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4:03 PM on 11.17.2008

Francis needs a dispenser here! Left 4 Dead played on TF2's Dustbowl is AWESOME


In before BlindsideDork.

Yeah, not much to say about this, other than that IT'S REALLY FREAKING AWESOME. Someone modded Left 4 Dead to play on a completely opened up version of Team Fortress 2's Dustbowl map. Obviously, it's not a terribly long level, probably not even clocking in at the length of a single L4D chapter, but it's still undeniably awesome. Sadly, my laptop has proven itself incapable of running Left 4 Dead at a playable quality, so I shall continue to miss out on the PC-mods goodness.

Now, could someone please put the TF2 characters in L4D? I would give anything to mow down the infected with the Heavy's minigun, run circles around a Tank as the Scout, or sneak past a Witch as the Spy. Also, sentries.   read

9:18 PM on 09.21.2008

Demo Impressions: Mercenaries 2

Though my experience with them is sadly minimal, I'm a huge fan of sandbox games. The idea of being able to go wherever I want and do whatever I want is one of the greatest draws in all of gaming, for me. Mercenaries 2 is apparently one of those sandbox games, though I admittedly don't know to what extent they take that sandbox. When the demo popped up on XBL this past week, I couldn't not download it.

In Mercs 2, you're a mercenary given the task of blah blah blah, Venezuela, blah blah blah. Whatever. Completing the mission objectives is likely just a necessary evil that allows you to keep on destroying more things in satisfying explosions. The demo certainly makes that clear. You're given around 15 minutes to complete your objective, which involves a helicopter and a listening post and... I don't know. In my several playthroughs of the demo, I didn't complete a single objective, as far as I could tell. Admittedly, I'm stupid, but I felt like the menus and info were a little lacking.

Honestly, I found the demo restrictive, in that regard. The fact that it limited my playtime with the objective timer was a little obnoxious. But I found the gameplay surprisingly strategy-intensive, deeper than I'd anticipated. I had assumed you would just run through levels, casually wreaking havoc. In reality, you actually have to think things through a lot more. Numerous times, I found myself face-to-face with superior firepower, requiring that I either run or strategically, and slowly, take down my enemies. The time limit made these adjustments cumbersome, but otherwise they were welcome.

The game has an interesting in-game currency system. Evidently, you can make money by committing certain acts, such as destroying billboards. You can also lose money by killing civillians. I thought this was a nice touch, even though the reason for the financial loss -- your employers pay off the media(?) to sweep it under the rug -- is a little creepy. I did enjoy the fact that I could fly or drive into the city and hijack sportscars, even using vehicles to go incognito.

Essentially, despite some shortcomings, Mercenaries 2 appears to be a fairly well thought-out game. I was downright shocked to find that I'd actually run out of missiles in the helicopter, and that I didn't have an inexplicably unlimited supply. Even the chopper's bullets had a (generous) limit. Some might say that this breaks the already-ludicrous flow of the game. You can hijack helicopters from the ground, for frak's sake. It wasn't too jarring of an intrusion by reality, though.

Frustration did, however, set in a few times. For example, I picked up a pistol that someone had dropped, only to find that the assault rifle I'd dropped had mysteriously vanished, leaving me with only a pistol and a near-empty rocket launcher. So, it's not without its bugs. But even when I found myself with the short end of the stick in a ridiculously overwhelming situation, I was still having a figurative blast. All in all, a good demo for a promising, though questionable, game.

Does it make me want to buy it? Yes. Just barely. I feel like the (in my opinion) confusing mission objectives could get on one's nerves, but the game should hopefully make up for that with its sheer, glorious "mayhem factor."   read

3:37 AM on 08.29.2008

Valve shows off early Demoman concept art [TF2]

I'm an unashamed Valve fanboy. I love just about everything they do and I would let Gabe Newell spoon me for a full week, if he so desired. My love runs especially deep for Team Fortress 2, as most of you well know. So, it's kind of difficult for me to come to terms with the fact that Valve actually makes "mistakes." In particular, not using any of these early Demoman designs that Valve posted on the TF2 blog yesterday.

Break out the "That's racist!" gifs, because I think they should've gone with one of these more traditional, Groundskeeper Willie-esque Scotsmen, instead of the Demoman we have now. Don't get me wrong, I love the final Demoman, and I love me some black Scotsmen, but take a look at that guy in the header image up there. Take a look at this guy. Tell me you wouldn't love to run around smashing people's heads in with a bottle while looking like that. You can't.

