could call some friends. Or maybe rock out. Or I could write something. But, what to write?
Generally, I pen short stories or write rough drafts of film scripts when I have a moment; either that or I chew it over with a Twix. But today, I felt like taking an alternate route; a sidequest, if you will. See what I'm getting at?
So, welcome to "Sunday Sidequests". I hope you're bored, because that makes my article comparatively entertaining.
"But Sheir, this isn't a flash game, have you lost your touch?"
No, Timmy. Stop eating the wall candy. Kongregate is a website with a very specific purpose. Get this; it congregates people who love flash games. Though still in beta, Kongregate's idea is one of beautiful simplicity: chatrooms in flash games. That's all. But as Kongregate's community expands, so does its ambition.
Many of the flash games boast achievements, which will net you points. In this way, you can rank up in the Kongregate hierarchy. The website promises prizes in the future, but goes into no further detail on exactly what will be rewarded. There are also weekly challenges which will earn you cards in the forthcoming Kongregate CCG, a mysterious project with little to no elaboration by Kongregate staff.
A valiant attempt at a flash game oriented community, Kongregate holds as not only a solid source for fun games, but as an interesting example of substance beating the shit out of style.
Bonus Stage: Add me as a friend on Kongregate! Click your friends tab in the top right, and add "Sheir".
As my fingers dashed across a game pad at one-o-clock-ante-meridiem, the reality-shattering bullet of a potentially disastrous epiphany crashed through my skull. I dropped the controller on the floor softly, looking at the TV in a state of puzzlement. Surely, I was wrong. I was mistaken.
There was no way I had never beaten a Final Fantasy game.
Frantically, I rushed through memories, way back, back into the days where beasts fell as my blade ripped through their necks during all-night gaming sessions. Back into the days where notebooks with puzzle-solving possibilities adorned my desk. Back into the days where I played role-playing games.
If I'm being truthful--and I should be, since this is a confession--I've hardly ever beaten an RPG. I mean, I love 'em to death, and I played them like crazy. In no way do I lack skill in role-playing games, though some would contest that you hardly need skill to play them. What I do lack, however, is an attention span. This is a fatal flaw for a gamer.
For example, during Final Fantasy XII. I loved Final Fantasy XII like I love demeaning women. I hailed it as the revival of the series (Let's be honest. X sucked.), and probably one of the best games of 2006. I lost myself in the Gambit system, empathized with the characters, and man, don't even get me started on the graphics. But, all at once, I stopped playing. Just like that. Completely stopped. But why?
Sega Genesis Collection.
The advent of this new game onto my radar completely took me out of Final Fantasy XII. I couldn't help but be drawn away by that sexy blue blur. And so, I left Final Fantasy XII behind and moved on, never to go back.
So, forgive me, I am but a victim. I wanted to finish the game as much as the next guy, but, alas, 'twas impossible. I implore you, Destructoid community; what is your ultimate gaming sin? Drop it in the comments, or write a C-blog entitled "Blasphemous Gaming". I'm sure I'm not alone in my heresy.