Some of the designs are pretty comical, others downright Sniperesque, but I really like the looks of these guys. Not necessarily a bad choice on Valve's part, just a "could've been" that really appeals to me. I've attached the complete collection of designs below, or you can just read the post here, where Valve talks about their maybe-obvious reasoning behind their choices, and also about how TF2 was nearly "Claymation."   read

7:14 PM on 08.23.2008

Demo Impressions: The Force Unleashed

I don't think I ever realized that I had so much invested in this game. I've loved Star Wars to varying degrees ever since I was a small child, hiding my eyes whenever the rancor appeared on-screen. Naturally, I've purchased the toys, read some of the books, and played the video games. Now, the toys are a hoot, and the novels are generally excellent, but the video games... that's where things tend to get sketchy for me.

Basically, truly great Star Wars games are few and far between. KOTOR is so-so, LEGO Star Wars provides much amusement, and Battlefront is mostly satisfying, but none of them have been amazing. I've longed for a game that made proper use of force abilities, a game that didn't dumb down the Jedi and the Sith even more than George Lucas did in the prequels. To cut to the chase, I think The Force Unleashed just might be that truly great game.

After nearly busting a nut when I heard the demo would be out this past week, it occurred to me that this was it: Possibly, the franchise's last chance to grab hold of me with new content. If this didn't take, I was done. Not done with the franchise, just done being George Lucas' bitch, shelling out money for a taste of the shit he tries to pass off as being worthy of the "Star Wars" branding. In that case, I would be forced to live solely in Star Wars' past. But that future has been held off for a while longer. The Force Unleashed is a fun, interesting game that I cannot wait to play through in its entirety.

By now, you've probably either played the demo or have read extensively about it, so I won't go into great detail about the particulars. It takes place in a TIE fighter factory, and you're fighting both the Republic militia and Imperial stormtroopers. That's it. The first thing I was struck by was the fluidity of the game. From the moment I fired up the "Force Grip Tutorial," I was so very relieved to see how fluid and natural the force powers were. Gripping was simple, moving objects was simple, and force lightning and force push were mapped out as actions as natural as swinging your lightsaber. So, button mapping? Approved!

How did it play? Well, I've heard a number of different complaints about the controls, but I experienced no issues. The targeting was troublesome at times, but I found it no worse than a lot of targeting systems that I've handled in games. It was managable and it didn't hurt the game. I also didn't experience any slow-down, as some have reported on the 360. In a nutshell though, to answer the question of how it played: It played really damn fun.

On the easiest difficulty, one can truly wield the force like the dick that "The Apprentice" appears to be, casually tossing stormtroopers around, dangling them over their friends, making them kiss, etc. The second difficulty, presumably the equivalent of normal, was much more satisfying for me, providing more enemies to knock around, though slightly less room to toy with them. The hardest of the three available difficulties leaves no room for messing around, though it's entirely doable, even for someone with my limited abilities.

The quick-time events are somewhat annoying, as usual, but they're tolerable here and they produce pretty-damn-awesome results. Ultimately, whatever you may think of the game, the goal of The Force Unleashed is to have fun with the force, to be a badass force-user and enjoy yourself. That's it. As such, quick-time events appear to allow for a lot of awesome sequences that just aren't possible outside of cinematics, so they work well enough here.

Bottom line, this game delivered on every key expectation that I had. It controlled well, it was simple, it looked good, it was fun, it was engaging and- well, it was incredible. If they can draw out this level of fun and expand on it for an additional 10-15 hours (at least), then they will have possibly made the greatest Star Wars console game ever. I absolutely cannot wait until the full-length throwing-droids-out-of-windows simulator comes out, even if it means having to slay the hotness that is Shaak Ti.

Verdict: 9/10 sticky bombs (I'm too lazy to make a graphic, right now). Literally my only complaint is that the demo is much, much shorter than the miserable Too Human demo.

Also, in case you were wondering, The Apprentice, A.K.A. Galen Marek, uses the Shien lightsaber fighting style. You know you were wondering. Don't lie to me, you whore.   read

1:12 PM on 08.14.2008

Whoa, wait a minute... Katie Price was Lara Croft? [BOOBS]

So, I was reading a nifty blog called Infinite Lives today, and I read something that blew my mind. Now, keep in mind that this will likely only blow your mind if you're from the UK or enjoy ample breasts or are a Tomb Raider fan. Or maybe this is common knowledge. Whatever.

Apparently, back in ye olde days of 1996, tabloid darling and sex-tape participant Katie Price, she of the obscene, ungodly-sized boobage, was Eidos' first Lara Croft model/mascot. I suppose it helps if you know who Katie Price actually is, but this just dumbfounded me. It's one connection I did not expect to see. One of the UK's premiere media whore-types got her start just like Croydon's favorite daughter Ms. Alison Carroll currently is. So, God help you, Alison. See you on reality TV.

The article that Infinite Lives is referencing is kind of interesting, too. It's a retrospective of all the Lara models coupled with their in-game counterparts. Some foxy polygons indeed.

Update: Oops. Apparently, Price was one of three models, as seen here.   read

7:26 PM on 08.01.2008

Mmmphf mmmnuh mmphf phmmna! [TF2]

Alice, over at her Wonderland blog, found this really freaking amazingly awesome piece of homemade Team Fortress 2 incredibleness: A Pyro candlestick holder. I cannot describe to you the levels of sheer want that this inspires within me. Now, if someone would just make a Spy cigarette case, I can take up smoking again and die happy.

And if you don't know what the hell is going on with the title of this post, you clearly haven't played TF2 and, thus, you must get the eff out. Or play TF2. But no, seriously. Get out.   read

4:18 PM on 07.14.2008

Demo Impressions: Too Human

As someone who has been rolling his eyes every time Dennis Dyack opens his mouth, I felt like I needed to give the Too Human demo a try, and subsequently ramble about it in a c-blog. If there's one thing that turns me off, it's genuine, serious pretentiousness, which the Too Human team seems to have in droves. Does Too Human appear to be everything that they've talked it up to being? If it is, does that excuse the pretension? Hit the jump to find- Oh. Uh, nevermind. Just keep scrolling down. Random thoughts. Go.

My first impression: "Man, this doesn't look that great, for ten years of development." The cutscenes tended to chug a bit. Not very smooth. Also, is this a cutscene demo? I felt like there were too many cutscenes, which should have been replaced with more varied gameplay. And the story that those cutscenes relayed... Did it seem slightly incomprehensible to anyone else? I mean, I get that I'm apparently the Norse god Baldur, and there's some carnivorous machines out there, but I didn't feel like I had much in the way of context. Or maybe it's just me. I could easily be mistaken. And perhaps the full game is... fuller.

(Can someone explain to me what the nature-based areas are about, and those women with the purple clothes? I didn't really understand their purpose in the game's world. I probably just missed some of the explanatory dialog. Also, that one snarky Purple Chick was kind of hot... Do I see nipple? 0_o)

Aspects of the graphics and the frequent cutscenes were really my two biggest gripes. But do I have anything good to say? Yeah. The gameplay is pretty nice, if not a bit repetitive. The right-thumbstick-based melee system is surprisingly manageable, as is the gunplay. In fact, I had little trouble picking up most of the combat mechanics, and this is impressive since, as we all know, I'm a retard. I had a lot of fun hacking and shooting through the Too Easy goblins (except for the damned shielded ones). I also really appreciate the whole "Nordic cyberpunk" motif.

Okay, now back to the bad stuff.

It was Nick, I believe, that mentioned the confusing menu system. I kind of agree. It took me a few trips through the menu before I figured everything(?) out. It's a bit clumsy in places, and I would've hoped that they'd have streamline it a bit more, given the development time. It's not game-breaking, just sloppy. In fact, that perfectly describes the entirety of the demo: Playable, not terrible, but kind of sloppy and forgettable.

Now, let's talk about death. When you, or any of your squad mates die, a fairly cool-looking Valkyrie descends from above to take you/them to Valhalla. This is kind of cool, until you have to sit through it every single time you die. It's not a long wait, but one thing I like about games like Halo is the quickness of your respawn. You don't have to sit through a cutscene or a load screen before retrying. The game seems to try very hard to be epic and impressive, and this is a fine example of how it manages to fall on its pretentious face. I did, however, kind of enjoy the fact that, when you respawn, all your prior progress is left intact, including the status of your enemies. I.E. you respawn with full health, but they're still hurting from the damage you previously inflicted. It helps to keep down the repetition and boredom, of which there is much.

The only potentially game-breaking aspect of Too Human (or maybe just its demo?) is how generic and lackluster the whole thing seems. I wasn't particularly impressed with any aspect of the game. I think it was Mxyzptlk who said that it seems like a generic sci-fi action movie mixed with some Norse mythology. In fact, if I didn't know this game's history, I would assume it was just some no-name bargain title. Some of the character models look shoddy (particularly the females, save for a couple of the Purple Chicks), and the dialogue and voice acting tend to be extremely forgettable.

That said, I would have to give the demo a 7.0. I would probably buy this used or cheap, then sell or trade it after a playthrough or two. Maybe the full game is a bit better than the demo. I'll reserve final judgment, but I'm not holding my breath.   read

10:36 PM on 07.06.2008

IGN Exclusive: Squids are not animals!

The Internet Freelance Shame Squad rides again! Seriously though, why is IGN popular? Furthermore, why is IGN still even operational? And further furthermore, exactly what form of alien life is the squid, then? Is their homeworld at war with the dolphins' planet? What would Admiral Ackbar do? Only Bale knows for sure.

(Thanks to Rock, Paper, Shotgun for reading IGN so we don't have to.)   read

2:48 AM on 05.14.2008

Way to go, advertising "Hancock"

They've clearly gone too far, with this one.


Update: The original travesty, in case you missed it.   read

4:01 PM on 05.02.2008

Kingdom of Loathing Recap [April 2008]

For those who don't know, Kingdom of Loathing (KoL) is a text-based MMORPG. It's extremely low-tech, and 100% tongue-in-cheek, and if you don't like it, then you are a terrible human being. Technically, the game has been in open beta since its inception in 2003, and the game recieves multiple updates every week -- some big, some small. So, once a month, I'm going to write up one of these recaps profiling the latest additions. Capiche?

What's that? This isn't relevant to you? Well, then start playing the game. Then it will be.


May's Item of The Month
This month's Mr. Store item is a Packet of Mayfly Bait. When used, it becomes the Mayfly Bait Necklace accessory. The necklace gives you the (limited uses-per-day) Summon Mayfly Swarm ability. Using this skill seems to produce a random result, none of which seem particularly exciting, but we're only just learning what it's capable of, at this point. Watch the wiki for more info, as it's discovered. Like usual, it'll cost you one Mr. Accessory to buy or, in big-people talk, a $10 donation. Not sure if this one's worth it, though.

April's item was Sp'n-Zor's Grimoire of "Tasteful" Gifts.

April Fool's Day Shenanigans
This year, the Kingdom of Loathing was turned into the Kingdom of Salad. What? Oh well, I suppose expecting the Kingdom to make sense is pretty unreasonable. Almost all images within the game were replaced by images of a bowl of salad, and adventure text had select words replaced with either the word "salad" or salad ingredients. More notably, the Spectral Salad Factory appeared in the Plains. It offered only one adventure, which always rewarded you with a delicious salad. Eating this salad gives you a one-in-four chance of acquiring a salad tattoo.

Pastamancing The Stone
Pastamancer updates! Huzzah! The damage caps have been raised on the Pastamancer's offensive spells. Jick hints at possible future tweaks, as well. Also, if you have something influencing the elemental damage of your spells, Weapon of the Pastalord now does half-physical, half-elemental damage, with new text. Jick is also in the process of preparing some new item drops which will unlock a new combat mechanic for Pastamancers. I await with pasta-y breath.

Having Your Wand Blown Is Not So Bad, Now
If you overuse your Wand of Polymorph and cause it to explode, you will now be able to acquire a new one three days later, instead of having to wait until your next ascension. This update then made mention of watching out for zombies 25 days after acquiring the new wand. Is this just a gratuitous 28 Days Later reference, or is another zombie invasion approaching?

Disco Napferno
The Disco Nap skill now allows you to rest at your campsite once per day without using up an adventure. Also, the Power Nap will now net you two free rests per day. Sexy Disco Bandits apparently need a lot of sleep.

A Trophy No Longer Trapped In The Closet
Trophy number 64 has been discovered. Apparently, if you place 13 Spooky Pirate Skeletons in your Closet, you will be elegible for the Dirty Laundry trophy. How the hell do people figure these things out?

You'll Tide Too
Our second Yuletide occurred on April 30th. Five new stories were added to the Bonfire, bringing the total up to ten. This includes the chiller "The Tale of the Mysterious Albino Ladies and Stuff". Roasted Marshmallows were had by all.

Bad Moon Cheesin'
Bad Moon players will no longer have to lose their sanity trying to score some Anticheese for their Goats. The Desert now has an adventure for Bad Moonies that satisfy all their Anticheese needs.


- The Tome of Transcendent Olfaction was renamed the Manual of Transcendent Olfaction. This is probably because people were too stupid to comprehend the word "tome." Bloody plebians.

- If you're a lucky bugger who has a Crimbo P.R.E.S.S.I.E. and/or its familiar equipment, now you can has Metallic Cat Ears. Guess what it does. Lulz.

- Locked doors in the Dungeon will now tell you how many skeleton keys you have.

- The Iceberglet and its items now have a "squeeze again" button, after you squeeze it. So you can conveniently squeeze it again. And again. And again. Ad infinitum.

- Soft Green Echo Eyedrop Antidotes now appear in your skills menu's list of MP-restoring items, for easy antidoting.

- When you view a clan, "(BM)" now appears next to members currently in a Bad Moon run.

- Divine Champagne Flutes are now usable items, allowing you to choose which booze you want to drink with the flute. They've also been moved to the Consumables > Miscellaneous section of your inventory.


The KoL Coldfront fansite posted an interview with the game's bossman, Jick. So, read it and stuff. NS15 in "at least a year or two"? Do tell.

Also, it was revealed that Jick will be rolling out new content that should help power-levelers out. When? Er, he should've done it by now, but let's assume it's just "soon." As someone who really wants those level 30 trophies, but is too lazy and impatient to slog through the difficult process of leveling up that high, this is great news.

Previous Recaps
01. March 2008

These are not necessarily extensive lists. I've just picked the most relevant-to-players updates. As usual, you can find all trivial updates here. If you haven't tried KoL, please do so, because it's the only chance you'll ever have for happiness. My character's name is Hugh Beaumont, so feel free to stop by for a free beer and some giggle. Also, lucashoal runs a Destructoid clan. Visit the wiki for more information than you'll ever need.   read

7:38 PM on 04.05.2008

Kingdom of Loathing Recap [March 2008]

It's about time Kingdom of Loathing got some coverage on here, even if it's just on the c-blogs. Why, you ask? What's my justification? Because it's awesome, that's why, bitch.

For those who don't know, Kingdom of Loathing (KoL) is a text-based MMORPG. It's extremely low-tech, and 100% tongue-in-cheek, and if you don't like it, then you are a terrible human being. Technically, the game has been in beta since its inception in 2003, and the game recieves multiple updates every week -- some big, some small. So, once or twice a month [or whenever I get around to it], I'm going to write up one of these recaps profiling the latest additions. Capiche?

What's that? This isn't relevant to you? Well, then start playing the game. Then it will be. Here's the recap for March.


The Combat Action Bar
I'll start with the (in my opinion) most important update, pictured above. They've added a Combat Action Bar! Yes, that's right, folks, we're in deep MMO territory now. You can customize the bar with whatever skills, attacks, items, or functions you want. Each box is also attached to one of the number keys (as well as "-" and "=") for convenient access, with several different rows you can cycle through. To enable it, go to the Account page and, uh, enable it. (It's only known to work in IE and Firefox, so everyone else may be stuck with the old buttons and drop boxes. Nyah nyah.)

April's Item of The Month
April's Mr. Store item is Sp'n-Zor's Grimoire of "Tasteful" Gifts. As with the previous Grimoire, this one allows you to summon useless (but fun) gift items, albeit of a slightly different variety this time around. Like usual, it'll cost you one Mr. Accessory to buy or, in big-people talk, a $10 donation.

March's item was the Mad Hatrack familiar.

Of Gift Items and Hilarity
Gift items can now be traded with other players, if you're into that sort of thing. Also, speaking of gifts, if you're one of the lucky few to have that Summon Hilarious Objects ability, you will now have three new items at your disposal.

Elemental Resistance Changes
Rather than trying to put this in my own words (I can't), I'm just going to quote the words of Jick, the mighty boss of KoL:

Not-So-Critical Changes to Critical Hits
The way critical hits are determined has also been tweaked. As Jick explains it, it used to be that once you hit a monster, it would then roll to determine if you got a critical, then the damage would be doubled. Now, it rolls for a critical before it rolls for a hit. If you roll a critical, then your attack will automatically hit the monster and the damage will, as usual, be doubled. The change goes for both ranged and melee weapons, and the only time it won't roll for a critical is if you fumble. So, um, yay?

Disco Fever
The Disco Bandit skill "Crossbow Fever" has been renamed Disco Fever, and now it effects all ranged weapons, not just crossbows. Why should crossbows have all the fun? Screw 'em.

Pie Updates
Key Lime Pies will now give you back the Legend keys you baked into them, when you eat them. Digital and Star key pies now also give you back some of their ingredients, too.


- Your campsite dwelling now has a magnifying glass over it. If you click on it, you'll now see the contents of your house (such as a beanbag chair or a gauze hammock).

- You can now drop out of Ronin and downgrade to a casual ascension, thanks to a new option in the account menu. Ronin might suck, but casual is still teh laym.

- Rings of Gain Strength, Adornment, and Increase Damage have had their enchantments doubled.

- In your inventory, the name of each equipment slot is now a link to that particular section of the equipment page.

- Pastamancer lo mein dishes no longer require the Wok of Ages to cook.


Lastly, some serious business. KoL member Aces44 was recently attacked by her significant other, and their son was killed in the process. On top of all the "normal" shit that comes with this sort of thing, she's dealing with some financial issues. There's a number of ways that the community can help out, and the details can be found here, if you're interested.

These are not necessarily extensive lists. I've just picked the most relevant-to-players updates. As usual, you can find all trivial updates here. If you haven't tried KoL, please do so, because it's the only chance you'll ever have for happiness. My character's name is Hugh Beaumont, so feel free to stop by for a free beer and some giggle. Also, lucashoal runs a Destructoid clan. Visit the wiki for more information than you'll ever need.   read

2:15 PM on 03.29.2008

My Gaming Rig (Click for Awesome!)

Now, I can't recall what started this recent trend of posting our console gaming rigs. (Was it a contest? A monthly project? I don't remember.) Whatever it was, I've enjoyed seeing your setups. Some have been truly drool-worthy, while others have been pity-inducing. Well, dear ladies and gentlemen, enough nonsense. Enough shenanigans. Time to get down to business.

Serious business.

I now introduce to you, my gaming rig. You've lusted over my elaborate, epic network of computer(s). I've heard your cries of, "Damn, Sharpless, you are so amazing. How can I be like you in your technological superiority? Tell me your secrets." Now, you will envy console rig. Let us have a look, shall we?

This is my television of choice. Chosen from a selection of millions of television appliances, this television was selected due to its excellent craftsmanship. Notice the seamless blending of the television unit with the videocassette recorder (VCR). This television is so incredible that I do not even need the remote that supposedly came with it, nor do I need to know how to program the channels. Not necessary. In fact, it was so amazing that it was given to me. I tried to pay its full value, but the owner refused, on the grounds that I was too awesome.

The finest in high-technology, the Microsoft Xbox home entertainment system is a triumph of science and, yes, it has its home in my dwelling space. Advanced gaming technologies dance through its processors and computer chips, utilizing RCA connectivity to broadcast the finest in video gaming. "The Halo," "Star Wars In LEGOs," "Fables" -- they are all here. And they are played by me. Also, plays the new DVD standard DVDs. Oh my.

Though not video gaming related, you will be excited to see this, the latest in videocassette recorder (VCR) "tech." It has four (4) heads, up from the industry standard one (1), for much smoother playback and high-definition video presentations.

When operating such exquisite entertainment hardware, one must enjoy it in only the most luxurious accommodations. As you can see here, no expense was spared. Only the finest. This is living. This is the high-life.

But what good is all that luxury without award-winning movies, television programs, and video gaming entertainment software to enjoy? Here you can see my collection of thousands of video games, as well as a treasure trove of DVDs and -- for the bookworms in the audience -- reading materials.

I am, however, not confined to the realm of television-based gaming. Yes, here you see before you the legendary Sega Game Gear, long heralded as the first and finest handheld gaming device the world has ever seen. Capable of producing a whole 8 bits of gaming, with up to an astounding 16KB(!) of video RAM and a 160 x 144 pixel display area. Comes with "Sonic The King of The Jungle" and "Chuck Rock."

And finally, I present to you my vast array of video gaming entertainment consoles. Every console ever made, right here in my entertainment center, as illustrated in the above picture. The NES, SNES, SG, and N64, each and every one is still fully functional and working perfectly (except for the N64, which doesn't work). From here, such games as "Jackal" and "Yoshi's Cookie" are played, classics like "Tecmo NBA Basketball" and "Elevator Action" are pumped through coaxial cables. It is glorious. It is better than sex.

In closing, this is my gaming setup. Fuck you for not having it.   read

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